CHAPTER 9
Substandard
Communication Skills

Arguably the most important skill that workers need to excel in their careers lies in their communication abilities. Survey after survey finds that employers look to staffers’ communication skills above all else to ensure that business progresses without undue interruption. Still, it’s more than just how well someone speaks when spoken to when it comes to communication. More often, it has to do with a level of awareness or sensitivity in terms of feeding information up to management and keeping senior leaders in the know, lest they find out about surprises from individuals outside the group.

Yet, there is even a further issue of concern regarding communication abilities: the record being set by employees who engage in activities in a particular order, without regard to the consequences of their actions. Let’s look at an example that is fair game for managers who report to you at your company.

Let’s say you’re the vice president of sales in your company, and on a Tuesday night, John, your director of sales, comes in to complain about the performance of one of his account executives, Stephanie. John tells you that Stephanie isn’t meeting her numbers consistently, has demonstrated a bit of an entitlement mentality lately, and seems to be isolating herself from the rest of the sales team. You and John agree that a written warning may be in order and that you will both look further into this issue soon. However, John wants to think about it and sleep on it a bit further before any formal action is initiated.

Lo and behold, on Wednesday morning, Stephanie comes in to see you unannounced. She starts to tell you that she’s very unhappy under John’s leadership and feels that he appears to treat women sales executives differently than males, has a bit of a machismo complex, and demonstrates behavior that is indicative of harassment.

Before she goes any further in her conversation, should you (a) tell her that John, her boss, was in to see you the night before complaining about her job performance or (b) say nothing about the performance issue at all and simply listen to her harassment complaint as the two issues have nothing to do with one another?

Interestingly enough, more people would say the correct answer is (b), but in reality, it’s (a). That’s because the record you create in meeting with complaining employees often has to do with timing and honestly setting the record straight. If you don’t tell her that John was in the night before complaining about her performance, then you open up the company to the possibility of a retaliation charge should he (legitimately) want to give her a performance-based written warning after she’s made the initial harassment complaint about his workplace conduct.

After all, the last thing you want to do is create a record that a female employee came to you (or human resources or your company’s legal department) in good faith, only to be given a written warning a few days later for what could be considered a pretextual reason. That record could smack of retaliation even to the untrained eye, so you could only imagine how a plaintiff’s attorney might see it.

In fact, it’s not uncommon for subordinates to strike first when they sense they’re about to get into trouble. How you, as a manager, field those complaints can have serious ramifications for your company. And you’d be surprised how preemptive employees with long memories can be. Sometimes the complaint will go back more than a year as employees try to desperately insulate themselves from any harm by striking first and hoping the company will then grant them some kind of immunity from discipline or other consequences.

And yes, this all has to do with an individual’s communication skills. Every employee is responsible for communicating effectively. Just remember that communication has a lot more to it than how someone speaks or listens; it’s equally about how one keeps his boss informed and not feeling like he’s flying blind by failing to communicate changes in the game plan. Most important, communication has to do with the record that you set as evidenced by the previous example. This chapter will provide you with conversations to help you teach your subordinates about these critical issues.

Scenario 54: Tattletales, Gossipmongers, and Snitches

Gossips typically initiate unfounded rumors; rumormongers perpetuate them, even if they lack any foundation of truth or could potentially damage others’ reputations or hurt their feelings. And snitches—well, snitches are just snitches, and most of us know intuitively that playing the tattle-tale role is just plain wrong.

Still, these behavioral workplace factors occur around us all the time to differing degrees, but few things in the workplace do more to damage employee morale and trust than corporate “grapevining” that is allowed to go unaddressed and unchecked. People who initiate unfounded rumors and who gossip about their coworkers’ or bosses’ personal problems, work styles, or private challenges stir up drama for no good reason. They act like a worm in an apple, slowly coring away the goodwill and respect that creates camaraderie and trust.

