Even if it is not your meeting and you are not the meeting organiser or leader, you can still have a major influence on ensuring positive outcomes are realised.
In this chapter we suggest ways in which you can demonstrate positive qualities, through body language, presentations, group work, etc. By energising you with a new-found confidence to participate meaningfully, even meetings that you anticipate will include uncomfortable discussions and require difficult decisions will no longer be as daunting.
Right from the moment you enter the meeting room with a purposeful aura, you will judged as a valued participant, positively affecting the attitudes of other participants and the overall group dynamic.
Choosing your attitude
Consider how much time you spend doing work-related activities and, of that, how much time is devoted to meetings; not just sitting in the meeting room itself, but the preparation, the travelling, and the actions that result from them. The ability to ‘choose your attitude’ is therefore incredibly important as you can influence the way the meeting starts, progresses and concludes. If you enter the room believing that the meeting will be a ‘waste of time’ then it undoubtedly will be. If, however, you decide that your contribution and attendance will help transform the meeting into a productive, meaningful gathering – then this will motivate your fellow participants. If instead you choose to portray a different, negative attitude, you can be sure that this will have the converse effect.
‘Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.’
Sir Winston Churchill
A ‘bad attitude’ is negative and can be very destructive in group situations. Before you condemn others in your own mind for demonstrating a bad attitude, make sure that your own attitude has not contributed to theirs!
Creating your positive attitude
So, what is positive attitude anyway?
You can never have absolute control over everything that happens in the meeting, but the attitude with which you choose to greet the day, approach your work, and respond to the people around you is fully within your control. Your attitude about any condition, present or future, is within your power to choose.
Research at the University of Texas has found that having a positive attitude to life can delay the ageing process – and that people with an upbeat view on life are less likely than pessimists to show signs of frailty.
If you think for one moment that your attitude – for whatever personal or professional reason – is not what it should be, then here is a practical way to put it right. It is so important to understand that you can consciously effect your ‘moods’ and that negative attitudes can be transformed – think of it as a R A C E that you must win.
Recognise it
Listen to the voices in your mind that tell you all is not what it should be for you. Understand that this is needlessly affecting the attitude that you are outwardly portraying.
Arrest it
Recognise the psychological mechanism that triggers these thoughts. Stop, acknowledge your position, and then make some physical move to break the negative cycle.
Change it
It could be that you stop and count to 10; better still, suggest a ‘comfort break’ and allow a trip to the washroom to take you physically away from the negative place you are now in. Here you can freshen up, splash some water on your face, and exit with a different perspective.
Embrace it
It is important to acknowledge to yourself that you are consciously making a choice to transform what were negatives into positives. For many people this is a very difficult change in behaviour to bring about, so if you find that you can start to do this with success, find a small reward for yourself.
It is important to practise these techniques in order to maintain your positive focus.
There is a very good reason why, whilst helping my five-year-old daughter to ride her first bike without stabilisers, I did not shout from behind ‘mind that tree’, because I knew having drawn her attention to it, that this is exactly where both she and the bike would end up – in a heap! Once a negative thought is planted it becomes the sole focus, and the tree now becomes almost the only thing she can see in front of her. Instead focus attention on a positive aspect in front; in this particular example I focused her attention on a playground in the distance. This technique can also be transferred and used to great effect in a meeting situation – instead of concentrating on a negative aspect, recognise its existence, but then refocus on a positive that you can control.
For the same reasons, Olympic athletes will mentally picture themselves being the ‘first to cross the finish line’ or to successfully complete the highest jump in a very well-rehearsed pre-event routine.
Now picture yourself with a positive attitude, participating and contributing effectively in your next meeting.
According to a Stanford Research Institute study, success is 88 per cent attitude and 12 per cent education.
Respect
As part of our ACTION PLAN ground rules in Chapter 2, we suggest that you consider arriving at every meeting with the mindset that the CEO is present. If the CEO was present you would give everyone respect; you would not interrupt and talk over them, neither would you make any condescending jibes. That respect will be valued and returned to you.
However, you must participate fully and, if something is not clear, you must ask for clarification. The subject matter, the way it is being presented, and the number of people present, will determine how you go about this. Some presenters will say at the outset if they would like you to stop them in their tracks and ask if anything is unclear, others will request you wait until the end.
Notes
You might think that taking notes would be a distraction but, unless you are the official note taker, the only things that you will be noting down are those points of importance to you. So in fact, taking notes can make it easier for you to listen, and it also gives you a point of reference for later.
Questioning techniques
When you do have questions to raise, there are some great pointers to help you get precisely the information you require in a direct and succinct manner.
Closed questions
These can be answered only with a quick ‘yes’ or ‘no’, or a specific answer, and are great for obtaining facts quickly and easily as the respondent does not have to think long and hard about the answer. For example, ‘Are you satisfied with your current supplier?’ The control of the conversation comes straight back to you.
Open questions
Be prepared to get a long answer to an open question. The answer usually will include the feelings and opinions of the respondent, and can hand over the control of the conversation to them.
For example, ‘Why has the number of damaged deliveries increased so much?’
Probing questions
These allow you to get into more detail about a specific issue or problem, and are designed to elicit opinions and rationale as well as hard facts. These are typically the ‘Who, What, When, Where, How and Why’ questions, which can be framed in either open or closed styles to search for more detail: ‘How does this relate to what we have been talking about?’ or, ‘What do we already know about the way our competitors are dealing with the legislation?’
Individual or group questions
Make it clear if you are posing a question directly to an individual, the group as a whole, or for any member of the group to respond.
- For an individual, start the question with their name, ‘Duncan, how will this new procedure affect your department?’
- For the whole group, maybe you want a show of hands on a proposal, so, ‘Please raise your hand if you think we should talk again with that supplier.’
- If you are just looking for any response from the group, ‘Who can tell me what the impact on their department will be?’
Reverse questions
Instead of answering a question, send it straight back to the questioner: ‘Before I clarify my position on that, tell me about your current thinking.’ This will also afford you some thinking time should you need it.
Your body language as a participant
By adopting a confident posture during the meeting, sitting upright, or on the edge of your seat, you will ensure that you remain focused on the presenter or conversation; it also indicates that you are listening.
Respectfully ‘mirroring’ the leader’s body language, that is, following the posture and type of gestures, without doing it too overtly, can make you one of the ‘insiders’, helping you and your suggestions get better acceptance from the group.
Avoid doodling or fidgeting. Learning to control your body movements not only means you are more focused on creating a positive overall impression, but by adopting a confident posture you will portray yourself as a confident participant.
The ‘arms folded’ posture is often interpreted as ‘defensive’ or ‘closed,’ even when this is not your intention, so it is best avoided. Ensure that you make eye contact with the presenter; this indicates your interaction and involvement.
Participant body language
- Ensure that your posture portrays a ‘confident air’. Sit up straight and on the edge of your seat whilst avoiding the ‘arms folded’ posture, doodling or fidgeting.
- Make eye contact with the presenter.
- Nod, and look at the speaker.
This helps in three ways: it maintains your concentration level; it reassures those who are slightly hesitant in airing their views; and it will invariably mark you out as a ‘sympathetic listener’, whom others want to address. - Remember that first impressions really do count – dress smartly.