7

THE FOUR Cs

Deliver Bad News Better

Can you imagine getting a speeding ticket and being happy afterward?

Being a police officer means many things, and one of those certainties is that people will file complaints about you. From frustrated speeders who are sure the radar guns are not calibrated correctly to irate stop-sign rollers who feel that the cops should focus on “real” criminals, complaints are part of the territory. Typically these grievances are not egregious, just people upset, rightfully or wrongly, after their encounter with an officer.

At one precinct in Los Angeles the same holds true—unless you’re Sheriff’s Deputy Elton Simmons. While every single one of his fellow officers received at least a couple of complaints, last year he received zero. The year before was also zero. Let’s save some time: During the past twenty years—after making more than twenty-five thousand traffic stops—he has not received a single complaint. Rumor has it that he was even invited to dinner after one of his traffic stops.

Officer Simmons is a master at delivering bad news better. As a traffic cop, his job is to deliver bad news multiple times an hour every workday of the year. And yet, after more than two decades, someone has never felt angered enough to find fault in his approach. Moreover, people applaud his style. From the tone of his voice to his careful word choice to his studied nonverbal behavior, Simmons goes off script. He does not act like one of those self-righteous or indifferent cops from the movies; instead he shows empathy and is able to tell you what you don’t want to hear in a way that makes it palatable. He is able to encourage better behavior and make you want to be a better person.

Simmons follows the four Cs of how to scientifically deliver bad news better. He does the following:

       1.    Creates social capital by looking the person in the eye with a friendly, warm expression on his face, and speaks in a soft tone of voice, using plain English instead of cop-speak.

       2.    Gives context to the situation. Instead of merely explaining the violation and the fine, he talks to people about how, together, they can keep the community safe and how road safety is better for the families that live there.

       3.    Expresses compassion for the fact that a driver made a bad choice with its resulting negative consequences. His words and tone of voice communicate sincerity, and people seem to realize he is not nasty, trying to make his monthly ticket quota, but rather he is giving them the benefit of the doubt.

       4.    Stays committed by giving drivers not only his advice about what to do to remedy a certain situation, but also his contact information at work in case they have any additional questions. Nearly no one takes him up on the offer, unless of course they want to invite him for dinner.

Simmons delivers the same message that many of his fellow officers do, but the way he delivers it not only makes him unique, it makes a huge difference in how it is received by others.

After one of my talks, a manager came up to me and said, “Thank you. I’m only going to say positive things from now on. I’m not going to see anyone’s weaknesses; I’m going to only compliment people. I’m just going to try to be really happy and positive all the time.” The woman meant it as praise for my talk, but I realized if that was her takeaway, I had failed to fully do my job.

Bad news is part of life; ignoring it—“ostrichcizing” ourselves (see chapter one)—means that we never make this world a better place. We have to address the things that need fixing in our kids’ behavior or in our performance reviews or in our society. But how you deliver bad news is what makes the difference.

In this chapter, we will explore how you can talk about the negative without sounding or becoming negative. I will walk you through the four Cs in multiple domains of life from work to home to relationships. Whether you’re giving someone negative feedback on a project, conducting a performance review, responding to a crisis at your company, telling a client the shipment won’t make it there in time, or letting your mom know you won’t be home for Thanksgiving this year, I’ll show you the science behind how to make these conversations produce better outcomes. In most cases, mastering this skill will enhance your charisma with others and also allow you to sleep better at night when hard times strike. Not only will you be viewed more favorably and create positive change, but you’ll also be able to draw on the social capital you created before and during the process toward future success.

STEP ONE: CREATE SOCIAL CAPITAL

Scott was excited to start his new job in management. Scott, who says his wife calls him “ruthlessly practical,” evaluated the team he was inheriting. It was clear that there were two people he needed to let go in order to run the team well. As he was telling me this story two years later, Scott still maintained that those two people were a drag on the company and should have been dismissed. He did, however, regret what happened.

The two employees he wanted to fire had long been doing subpar work as was clear from their progress reports, logs, and revenues. His first act as manager was not to connect to the team to get an emotional reading nor was it to hear the team’s ideas about good changes he could make. Additionally, he did not rally them around his positive vision for the future. His first act was to fire those two employees.