The Solution

Asking the employee who was the brunt of a rumor (we’ll call him Pete) whom he suspects originated the rumor about his personal life isn’t really at issue—unless someone voluntarily admits it, there’s very little blaming or finger-pointing necessary. What is important, however, is how you address the situation with your staff:

Everyone, I’ve asked Pete to join me in this meeting because a rumor has developed about his personal life. We don’t know who originated the rumor, and if any one of you would like to speak with me in private after this meeting about your involvement in starting or perpetuating the rumor, I’d be happy to hear what you have to say.

For now, I want you all to know how hurtful this is. We’re a team, and anyone who could raise issues like this against one member of the team raises them against us all. And I personally would be very offended and hurt if anyone started or continued a rumor about my personal life, which had little or nothing to do with my performance at work.

Whether there’s any truth to this rumor is not the issue; it’s simply none of our business. This is about respect—respect for each other as individuals and respect for our team.

Therefore, let me be very clear: I expect that no one will engage in this type of character assassination or public shaming exercise ever again. I also expect that everyone in our department would stop others from spreading rumors of a personal nature. In short, if you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all. Do I have your agreement and commitment on that on a go-forward basis? [Yes.]

Pete, on behalf of the entire team, I’m very sorry for anything that was said that might have hurt or offended you. We’ll commit to you to stop these types of behaviors in their tracks in the future. Again, my apologies.

In light of cloak-and-dagger rumors that attack someone’s character, personal challenges, or other areas of vulnerability, the best course of action will always be to address the rumor openly with the group in front of the intended victim and to apologize for the perception problem that was created by someone’s lack of discretion.

Now what if you’ve caught a gossip-monger flagrante delicto (i.e., with his hands in the proverbial cookie jar)? Such instances require a firm and immediate response.

Justin, as a result of your actions, Joan has become the brunt of some mean-spirited office banter. And as you could imagine, she was embarrassed and humiliated for something that she had absolutely nothing to do with. And that leaves me feeling very disappointed by your lack of discretion and insensitivity.

Let me be clear. At this point, you’ve got a perception problem on your hands. The perception that exists is that you’ve gossiped and fed the corporate grapevine, which has made our work environment that much more toxic. And I’m holding you fully responsible for your own perception management from this point forward.

I would think that an apology may be in order here, but I’ll have to leave that up to you. For now, I really want you to think about your actions and how you may have inadvertently made someone look bad in the eyes of her peers, feel diminished, and feel like less of a person. That’s very sad, Justin, and I want you to know that I’m counting this as a verbal warning in my record book. I want your commitment right now that we’ll never have to have a discussion like this again and that should it occur again, further discipline up to and including immediate termination could result. Are we in agreement here on all accounts? [Yes—sorry.]

Okay, it’s true that you threw the book at Justin in this example, but come on—selfless leadership may be about putting others’ needs before your own, but it’s certainly not about babysitting! Mean-spirited actions like this deserve an equally firm response on the company’s part. And note the use of guilt (rather than anger) in your approach: “I really want you to think about your actions and how you may have inadvertently made someone look bad in the eyes of her peers, feel diminished, and feel like less of a person.” Now that should get them thinking about the error of their ways and assume responsibility for their wayward actions.

Finally, snitches need to be addressed as yet another subcategory of this universally human problem. Snitches often hit you with a “Psst. It may be none of my business, so please stop me if you feel I’m being inappropriate by sharing this with you, but …” And once they’ve opened up with that disclaimer, they unload all sorts of details on you that typically serve to get their coworkers in trouble. When faced with a snitch who believes she’s “doing you the favor” of acting as your eyes and ears, stop her dead in her tracks as follows:

Rachel, I understand that you believe that I need to know these things, especially since they occur when I’m not in the office or behind closed doors. And I appreciate your always trying to keep me in the loop as to what’s going on. But there’s a bigger issue that I want to sensitize you to, and it’s a moral issue that has a lot to do with principle and doing the right thing.

