CHAPTER
16

ASMR Community Etiquette

In This Chapter

• Staying respectful within the community
• Handling requests as a viewer and an ASMRtist
• How to best deal with negative people
• The importance of personal boundaries

It’s easy to see why the ASMR community thrives on YouTube. The online juggernaut is the perfect platform in which to foster the symbiotic relationship between the content creator and the viewer.

While viewers depend on ASMRtists to create videos that will trigger their tingles, content creators rely on constructive viewer feedback in order to improve their work, which they dedicate countless hours of their time to produce. Everyone has a responsibility, and it is this kind of interdependency that can make a community stronger—or at times threaten to pull it apart.

In this chapter, we take you through some of the do’s and don’ts of posting, watching, and responding to ASMR videos online so the experience can be fun and entertaining for you and everyone involved.

How to Be a Good Citizen of the ASMR Community

When it comes to interacting with others in the ASMR community, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” It’s a simple adage people were taught as children in the real world, but it applies to the YouTube platform used by the community as well.

YouTube is the third biggest site on the internet, and with more than 1 billion unique visitors watching over 6 billion hours of content each month, it may be the biggest thing to happen to the media since the internet was introduced to everyday people. The reason for this phenomenon is primarily the vlog—the online video diary that has created a completely new conversation that can’t happen on the television platform and establishes a connection between the viewer and content creator.

DID YOU KNOW?

Over 100 hours of content are uploaded to YouTube every minute.

It’s no wonder that the ASMR community flourished in this space. After all, it is a phenomenon that is already extremely personal for those who experience it. Naturally, tingle heads have been thrilled to find forums and video platforms where the ASMR experience is shared, validated, and full of talented people willing to create free content to trigger the tingles.

However, even though the ASMR community is one that genuinely loves, supports, and cares about each other overall, it is a fact that there are some who derive pleasure from tearing others down and saying things behind a keyboard they probably wouldn’t in real life. Despite what you may have heard about sticks and stones, words really can hurt—not only the content creator, but also other tingle heads as well. So to help you be the best citizen you can be, we’ve pulled together some tips and guidelines you can follow to get the best out of your interactions with ASMRtists and the community at large.

Being Supportive of ASMRtists in General

As you have discovered in previous chapters, it is a lot of work to be an ASMRtist. Many of these men and women have made significant investments of time, talent, and treasure to improve their content and bring you the best ASMR experience they have to give.

Contrary to what you might think, those who become ASMRtists are generally not seeking fame, and many have very introverted personalities. Through this art form, they have found their passion and they genuinely enjoy helping others find contentment, rest, and relaxation. They do what they love, and people love what they do.

Another misconception is that ASMRtists are out to capitalize on their channel. We will talk about the monetization of ASMR in the next chapter, but to be clear, no ASMRtist in the community has started their channel with the thought of using it to become rich.

Here are our tips for being a supportive ASMR community member:

• Do not pirate, copy, download, or use an ASMRtist’s work for personal gain or promote it as your own.
• Do not call ASMRtists “attention seekers” or similar terminology.
• Do not put down the ASMR art form. If you prefer to be triggered through random experiences, that’s fine. But let others enjoy their intentional ASMR videos.
• Tell your friends about an ASMRtist you enjoy. You’ll drive traffic to that person’s channel, which in turn will lead to more ASMR content!
• Subscribe to a favorite ASMRtist’s channel and click on a few ads. ASMRtists appreciate the support, and it costs you nothing but a few seconds of your time.
• Do not compare one ASMRtist to another. Traditionally, ASMRtists do not compete, so stirring up a rivalry only makes you look bad.

In the end, it’s all about being kind in your support of ASMRtists and the community at large.

Using Common Courtesy When Commenting on ASMR Videos

While ASMRtists welcome comments and feedback on their work, they really appreciate it when it is done in a respectful manner. For example, although not every video will trigger everyone and some are better than others, it’s best to refrain from posting a curt “didn’t work” or other unkind statement that could be offensive to someone else. Remember, no one person’s triggers are more valid than another’s, and everyone’s feelings should be honored (including the content creator’s). ASMR is highly subjective, and the nice thing about having so much diversity within the community is that there is something for everyone.

When commenting about an ASMR video, keep in mind that ASMRtists offer free content of a somewhat personal nature to help trigger their viewer’s tingles, and unseemly comments regarding content or someone else’s triggers is considered rude and should be avoided at all costs.

