Mars, Venus, and Conflict

Some game designers, laden with more testosterone than experience, maintain that women can't handle conflict or are afraid of it. Female conflict over issues that are vital to female interests can be just as ferocious as male conflicts, but they differ in two respects. First, women don't go around with a chip on their shoulders, seeking out conflict as men are wont to do. Second, women don't play out their conflicts in the same dimensions that men do. Where men rely heavily on physical forms of conflict, women tend toward social conflict.

The two sex's attitudes toward each other in this respect are illuminating. In matters of conflict, men regard women as sneaky and deceitful. Men wonder why women can't just come out in the open, look you in the eye, and punch you in the nose. They conveniently overlook the fact that a woman using such an approach is almost certain to be worsted in a fistfight. Women, by contrast, view men as primitive louts when it comes to conflict. They wonder why men hit first and ask questions later. The fact that hierarchies are central to male identity is lost on most women. Understanding these differences is crucial to designing games that appeal to women.