CHAPTER 8 BREAKOUT

YOUR SOUL AND YOUR STUFF

If material things are what you’re talking about when you say “I’m blessed,” you have no idea about blessings.

–UNKNOWN

STOP first. LOOK next. LISTEN deeply.

Soul and stuff might seem like a strange juxtaposition, but if you’re going to look honestly at aligning energy to what matters most, these two areas deserve attention.

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin proclaimed, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” A French Jesuit who died in 1955, Teilhard de Chardin was also a paleontologist noted for his expansive worldview. I’ve never met anyone who disagreed with his statement.

I am constantly reminded in conversations and in research that, whether we are agnostic or evangelical, Buddhist or Jew, we do have a yearning for a spiritual side. This is the quiet but powerful part of our life that moves us to feed our sense of self, community, and connection to a greater world. We gain energy, I believe, if we take time to realize and express gratitude that we are part of a much larger world. Whether through organized religion, meditation, individual prayer, or communing with nature, our souls yearn for the ability to connect with some “thing” or some “one” that is beyond us and bigger than our human self.

LET’S TALK ABOUT STUFF

It is also necessary to consider the relationship of our energy to material choices. We are all surrounded by “things” that we buy and maintain. These things demand our attention and financial wherewithal. It’s time for honest reflection on these questions.

In the Divine Comedy, Dante writes that the deepest part of hell is reserved for those who have what they want rather than what they truly need.

A quick aside. I had a wonderful conversation with George, a thirty-something who was working two jobs. He put in long hours and yet seemed tireless and happy. No burnout there. When I inquired, he explained that this money would enable him to buy a house for his little girls, and he would be able to build them a tree house. He was overjoyed at the thought of what he could provide.

On the flip side, I’ll never forget interviewing a captain of industry in his huge office, located at the top of a high-rise in downtown Los Angeles. When I asked him if he was happy, he scowled and said, “I’m as happy as I can be working.” He went on to explain that his children were in private schools, the family took exotic vacations, he had a huge house in Beverly Hills, belonged to a couple country clubs, and more. In short, while he didn’t evidence what we would call burnout, he certainly seemed to only enjoy talking about his material excesses. Real happiness was missing.

My story: Perhaps it was having a mother who grew up during the Depression. Perhaps it was her incredible frugality, our meals that cost less than $5, and the constant warning to “save for a rainy day.” We used to say that she stretched a dollar so far that George Washington (the face on the $1 bill) screamed in pain. Fish was either tuna noodle casserole or fish sticks. Real fish was reserved for special occasions. You get the picture. Money was scarce—or so I thought.

To overcome my fear of scarcity, I convinced myself that if I didn’t work really hard, I’d be a bag woman. (I don’t think I am the only woman who expresses this concern. We live longer than men and outliving our resources is a valid concern.) So, in the material part of my life, it wasn’t spending that was the issue. It was being afraid to spend on anything! My husband reminds me how afraid I was when we bought our house … and, considering we’ve lived in it for some twenty-eight years, and given the huge cost of housing now in California, it was the smartest move we ever made.

I finally realized how little we actually need when I was given a sleeping porch at a retreat house. All the other bedrooms were taken. The sleeping porch had a smaller than normal twin-size bed, a nightstand, a desk, a lamp, and a rocker. The bathroom was down the hall. No closet. My clothes stayed in my suitcase. I had big windows on two sides, and I could look out to the mountains and hear the birds and night noises. I was content. It was enough: a bed, desk, lamp, windows, and the ability to get a shower and brush my teeth. Enough. Aha! What a concept.

I realize that asking you to think and write about where you find yourself today seems like an added burden to an already burned-out human. But think about and read your answers. Unless I’ve missed my guess, you are already having some insights about where your life needs alteration, where there are conversations to be had, and where you can make more powerful decisions to recharge and reclaim what matters.

In the remaining chapters, we’ll take your breakouts—your Ahas—and weave resiliency mindsets and skillsets into the mix to gain breakthrough—your Ahhhhs. Remember that resiliency is about energy management, managing what we put in our blocks called time. Energy comes from connections. We gain or deplete energy with our connections to our head, heart, hands, and humor. Our goal is to align energy flows by developing practices that refuel, recharge, and reclaim what matters today.

The process you just completed is anchoring you in your current reality, your NOW. Eckhart Tolle, the author of The Power of Now, captured my attention years ago as I worried about getting enough work, paying bills, and what to do in caring for my mother. As I read his book, sentences popped out at me and I wrote them in my journal. Here are some of the more pertinent thoughts that helped me grasp what was then my current reality and become stronger.

All fear, unease, worry, tension, anxiety, dread—comes from not what is happening Now but of something that might happen in the future … forget your life situation. Pay attention to your life. Your life situation exists in time. Your life is Now. The moment your attention turns to Now, you feel a presence, a peace. You no longer look to the future for fulfillment and satisfaction. Therefore, you are not attached to the results. Neither success nor failure has the power to change your inner state of Being. …

If there is truly nothing that you can do to change your here and now, and you can’t remove yourself from the situation, then accept your here and now totally by dropping all inner resistance. … Negativity is totally unnatural. … No other life-form on the planet knows negativity. … Stay alert, stay present … and surrender to the Now. A way will appear.¹

Years later, I wrote my own version of Now. It might prove helpful to you.