If you feel you must make a general comment about an ASMR video, here are the top 10 things to keep in mind:

• Acknowledge the amount of time an ASMRtist has spent making a video, even if it doesn’t trigger you. Many spend hours on their content, so putting in a kind word about their hard work will help them feel it was worth it.
• The content creator may be experimenting with a new technique or piece of equipment. Even if it seems strange or doesn’t trigger you, cut them some slack and let them get the hang of it; don’t use the comments to complain.
• Rather than jump to conclusions about the video, ask about it. You never know what might have inspired it.
• You are not the ASMRtist’s only audience member; you do not have a monopoly on the kind of content provided. Therefore, don’t harass the ASMRtist with multiple requests or express dismay that the content wasn’t geared toward your specific needs.
• Do not put down a trigger used in the video or claim “no one could be triggered by that.” The ASMRtist may have been answering a request.
• Bracket any negatives with some positives. Nothing is all bad or all good. (But everyone prefers to hear the good.)
• Respect the fact that this is the ASMRtist’s way of expressing herself and that you are being invited to share in it. Feel free to simply say thank you for their effort or for sharing their talent with you.
• Tell the ASMRtist specifically what you liked about a video. (Chances are, she will find a way to incorporate it again!)
• Keep your comments simple. ASMRtists hail from all over the world and speak many languages. Complicated comments may not translate very well.
• Don’t compare one content creator’s work to another. (Yes, we’ve mentioned it before but it bears repeating.)

Just by following these commenting guidelines, you’ll show you can play nice with your neighbors and have respect for others, making you a good citizen of the ASMR community.

KEEP IN MIND

No matter how hard you try, negative comments will happen. If you are a content creator, it can be hard to refrain from responding, but you must. Your best bet is to ignore their words and block them from your channel or social media site.

Making and Taking Requests

ASMRtists love taking requests from their viewers as much as their audience members love making them. It is a great feeling for the ASMRtist to know she has brought someone’s idea to life, and tingle heads will tell you there is an added thrill that comes along with knowing they were the inspiration for a particular show-and-tell or role-play.

While ASMRtists admit they get some of their best ideas for content from viewers’ requests, it is impossible to film everything that everyone wants to see, meaning decisions have to be made. Whether you’re the viewer or the ASMRtist, it’s important to know how to handle requests in the right way.

“I’m Still Waiting”: Practicing Patience with Your Requests

We understand how disheartening it must be to feel as though your favorite content creator is ignoring your request. However, let us assure you there are a number of reasons why the content creator is unable to produce the video you have requested, such as the following:

• The ASMRtist does not have the resources or space to create the segment you would like to see.
• The ASMRtist has done something similar to it in the recent past and does not want to repeat it again too soon.
• The idea would take too much time to produce.
• It’s not the kind of content the ASMRtist wants to put on her channel.

While we cannot speak for every ASMRtist on the internet, we do know that content creators strive to film the best episodes they can, with segments that are suited to their image. Therefore, it’s best to respect their decision as final and not badger them with “reminders” that they haven’t gotten around to your request or acknowledged your email. ASMRtists have noted that this kind of behavior is off-putting, sounds entitled, and does not make them want to honor the request in the future.

However, that doesn’t mean you should never make requests. ASMRtists often have thousands of people to trigger and concentrate on content that will affect a wide range of people. In order to improve your chances of having a request made, consider asking for something that would include a lot of popular triggers, including taps, scratches, crinkles, and whispers. That way, you not only improve your chances of getting the content you like, you also give the ASMRtist a broader idea she’ll be more inclined to use.

Being True to Yourself as an ASMRtist

But what if you’re the one receiving the requests? If you are a content creator who feels overwhelmed by the number of requests your audience is making, do not feel compelled to try and do everything. Your fellow ASMRtists would tell you that above everything else, you must be true to yourself and make content that is right for you. Remember, your channel is your unique place of expression, so others should never overly influence it. If a request is not right for your channel or you are not suited for it, don’t do it.

Still, one way you can honor a person’s request without doing something untrue to you is to request it of a fellow ASMRtist. This is especially nice when you are a fairly established content creator and know of a new ASMRtist the idea might be right for. Not only can the request be honored, the other ASMRtist will probably be honored you referred it to her!

Dealing with Armchair Experts

While every ASMRtist would love to hear nothing but praise about their videos, they are realistic in the fact that some turn out a little better than others. If truth were told, most ASMRtists are harder on themselves than their fans are. However, every ASMRtist also has viewers who make it their job to nitpick over every distraction and point out mistakes as though an Academy Award nomination were riding on their assessment. It’s not; it’s YouTube.