Not to sound ungrateful or unappreciative, but I don’t know that sharing that kind of information about Suzie with me is the right thing for you to do. Don’t get me wrong: If you witnessed someone stealing or being harassed, I would want to know about that immediately. But those are serious conduct infractions that could have dire consequences to the company. When it comes to performance issues that you become aware of, though, I don’t think that you should necessarily feel compelled to volunteer that information.

First of all, I’ll probably be able to find that out on my own before too long. Second, it places you into the role of mole or corporate snitch, and when that gets out (which it somehow will sooner or later), you won’t be trusted by your peers. And that will bring more long-term damage to the department than the current performance-related problem that you felt compelled to report. Do you see why sometimes withholding that kind of information may be better for both you and for the department in the long run?

Yes, these issues are sometimes a slippery slope. And yes, often these actions are done with little forethought of the damage that could be done. Nevertheless, left unaddressed and potentially unpunished, they could damage team spirit and goodwill more than just about anything else that the workplace could conjure up. Be direct, be open, and shy away from nothing when it comes to eradicating these insidious forces from the workplace. Your team will benefit, your subordinates will respect and appreciate you, and those wrongdoers will learn the errors of their ways before those same types of mistakes wreak havoc on their careers.

Scenario 55: Whiners and Complainers

Whiners and complainers are unfortunately all too common in the workplace. Parents have often struggled with whiny children, but to date, no recessive gene in a human’s DNA can be found to account for negativists, whiners, complainers, and others who are just plain difficult to deal with. So if science doesn’t have an answer, what’s a poor manager to do?

Generally speaking, negativists tend to whine to people who will buy in to what they’re complaining about. Sometimes it’s just idle conversation; other times the whining is meant to clearly express anger and resentment at how others are favorably treated while the whiner is somehow victimized by situation after situation. Whatever the cause of this universally human trait, most managers simply want it to stop. No excuses or apologies are needed. Just stop it! Ah, if there were only a way to transmit that message clearly and skillfully to those subordinates who seem to find the glass half empty in so many different circumstances.

Well, fear not. This too is something you can address with alacrity and aplomb. After all, it’s your department, and sometimes it’s easy enough to institute the change in an employee’s behavior because, well … it’s your department. No, there are no magic bullets here, other than to sensitize an employee to his or her own perception management. But we’re not looking to change personalities—only behavior and conduct in the workplace.

The Solution

With children, it’s said that if you ignore the whining, it will simply diminish once the kids realize that they’re not getting any response from you. Some actually mock their whiney children outright and put them down for their annoying behavior. Still other parents simply resort to whining right back at their kids to give them a taste of their own medicine. And while some of these tactics may or may not work with children, none of them will typically work with adults.

Try this approach the next time you’re faced with a constant complainer:

Marianne, we need to talk one on one. I’ve called this meeting in private in my office because I need to share something with you that borders on being personal and that, frankly, may upset you. I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you this before, but from my vantage point as your supervisor, your communication style could be somewhat caustic and disturbing. You may not realize it, but you tend to whine and complain a lot. Let me give you an example.

When I told the staff that we were upgrading from Windows XP to Windows Vista, you immediately challenged my statement before I could finish my thought. You appeared to whine, saying how much you liked Windows XP and didn’t want to upgrade to a new operating system. You said that we were all proficient on XP and that upgrading to any new system would set us all back considerably, and then you said in front of the whole team that you’re going to be the last to convert.

I’m not sure if you realize that your public displays of frustration and dissatisfaction are perceived negatively by the rest of the team, but I’m here to tell you that they are. If you had let me finish my sentence, I would have confirmed that the whole company would be going through the upgrade and everyone would be adequately trained. However, I wasn’t asking for a vote or how anyone felt about it—I was just announcing the new direction we were going in. By interjecting and voicing your frustration right away, you made me feel tense and uncomfortable, and based on the eyeballs that I saw raised in the room at the time of your comment, I’m pretty sure that others in the room felt just as uncomfortable.

Let me explain it to you this way, Marianne. Everyone is responsible for his or her own perception management. What I mean is that others don’t necessarily know the absolute truth about things with certainty, and no one can know what’s in others’ hearts. But the perception you give off creates the impression of who you are in light of a particular statement or set of facts.