Scott said he called them into his office during his first hour in the building and turned to what he had learned in business school about difficult conversations. He said three nice things about them and then delivered the blow. With self-deprecating humor he admitted to saying something similar to, “You have great phone manners, you type very fast, and you make a delicious cup of coffee. The only bit of constructive feedback I have for you is that you’re not very good at your job. Today will be your last day at this company.” Thus, within the first hour under his leadership, he had eliminated the two biggest hindrances to overall team performance. And while the entire team knew those colleagues were the weakest links, in the same moment Scott fired them, he also lost his team.

The fallout for him was tremendous. Word of the seemingly cavalier and blind firing with no warning spread throughout the division, and Scott was instantly branded as an uncaring, out-of-touch manager who valued numbers more than people. People who never met him felt as though they knew him based upon that one story they had heard about him. Many of his team members worried they too would be let go without being given a chance, and all the negativity led to a drop in productivity and engagement. Why work if they might not be there a week from now? A year later, Scott’s team had the lowest Gallup Q12 engagement scores in his company, he lost two really good people to competitors, and his boss moved him to manage a smaller team.

Scott had no social capital to lean on, which is something you should have before delivering bad news. Had Scott waited a day or even just had a team-wide welcome meeting to say there would be changes but to expect an incredible next year, then he could have easily fired the dead weights. But he didn’t build social capital first, and that was why he could not deliver negative news effectively.

Social capital refers to the resources that are available to us based upon the trust and willingness of our social networks to support our actions.¹ Social capital built during good times is invaluable during challenges. The reason is that when hard times strike, the people you have built social capital with do not have to first ask themselves if they trust you or if you’re a good person. To them, it is a given. Therefore their brains can focus on what is most important—processing the challenge, brainstorming solutions, and taking positive action to move forward.

Social capital resources can include information, ideas, power, influence, trust, goodwill, and cooperation. A number of factors influence how valuable these resources become, including the breadth and depth of the networks, the need, and the timing. If you know people well in your networks, you can connect them to one another when a need arises, such as when there is a business challenge or shortage of an intellectual or physical resource. Colleagues see you as the person with resources, reach, and relationships.

Numerous studies have shown that having a robust social network can lead to more influence at an organization and financial rewards, including higher paying jobs and faster promotions. People who sit at the center of their networks as opposed to the outskirts also frequently make more money, so social capital can also lead to monetary capital.² Often managers who focus on building networks instead of simply churning through their daily tasks are more successful overall.³ Social capital is an exceptionally valuable currency.

At the Institute for Applied Positive Research, we found that a strong predictor of people’s happiness and performance is their level of support provision with others—which is one of the best vehicles for creating social capital. This caring approach to business and personal relationships can be one of the most effective ways to create social capital. Examples of support provision at the office include helping others when they fall behind in their work, initiating social activities, and acting as a listening ear. Engaging in acts such as these will lead people to see you as someone who can be counted on. We call the people who score in the top 25 percent of the support provision scale “work altruists,” and we’ve found they are ten times more engaged at work than the bottom quartile (those who wait for people to come to them) and are 40 percent more likely to receive a promotion. (Test yourself on support provision using the Success Scale at BroadcastingHappiness.com if you haven’t taken it yet. See chapter one for information and the exclusive code you’ll need.)

Social capital mainly comes from positive interactions we have with other people. After we have a positive exchange or shared experience with someone, we record that person in our mind as someone likeable and favorable. Central to building a rich social network and high levels of social capital is to constantly engage in positive network-building activities at work and beyond. We build social capital by calling friends to check up on them, sending holiday cards to extended family, and greeting store clerks with a friendly smile. The longer or deeper the positive track record we have with someone, the stronger the ties our brain builds between the image of this person and attributes such as “trustworthy,” “kind,” and “helpful.” Positive experiences with others add to our storehouse of social capital and, as a result, people will put their trust in us. Officer Simmons was able to build even a small amount of social capital very quickly simply by not shining a flashlight in people’s faces and treating them with respect instead of as unruly children.

Social capital is your greatest asset. So how do you get it and keep it? First, you can draw on the stockpile of positivity and optimism you have been cultivating since practicing the strategies from previous chapters. But here are a few more quick and proven ways to augment your social capital and seamlessly incorporate social capitalbuilding moments into your day.

SHARED ACTIVITY

Shared activity is the best and easiest way to develop social capital. The social ritual of sharing food, coffee, tea, or cocktails has been used to create social bonds for centuries. In medieval times, you were supposed to protect guests in your home who had shared your food or drink. During modern times, one of the very first activities people suggest to get better acquainted is to go have a drink together. The idea is: “If we share a drink, get to know one another, and bond, perhaps they’ll have my back when I need it.”

