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Build and Maintain Relationships

For sure, money and material resources are important in life. They sustain us and improve our position on the ladder of life. But make no mistake: people are the most important thing in life to us humans; strong, lasting relationships with people are things money can’t buy.

As Charles Darwin told us in his book The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals, published in 1872, humans need to work on emotional expression to survive and adapt. In the workplace that theory extends to understanding and managing people for whom you are responsible: those above, below, and around you.

As you navigate the social environment of the workplace you occupy, you can be the helmsman and steer the day so that it will turn out well. A good way to start is to check your negative emotions at the door. Put on your game face and take the pulse of the emotions of others. Harness the negative ones; set free the positive kind.

It starts with self-awareness of your moods and a sense of the moods of those around you. If yours are not in check, it may be because of a concern or dilemma or abnormal condition at home or on the private side of life. If that is the case, you need to find the inner strength to table it until you can dedicate your time and energy to fix whatever it is that’s bothering you.

Can’t do it, you say? Then try what I call compartmentalization. Park whatever it is that is adversely affecting you at least temporarily. Put it away in the recesses of your mind until the time is right to pull that “it” out for the sake of resolution.

If others around you are in an emotionally bad place, work at sensing, understanding, and reacting to their being out of sync. That can be as easy as giving them a pat on the back, conveying a friendly word, or having a helpful chat to help them regain their balance. It can inspire and influence their ability to accomplish more than would otherwise be possible.

If you can translate that into treating every day as game day, you will help bring people together to complete the assigned tasks. The results can be a function of having done things well or not.

As someone responsible for results, build a reputation for being good at organizing and coordinating those activities for which you’re responsible. Be able to delegate responsibilities to others; recognize that you can’t do it all. Be good at organizing people, ideas, and resources. Be adept at strategic planning and implementation.

Peering into the C-suite, you may see that the boss needs your emotional support more than anyone else on the team. What if the boss is in less than an admirable emotional state? If you are in a position of influence, you might choose to determine the source of the problem. What triggered it? and What is an appropriate reaction to it? are questions I would ask.

Soon after taking a new job position, I was asked to sit in on a budget meeting. At the table were my boss, the finance representative, a coworker, and me. I was new to the game but not to the boss. I came to see my boss in a different light this particular day. He was clearly having a bad hair day. He asked tough questions. He drilled down on detail. He expected very specific and favorable answers to his questions.

The keeper of the coin described new accounting procedures required of her to keep the books. They were not easy to reconcile, she said. The boss chose not to recognize or accept the new procedures or their difficulty. He didn’t like them, and furthermore, he rejected some of her answers to his pointed questions.

Finally he erupted. He lashed out at her. He screamed at her. He belittled her. As an observer, I was most uncomfortable. Near tears, she struggled through the tongue-lashing. The boss sensed her frustration and hurt. He fortunately adjourned the meeting before she experienced total meltdown.

Later, I sought her out. I apologized on his behalf and told her to keep on doing what was right to perform her job well and properly. It was a private but important moment for her. It helped restore her confidence. It helped me build a better understanding of how to handle a similar situation if it occurred again. I later suggested to the boss that he had been tougher than he had to be on his fiduciary counsel. I wasn’t sure if his nod meant he agreed or he was trying to downplay the moment.

Managing others well in the workplace is a gift that is learned and a skill that is honed. It starts with understanding others, listening to them, educating them, or even accepting their advice.

It starts with building strong relationships with your teammates. That can come best by offering hope and incentives for those who work for you. It comes from offering support and assistance for those with whom you work. It comes by offering your best advice and counsel to the boss about the importance of the people in his or her organization. That is priceless advice you owe the boss.