5

FACT-CHECK

Move from Paralysis to Activation

Joe Stone is a self-described adrenaline junkie, but that passion is what almost killed him. In a paragliding accident, Joe slammed into the ground at sixty-five miles per hour, breaking his back. Yet one year later, Joe competed in an Ironman Triathlon, a promise he had made from his hospital bed soon after doctors told him he would never walk again. While most of us are not as adventurous or as crazy as Joe is, he is an example of a principle so important and rational that it’s the topic of this entire chapter.

At twenty-five, Joe moved to Montana to take advantage of all the outdoor extreme sports the state had to offer. One day he went out with a group of friends to do some speed flying, which is a form of high-performance paragliding. On his fifth jump of the day, his parachute didn’t deploy correctly, and he quickly realized that there was nothing he could do to stop himself from crashing. He fell straight on his back.

He awoke in the hospital from a coma . . . one month later. The story he was told was a bleak one. Fact: He had broken bones all over his body, including his vertebrae and ribs. Fact: This adventure seeker had become paralyzed from the chest down. Fact: He was now a quadriplegic because he lost full use of his legs and partial use of his hands to grip things. Fact: Not only would he have to give up his passions, but he couldn’t even go for lazy Sunday morning jogs anymore.

Lying in his hospital bed, Joe pictured a life of nursing homes and round-the-clock care. These thoughts were depressing and left him with little motivation to work hard during his physical therapy sessions. And that is where the story could have ended.

That is, until one day something told him that there had to be more to his story. He set out on a new adventure, this time to collect new facts. He started researching to find facts that would fuel him. When doctors told him his body would never function well again, he searched out biographies and examples of other patients like him who had created thriving lives despite their physical conditions. When he feared a life of being a constant burden to the people he loved the most, he actively looked for examples of times when caring for him brought them joy. And when doctors told him he wouldn’t walk again, he found facts from medical literature and modern science that showed him a vision of life where he could run—even if it meant it was with the help of a special wheelchair. Just like a skilled journalist, at every turn, Joe fact-checked the story to make sure he had an accurate one.

The new facts he found ignited hope inside him. They propelled him to set a “crazy” goal for a quadriplegic: Joe would compete in an Ironman Triathlon. Not only that, he picked a race that was one day before the one-year anniversary of his accident.

The day he decided to do this, he had no clue how he would swim 2.4 miles, bike for 112 miles, and run a marathon of 26.2 miles—all in one day—but because he was working with a different set of facts than the ones handed to him by the doctors, he believed he could do it. Joe’s physical therapy sessions had new meaning. He reached out to wet suit and bike designers to create special equipment for him and learned new things about how the body works and how technology is improving. Each day he learned new facts about his capabilities, and he trained every day he could in order to get in shape for the grueling event.

Instead of approaching the anniversary of his accident with dread, he celebrated it among world-class athletes at the Ironman competition in Florida.

The very first thing any young reporter is taught is not how to look polished on TV or how to be more eloquent. The first thing you are taught is: Check your facts. This is the same process that police officers and Navy SEALs are taught: Check your surroundings, check your assumptions, and check your facts. If you are working from the wrong set of facts, most times your outcomes will be undesirable. Mark Twain put it sardonically, “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”

There is always great room for interpretation and inspiration, but you need the right set of facts to open up the avenues that actually lead to success not delusion. Fact-checking is the practice of ensuring that you have the right facts to accurately portray the present, but also the process of discovering facts that lead to alternative and more beneficial future outcomes.

Joe fact-checked his prognosis and the life that he had been handed and found facts that helped fuel him to work hard to create a better future for himself. While he couldn’t get his body to transform from paralysis to its former state of health (a delusional outcome supported by none of the facts), he was able to get his brain from paralysis to activation. And now that is what he helps others do. He inspires others through public speaking at schools, showing students how rethinking the present moment can change the future. In the face of everyday challenges, he encourages them to fact-check their stories and get unstuck so they can take positive action to move forward.

In this chapter, I’ll show you the way journalists are trained to fact-check and how it can give you incredible power to lead others toward successful outcomes. You’ll learn how to fact-check situations that are causing you stress in under a minute. I’ll describe the research we have been doing at large organizations like UBS in the middle of a banking crisis to fact-check how the external world affects our health and happiness. You’ll learn how to spot the most valuable facts and how to get others to spot them as well.

