The first step to remembering past events is to be more attentive and in the present when these events occur, as discussed in Chapter 5 on paying attention. You have to be more mindful, and a good way to do this is to remind yourself, such as through self-talk, that you now have to be on high alert and pay attention. Stop for a moment to more fully scan and take in where you are and what you are experiencing. Then, as discussed in other chapters, use various techniques to make a good recording, such as:

The advantage of using these initial steps is that you create a stronger memory trace when you record this information. Then you are better able to access that memory later.

But what if you can’t immediately retrieve a memory of an event or experience after the fact? A good way to retrieve it is by putting yourself back mentally—or even physically—in the place where the event or experience occurred. Then, in your mind’s eye, see yourself re-experiencing what happened. As best you can, put yourself back in time and experience yourself there

While this replay technique works well when you are physically in the spot where the event occurred—such as when you are in the parking lot trying to figure out where you parked your car or you are in the house where you left your keys—this technique can also make for a very strong experience if you can find a quiet place to meditate on whatever happened. Once you are there, using relaxation techniques like those described in Chapter 7, get very, very relaxed with your eyes closed, so you are totally in the moment. Let the experience come back to you and move through it again, like it is happening NOW!

This is a technique I’ve used from time to time to find my car or my keys. Typically this has happened when I have been distracted by thinking about something else, so I haven’t properly recorded the event in the first place. Has that ever happened to you? Then, when I have returned, I suddenly see the vast parking lot stretching out ahead of me without a clue as to where my car is. Or I walk to the bowl in the hall where I typically leave my keys, find that they are not there, and have no idea where to go next. Do you know the feeling?

However, I have found that imagining myself back in time—to when I first arrived at the parking lot or first came into the house—and letting my intuitive or unconscious mind take over has retrieved the memory. I have literally seen myself driving the car into the parking lot, driving down some rows, and parking. I have seen myself walking into my house while holding my keys and walking through some rooms until I have put them down. Then, back in the present, I know where to go to find the car or keys.

In some cases, when you start this technique, you may not even see yourself retracing your steps from the past. Instead, your intuition will kick in, and suddenly you may feel drawn to the place where you left whatever you are looking for.

It helps if you can be physically in the place where the event occurred when you try to play it backwards to remember what happened. In fact, this is a technique that the police use when they are trying to get a witness to remember what happened and they physically escort the witness to that place. Once the witness is positioned where he or she originally witnessed the event—or as close to that site as possible—the cops ask questions about what the witness saw, heard, or experienced. Being back in the setting triggers cues for the witness that aid in memory recall.

The reason being back in the place where the memory was created helps is because of the power of context in remembering. This is what cognitive psychologists call the “encoding specificity principle,” which states: “recall is better if the retrieval context is similar to the encoding context.”^[1] Another term psychologists use for this phenomenon is “context-dependent memory.” In other words, if you first learn or experience something somewhere, you will better remember if you are back in the same place. Then, once you are there, imagine you are back when the event or experience occurred, and let your intuition or unconscious guide you by bringing back the memories triggered by the setting—or by guiding you to where you want to be.

You might try this replay technique using a two-step process. First, try just visualizing what happened in your mind, going through the route you took or the chronology of events you did to evoke that memory. Sometimes that may be all you need to recall what you want.

Sometimes, however, visualizing is not enough. The second step, then, is to go back to the site where the route or sequence of events started. Often, going back to that place will trigger your memories. Sometimes being there will put you back in that frame of mind, or you may see other things on the site that will trigger your recall, too.

For example, when you first confront a vast parking lot and don’t recall where you parked your car, one approach is to visualize yourself driving in and through the lot. Or go to the lot and stand at the entrance. Then, as best you can, retrace your original route. As you do, let your unconscious guide you. You may not have been aware consciously as you were driving because you were driving on automatic, but your unconscious may have been taking in information about where you were. So consciously, you may not know, but your unconscious knows.

I’ve had this experience myself many times. For example, a number of times I’ve gone to an event in an area where I have been before, and thinking about getting to the event, I’ve parked the car without mindfully noting where I am. Then, when I leave the event, I suddenly wonder: “Where is the car?” I might not easily be able to recall where it is if I try to think about the location consciously, because I have parked in the area on different streets many times before. But when I relax and experience myself driving earlier that night, suddenly the realization of where the car is comes back. Obviously, it’s best to remind yourself when arriving to pay attention and note such things as the cross-streets where you have parked. But if you don’t, let your unconscious do the walking—either in your mind or let it guide you as you physically walk to where your unconscious is leading. I’ve used both steps of this process—individually or in sequence—to locate keys, papers, and other objects in the house when I have put them down somewhere without thinking about what I was doing. Generally it is best to have a specific location where you keep important things you use, such as keys. But even when you do, sometimes you might get distracted—say the phone rings as you are coming in the garage door with some packages and you drop the keys on a kitchen counter or by the phone. Turning the search over to your unconscious can help you make a beeline to wherever you have put something down, as I have found again and again.

Besides locating misplaced or lost objects or recalling crime events, this replay technique works well for many other situations when you want to retrieve a memory from your past experience, such as recalling:

This technique works best when it is anchored to some experiences or events that you can see or imagine vividly in your mind’s eye. It doesn’t work well if you are trying to recall a lot of theoretical, abstract, or factual information, where techniques like the Loci or Roman Room methods or self-referential techniques are more appropriate. The reason it works best with concrete images or experiences is that you are essentially creating photos or movies in your mind that you play back to retrieve.