Think about it—don’t you feel closer to coworkers that you’ve seen outside of work? You are less likely to criticize an author’s writing if you’ve been to Starbucks together. (Want to grab a coffee with me?) It’s not about the food and drinks; it’s that a communal activity strengthens social bonds. Make an effort to regularly place deposits into your social bank account by sharing food or drink with other people. Shared social activities include volunteering, playing sports, going to a movie, or going on a trip together. The longer, more frequent, and more emotional the activity, the greater the deposit into your social bank account. With your children, quality and quantity of time are important. The return on your social capital investment is the highest you’ll get for any investment in your life.

CELEBRATE PUBLICLY OFTEN

Be the person at the office known for noticing positive contributions. Too often we are so focused on the next win that we forget to celebrate the previous ones. If you read and practiced the strategies from chapter three, you are already an old pro at this. If not, try scanning your office for previous wins, such as satisfied clients, completed projects, and achieved sales goals. Try to connect a win from the past to a current project or goal. For instance, one of our clients from Kalamazoo, Michigan, recently told his team during a weekly staff meeting, “I know we are working hard to get the 2.0 version of the defibrillator ready for release. I’d like to take just a moment to stop and see how far we have come. Two years ago today we were launching the beta version to five of our clients. Not only have we been consistently receiving positive feedback since then, we have sold it to more than fifty clients to date. The defibrillator is being used to save lives in more than three hundred medical locations across the country. I hope keeping this top of mind fuels you as you work hard in these final weeks. I know it will for me.”

Being the source of praise, inspiration, and motivation builds your social capital because people see that you record and remember the wins. They feel more connected to you as a result.

TAKE FIVE

Every day actively aim to have a five-minute conversation with someone in your network whom you don’t know very well. Connect with a new person each day. You might have to get proficient at cornering people and starting up impromptu conversations, but once you get over that part of it, these conversations can become very fun. Try to learn one new thing about the person during the exchange. It can be business related: “What’s the best part about the work you are doing right now?” or “How’s that project coming? Is there anything anyone, including me, can do to support your success at completing it?” Or you can learn something more personal: “Wasn’t the Cowboys game amazing this weekend?” The key is to have a positive exchange, because it’ll make that person feel more comfortable with you and consequently build bonds.

CALL SOMEONE OUT

Recognizing other people’s strengths is a strong way to let them know they are seen and appreciated. Strengths can include creativity, curiosity, humility, kindness, humor, leadership, love of learning, social intelligence, teamwork, and zest. (For a full list and a fascinating assessment on how to understand your personal strengths, check out the VIA Institute at ViaCharacter.org.)

Character strengths are parts of us that no one can take away and so, unlike praising people for their successes—which are here today and old news tomorrow—praising them on the fundamentals of who they are can have a much greater impact on them. Look for and praise people in your social networks for moments when they were courageous (your sales assistant got up in front of a group of clients to deliver a report on the latest advancements of the company’s suite of products) or kind (the new intern stayed late to help a colleague in another department) or full of zest (the annual conference committee chair went above and beyond this year). Find a person’s strengths and specific examples to cite and build the social capital that exists between the two of you.

You should spend at least fifteen minutes a day on high-quality activities that build your social capital. Otherwise, when hard times strike or when you have to tell someone something unpleasant, you might not have the reserves necessary to lead people through challenges or deliver negative news effectively. You can spend three minutes here and five minutes there throughout the course of the day to get to your daily total. Other ideas for building social capital we have received through the Share Your Story section of BroadcastingHappiness.com include offering office hours, sending positive emails, having informal break room conversations, organizing professional development and learning opportunities, and even buying beer for a group of colleagues.

If you’re an entrepreneur, consider scheduling a fun, informal dinner with other entrepreneurs from your area. One of the best ideas I’ve heard is about a Friday beer cart on the stock trading floor in London. When the financial climate went south, the beer cart funding dried up, but this manager dipped into his own pocket to buy beer for his team. He said it was one of the best investments of his life, and he’s a professional investor. His team worked harder for him to rebuild the business and, ultimately, they were successful faster than other sections in the company. When the company went through restructuring, he was the one everyone came to for an accurate picture of the organization’s future. It was all thanks to the social capital he had developed. If there were layoffs, people were sad but trusted him to care for the team. This was the opposite of Scott’s approach at the beginning of this section. The bottom line is that you cannot deliver bad news well if you have not first developed social capital.