Very few of my readers will be paraplegic paragliders, but regardless, this principle is for you and may be the most practical one in this book. The next time your child comes home with a bad grade, you’ll know which facts best work to move his or her brain away from discouragement so he or she can therefore be more successful next time. When a colleague or friend is stressed out over the same issue for a third or fourth time, you’ll know what to say to trigger a shift in their mindset. Likewise, when you feel stuck and deflated, you’ll be able to change your thinking patterns so you feel better and don’t waste energy stuck in a state of anxiety. The skill of fact-checking builds resilience and positivity in us, and we can use it to change how others experience the world as well. It is a strategy I personally began to practice in the face of one of the most challenging times in my life—a year-long bout with depression—and I have since worked to make fact-checking a habit. Dealt a challenge, my brain starts instantly scanning for facts that show me a more inspiring picture. Positive broadcasters are not only masters at uncovering fueling facts—the facts from our reality that give us hope and a feeling of empowerment—they help others do it with ease as well. To introduce this, let me show you why it’s important to check the facts about the potential of our brains and bodies—and how doing so can transform our response to adversity.

DOOMSDAY APPROACHES

One week after my husband, Shawn, and I told our entire family we were pregnant, I had a miscarriage. That meant we were going to try to get pregnant again with the infamous deadline looming even closer: I was about to turn thirty-five.

I was concerned what that milestone would mean for my chances of having a baby. All I have heard for years were versions of the same story with the same supposed “facts” repeated over and over. Fact: Your biological clock has a doomsday countdown to thirty-five. Fact: It is substantially harder for women to conceive once they are thirty-five. Fact: The child will probably have developmental problems. Fact: If you wait, your chances of a family or happiness are greatly diminished.

Of course, there were outlier stories here and there of post-apocalyptic success, as well as alternatives available like IVF and adoption, but the doomsday mantra cemented the age of thirty-five squarely in my brain as the cutoff date to youth, attractiveness, and a healthy pregnancy.

Shawn and I were on vacation with some of our friends from Boston, when I saw a magazine headline from across the room, popping out from the stack of magazines on the coffee table. It was “How Long Can You Wait to Have a Baby?” I picked it up expecting the same facts. Instead, I found a positive fact-checker.

The author, Jean Twenge, divorced at thirty, was anxious about how she would meet the right man and have a baby before her body went kaput five years later. She explains that the media coverage of infertility struggles exacerbated the problem:

Twenge’s thoughts were my thoughts. Like me, she is a psychology researcher and a natural fact-checker, so she wondered if she had the full set of facts.

In order to investigate, Twenge scoured the scientific literature. Through the simple strategy of fact-checking, she found the following information: The widely cited statistic that one in three women aged thirty-five to thirty-nine years will not become pregnant after a year of trying is based on an article published in 2004 in the journal Human Reproduction. However, rarely mentioned is the source of the data: French birth records from 1670 to 1830. The chance of remaining childless—30 percent—was calculated based on historical populations. Twenge writes, “In other words, millions of women are being told when to get pregnant based on statistics from a time before electricity, antibiotics, or fertility treatment. Most people assume these numbers are based on large, well-conducted studies of modern women, but they are not.”

I told this fact to a room of seven-hundred fifty women at a conference, and the entire room simultaneously gasped—loudly. Modern research shows a much more encouraging picture for parents trying to get pregnant. As a matter of fact, a 2004 study published in Obstetrics & Gynecology found that for women aged thirty-five to thirty-nine years who were having sex at least twice a week, 82 percent of them became pregnant within one year, compared to 86 percent of women aged twenty-seven to thirty-four years.² Not only is 82 percent significantly higher than the often-repeated 70 percent, there is only a four-percentage-point difference as we hit our mid-thirties! This study was performed on seven-hundred seventy modern European women. This data, plus a handful of other recent studies, indicates that our thirtyfifth birthday is not, in fact, doomsday after all. (For more mind-blowing data on this subject, I encourage you to read Twenge’s article in The Atlantic.³)

Often what we hear in the popular press is different from what you find in top tier academic journal articles. During my master’s program I actually took a class that taught us how to read and understand academic journal articles—this is training nearly no journalists will ever receive. Therefore, scientific results are sometimes misinterpreted by reporters or missed altogether. And because it is much easier to Google the latest statistics instead of dig through databases, once a fact, figure, or conclusion gets out there, it often gets play from other outlets that keep repeating it. The system is broken, and unfortunately in this case, it also means that people read scary articles and believe their bodies are broken too.

It was as if a wave of hope and optimism spread over me as I read Twenge’s words. What I realized was that, although there are more difficulties getting pregnant as we get older, the picture was not as grim as some make it out to be. Simply fact-checking the story left room for another story to emerge—one of hope in which I had a favorable chance of conceiving. When we believe a hopeful, optimistic story as opposed to a pessimistic one, our behavior shifts as well. (And as I sit here writing these words, my husband and I are the parents of a happy, healthy baby boy named Leo!)