Part of the fun of YouTube is creating that space that is all your own, where you can experiment with different ideas and put them out for people to enjoy. Everyone in the ASMR community is learning, growing, and developing their content to make it the best it can be; however, that does not mean mistakes won’t occur from time to time or that distractions will not happen. It is very discouraging when someone feels compelled to tear a content creator apart or wants to argue with another viewer about the content of the video, and it only makes everyone miserable. We all have choices in the YouTube content that we watch. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to watch it, but don’t play armchair expert.

That being said, constructive criticism is welcomed by ASMRtists, provided it is handled appropriately and as if you are not the source authority on ASMR content. (No one is.) Content creators love to know what worked for an individual and what they can do differently, but it’s easier to digest suggested improvements when they come with a few compliments.

There are also moments when viewers come under fire from their peers for comments that they have made, even if those comments are made appropriately. Generally speaking, it is best to ignore negative replies to those comments and not to engage in an online argument.

Trolls

You’ve probably encountered trolls many times in the comments section of internet posts. These people love attention and thrive in public forums where they can stir up plenty of drama, and then sit back and enjoy the show. No matter how well thought of an ASMRtist is, all of them have or will at some point encounter a troll. So while it is very unpleasant to have to do so, dealing with them appropriately is necessary in order to keep your channel as harmonious as possible.

DEFINITION

In internet parlance, a troll is someone who uses the anonymity of cyberspace to start arguments and spread discord online. Trolls are similar to haters, who tend to be a little more malicious in their intentions.

First, if you are unsure as to whether your “helpful fan” with all of the advice is really a troll, ask yourself the following questions:

• Does she appear to be immune to rational thought and logical arguments and believe she is always right?
• Does she appear to like hurting other people’s feelings?
• Does she refuse to conform to etiquette or simple common courtesy?
• Does she consider herself separate from the social order?
• Does she seem to gain energy when she makes you angry enough to respond to her?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, chances are you have a troll on your hands. The best way to deal with this person is to block her from your channel and all social media accounts. If she has access to your email address, flag hers and report it as spam so you do not have to deal with her at all.

On the other side of this, if you are a viewer who believes there is a troll commenting on a video thread, you have a few options. If the person’s words are directed at your comments, you may block the individual or report her activity to the site administrator. If her words are directed more to the ASMRtist or another viewer and you believe this person to be a troll, you can choose to alert these people in a private message. However, once you do that, do not feel compelled to check on the status of that assessment, or offer to try and help. The worst thing that any viewer can do is to engage in a word war on a public forum.

Whether you are an ASMR content creator or viewer, do not let the trolls get the best of you! There are far more positive subscribers than trolls out there, and even if the positive subscribers do not post all of the time, they are always really grateful for an ASMRtist’s efforts and the time they take to make ASMR content.

Haters

While trolls are on the relatively mild end of the hater spectrum, at the other end are internet grandstanders who thrive on using your platform or channel to post inflammatory statements and cause all manner of discord that goes far beyond the surface goading in which most trolls engage. Haters are cyber bullies who are determined not to like you and will go to the outer limits to annoy you. They will point out every flaw in every video and critique your looks, what you say, how you say it, and so on. They do not care if their words instigate a response or not.

There is a saying in the ASMR community that haters tend to show up when you are doing something right, and there is some truth to that. Haters typically do not bother with a new ASMRtist, but once someone builds her platform and draws in fans, they typically follow. While it’s best to block these people and report them to IP administrators as quickly as possible, there have been a few cases where hating has gotten out of hand; in fact, a “cute bunny” became one of the best known casualties of the ASMR community.

CuteBunny992 was a 20-year-old Greek woman named Marianne who was living in Melbourne, Australia, at the time she began her YouTube channel. She was a natural ASMRtist who was known for her monologues in both Greek and English, as well as her youthful looks, which belied her chronological age. Longtime tingle heads can tell you she was one of the most popular members of the ASMR community until she disappeared from the internet sometime in 2012.

The reason for her swift and sudden departure has become a bit of an ASMR urban legend, but the known facts suggest that one of Marianne’s fans became obsessed with her, stalked her online, and ultimately hacked the CuteBunny992 channel. In her video entitled “I am back!” the university student said that she believed the hacking occurred when she clicked on a suspicious link that appeared in one of her video feeds. The following day, Marianne received several emails alerting her that she had changed the password on her account when in actuality, she hadn’t.

She immediately checked her YouTube channel, only to find out that someone had not only hacked it, but distorted the content as well. All of Marianne’s ASMR videos were removed and in their place were videos that sullied her reputation and painted her in a bad light. There was at least one video that suggested she had an unhealthy attitude toward children, which was unfortunate considering she was studying to be a teacher, worked with children every day, and had mentioned in at least one of her videos that she longed to have a family one day.