STEP TWO: GIVE CONTEXT

You need capital before delivering bad news, but during the broadcast you need both context and compassion. I’ll go through them in that order. Whether you’re a manager, a maintenance person, or a mom, when it’s time to deliver negative information to other people, it is all about how you frame it.

One day I showed up to computer giant Hewlett-Packard to deliver a keynote on the business value of broadcasting happiness in the midst of challenges. Before I had even stepped onstage, an announcement had been made that layoffs were imminent. (Talk about a tough power lead!) HP was expecting to cut more than fifty-five thousand positions. Addressing that crowd, I explained that they needed this research more than ever to help them wade through the barrage of bad news that would keep streaming in. After my talk, to my surprise, a senior technology manager told me how he was actually looking forward to the restructuring. My first thought was that this person was joking or crazy. But he was neither, and his reason for welcoming the restructuring was actually very rational after all. He thought restructuring might mean he’d get a different boss. I laughed, but as he told me the story, I realized he was outlining how bad leaders don’t talk about context and good ones do.

Whenever there were business challenges, such as a project deadline that seemed impossible to make, his old boss would deliver the bad news to the team in a way that left them empowered and optimistic that they could fix it. The new boss, Roger, did not inspire anyone, and what was worse was that he stressed everyone out. For example, Roger would say, “We are five days behind schedule. I need this now, so you have to stay late.”

His former, positive boss could deliver the same message, but he would include context in a way that changed the way others received the news. He would say something like, “I know that everyone has been working long hours on this project [previous context]. And the work has been high quality [understanding of effort], like Barry’s slide deck he just emailed out [knowledge of specifics]. We are currently five days behind the schedule that was set by senior leadership [the who and what of the bad news]. You might think they didn’t understand how much work this project would be [emotional connection], and yes, they underestimated it, but we need this project to be a success so we can hit our sales numbers [rationale for the bad news] and not have to let any more good people go [emotional “why”]. So, I need you to stay late tonight. I know it means not getting to spend time with your family tonight [emotional awareness]—the same is true for me [commitment, which is actually the next section]. But I’m confident we can complete this work and that will help many, many families in this company this year keep their incomes [meaning behind the hard work].”

Yes, it would take the old boss thirty seconds longer to deliver the bad news, but the effect was night-and-day different. Some managers have a Band-Aid mentality to delivering news: Rip it off fast and it won’t hurt as much. But good managers, like good doctors, know that if you let someone know your reasons for doing it, they will trust you and keep coming back in the future.

In order to successfully give context, and thus deliver bad news better, be on the lookout for many of the keys I highlighted in the section above. Provide details that indicate understanding of a situation from the perspective of the recipient of the bad news. Provide a full rationale for how the negative news came about and why it is occurring. Clearly provide proof through specifics that you understand the ramifications of the negative news. And, finally, set up a context in which the current status quo context can be recast more positively. This last one requires better “framing” on our parts.

When stressful situations arise, it is very easy to fall into two different types of framing traps. Too often we frame stressful situations in “narrow” or “binary” ways, and both are detrimental. Both frames stunt progress and stifle positive forward action. Narrow framing occurs when we only include a small subset of facts and possible solutions, leaving out some that could actually help solve the problem. For instance, if sales numbers are down, you might consider replacing your weakest link or demanding everyone work longer hours, forgetting that other options could include sending everyone to a sales training tune-up or pairing the weakest salespeople with the strongest ones for an informal mentoring program.

Similarly, binary framing refers to situations where your brain decides there are only two possible outcomes—and it typically involves a win or lose scenario. For instance, it might seem that because Tom has not made contributions during board meetings during the past six months, he has rethought his commitment. If the only options in your mind are that he stays or goes, you might be missing part of the story. Perhaps something has happened that you are not aware of that is causing his behavior. By speaking to him with an open mind, you might learn that he gave feedback three times last year only to be shot down, so he decided to listen more at meetings to fully understand the needs of the company. Going in guns blazing with a binary mindset might not only damage the relationship but also burn possible bridges before you even get to them. Regardless of how the situation develops, some people not only stick to these frames but also disregard important new information because of them. Their mind stays frozen in place regardless of how events and conversations unfold. The more rigid our thinking in moments such as these, the less successful we are in the end. The successful broadcaster is one who is constantly updating the frame he or she is using for the challenge.