As they say, perception is reality until proven otherwise and if people associate you with negativity or classify you as a whiner or complainer, your effectiveness in the workplace and your opportunity to grow and develop in your career will be severely limited.

Again, I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, but I need you to really think about this. The big question for you to ponder is, who are you in light of the changes that affect us in the workplace from time to time, and how do you want others to think of you? You can be a positive, open, and constructive team member who’s always willing to help when a new challenge arises, or you can be a negative, closed, limiting, and complaining individual who resists change and openly voices a negative attitude toward things that initially appear challenging or overwhelming.

It’s up to you. For the rest of your career and the rest of your life, you have to define who you are. If you weren’t aware of how you were coming across at work, then this conversation will help sensitize you to how others may be seeing you from time to time. On the other hand, if you were aware and felt that you had the right to express your dissatisfaction just as you have the right to voice your opinion, then with all due respect, Marianne, you don’t.

As the manager of the group, I need to let you know that negative comments really pull down morale, and I just can’t let that happen anymore. I want you to think about all this overnight. Once you’ve slept on it, come and see me tomorrow and let me know what you’ve decided. I’m here to help and coach and mentor my staff members in their careers, but I’m not here to coddle anyone. I’m holding you to the same expectations as everyone else in the group, and when we meet tomorrow, I’m hoping that you’ll agree with me and work with me to make this better for you in your career and for the rest of us in the department.

Do I have your commitment that you’ll think this through seriously overnight and come back tomorrow to discuss some solutions that we could implement together? [Yes.] Good. Then I’ll wait to hear from you tomorrow.

Bravo! Very well done. You treated this “child” like an adult and helped guide her in a direction to raise her own expectations of herself. You were not accusatory in any way and acknowledged that she might not even be aware of how she’s coming across to others. But you certainly explained your expectations that you would hold her accountable to the same standards as everyone else in the group, and that’s about as much coaching and counseling that you should have to provide under the circumstances. She’ll thank you one day. Any further incidents of outright whining or bellyaching could reasonably be met with a decision-making leave or formal written warning.

Scenario 56: Requests for Confidential Conversations from Other Supervisors’ Subordinates

Be wary any time a staff member who reports to a supervisor other than yourself asks to speak with you confidentially. Again, communication has so much to do with the record being created, and many a well-intentioned supervisor has walked into the lion’s den unknowingly, all the while attempting to help the employee who initiated the meeting.

As a supervisor, you have to be aware of what I call the preemptive strike. When it comes to employee relations issues and lawsuits, the party that initiates the claim often has the upper hand because, if for no other reason, it makes the first record of a complaint. An assistant who senses that he’s about to be disciplined or terminated, for example, may be the first to run to human resources and make a claim of discrimination or harassment against his supervisor. This way, reasons the employee, some sort of protective veil may be established that protects him from disciplinary action because he’s now raised the possibility of a retaliation claim.

The supervisor who promises a member of someone else’s staff confidentiality may unwittingly fall for this preemptive strike pitfall by allowing a record to be created that damages the company’s credibility. For example, if the employee speaks to you, Supervisor B, about his direct supervisor’s (Supervisor A) problematic conduct and you agree to maintain this information in confidence, then, in the eyes of the law, the entire company will have been officially placed on notice of the employee’s complaint.

Your keeping the information confidential precludes the company from responding appropriately, and then you’re left on the hook to bear the full brunt of the lawsuit. After all, in such circumstances, you could be deemed to be “acting outside the course and scope of your employment.” That’s because the company’s attorney will argue that you both (a) knew and (b) should have known that you had an affirmative obligation to disclose such employee complaints. Arguing later that you were only trying to help by following the employee’s request of maintaining the confidence is no excuse and, more significantly, no defense. It’s a sucker punch through and through, which you allowed yourself to fall prey to.