Marianne sent out a plea on her Facebook page asking for help in reclaiming her channel and a few days later, she was finally able to return to the YouTube community. In her comeback episode, she said she felt like a phoenix coming out of the ashes and was looking forward to providing her audience with more content. However, it wasn’t to be. After her explanatory missive, CuteBunny992 deleted her channel and deactivated her Facebook page, leaving some to wonder if the stalking continued.

A YouTube user named belaghouashi, who operates a CuteBunny992 fan page that broadcasts Marianne’s videos, weighed in on the incident for the Matt Phil Carver Blog: “It was just one person being really annoying—aggressively so, stalking and actively trying to humiliate her. There were a small number of people … who encouraged and applauded him in this via comments on her channel when he still had control of it,” he said. “Between the stalking and the … comments of those supporting it, she just decided it wasn’t worth the trouble anymore.”

However, on November 21, 2014, Marianne relaunched the CuteBunny992 channel on YouTube, to the delight of ASMR viewers everywhere. She said she missed the community but was inspired to return in part to Matt Phil Carver’s blog, as well as encouragement she received from Emma “WhispersRed ASMR.” Although she said she was still a little nervous to be in front of the camera once again, she was excited as well and promised to start filming more ASMR videos in the near future.

Marianne’s ordeal is an extreme example of a hater taking control, but it’s a powerful reminder of the importance of staying safe online, no matter if you are a content creator or a viewer.

TINGLE TIP

While the ASMR community lost one of its most promising on-screen personas, CuteBunny992’s work can continue to be seen on fan sites. A couple videos you can check out are her cranial nerve examination role-play (youtube.com/watch?v=ZDZuaQ05Xso) and her hand relaxation video in Greek (youtube.com/watch?v=b77Mv_uPfUY).

Haters are a problem for other viewers as well, and although it can be difficult to ignore people’s hurtful words and comments, it’s best to do so for the sake of the ASMRtist. Sometimes, no matter how well intentioned, the viewer who gets involved is not doing anyone any favors by doing so. Trust us, it’s like your mother always said, “If you ignore them, chances are they will go away.”

Maintaining Appropriate Boundaries

While people like trolls and haters are looking to stir up trouble, there are others who seek an intimacy with ASMRtists or other community members to the point it’s uncomfortable and even creepy.

While the definition of what is creepy and what is not varies somewhat depending on what the individual is doing, we define it as someone who has crossed the line of professionalism with an ASMRtist (or other YouTube artist/viewer) online or in the real world. Most fall into one of three categories: the superfans, the information seekers, and, for lack of a better term, the “pervs.”

The following takes you through each type to give you more insight into how to deal with such people as an ASMRtist or viewer and what behavior is expected of you in turn.

Superfans

On the low end of the “creepy meter” is the superfan. This is someone who admires an ASMRtist and their work so much she cannot see them as anything other than a superstar.

Make no mistake: ASMRtists love meeting with and interacting with their fans, supporters, and subscribers. They know their channels would be nothing without them. However, ASMRtists are not celebrities in the traditional sense. They are ordinary men and women with jobs, families, and lives just like their viewers. The only difference is they have a camera and, on occasion, share their ASMR talents with the community.

We understand how exciting it is if Maria “GentleWhispering” or Ally “ASMRrequests” responds to your comment or returns your email. (Hey, we’re fans, too!) However, keep in mind that their acknowledgment does not mean you are now best friends or that they will respond to everything you post. It also does not compel you to comment on everything your favorite ASMRtist says on her blog, social media, or YouTube channel. Being a fan is fine, but at some point you may be perceived as a stalker.

And if you happen to run into an ASMRtist in real life, please keep your excitement in check. Some ASMRtists prefer to keep their channel and their videos private and can become unsettled when they are publicly recognized. Many work extremely hard to protect their identities, so naturally they can become rattled if the person to whom they just handed their credit card or who delivered their mail turns out to be their “biggest fan.” While ASMRtists are genuinely happy to meet anyone who appreciates the work they do, it is best to keep a real-life meeting as understated as possible (unless, of course, you are at an official ASMR event—if that’s the case, feel free to get a little excited!).

KEEP IN MIND

If you do meet an ASMRtist in real life, do not be disappointed if she is not whispering or does not take 30 minutes to open up a box. Remember, many ASMRtists have developed an on-screen persona that is very different from who they are offline.