Whenever I describe the importance of giving context, I’m often asked whether it’s better to deliver good news or bad first. There’s actually a scientific and definitive answer. According to researchers Angela Legg and Kate Sweeny at the University of California, Riverside, the vast majority of recipients prefer to hear bad news first.⁴ This makes sense to me! If I know bad news is coming, I’d rather get it over with right away. However, from the position of the person delivering the news, the researchers also found that if you want the recipient to engage in subsequent positive, goal-oriented behavior (ie, do something about the negative circumstances) you should actually deliver the good news first. The reason is that when people hear the good news at the beginning and know there is bad news to come, they start to worry about what the bad news will be, and that increased worry makes them pay more attention to what they can do to remedy the situation. If there is nothing that can be done about the situation, you can just deliver the negative news first. So pick the order of the news based upon the reaction you need. For example, if a doctor needs to deliver a severe prognosis to a patient who can do nothing about it, she should start with the bad news and use the good to get him to accept it. However, if her patient can do something to get better, she should start with the good news, then move to the bad, and finish off with positive action steps the patient can take.

Another good example comes from my friend Gil, a natural-born positive broadcaster, who knows that instead of telling his parents, “I can’t come home to celebrate Thanksgiving with you this year,” he can find other facts and tell the bigger story that can help soften the blow: “While I won’t be able to be there for Thanksgiving this year because of my work schedule, I might be visiting you in January and March, thanks to a consulting project nearby, which would be so exciting.”

The context Gil provides allows his parents to feel hope rather than merely frustration at not getting to see him sooner. Gil gives the bad news, which his parents can’t do anything about, but leaves the conversation on a high note by noting his plans to return twice in the next year.

As you’re framing the context in your mind, remember to do the following:

       •     Check that you’re maintaining an open mind. Recognize if you are maintaining flexibility about a situation and leaving room for new information.

       •     Scan the environment for other options to consider. Actively seek out new information or potential solutions.

       •     Use more energizing words to describe the situation so that it activates instead of paralyzes you and others.

People often think of events, such as a performance review, as merely negative, but it is an opportunity to gain social capital and create positive forward progress. It is your chance to explain how you or the company arrived at the negative feedback. You can explain the process so that the employee sees the logic behind the conclusions drawn (assuming the process is fair). People are more willing to accept feedback when they find that the person delivering it is reliable and has good intentions and that the process used to develop the feedback is fair.

Often just the act of recognizing how you’re framing something can cause you to evaluate whether it is working for you or not and whether you need to make adjustments. Developing awareness about what is often an automatic process can help you find the frames that work best for you, long before you need to deliver the bad news.

STEP THREE: EXPRESS COMPASSION

Like most people, I hate getting stuck on a delayed flight, especially when I’m impatient to get home. Since I travel quite frequently for work, I have some good war stories—delays, cancellations, reroutes, and even airport shutdowns with a four-month-old infant in tow (got to love O’Hare!). But even with those flying dramas, I have never experienced what JetBlue passengers endured one snowy day in February 2007.

You might remember this story because it made headlines for more than a week. Thousands of passengers got stranded aboard a number of JetBlue planes at John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York. A snowstorm had shut down the runway and many of the planes became iced over and frozen in place. The air inside was hot and stuffy, food and water supplies aboard dwindled, and the bathrooms became less than inviting. A newlywed couple on their way to Aruba for their honeymoon said they remember looking out of the windows to see the terminal in the distance. They couldn’t get to their beach vacation, and they couldn’t get back home. It was a wonderful way to spend their first night as a married couple.

By the end of the snowstorm, JetBlue had cancelled more than two-hundred fifty flights at JFK, leaving thousands more people stranded at the airports. Rebooking was near impossible, and customers were furious. For an airline that had spent millions to build a strong reputation as the preferred low-cost carrier, this icy blunder threatened to freeze out future bookings and profits.

That is until Founder and CEO David Neeleman courageously faced the music. In one of the best apology letters in airline history, and after his company did everything wrong, he did everything right. He used the Four Cs outlined in this chapter, but especially effective was his show of compassion for the anguish customers had experienced.

Neeleman’s message to passengers began as follows:

Neeleman was not Mary Poppins, sugarcoating the message. He was short and to the point—and clearly named some of the emotions people had experienced. He was a human being acknowledging other human beings’ feelings, and in doing so he became disarming. People can’t be as upset or hate you as much if they feel you get where they are coming from. Of course, his compassion would not have been as believable if he hadn’t followed up with commitment, which is the last C, so let me pause the story here until we get to that section.