The key to fact-checking a thought or story is to have a realistic assessment of the situation while actively searching for fueling facts. Fueling facts are true parts of our reality that give us hope and a sense of empowerment in the face of a challenge. Sometimes it only takes one optimistic fact to trigger a positive action step; sometimes we need to architect a reality from a number of these facts. They are always out there. These facts do not come as a result of disconnecting from reality. Instead, we identify these facts by consciously shifting to an optimistic lens and using it to reinvestigate our reality.

Bill Gates once opined, “I believe in innovation and that the way you get innovation is you fund research and you learn the basic facts.” New directions require a renewed focus on finding the right facts.

FUELING FACTS

Sometimes fact-checking can feel unnatural because it goes against the way the brain is hardwired. Our brains are wired to scan for the threats in our environment and all the problems we need to fix. In psychology this is called the negativity bias. But in most cases this disposition doesn’t serve us well. Instead, training the brain to look for facts that fuel a hopeful and optimistic picture of reality can help motivate us. Again, I am not talking about ignoring reality. I’m talking about moving our focus from paralyzing facts to activating ones to create an optimistic, empowered mindset. At a fundraiser, focusing on the money already raised and the outpouring of volunteer support is more fueling than the fundraiser’s stretch goal that’s been set for the year. Marathon runners who think about their strong muscles or get lost in the music they are listening to have a better experience than the ones who stress about how many miles they still have left. Project managers who are able to see individual team members’ strengths or appreciate the available company resources are more successful than those busy worrying about deadlines. Fact-checking to maintain an optimistic mindset in the face of big goals and challenging events or people is what separates the truly successful from the rest of the pack.

As you learned in chapter one, optimism is the belief that good things will happen. Optimistic thinkers believe that negative events are temporary and local (only affecting one domain of life, such as work or a relationship), and, most importantly, they believe that their behavior matters in the face of a challenge. Pessimists believe that negative events are permanent and pervasive and that behavior does not matter in creating a positive outcome. What I always advocate is striving for rational optimism, which is taking a realistic assessment of the present moment while maintaining a positive outlook and the belief that if we take positive action, we can triumph over challenging circumstances.

In spite of these definitions, there is a societal myth that says pessimists see reality better. Here are the facts that present a different picture:

       •     Study after study shows that it is nearly always better to maintain an optimistic mindset because it motivates positive action.⁴

       •     We are happier, healthier, and more successful when we are optimistic.⁵

       •     Research shows that when we appraise a situation with an optimistic lens, we are more prone to take steps that lead to success.⁶

       •     Optimists are more resilient and have a better track record at more quickly and easily overcoming stressful setbacks.⁷ They do better in school.⁸ They do better at their jobs.⁹ And they make more money over the course of their career.¹⁰

       •     Optimists save more money and pay credit card bills more promptly.¹¹ They are more engaged with life.¹² They form deeper relationships.¹³ And they are more likely to remarry after a divorce.¹⁴

       •     Optimistic thinking is one of the greatest predictors of success, health, and happiness in life.¹⁵

So whether you’re a stay-at-home parent, a CEO, or a seventh grader, the more optimism you can build into your thinking, the more successful you’ll be over the course of your life (and you’ll probably have more fun along the way as well).

The author of The Atlantic article fact-checked her own story and then broadcasted it for others to benefit. Even more powerful is when we prompt other people to fact-check their own stories. By helping them identify fueling facts in their life, they can start to build a more optimistic picture of the challenges before them. It’s like Abraham Lincoln said: “I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts.”

THE SCIENCE OF FUELING FACTS AND STRESS

One of the best examples of fact-checking involves Alia Crum, an assistant professor of psychology at Stanford University; Peter Salovey, a social psychologist and the president of Yale University; and Shawn Achor, a Harvard-trained researcher (and, as mentioned earlier, my husband).

As part of the Institute for Applied Positive Research (IAPR), these researchers found that when leaders were asked about the biggest challenges to face them, most of them, regardless of the size of their companies, unequivocally said stress. But instead of doing what everyone else does, which is to figure out how to reduce the stress, this research team decided to check the facts on a story that everyone just assumes is true. They didn’t fact-check a stressful situation—they went straight to the source and fact-checked stress itself.

What do we hear typically about stress, especially in a stress-management course? Stress is the number one killer in the United States. Ninety percent of all doctor’s office visits are for stress-related ailments and complaints. The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) declared stress a hazard of the workplace. Stress makes us feel anxious, irritable, unmotivated, and sometimes sad—with physical symptoms including headaches, upset stomach, elevated blood pressure, chest pain, and problems sleeping. Stress kills every major organ in the human body. And what do you feel when you hear this? Stressed!