The purpose of the replay technique is to bring back a past experience to get information you need now. However, at times, you may find you are recalling strong emotional feelings about something. If you find that you are suddenly dredging up emotionally charged memories, such as in trying to replay incidents from your childhood or a messy conflict with a former friend or lover, stop the process by opening your eyes or turning your attention to something else. You don’t want to delve into something heavy right now. Push such feelings away or turn away from them now.

But it may be a good idea to recognize and deal with such feelings at a later time when you can deal with them appropriately. For example, if you find that you are tapping into heavy emotions, this might be something to go over and work on with a counselor, therapist, or supportive friend or family member. This way you don’t try to suppress anything that could be important to you, but you deal with it at another time in a more appropriate way, and do so in a supportive environment that can help you deal with it.

While using your imagination generally works for everyday situations, like finding lost objects, recalling what happened at a meeting, and remembering what happened at that party last night, it is possible to go deeper and bring up less-accessed or long-buried memories. This can be useful for such things as recalling what you liked to do in high school or college, deciding on a career change, or remembering details of an incident for a court case. But to deal with serious personal issues that are emotionally charged, don’t use this technique on your own. Instead do this in a controlled, supportive setting, such as with a trained hypnotist or counselor.

The basic approach for going deeper is to get in a relaxed, meditative state in a quiet place, where you can tap into your inner self, unconscious, or intuition. Start by using a relaxation technique to get very, very relaxed, though your mind remains alert. Then, ask yourself a series of questions about what you want to remember; and after that let your inner self take over to guide the process. Think of this process as taking a journey back into your past, where you will experience being there, so you will recall what you observed, heard, taste, smelled, and felt at the time.

Following is an example of a guided journey you might use. Plug in your own questions. You can tape this and play it back while you listen and take the trip back into your memory. Or read this to give you a general guide; then give yourself the instructions mentally, before turning it over to your inner consciousness. Reflect on your experience immediately after you return to normal consciousness. To further aid your recall, write down what you experienced, so you can review it for further insights later.

Once you are back, reflect on what you experienced and learned. Write it down to help solidify what you discovered on your journey into your memory.

Take some time now to practice with these techniques. Even if there’s nothing you are trying to remember right now, try out each of these techniques as follows:

1. Pick out something that has happened recently that you haven’t thought about for awhile—such as a meeting at work, a conversation with a friend. Then, focus your attention on that event and visualize it in your mind. Don’t pay attention to any outside distractions; consider using earplugs if you are doing this in an area that’s noisy, such as a busy office with keyboards clicking and phones ringing. You might think of yourself like a film director on a set watching a movie unfold in front of you. Start at the beginning of the event or incident and watch it unfold in front of you. Make your visualization of this event as vivid as possible. Notice the environment around you, the sounds you hear, and observe what happens. Listen to what is being said in a conversation or meeting. Be as complete as possible.

Then, write down the highlights of what you remember. Pay attention to your experience of remembering, too, and later, when you do this exercise again, compare it to your previous experience with this technique. You will generally find that your ability to do this and remember will improve.

2. Now using the same event or another event, go to the actual location where it occurred. Pick an event that occurred in a contained and easily accessible location, such as a room in your home or building in your community, so you can walk through this location. Of course, you can use this technique with distant or multiple locations, too (as sometimes occurs in a court case when witnesses are taken to different locations). Start from where the event occurred, and if the incident involved moving from one place to another (such as driving your car into town or walking from room to room), do that, too. As you stand or sit at the beginning of this event, look around you first and then go through the same visualization process as above. Observe and experience whatever is around you with great concentration and make your visualization of this event as vivid as possible. Both in reality and in your mind’s eye, notice the environment around you, the sounds you hear, and observe what happens. Then, if you moved through this location during the event, walk through the same route, being attentive to any triggering cues in your environment, as well as calling up what happened in that location in the past. Be as complete as possible.

Then, write down the highlights of what you remember. Pay attention to your experience of remembering, too, and compare this experience to what happened when you tried to remember using your power of visualization only. Commonly, your experience will be even more vivid when you are actually there, because of the triggering power of contextual cues.

If you chose the same event as in the previous exercise, your previous recollections of this event should help you in recalling what happened. But at the same time, you should notice even more, so if there were any gaps in your memory in the first go-around, you will likely be able to fill them in.

Later, when you do this real-world replay process again, compare it to your previous real-world replay experience. You will generally find that your ability to do this and remember will improve.

3. Finally, try the deeper recall process. Pick some past event you would like to remember. Keep it to a business or leisure time event, so you can experience it very vividly, but without a lot of emotional content. For example, this is not the time to go back over a messy divorce, an ugly battle with a significant other, or other experience with negative baggage. You want something that will be light and fun to remember.

Then, find a quiet, comfortable place where you can get relaxed and use the guidelines provided above to guide you into the experience. Once you are there, notice everything around you—the sights, the sounds, the smells, the tastes, and let yourself go on the journey, as you remember what it was like to be there at the time.

Experience this for about 5–15 minutes. Afterward, reflect on the experience and write down the highlights. Later, when you try this again, notice what the experience was like each time. Generally, you will find it easier and easier to go back and remember, and will remember more.