The best and most important thing you can express to someone in the wake of bad news is compassion. Compassion is feeling concern for another person’s stress, suffering, or misfortune. The word comes from a Latin word that means “to suffer with,” and so feeling compassion for someone is not simply feeling sorry for that person. It is coupled with a desire to alleviate their suffering. Whether you are delivering bad news or responding to a negative situation, compassion is your best friend. It puts you on the level with the people you are talking to, as opposed to leaving you elevated by your position, a podium, or a negotiation table. Remember Officer Simmons? Many of the people who had received tickets from him said that he smiled and made them feel that he was an equal to them, not a disciplinarian casting judgments from on high.

And it turns out that research supports Simmons and Neeleman’s approach.

Researchers from Simon Fraser University in Canada found that during times of downsizing, high-performance companies that showed consideration for its employees’ morale and welfare were the ones where employees maintained high levels of productivity.⁵ Without that compassion and care, productivity during layoff periods plummeted. Again, it is not so much about the news as about how you deliver it. So many people are afraid to deliver bad news because they fear only more negative results, when research shows the exact opposite is true.

My favorite line from the Officer Simmons story came from his boss, who said that a lot of officers think they have to be cold or indifferent to be effective and that there is no other option. They assume people will hate the messenger of negative news. But his boss said that Simmons is proof that is false (twenty-five thousand tickets and not one complaint) and that compassion is one of the keys to his amazing track record.

A compassionate approach not only makes moral sense, it also makes business sense. In a study conducted by Duke University and Ohio State University, researchers found that significantly fewer employees sued for wrongful termination—4 percent compared with 17 percent—if they perceived the termination process was handled compassionately.⁶

The value of a compassionate approach can be found in many domains of life. A fantastic study done by a physician at Lexington Veterans Affairs Medical Center in Kentucky found that a simple hospital-wide “I’m sorry” policy, which gave doctors permission to apologize to patients in the event of suspected malpractice, saved the hospital millions of dollars in payouts to claimants. For example, from 1990 to 1996, VA hospitals without the policy paid about 627 percent more per claim on average than the Lexington VA that had the “I’m sorry” policy.⁷ Doctors who remained aloof, explained away their actions, or did not report the medical error to the patient literally paid the penalty. Compassion in medicine can save hospitals millions of dollars a year, which is why it is surprising that only 5 to 10 percent of hospitals are estimated to have an “I’m sorry” policy.

Think about the last time you were angry, stressed, or hurt because of something happening in your life, and the person you confided in expressed compassion for what you were going through. Didn’t simply being heard and understood make you feel a little better? If you need to tell your friend that you can’t go on the ski vacation you both had been planning for a year, expressing compassion for her disappointment can help shift her response from anger to understanding. As you talk to your child who is doing poorly in chemistry, try saying that you feel his frustration, or that you understand that chemistry is harder for some people than others, or that you know she would rather be playing with friends than balancing formulas—all of these sentiments create connections rather than hierarchical mental barriers. Delivering bad news starts with being human. Being human begins with expressing empathy for the suffering of others rather than remaining unaffected. Compassion is the gateway to great connection in the face of unfavorable circumstances.

STEP FOUR: STAY COMMITTED

Let us return momentarily to the JetBlue story. After expressing compassion to the frustrated fliers, JetBlue would have lost a ton of social capital had CEO Neeleman not followed up by staying committed to the recipients of the negative news. JetBlue pushed for legislation bolstering passenger rights. The company made new hires and corrected organizational processes to ensure that egregious delays would not occur again in the future. And Neeleman compensated the affected passengers even though he could have used the inclement weather as an excuse to deny refunds.

When you deliver bad news, you spend some of your social capital in order to keep the effect positive, just like how you spend money from your bank account. In order to make that capital back, commit to doing the right thing. When you express commitment to someone’s well-being and to the continued success of a team or family, and you follow through, you may get a HUGE social-capital bonus check. Words are great, but actions build social capital ten times faster.

An important part of delivering bad news is showing that it is not the end of the story. A performance review that ends with the implied message “You are rated a two out of ten, you will be paid as a two, and I’ll probably always see you as a two here at the company” will result in frustration by that team member and a belief that his or her behavior does not matter. A committed leader will provide the bad news in a different way: “You have been rated as a two, and you will be paid as a two this year, but I believe that you have the potential to be a nine or ten, and I want to work with you right now to outline how you can move from a two to a nine this year. I’ll also call you quarterly to ensure that you’re on track instead of just talking to you next year.” See the difference? Make sure you leave people with not only the negative news but also an action plan. Decide what steps they can take to improve in a certain area and how the two of you are going to track progress. Be specific and remember that success is all about commitment. Your aim is to show that you are committed to his or her well-being and growth, and that you believe it is possible for this person to achieve it.