After a lot of work going through scientific journals, Crum, Salovey, and Achor decided to run a bold experiment with employees at UBS in the middle of the banking crisis. The control group, which included half of the three-hundred eighty total managers, was shown videos about the negative effects of stress and how to fight it. The experimental group with the other half was shown two-minute videos about the enhancing aspects of stress—which are equally valid and often little talked about.

Did you know that from a scientific standpoint, high levels of stress are actually enhancing? It improves your memory, cognitive ability, immune system, and mental agility. Our immune system operates at its highest level during stress. Scientists found that subjects in the midst of a bungee jump can process information much faster than a non–free falling control group. Stress deepens social bonds, which is why the military initiates recruits with a boot camp instead of a beach vacation. Subjects’ memories and performances on standard cognitive tests actually increase when they are told to put their hands into ice water—a pretty stressful activity. When a group of patients was purposely made to feel stressed before going into knee surgery, they recovered at twice the rate of a control group not primed with stress. That is why when we are stressed in the right way, we can work faster, harder, and even think better.

The experimental group of managers still experienced the same amount of stress as the control group. However, the group exposed to the equally true but much more fueling facts about stress experienced a 23 percent drop in stress-related symptoms, such as backaches, headaches, and fatigue. Twenty-three percent!

So why do some studies show stress is bad while others show it as good? In their article published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, which is one of the top psychology journals, the team from the IAPR proves that what makes a difference is the set of facts about stress a person is using to evaluate his or her situation.¹⁶

Similarly, the facts you use about work predict the outcomes. The ability to walk others through the art of the fact-check is a signature strength of a positive broadcaster and a strong leader, and the rest of the chapter focuses on helping you develop that skill.

FACT-CHECKING: THE FULL VERSION

Fact-checking can be done in three steps. Let’s first look at how we apply it to stories we are struggling with before I show you exactly how to use it to help others. It is best to do this exercise on paper because, just like an algebra problem, it can be hard to work through it all in your head. Oftentimes certain facts can be slippery, and we lose them before they get incorporated into our new thought patterns. Additionally, too often the brain stresses repeatedly about the same kinds of stories, so having a fact-checked story on paper to revisit weeks or months later can save you time and energy. I encourage you to become a master at this skill. And as a positive broadcaster, you can lead other people through fact-checking to help them change their story for the better.

STEP ONE: ISOLATE THE STRESSFUL THOUGHT

Identify the thought that is stressing you out. The key is to identify the simplest thought that is causing problems. For instance, if you’re worried about your child, identify the central, current, and most concrete worry it all stems from. You might be worried your child is not going to get into college, but when you identify the real thought behind that feeling, you realize you are actually worried that your middle schooler doesn’t like to read. Your child is years away from even applying to college, but his nonexistent passion for reading is signaling to you there is trouble ahead. Those are two totally different situations. If you fact-check the stressful thought that is real, it can simultaneously alleviate the worry about an aggrandized thought.

STEP TWO: LIST THE FACTS YOU KNOW

Find facts from your environment that support the worrisome thought. I know this might sound weird at first—why would we want to find supporting evidence for our worries? This is important for two reasons. First, you want to give yourself a chance to express how you feel and why, which can make you feel as if you’ve had a chance to vent or “get it out.” Second, it gives you an opportunity to understand the experience better. The most important aspect to this exercise is that you only list facts here, not emotions. As you’ll see in later examples, to include anything other than facts in this list is counterproductive. So, for the worry over your middle schooler’s distaste for reading, facts here could include that he reads only for ten minutes at a time at home, chooses video games over books, and reads only those books he is assigned.

STEP THREE: LIST FUELING FACTS THAT ILLUMINATE A NEW STORY

This is the “stretch.” This part of the exercise is harder because you are scanning your environment for fueling facts that support a completely different story. The key is to find facts that are equally true to the facts from the other list, for example, the things that you have not thought about previously.

To return to the example above, fueling facts could include that your middle schooler read a graphic novel about superheroes in one sitting six months ago, his video game prompts players to read on-screen stories to figure out what to do next, and he chooses to read for twenty minutes, three times per week, during study hall during school.

These facts fuel a new picture that not only makes you feel better about your middle schooler’s potential but inspires you to take him to the bookstore to let him pick out a couple more of the graphic novels he is excited about. The result: He reads them both in just a few days and excitedly talks to you about the stories.

I invite you to practice this skill with some of your most recurring stresses. Your brain might fight initially against the process of uncovering fueling facts by thinking, “Wait! We already clearly see what is going on here.” You need to push past this natural inclination to stick to the story you’ve been telling yourself all along to find the new, more helpful version of reality. Remember, fact-checking is not about proving yourself wrong; it is about consciously looking for facts that help change or deepen your perspective and move you forward.