The Solution

How should you initially respond to such a request for confidentiality from another supervisor’s subordinate? In most cases, you’ll want to respond this way:

José, whenever an employee who reports to another supervisor asks to meet with me off the record or confidentially, my antenna goes up. I need you to understand that it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to hold a meeting with another supervisor’s staff member if that individual wants to complain about management in any way. In that case, my responsibility would be to refer that employee back to his supervisor or, if that’s not comfortable, on to the supervisor’s supervisor (i.e., the department or division head).

So before you open up to me with your concerns, let me confirm that if what you’re about to say involves your relationship with your current supervisor or is a problem with discrimination, harassment, or potential violence in the workplace, you really can’t divulge the information to me confidentially. I’ll have an obligation to disclose it to senior management or human resources.

Now, if it sounds cold to turn away an employee who is in need, remember that you could always offer the employee your help in other ways. For example, in the case of potential harassment, you should encourage the employee to go to human resources and could offer to go with him so that he feels like he has an ally on his side. That’s a very caring way of extending yourself while adhering to company policy and practice.

Second, without knowing the nature of the problem, you could hand the employee an EAP brochure. If your company retains the services of an Employee Assistance Program provider, then that outside agent could help handle an employee’s concerns confidentially and avail the individual of the appropriate resources to help him through the situation. Mental help, assistance with drug addiction problems in the family, and financial counseling referrals often fall within the realm of the EAP’s services.

Finally, if the employee states that his issue has nothing to do with his immediate supervisor or any type of conflict of interest, then you could certainly take a “listen only” approach to see what he wants to talk about. For example, if the individual confirms that he simply wants your career advice, then you might feel inclined to talk away. Still, even in that apparently benign case, you should beware: Simply creating a perception that you’re in a closed-door meeting with another supervisor’s employee may make you vulnerable to the “Paul Falcone told me so” attack.

Here’s how it works: If you’re about to meet with an employee from another department who has ongoing disciplinary problems or is about to be terminated, then be sensitive to the possibility that something subjective could be attributed to you simply by your holding a private meeting with that individual. In such circumstances, it’s best to avoid the meeting altogether. After all, you can’t really defend yourself if someone says, “I was in Paul’s office—just the two of us in private—when he told me that my job was safe and that my boss was going to be terminated.”

How do you think that’s going to sound when they invite the individual in to inform him that he’s being terminated for cause for failing to meet the terms outlined in prior written warnings? Not too good, as a mad rush will ensue to see what Paul Falcone actually said in that closed-door meeting: How did Paul know that the employee’s boss was going to be fired? Why would Paul guarantee anyone job security—he can’t do that! What else did Paul tell him in that meeting?

And so goes the panicked questioning pattern right at the time that a neat, clean termination was supposed to take place. Keep in mind that as an employer, you always want a clean record of consistent verbal conversations, clear written warnings with documented consequences, and a termination meeting that upholds the individual’s dignity and respect. What you don’t want is drama, he said–she said accusations, and all sorts of mud to cloud the waters.

That’s not fair to you or healthy for your company. In fact, it’s what plaintiff attorneys prey on. The bottom line under such circumstances: Don’t be so nice! Protect yourself and your company by avoiding a perception where privacy, in and of itself, could permit the employee to attribute to you things that you never said. Remember that when it comes to communicating, sometimes what’s not said is profoundly louder than what’s said. Be sensitive to those times when your genuine concern and care may be manipulated and used against you and your company.

Scenario 57: Poor Listening Skills

Yes, from time to time, we’re all guilty of wandering off in our minds and not paying close enough attention to the business matters at hand. But when lapses in understanding or clarity occur frequently or people interrupt others without allowing them to finish their thoughts, poor listening skills may be the cause.

Communication is a two-way street: It’s not just about giving information, but it’s also about receiving and digesting new information that propels the next step in the business process. Someone who suffers from poor listening skills on a regular basis may lack the attention to detail necessary to get the job done or simply may lack the self-discipline of allowing others to finish their thoughts before interrupting. Here’s how to handle both cases.