My friend Mary is a nurse in New Haven, Connecticut, who shows incredible commitment to her patients through extremely hard circumstances. Sometimes in the course of examining her young patients, she runs into cases of potential parental neglect or unwillingness to take the appropriate medical steps to ensure the health of a child. Mary occasionally finds herself in a position where she needs to call the Department of Children and Families (aka DCF or Child Protective Services) to report the parents or caregivers. Medical providers that call the DCF have the option of remaining anonymous to the family, which is an attempt to preserve the delicate relationship between the provider and the patient. Although many of her colleagues choose anonymity, Mary always gives her name for inclusion in the report. Not only that, she always tells the family the bad news herself: She has called the DCF, and the department will be investigating the family. She explains the reasons (giving context) and says she knows that it is frustrating, embarrassing, or inconvenient (expressing compassion). But the next part is key.

Mary stays committed to the family. She outlines exactly how she’ll help, including to set up transportation if there is a court appearance, schedule follow-up medical appointments, call different specialists to ensure that care is being received, and provide ongoing counseling to the family. She tells them that if she sees positive changes she will go to court to testify for the family. Mary, like Officer Simmons, has never received a complaint. And in this case, instead of handing out a $100 speeding ticket, she is providing negative news about one of the most charged issues possible: an evaluation of their parenting. Yet even with such terrible news, Mary’s commitment helps the family to know that this negative is not the end of the story.

Often opportunities to deliver bad news and show commitment do not result from circumstances as dire as a medical intervention. My father-in-law, Dr. Joe Achor, is a neuroscientist at Baylor University as well as a committed college advisor. Recently, Dr. Achor told me how he had a student who wanted to graduate this year because she wanted to walk at the ceremony with her friends and because she couldn’t afford to continue taking classes. The only problem was that she had failed his exam and was failing another class in the department. She was going to be two classes short of the requisite number to graduate. Instead of letting the student figure this out a week before graduation or discover it from an automatic university email, Dr. Achor set up a face-to-face office hour with her and delivered the bad news: “You cannot graduate this semester.”

The student cried and said she had no more money and her family was already planning on coming to her graduation. Dr. Achor expressed compassion for the student’s situation, and then, importantly, remained committed to helping her. He called the administration and found a way for her to be able to walk with her friends, even though she would only officially get her diploma if she passed the two classes in the summer or fall session. And he got her in touch with the financial aid office, which could help her to take out a loan to pay for those two classes. She had failed, but the failure—if she corrected her behavior and worked hard—would not end in more failure.

If you’ve done an effective job at building social capital, it would be tempting to assume the people in your life already know you’re committed to them. Don’t assume they already know; reiterating your commitment to them can be a game-changer. While social capital tips the scale in your favor initially, communicating commitment after delivering bad news reaffirms to people that you’re not only in this together but also on their side. It is also an opportunity to examine what has already been done and what else needs to be done to move forward. If you’ve already taken corrective action to help someone, this is your chance to talk about it. But you have to be willing to actually commit. A father who shows compassion to his daughter for missing her basketball game can use his stock of social capital, to promise his daughter that he will be there at the next two games. However, if he breaks his promise and misses those games, not only will he waste his social capital, he’ll become bankrupt. Just as it takes seven years to overcome the credit hit after a financial bankruptcy, it may take the father weeks or even years to repair his social credit standing.

A humorous example of this is when CNN reported that a Falcons fan had, earlier in the 2015 season, said that if the Falcons somehow ended up with a 6–10 record, he would eat his hat. The team had potential, but in the end the Falcons collapsed and, wouldn’t you know it, ended up 6–10. This fan ended up either having to eat his words or his hat. He chose to be committed to his word. On YouTube.com, he ate his entire hat and did not spit it out. So be careful what you commit to!

CONCLUSION

John Lennon is credited with saying, “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” When hard times strike, it doesn’t automatically need to signal worse times ahead, especially if you deliver bad news better. Bad news is not the end of the story. Oftentimes it is just the beginning. Restructuring can actually be something that bonds people together. A poor performance review or a critical error might offer the chance for growth and deeper connection. Telling a friend he needs to hit the gym because his belly is getting too big could mean saving a life.