Once you are fluent in the art of the fact-check, walking someone else through the process will be a breeze. When guiding someone through the above three steps, there is no need to announce that you’re having them fact-check. For each step, you can simply say something like the following:

       •     Step one: “So tell me what’s stressing you out. Boil it down to one or two sentences.” You want the person to keep it simple. If you can get him or her to write it down, it is even better than talking it through, but sometimes asking someone to do that takes social capital you might not have at the moment.

       •     Step two: “I hear what you’re saying. Tell me some of the concrete facts you see that support this picture.” This is the place for facts and not emotions. You might have to explicitly say to this person, “Let’s try to focus on the facts and take the emotion out of it,” and it might take some guidance from you about what to leave off the list. It is very important not to invalidate his or her story at any point, because that can make that person feel he or she is not being heard or that you are not on their side.

       •     Step three: “I can understand how you see it that way. I wonder if there is another way we can look at this situation that will help you move forward. How else can we view this situation? What facts might support that point of view?” If no facts are readily available, brainstorm together. Try your best not to force your ideas on him or her. Give some possible ideas on alternative facts and work with him or her to come up with a list that feels right to that person.

The key to success is to be on the lookout for fueling facts. By asking certain questions, you can help someone uncover these facts more easily. The fueling facts will either show that the challenge is temporary or local or that the person has previous wins or current resources to draw on for future success. To help you identify fueling facts and shift your mindset to find true north, use this simple mnemonic device: GPS.

       •     Get an accurate time frame: Help the other person identify exactly how temporary this challenge is or, in other words, how long this challenge could exist. Together, look for past examples in his or her life that show when a similar problem resolved much faster than expected. Get specific about expected timelines and break them up into phases if possible.

       •     Pinpoint the smallest domain: Negative thoughts can start in one area of life, such as at work or in a relationship, and before you know it the negativity has spread to others areas. This happens to me sometimes when I am feeling stressed at work. Without realizing it, I catch myself feeling discouraged about my workouts and contemplating skipping the gym that day. These two domains of life are not related, and yet when one is affected the other can suffer. Find the root domain of a stressful thought or story to help someone take back control and switch his or her mindset back to a more productive place.

       •     Scan for available resources and past achievements: A brain that can pinpoint and utilize resources is calmer and more prepared to tackle a challenge. Help the person you are talking to identify all current available resources for use, including relationships, connections, help from others, talents, skills, and physical resources. Also make a list together of previous related wins and achievements, which can show the brain that he or she is better prepared for the task than originally thought.

Ideally you want other people to generate this list themselves, but often they need a bit of help. That is where you come in: to brainstorm with them fresh ways to see the situation. You can also get them to ask other people for help if you’re not the right person for the job.

Let’s work through an example that is all too common to see fact-checking in action.

STRESSING ABOUT A DEADLINE

Mark was stressed because his workload kept increasing, and he worried he didn’t have enough time to get what he needed to get done. In particular, there was a very important report his boss had asked him to complete ahead of a big presentation the team would deliver next week. Every time he sat down to write, he became overwhelmed, his brain felt cloudy, and all he could think was, “I am never going to finish this project in time.”

Eric knew Mark well and could tell right away when his colleague was stressed. He invited Mark to shoot some hoops after work, and after the game Eric asked why he seemed so anxious earlier. Mark said he felt like he couldn’t keep up with his work. So Eric asked, “What in particular are you worried about?” Mark told him about the presentation and how he was worried he wouldn’t make his deadline. This is step one of fact-checking: isolate the stressful thought.

Eric decided to help Mark fact-check his thought, “I am never going to finish this project in time,” by asking him to tell him why he felt stressed. Mark listed all the following reasons why he felt he would not meet his deadline at work:

       •     He had a really heavy workload.

       •     The entire team was busier than they had ever been.

       •     He had been putting in extra hours lately and felt exhausted.

       •     His son’s recital was the next night, and he couldn’t miss it.

It all sounded very reasonable. After hearing out his friend, Eric began to ask Mark questions that would help him uncover some fueling facts. In particular, he focused on the actual wins and resources Mark had available to him that could help him get his report done by the deadline. Eric hoped Mark would see facts from his life that would support a fueling story.

While at first it was hard for Mark to think of anything, eventually he was able to come up with a good list of current resources:

       •     Three of his colleagues had offered to write sections of the report to take some of the workload off of his plate.

       •     He had written similar reports before and could use the template as a guide for this one.