The Solution

If someone appears to drift off at meetings or asks questions about something that was said within the last two minutes, it might be a good idea to rein him back in and focus his attention on the matter:

Joe, I called this meeting in private with you because I’m concerned about a critical part of your communication skills—namely, your ability to listen actively. I bring it up because you sometimes appear to be elsewhere in our staff meetings. I don’t know how to describe it other than to say that I can tell by your stare that your mind seems to be elsewhere.

You’re not in trouble or anything. It’s just something that I need you to focus on because it could clearly get in the way of your career development no matter where you work. It’s more than just a perception, though. I could also tell by the questions that you asked that you either didn’t hear or didn’t understand parts of the conversation that preceded your question or statement. Let me give you an example: In our staff meeting this morning, you asked when the departmental quarterly report would be due and who would be responsible for it. That caught everyone in the room off guard because we had just confirmed that the report would be due this Friday and that Tina was going to take the lead role in putting it all together.

Have you found this to be a problem from time to time as well, or am I totally shocking you with this news? [Yes, it’s been a problem but not to this degree.] Okay then, let’s discuss how we could make it better.

Do you consider yourself an audio, visual, or tactile learner? [Mostly visual, I guess.] Good. Then let’s start there. I’m going to ask you to take the official minutes at our next meeting. I know we haven’t drafted minutes before, but I’ve been thinking that it would be a good idea in general, and I think it will help you hone in on the details. Would you agree to do that and do you feel it would be a good idea? [Yes.]

Okay, I’m also going to place you into the role of meeting leader more often than we’ve done in the past. I’d like you to guide our meetings and take the lead in moving things in the appropriate direction.

Finally, I’m going to ask you, Joe, to think about other things we could do to strengthen your listening skills. Let me know if you have any suggestions, and I’d be happy to help in any way I could.

That’s a nice and respectable way of getting your point across without embarrassing the employee or questioning his overall intellectual capabilities. But what if poor listening habits stem from interrupting others and not allowing them to finish their thoughts? In such cases, your verbal coaching session may sound like this:

Joe, I called this meeting in private with you because I’m concerned about a critical part of your communication skills—namely, your ability to listen actively. I bring it up because I’m not sure whether you’re aware of it or not, but you tend to interrupt others before they finish their thoughts. As a result, it appears that you’re not engaging in active listening or allowing yourself the benefit of the full complement of information before sharing your point of view.

They say that you can tell more about a person’s gravity or competence by the questions he asks rather than by the statements he makes. And I believe that’s true. Well-honed questions display wit, thoughtfulness, insight, and objectivity. However, when someone jumps to conclusions too quickly or finishes others’ thoughts for them, it displays what some would call a lack of business maturity. In essence, the person fails to demonstrate the self-restraint and discipline necessary to ensure an open and even playing field where everyone’s thoughts have merit. It could also appear as conceit or condescension under certain circumstances.

Have you found this to be a problem from time to time as well, or am I totally shocking you with this news? [Yes, I realize that I do that sometimes, but I never thought it was a noticeable problem.] Okay then, let’s discuss how we could make it better.

Tell me, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind when it comes to bettering this potential perception problem? [I know that I could wait two seconds before responding to someone else’s comment.] Bingo! That’s exactly what I was thinking, too.

Joe, you’ll need to heighten your level of sensitivity in terms of allowing others to finish their statements before responding, and counting to two afterward is a great way to do it. If you’ll commit to increasing your awareness and level of sensitivity, then you’ve got my support. Do we have a deal? [Yes.] Good. Then I’m glad we had this discussion, and let me know any time you need my help with anything along these lines, okay? [Okay.]

Again, we’ve displayed respect and a sense of partnership in a situation that isn’t flagrantly obvious but subtle in its delivery, yet very significant in terms of the impact on the employee.

