16

Keep the Boss’s Better Half Informed and Involved

It had never really occurred to me that I had responsibilities beyond the needs of the boss at any particular moment, whatever that moment might be.

What a surprise at a particular teachable moment it was for me to realize that the boss’s spouse counted too! And why not? Most of our spouses hold a fairly important and prominent place in our lives. Thus, when I failed to pay attention to that most important person in my boss’s life, his wife, I learned the hard way that it’s not wise to leave the spouse out—with information, with involvement, or even with deserved attention.

It was not long after General Powell became chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff that he was invited to a dinner event in downtown Washington at the Marriott Hotel. I had asked him to attend the event, which included Mrs. Powell as a guest as well. Members of his security detail met us at the front door of the hotel and swept us past the people gathered in the lobby. They took us straight to a reception area for cocktails and conversation. The Powells walked to the room together as I tagged behind, as it should be. When we reached the door of the reception room, the dynamics changed. He moved straight in with me at his side. It didn’t take long for the two of us to be surrounded by dozens of invited guests who wanted to share in the moment.

It wasn’t that he didn’t have a sizable reputation that would naturally attract people to him. He had been the national security advisor to President Ronald Reagan, so he wasn’t exactly an unknown figure in government. As we stood there surrounded by attendees, it seemed all was going well until I looked behind me and discovered that Alma Powell had been left out of the circle and the moment. If looks could kill, I knew I was in trouble, and in all likelihood my boss was as well.

I reached back, grabbed her hand, and pulled her forward into the circle. I apologized and whispered, “This will never happen again.” And it didn’t. Quite frankly, it strengthened our relationships: mine with her and mine with him.

She knew I respected her position, her prominence, and her participation. I promised myself never to repeat that omission. In fact, I thought long and hard about how to prevent it in the future.

Every time I sent a memo to him, I sent one to her. Every time I briefed him on what to expect, I briefed her. It was a family affair. Even if she didn’t accompany him, she knew where he was, what he was doing, and when he would be home.

The boss might not think his or her spouse needs to know what’s going on or whether he or she should be included. Your job is to think for your boss. Your job is to figure it out. Your job is to connect the dots.

Quite likely your boss will be grateful that you did it. And if that is the case, you have performed another good deed on behalf of the boss. If there is such a thing as pillow talk and if one-half of the relationship expresses appreciation that he or she was included, it just might make for a better day for your boss tomorrow.