       •     Although his son’s recital was the following night and he a couple of family commitments over the weekend, he calculated that he actually had twenty more work hours to devote to the project. If needed, he could also stay late two nights the following week, bringing the total to approximately twenty-eight hours.

       •     Generally he was known for working well under the pressure of a deadline. His core skill set included good time management and creativity under the gun.

Mark also listed the following previous wins:

       •     He had completed a similar report last quarter, and it was well-received.

       •     He had not missed a deadline in four years, and had only asked for a deadline extension once during the entire time he worked for the company.

       •     His boss had asked him to be the team lead for this project, despite there being five other people to choose from, because his boss thought him the best person for the job.

Once Mark realized how many resources he had at his disposal, he started to feel more relaxed. Listing these few recent wins also helped him to calm down and feel a boost of positive energy. It enabled his brain to begin to view the project as a challenge instead of a threat, and therefore he could take action steps to leverage the resources and skills at his disposal to get the work done on time.

The next morning, with the conversation with Eric still fresh in his mind, Mark jumped in at work and got more done in one day than he anticipated being able to accomplish the whole week, and he realized he was well on his way to finishing the report ahead of schedule.

Mark’s fuel was a list of wins and resources. For Frank in the example below, it was about getting an accurate picture of the time frame and pinpointing the smallest domain.

FEELING LIKE A SLACKER

Frank felt like he was slacking off. He had worked in construction for the past decade and developed a good reputation at his company. He was even promoted last year from a team lead to a project manager, running a number of the company’s biggest projects. And yet he felt that he was not giving it his all, and that it would be only a matter of time before everyone found out he was disengaged and didn’t deserve the job.

At home he started pulling away from his family. Once a helpful part of the household, he didn’t want to do basic chores anymore or even play with the kids. He felt burned out and unmotivated all around.

Frank’s wife, Sarah, noticed the change and asked him what was going on. He explained that he felt exhausted by life. Together they identified that the stressful thought he held was, “I am a slacker,” and she helped him come up with the following list of facts to support his feelings:

       •     He was not working as hard as he used to.

       •     He had been late to work three times in the past two weeks.

       •     He used to get back to emails right away, but now it took him at least a day or two, and people had noticed his delays.

       •     He had barely helped out with the chores at home for the past few weeks.

There was no disputing that these facts were true. The question was: Were there other facts that Sarah and Frank could come up with that supported a different, more valuable story? The story that Frank was a slacker was not useful because it ended there. Instead, a new story needed to emerge that would fuel Frank to either get back on track or make a change.

Together, they uncovered very valuable facts that helped Frank get an accurate time frame and pinpoint the smallest domain of life where this stress was originating, namely his work. More importantly, he could see that work itself was not the issue; rather, it was some of the new responsibilities he had been given when he had been promoted to project manager.

This was Frank’s new list of valuable facts:

       •     While he had always enjoyed the work at his company, ever since being promoted, he had become very stressed. The stress occurred when he had to manage the same guys he used to work alongside of. He felt ill prepared, and his anxiety left him exhausted.

       •     The rest of his responsibilities did not stress him out. He felt very capable.

       •     Life at home was good. Nothing had changed. The only difference was that Frank was tired from his stressful day and would bring his work issues home. He was also so emotionally spent he no longer felt like helping out around the house.

As a result of this new set of fueling facts, Frank realized he had never received formal managerial training, and Sarah suggested he ask his boss if he could sign up for a seminar or hire a coach to go over some introductory material. The human resources specialist at his company enrolled him in a weekend seminar, and by the following week Frank’s anxiety decreased dramatically. His energy level at the office and at home had also skyrocketed.

Often our brains can be tricked into believing that a setback is pervasive, impacting all domains of life. We feel overwhelmed and we mistake those feelings for indications that our problems are everywhere and affecting all things. To fact-check the reach of a challenge can shift our view of it from pervasive to local. With Sarah’s help to isolate the challenge down to its smallest affected domain (a specific responsibility at work) and time period (since his promotion), Frank was able to feel more prepared to make small course corrections to solve the issue.

Fact-checking can be used with nearly any stress people encounter. Worried you have too much to do before your vacation and might have to cancel your trip? Fact-check that story and then reprioritize your to-do list to make room for some much-needed time off. Is your child coming home to tell you kids are being mean to him at school? Help your child to fact-check that story by searching together for examples of ways kids have actually been nice to him recently, or help him to identify the number of kids who are bullying him so he can realize that it is only a small group and not the entire class. To fact-check doesn’t diminish the seriousness of the bully’s actions—it better prepares a child to address the situation with the help of adults because, mentally, your child will feel stronger and in a more supported position.