Scenario 58: Failure to Communicate Upward

Subordinates take cues on how to communicate from those above them. However, there will certainly be times when people forget to share critical information with their supervisors. Sure, sometimes that’s by careless oversight, but not always. Failure to communicate upward may be the result of a power play between a subordinate and her boss: By retaining information that could blindside the boss upon discovery, the subordinate may set the supervisor up for failure (or at least a lack of credibility). At other times, subordinates simply attempt to avoid being the bearer of bad news for fear of the proverbial shoot-the-messenger syndrome.

Adult-to-adult communication is not always a function of who’s on top of the corporate totem pole. Younger managers sometimes supervise resentful older workers; subordinates who are the offspring of powerful executives in the company may feel they have no obligation to keep their bosses informed of anything. And subordinates having affairs with senior executives may feel they hold all the power in the department, even if they’re not the department head themselves. In short, it may sometimes be difficult to determine whether that failure to communicate upward is an intentional strategy on the subordinate’s part or simply a temporary lapse in judgment.

Assuming you don’t or can’t know what the underlying cause for the behavior is, you nevertheless have every right as a supervisor to insist that your staff members communicate upward effectively. Here’s how you might address the matter with a subordinate who’s forgotten that aspect of her job on one too many occasions.

The Solution

When it comes to working with your own subordinates, creating a culture of trust is an amalgam of formal guidelines that you establish as well as informal, unspoken cues that you give. The best way to establish your expectations about feeding information up the line to you is to set your expectations with your staff members right up front:

Listen, everyone: I have a very important rule that I’ll ask you all to follow about communication while on my team. I don’t mind that bad news occasionally hits the fan; I simply need to know which way to duck when it does. You’re responsible for communicating any problems with me before I learn about them from anyone else. There can be no exceptions while I’m at the helm. Is everyone clear on that? [Yes.]

If a feeling of flying blind plagues your relationship with a particular staff member, clarify your expectations clearly and unequivocally, using guilt (rather than anger) if at all possible.

Debra, I wanted to call this private meeting with you because I ran into a serious problem while you were out on vacation last week. Apparently, before you left, you realized that our Estimate 3 financial projections would not be ready by the quarterly deadline, but you failed to inform me. Instead, your coworker Raymond let me know about the problem.

The first issue with that, obviously, is that we were on course to miss a deadline, and you failed to tell me. As a result, Raymond and I had to work until 10:00 P.M. for two nights in a row to ensure that our information was properly integrated into the divisional report.

It’s one thing to miss a deadline; it’s another thing to feel like you’re flying blind because a subordinate isn’t keeping you abreast of important issues in your group.

Had you told me about your inability to meet the project deadline before you left, I could have assigned additional staff or resources to help you. Instead, you somehow felt that by telling your peer rather than me, he would somehow keep the secret and get the work done, and I’d never be the wiser.

First, I’m very disappointed by your lack of discretion. I thought we had a very open relationship in terms of communication, but that’s not evident by your actions here. Second, your failure to inform me of such a serious potential problem could have really embarrassed me in front of the senior management team.

I guess the only thing I could say to you at this point is that I would do everything in my power to avoid setting you up for failure or embarrassing you in any way. I can’t say I feel that you would do the same for me right now.

Oh, and Raymond didn’t come to me and volunteer any information about this. I happened to ask him about the status of the report, at which point he showed me the report itself. When I saw all the holes in the information, I told him there’d be no way for us to make the quarterly deadline, at which point he told me that you had asked him to finalize the report in your absence. I just wanted you to know that you put him in a very precarious position, and I think you also need to think about your coworkers’ best interests in situations like this in the future.

I’m choosing not to resort to issuing you a formal written warning or anything that will go on record in your personnel file, especially since you’re just back from a week in Hawaii. I have to assume this was just a massive lack of discretion on your part because you were preparing to leave on your vacation. However, I need to let you know in no uncertain terms that if you fail to communicate appropriately with me in the future, I’ll have the date and time of this meeting in my drawer and will refer to it as needed. Please think about this overnight and let me know if you have any suggestions or recommendations about how you’ll handle such situations in the future.

