Getting Social Etiquette Right

Sharing conversation, meals, drinks, and entertainment is central to building relationships, and therefore central to doing business in China. A willingness to engage in the quite complex protocols that govern social engagements in China says to your Chinese hosts, “I respect you”.

Making introductions

Avoid self-introductions. For important contacts, take the time to arrange an introduction by a trusted associate of your desired contact. Show respect by standing while the introduction takes place, if at all possible. The introduction may be followed by a handshake and an exchange of cards. In either case, wait for the other person to initiate the action. Avoid over-familiarity such as touching, using first names, showing emotion, or giving over-the-top compliments. The ideal attitude for conversation is restrained friendliness, tempered by modesty and sincerity.

Choosing gifts

Gifts that reflect the interests of both the giver and recipient are best. Photographic books on your home region or delicacies for which it is famous are usually good choices. Gifts are often declined several times before they are accepted, so mild persistence may be required. If the refusal seems unusually strong or enduring, it may be real. Gifts are usually not opened at the time they are received. Very lavish gifts should be avoided for two reasons. In business or government contexts they may be considered bribes. In all contexts, the recipient is expected to eventually reciprocate with a comparable gift, which will cause embarrassment if that is economically impossible.

Dining

Seating at any meal should follow rank. As a guest, wait for your host to indicate a seat. When hosting a dinner, choose the middle seat opposite the room’s entrance for yourself, and invite your most senior guest to sit on your left, the next most senior on your right. Seat the rest of the group according to position, the most junior attendees nearest the door.

• As a host, it is good form to begin the meal by suggesting a toast, then serving your guest of honor. After this formality, guests serve themselves.

• As a guest, try a bit of each dish presented, however unappealing. Some of the most startling dishes you will see are expensive delicacies in China.

• Dishes at Chinese banquets are shared from a rotating platform in the center of the table. As a host, make certain that enough food and drink is served, with a considerable margin, to completely satisfy all your guests.

• If you are not adept with chopsticks, practice using them ahead of time. Try to avoid putting the ends of your chopsticks in your mouth, standing them upright in food, waving them around, or dropping them. When using the toothpicks normally provided, cover your mouth with one hand.

• Offering and accepting toasts is a normal part of dining and relationship building, so be sure to participate. It is acceptable to toast with soft drinks or fruit juice if you want to avoid alcohol. You can claim a health condition if offers of the very potent white “wine” are persistent.

• The arrival of a plate or platter of watermelon, or other fruit, signals the end of the meal. As a guest, at the end of the meal always leave some food on your plate as a sign that you are satisfied.