If you are the fan meeting the ASMRtist, here are some tips for interacting with that person:

• Be aware of the individual’s body language to determine if they appear comfortable with being approached.
• Do not lean in and whisper “I know who you are.” That is very scary for anyone.
• If the ASMRtist denies who she obviously is, let it go. Trust that she has her reasons, and do not send her an angry email/message about it later.
• If the ASMRtist appears comfortable with saying hello, be sure to say how much her work means to you and feel free to mention a favorite video. Everyone likes compliments.
• Do not expect the content creator to go into character or to ASMR you in public.
• If by chance you are privy to any personal information regarding the ASMRtist, reassure her you respect (and will maintain) her privacy.
• If you are in a situation where you may see the ASMRtist on a regular basis, only act like a “fan” once. After that, treat her as you would anyone else.

If you are an ASMRtist, chances are you did not begin making trigger videos in hopes of becoming a quasi-celebrity. However, if your work becomes extremely popular throughout the community, there may come a time when you are recognized in public, despite your best efforts to protect your privacy.

We understand that public recognition can be a frightening experience for an ASMRtist, especially if the individual is overly enthusiastic about meeting you, but it is important to remain calm and be nice and professional during the exchange. Also, keep in mind the following:

• Your fans help keep your channel going, so be congenial. Thank them for their support and be genuinely happy to meet them.
• Remember that your fans feel as though they know you. While you should always be yourself, be mindful of the “character” they associate you with and what they might expect when meeting you.
• Politely decline any photo opportunity or autograph that makes you uncomfortable.

Information Seekers

So far, we have not heard of any ASMRtist being stalked by the paparazzi, but information seekers may be a close equivalent. An information seeker is someone who has transcended “fan” status and is heading into stalker territory. These people are often longtime viewers who are a bit possessive about an ASMRtist and feel entitled to know more than everyone else.

They are the ones who try to figure out any little piece of outside information they can about you, trawl your personal Facebook page (if they find it), and send you repeated requests to connect. All of this is usually done under the guise of friendship.

Some information seekers are simply those who want to know more about you, while others are wannabe ASMRtists who want to get close enough to learn what you know so they can apply it in their own work. As you establish yourself in the ASMR community, it’s simply important to guard your privacy and protect your boundaries.

KEEP IN MIND

The relationships ASMRtists have with their fans are real, and fans should trust that these content creators will share what they feel like sharing through their channel and public social media page. Beyond that, fans must respect their right to privacy.

From the fan perspective, we all have that burning curiosity about our favorite ASMRtists and want to know more about them on a personal level, but it is best to respect their privacy and allow them to tell the viewers what they want them to know. Prying for additional information will not endear you to the ASMRtist and will not cement your “friendship” with them. Don’t misunderstand us: ASMRtists are generally approachable people who love to share their knowledge with someone new. However, they also believe in building genuine friendships within the community and are hurt when they feel used by someone pretending to be a fan-turned-friend.

“Pervs”

No matter how many times we reiterate that ASMR is not sexual in nature, and no matter how many times that has been confirmed by the scientific community, there are those viewers who cannot help making overtly sexual comments on ASMR channel feeds. This behavior is a solid 10 on the creepy meter and something ASMRtists wish desperately they did not have to endure.

There are obviously a lot of beautiful men and women who appear on ASMR channels, and there are those who may conceal their identities and only show the upper halves of their torso, their hands, and their mouths. This is not designed to be a turn-on, but to allow them to showcase their work their way.

While ASMRtists would prefer that people not make comments about their looks, if you feel that you must as a viewer, please keep it benign. Compliment how happy they look or how much you like their new haircut, clothes, nail polish, and so on—but do not turn it into something it’s not.

If you are an ASMRtist who has been on the receiving end of such comments, the best thing to do is to ignore the individual. If their words get out of control, you can block them, but most ASMRtists simply feel that saying nothing is the best way to go.

KEEP IN MIND

Above all, try to understand if your favorite ASMRtist needs to take a break from their channel. Everyone needs some time off to recharge, including ASMRtists. Believe us, when they return, their content will be better than ever!

The Least You Need to Know

• Be a good citizen of the ASMR community by being kind to others and leaving polite, constructive comments on videos.
• If you’re the viewer, do not hassle an ASMRtist about your request. If you’re ASMRtist taking requests, don’t try to be everything to everyone—stay true to yourself.
• Make sure to maintain appropriate boundaries with others. Don’t assume a closer relationship with an ASMRtist than what’s actually true; in turn, if you’re on the receiving end, make your discomfort clear.