But here is the most important part of all of this. If you create social capital, provide context, show compassion, and remain committed, you end up reaping huge amounts of social capital in the future. When you show up for the basketball games after committing to being there, your family deposits even more trust into your social capital account. And if you’re a master at delivering bad news like Officer Simmons, you might even get invited to dinner.

THE HEADLINE

Delivering bad news is a part of life, and it’s never easy, but how you deliver information makes a massive difference in how it’s received. Delivering bad news using the four Cs not only allows you to talk about the negative without sounding or becoming negative yourself, it also leverages these conversations to create scientifically better business and personal outcomes.

THE BIG IDEAS

Hard Times Are an Opportunity

Bad news is not the end of the story. Oftentimes it is just the beginning. The way we frame situations is predictive of the outcome. Mastering this skill will not only make you more charismatic to others, it will let you find greater peace through the process. You will be both more liked and respected, and delivering bad news better will help you create deeper social capital with others.

The Four Cs

The four keys to deliver bad news better are to create social capital, give context to the situation, express compassion, and stay committed. Use them to create better results when delivering bad news.

Step One: Create Social Capital

Social capital is the resources (information, ideas, power, influence, trust, goodwill, and cooperation) available to us based upon trust and willingness of our social networks to support our actions.

If you have social capital, when you hit bad times, people don’t have to ask themselves if they trust you or if you’re a good person. This allows everyone to be able to focus on processing the challenge, brainstorming action steps, and moving forward.

Social capital mainly comes from the positive interactions we have with others. Some ways we can create it are helping those at work who are behind, being a good listener and someone people can talk to about problems, celebrating publicly the success of others, and initiating social or shared activities.

By creating social capital, you are making deposits into your social bank account. The return on your social capital investment is the highest you’ll get for any investment in your life. You should spend at least fifteen minutes a day building your social capital.

Step Two: Give Context

During the broadcast of bad news, you need to provide context so people can understand why it is being said or done. People are more willing to accept feedback if the person delivering it is reliable and has good intentions, and the process of getting the feedback is fair.

Giving context to the situation means you give details that indicate an understanding of a situation from the perspective of the recipient, provide a full rationale for how the negative news came about and why, clearly provide proof through specifics that you understand the ramifications of the negative news, and then set up a context in which the current context can be changed to the positive.

Avoid framing stressful situations in narrow or binary ways. By framing a situation narrowly, we only include some facts and solutions, leaving out the ones that could have solved the problem. And when we frame a situation in a binary fashion, we only see two possible solutions, and this limited thinking can damage relationships and burn bridges.

Instead, check that you’re maintaining an open mind and flexibility, scan the environment for other options, seek new information and solutions, and use more words that energize and activate rather than paralyze and depress when describing the situation.

Step Three: Express Compassion

The most important message you can stress to someone in the wake of a bad situation is compassion, which is feeling concern about that person’s stress, suffering, or misfortune. It’s not merely feeling sorry for them; it’s having a desire to alleviate their suffering as well, putting you both on the same level.

Let the person know that they’re being heard and understood. Being human begins with expressing empathy for the suffering of others rather than remaining unaffected.

Compassion is the gateway to great connection in the face of unfavorable circumstances.

Step Four: Stay Committed

When you deliver the bad news, you spend some of your social capital. In order to keep the overall effect positive and to earn that capital back, you must commit to doing the right thing.

When you express your commitment for the well-being of the person receiving bad news and to the continued success of a team or family, and you follow through, you earn a huge social-capital bonus check.

Help them see that bad news is not the end of the story. Give them an action plan that shows you’re not only committed to their success and growth but also believe it’s possible. Don’t assume that people know you’re committed to them. Show them through your actions that you’re in this together.

THE EXPERIMENT

I sincerely hope you never have to experiment with this strategy in your life, but seeing as how bad news is a natural part of the human condition, at some point you may be the one who needs to deliver it. If that is the case, apply the four Cs to the experience. In particular, sit down with a pen and paper or a trusted friend and go through the four Cs one by one to map out what they will look like for a particular situation. Plan out how you will frame the challenge in a way that gives context and shows compassion. Decide on specific action steps you’ll take to show your commitment. And, of course, make sure you’re doing what you can to build social capital even in hard times. And if times are good right now, keep this strategy tucked away in your back pocket and simply devote attention toward building social capital. It will pay dividends if and when the tides turn.