Is your team at work worried about rumors of layoffs? Have them fact-check that story by looking for ways the company has been good to them in the past and how it has been actually increasing its market share through new products that will help decrease or eliminate the need to lay anyone off. Leaders who are able to successfully refocus attention away from the stressful parts of reality toward the activating ones are those who can fuel success not only in others but also within themselves.

Sometimes you don’t have the luxury of time to go through a full, in-depth process to fact-check your story, like in the previous examples. To find true north, all you need is a quick tune-up. By changing just one fact, it is possible to find an entirely new story. We do this by fact-checking quickly, on the go.

A QUICK TUNE-UP: THE FAST VERSION

I’m originally from New York, so I don’t really “get” Nascar. Especially on TV. I don’t see the fun in watching cars making left turns around a track for hours. To me, the only interesting part of watching a race is getting to see the cars make pit stops. Pit crews are amazing. I have always been fascinated with how fast they can whip around the car, make the necessary tire changes and tune-ups, and then send the driver back out to finish the race. It is a well-oiled machine—pun intended!

You can be the pit crew of fact-checking. When someone else is struggling with a challenge, help the person to get a quick tune-up in thinking so that he or she can get back out on the road to success. If the person is feeling stressed out or sad, walk him or her through this two-minute strategy: Coax the person to tell you what is going on from his or her perspective. Focus on the facts, with as little emotion as possible, to avoid clouding the assessment. Once there is a fact-based assessment of the situation, work together to add, subtract, or reverse a single fact in his or her story.

Short examples for the three tactics are provided below.

TACTIC #1: ADD A FACT

What would the situation look like if we added just one fact?

My Boss Hates Me!

Your colleague is convinced her boss hates her. Every time she interacts with him, she runs to your office to give you three examples of how he is out to get her and is being mean. Their relationship was great during the first year she worked at the company, but for the past six months things have not been the same.

What would her experience be with her boss if she uncovered one additional fact about him? Sometimes knowing one more fact about a person or situation is all it takes to shift someone’s perspective.

In this case, you had recently heard from one of your other colleagues that her boss’s wife had been battling breast cancer. You tell your colleague that single fact, and her face instantly softens. In that moment she understands why he has not been his normal self during the past few months—he has bigger things going on at home to worry about.

Sometimes the additional fact that changes the story is not readily available, and we need to encourage others to look for it. In this example, if you didn’t know what was going on, you could encourage your colleague to ask herself why their relationship or her boss had changed. That might provide the new piece of information that could shift the story.

TACTIC #2: SUBTRACT A FACT

What would the situation look like if we subtracted just one fact?

Headed toward Financial Ruin!

Your husband is worried the two of you won’t have enough retirement savings to last until the day you both die. He has two friends who are already running out of money, and they are only in their early seventies. Given your current level of savings, your current combined monthly burn rate, and inflation, he has calculated that you two will have enough money to last until you’re eighty-six years old. You both have elder care insurance in the event that a serious medical condition arises, but even with all these resources, he is worried you are both headed toward financial ruin. He pictures the two of you homeless with all your possessions in a shopping cart. Dramatic? Yes. But he believes it is possible.

Ask him what the situation would look like if he subtracted just one thing from his set of facts. For instance, one assumed fact is that you’ll always live where you are now. But you’ve both often talked about relocating to the Southwest, where your son and his family live. That area of the country is substantially less expensive than where you are now. Selling your house and buying something nice there would give you enough capital to last you another seven years. Subtracting the “expensive location” fact shifts the story dramatically and can alleviate the worry that goes with it.

Which one fact could someone drop to change the entire story?

TACTIC #3: REVERSE A FACT

What would the challenge look like if we switched around one fact to an equally true yet completely opposite fact?

Closing In on a Target

Recently I worked with a healthcare company’s sales team that fell just short of its sales target. Ahead of the big quarterly meeting, most members of the sales team were worried the CEO would be very unhappy with them and let them have it. They knew they had not accomplished the clear goal set for them twelve months prior. Instead of reaming them, the CEO did something brilliant: He reversed a major fact. He knew that focusing on the sales numbers one way would kill motivation, while looking at it the other way would fuel it. Instead of saying, “You got ninety-seven percent of the way to your goal but just couldn’t pull it off,” he congratulated them for closing $291 million of the $300 million in business. He still talked about the fact that they had 3 percent left to meet their goal, but instead of chastising them for not hitting the target, he suggested they tack that 3 percent onto the next quarter’s goal because they were so close. It was a very smart tactic to fuel future success, and all he did was reverse the way he looked at one fact.

Sometimes to fuel positive change you need to help someone see an entirely new story. To do that, we can help them fully fact-check with the three steps—and a GPS—to empower them to find the turnaround needed for a new path to follow. Other times a fact-check pit stop is all we need to help others see an experience differently and move forward.

