Respecting Social Conventions

In China, many unique and rigid rules govern all forms of socializing. Compounding this difficulty, after-hours socialization is the primary method of creating business opportunities and solving business problems. So it is important to understand the rules.

Following basic rules of conduct

Friends and associates in China may readily forgive minor social gaffes, but failing to follow one basic rule will cause unending trouble: always treat the people you meet with respect, interest, and restrained, semi-formal good humor. This type of conduct is not seen as cold, weak, or patronizing, but as dignified, sincere, and cultured. In addition, modesty is almost always appreciated more than exaggerated gestures, modes of speech, or opinions. Bear in mind that the Chinese people tend to be patriotic, so knowledge of history and culture, and respect for it, is graciously received.

Taking cues from the Chinese

Many of the social conventions treasured in other countries are unfamiliar to the Chinese. One example is the concept of waiting in line: in China, the pattern for a waiting crowd is not linear but circular, spreading outward from the focus of attention like ripples in a pond. Another convention infrequently seen in China is the practice of egalitarianism, where business, social, or economic inferiors are treated with a show of casual friendliness. Urban China is more hierarchical than that, and rich or powerful people are expected to look and act accordingly.

In public, shows of emotion are not welcome, which extends to smiling, and expressing gratitude or disappointment. And while classmates, friends, and family members of the same gender are often physically affectionate in public, even minor displays of affection in public by couples is considered offensive. If you are traveling with a partner, be aware, too, that it will not be appropriate for them to attend all social functions. In a country where business relationships are forged and deals negotiated not in boardrooms or law offices but at dining tables, in karaoke clubs, and on golf courses, “business as usual” continues well after hours.

Tolerating behavioral customs

Certain behaviors that are perfectly normal in China can startle the visitor. Your Chinese associates may spit in public, for example, as traditionally this is seen as health-promoting. Talking with the mouth full or making loud “lip-smacking” noises while eating is the Chinese way of showing enthusiasm for a meal, and smoking during meals and in confined spaces is widespread. Foreigners are also often disconcerted by the Chinese flexibility with regard to schedules, rules, and laws (the latter especially so when driving) but again, try to retain your composure.

What you can do is avoid some “typical” foreign behaviors that irritate Chinese people: pointing, or summoning with the index finger (use an open hand); showing the soles of your shoes (keep them facing the floor); wearing shoes in private homes (considered unhygienic), and making vivid facial expressions and exaggerated gestures while speaking.