Okay, this is clearly a tougher, more confrontational discussion than normal, but you had every right to issue a written warning for such a significant lapse in judgment. Whenever you opt not to move all the way to a written warning and to leave things at the verbal level only, feel free to strengthen the tone of your message. After all, Debra is very fortunate not to receive a written warning for this lack of discretion, and your heavier verbal admonishment will be well warranted compared to the alternative course of action available to you.

Scenario 59: Establishing Effective Staff Meetings

Most managers aren’t communication experts. Communications probably wasn’t their major in college, and even if it was, it tends to be difficult to apply the academic principles to a workplace laced with different personalities, individual styles, and information needs. However, you are still responsible for creating an environment where team members talk openly and encourage one another’s new ideas and suggestions.

The Solution

When structuring your weekly or biweekly staff meetings, try educating the participants so that they see the managerial value of these meetings for themselves.

Everyone, I’m a big believer in weekly, structured staff meetings. I know that many employees historically complain about having too many meetings to attend, but I’d like you to look at it this way: If we’re not in sync with one another’s projects and benefiting from the entire team’s group recommendations, we’re probably not pulling the sails of our ship in the same direction at the same time, and that will surely slow us down and lead to inefficiency.

There are two steps to a successful staff meeting. First, you’ve got to invite all of your subordinates to discuss what’s going on in their worlds. All employees like the chance to share with the group what’s happening in terms of their achievements and challenges. That way, we can share internal intelligence and come up with new ways of reinventing the way we conduct business. So I’m planning on kicking off our meetings in a round-robin fashion where we all get to share achievements, challenges, and opportunities that are facing us at any given time.

The second part of the meeting is meant to introduce constructive criticism into the decision-making process. I plan to specifically ask you as a group, what do we need to be doing differently to reinvent the workflow in our area? The best ideas will always come from a group consensus. This simple invitation satisfies the basic need to be heard and to make a positive difference. I plan on benefiting from that simple concept every day from now on.

Finally, note that these meetings are not going to be top-down messages from me to you; rather, they’re bottom-up approaches to gathering data and demonstrating respect for everyone else’s contributions. On a more practical basis, they’ll help me stay abreast of everything you’re working on so that I never feel like I’m flying blind. Do you see the logic behind the meeting and how you might want to conduct these yourself when you’re leading your own department? [Yes.] Great! Then let’s consider this one our first and look to schedule weekly meetings at this time every Monday from now on.

Inviting staff members to voice their suggestions and concerns may feel somewhat discomforting to you at first. After all, what are you going to do if they complain about things that you can’t control? The need for new computer systems, faster Internet access, and problems outside of your department—those limitations exist for all of us. Keep in mind, however, that you’re not conducting a gripe session here. Instead, you need to raise awareness that certain things won’t be able to get done because they’re outside of your control.

Your goal is to help them focus on what can be done with existing resources. As such, you should give ownership of a suggestion to the individual who raised it. Really encourage your people to look at your existing way of doing business and to redefine the critical points where inefficiencies, delays, or outright breakdowns occur. Define a bite-sized plan of action that can be easily implemented and measured that week, and ask for a volunteer to spearhead the new activity. That’s empowerment—the freedom to suggest a better way of doing things and the authority to put your personal imprint on the revisions.

Every now and then, try focusing this third question on your own particular effectiveness as the supervisor: “What can I do differently to give you all more structure, direction, and feedback and help act as a career mentor and coach?” That’s the classic olive branch, and yes, it may make you feel vulnerable at first. However, you can’t know what your individual subordinates need unless you ask, and weekly staff meetings are a great place to start.

Where do these weekly staff meetings ultimately lead? First and foremost, you’ll strengthen the overall culture of the work unit when communication, recognition, and trust are encouraged. That should make everyone’s lives a little easier by reducing the need to make assumptions. Second, by giving your people more face time with you, the boss, and with each other, a spirit of camaraderie will develop. That, more than anything, strengthens the social element of work, which is one of the main reasons why people report to work every day.