CONCLUSION

The brain can only pay attention to so much of our reality each second of the day. Our power to influence other people comes from the fact that we can easily reroute their attention from debilitating thoughts toward more positive ones by asking them the right questions. Fact-checking the reality before us is an exceptional tool to help someone shift from a pessimistic viewpoint to a fueling, optimistic mindset. And as we have seen from the research, cultivating an optimistic mindset is the key to giving someone the boost he or she needs to have the courage, resilience, and energy to change life for the better. As demonstrated by Joe Stone, the quadriplegic Ironman, focusing on fueling facts inspires forward action and, in turn, success.

Using fact-checking to help people with their problems makes you a better partner, colleague, parent, and friend. Whether you’re helping a seventy-year-old retiree who is trying to take care of his family or a young couple concerned about their chances of conceiving, fact-checking can calm their worries and stresses and transform the experience they have with the world.

THE HEADLINE

When faced with a stressful or seemingly hopeless situation, fact-checking the current story to uncover a new set of equally true facts can shift the brain from a paralyzed state to an activated one, spurring positive action.

THE BIG IDEAS

Activating the Brain

It’s all too common for our brain to feel stressed by a thought or story, and the result is often poor decision making or feelings of paralysis. If a story is causing us stress, it is imperative to investigate it to make sure it is accurate. The best way to get ourselves or someone else unstuck is to actively question the story we believe in search of a new one that will propel us to take positive action.

Fact-Checking

Fact-checking is the practice of ensuring that you have the right facts to accurately portray the present, but also the process of discovering facts that lead to alternative and more beneficial future outcomes. What’s important is to take a realistic assessment of the situation and spot the most valuable facts—fueling facts, which are the pieces of information from our reality that give us hope and feelings of empowerment. The ability to walk others through the art of fact-checking is a signature strength of a positive broadcaster and a strong leader.

Three Steps to Help Someone Fact-Check a Story

       1.    Isolate the stressful thought: Work to identify the simplest thought that’s causing the stress and problems (eg, “So tell me what’s stressing you out. Boil it down to one or two sentences”).

       2.    List the known facts: Though seemingly contradictory, doing this gives someone a chance to express how he or she feels and why. It allows the person a chance to vent and allows time to understand the experience better. At this stage, be sure to list only facts not emotions (eg, “I hear what you’re saying. Tell me some facts you see that support this picture”).

       3.    List fueling facts that illuminate a new story: This stage can be challenging because it involves scanning the environment for fueling facts that support a different story. Work to find facts that are equally true and perhaps hadn’t been thought of yet (eg, “I can understand how you see it that way. I wonder if there is another way we can look at this situation that will help you to move forward. How else can we view it? What facts might support that point of view?”).

A Quick Tune-Up

Sometimes changing just one fact changes the entire story—and sometimes that’s all you need. Use a quick tune-up to lift someone’s spirit in two minutes.

       •     Add a fact: For example, your coworker thinks that the boss hates her because he’s recently been treating her differently. By pointing out that his wife is battling breast cancer, you help your coworker realize that the story is not what she had thought.

       •     Subtract a fact: For example, your husband believes that you’re headed toward financial ruin. However, he’s assuming that you’ll always live where you are now, and you remind him that you’ve often talked of relocating and downsizing. When the fact that you’ll keep your current house is removed from the list of facts, you both can see a new, more positive reality.

       •     Reverse a fact: For example, the sales department fell 3 percent short of its target for the quarter. Instead of focusing on not completing the goal, the CEO congratulates his or her team members on the amazing amount they’ve already achieved (97 percent), motivating and fueling them toward achieving even more sales in the next quarter.

Characteristics of Fueling Facts—GPS

       •     Get an accurate time frame: Identify how long the challenge will exist. Is it temporary? Look for past examples of similar challenges and examine how long it took to resolve them.

       •     Pinpoint the smallest domain: Negative thoughts can start in one area of life and before we know it, they can spread to other areas. Follow the route to find the source of stress.

       •     Scan for possible resources and past achievements: A brain that can identify and utilize resources is calmer and more prepared to tackle a challenge. Help identify all of the resources available (relationships, connections, help from others, talents, skills, physical resources) and make a list of previous related wins. This helps show someone that he or she is much better prepared than previously thought.

THE EXPERIMENT

First, identify a situation that is causing you stress and fact-check the story. Notice how discovering even just a few fueling facts changes how you feel. Once you’re an old pro at how to fact-check your own thoughts, help someone else fact-check his or her story when the situation presents itself. Notice the effect this has on the person’s thinking and mood.