Chapter 4

Self-Editing: Professional Ways to Improve Your Own Work

In This Chapter

arrow Switching to the editor’s role

arrow Reviewing the big picture

arrow Assessing your writing’s readability

arrow Avoiding pitfalls that undermine clarity and impact

If you expect to create a successful email, letter or business document in just one shot, think again. Don’t ask so much of yourself. Very, very few professional writers can accomplish a finished piece – whether they write novels, plays, articles, websites or press releases – with their first draft. This especially includes writers known for their simplicity and easy reading.

Editing is how writers write. For them, the writing and editing processes are inseparable because they wouldn’t dream of submitting work to anyone that is less than their very best. Unfortunately, many people are intimidated by the notion of editing their own work. But equipped with effective methods and techniques, you can edit with confidence.

Mastering hundreds of grammar rules is not necessary to becoming a good editor. Know the clues that reveal where your writing needs work, and you can sharpen what you write so it accomplishes exactly what you want. This chapter gives you the groundwork.

Changing Hats: Going from Writer to Editor

The writer and editor roles reinforce each other.

check.png In writing, you plan your message or document based on what you want to accomplish and your analysis of the reader (which I cover in Chapter 2), brainstorm content possibilities, organize logically, and create a full draft. Always think of this piece as the first draft because every message, whatever its nature and length, deserves editing and will hugely benefit from it.

check.png In editing, you review your first draft and find ways to liven word choice, simplify sentences, and ensure that ideas hang together. You also evaluate the ‘macro’ side: whether the content and tone deliver the strongest message to your audience and help build relationships. (I cover all this in Chapter 2.) Furthermore, as you make a habit of regularly editing your writing, your first-draft writing improves as well.

check.png In proofreading, you review your writing in nitty-gritty detail to find and correct errors – mistakes in spelling, grammar, punctuation, facts, references, citations, calculations and more as relevant to the material.

Don’t expect to discard the editing process down the line as you further refine your writing abilities. Professional writers never stop relying on their editing skills, no matter how good they get at their craft.

Improving your editing abilities goes a long way toward improving the impact of everything you write. The following tools and tricks make you a more capable and confident self-editor.

Choosing a way to edit

You have three main ways to edit writing. Try each of the following and see which you prefer – but realize you can always switch your editing method to best suit a current writing task or timeline.

Option 1: Marking up print-outs

Before computers, both writers and editors worked with ‘hard copy’ because it was the only choice. For about a century before computers, people wrote on typewriters, revised the results by hand, and then retyped the entire document. If you were reviewing printer’s proofs –preliminary versions of material to be printed – you used a shorthand set of symbols to tell the typesetter what to change.

These symbols offered uniformity; every editor and printer knew what they meant. Typing and printing processes have changed radically, but the marks are still used today and remain a helpful way for communicating text changes between people.

Tip.eps Many professional writers still edit their work on hard copy print-outs because onscreen editing strains the eyes and makes you more error-prone. You may find physically editing your copy with universal marks to be more satisfying; you have something to show for your editing efforts when you’re done. Editing on paper can help you switch over to the editor’s side of the table. Of course, you must then transfer the changes to your computer.

remember.eps Proof marks vary between the US and UK, and some organizations have special marks or special meanings.

Option 2: Editing onscreen

After you draft a document, you can simply read through it and make changes. Younger writers may never have considered any other system. You can substitute words, reorganize the material by cutting and pasting with a few mouse clicks or keystrokes. The down side to this method of editing is that you’re left with no record of the change process. (See the next section for a useful alternative.)

When maintaining a copy of your original text matters, save your new version as a separate document. Amend its name to avoid hassle later, in case a series of revised versions develops.

Tip.eps Keep your renaming simple yet specific. If the document is titled ‘Gidget article,’ title the edited version ‘Gidget 2,’ for example, or date it –‘Gidget 11.13.’ When you edit someone else’s document, tack on your initials: ‘Gidget.nc’ for example. Be sure your titling allows for easy identification of the various versions to avoid time-wasting confusion later.

Option 3: Tracking your changes

Most word-processing software offers a handy feature to record every change you make to the text in a document. In Word 2010, select Review, then Track Changes.

When you choose to track changes, all changes show up on the copy in a color other than black or in small text boxes off to the side (depending on your choice of screen view). Deletions appear as strikethrough text or off to the side.

The system takes some personal trial and error but provides a useful tool for your editing experiments.

When you’re tracking changes on an extensive edited document, you can end up with something quite complicated. You can spare yourself the nitty-gritty of every deletion and insertion by selecting to view as ‘Final’ with all your proposed changes included. You don’t lose your edits, they’re just hidden from immediate view.

When you finish editing, save a version that shows the revisions, then go back to the Review tab and choose ‘Accept or Reject Changes.’ Accept all changes, or go through your document section by section or even sentence by sentence. You emerge with a clean copy; save this version separately from the original. Proof the new version carefully because new errors creep in when you edit.

Tip.eps The Track Changes tool can help you improve your writing process and offers a way to share refinement stages with others when needed. (Numerous online tools, such as GoogleDocs, help you share document development.) But when you ultimately send the message to your audience, be sure your final saved version does not reveal the change process: Turn Track Changes off.

Distancing yourself from what you write

remember.eps The first step for a self-editor is to consciously assume that role. Forget how hard some of the material was to draft, or how attached you are to some of the ideas or language. Aim to judge as objectively as you can whether your message succeeds and how to improve it.

Your best tool to achieve this distance is the one that cures all ills: time. I suggest in Chapter 2 that for everything you write, allocate roughly one-third the available time to planning, one-third to drafting, and one-third to editing. But ideally, that last third isn’t in the same continuous timeframe as the first two stages.



Tip.eps Try to build in a pause between drafting and editing. Pausing overnight (or longer) is highly recommended for major business documents. If your document is really long or important, try to edit and re-edit in a series of stages over days or even weeks. Some copy, such as a website home page or marketing piece, may never be ‘finished.’ It evolves over time.

For short and/or less consequential messages, an hour or two between drafting and editing helps. A top-of-your-head email or text message that doesn’t seem important can still land you in a lot of trouble if you send it out without vetting. If an hour isn’t possible, just a quick trip to the coffee maker to stretch your legs can clear your mind and refresh your eyes.

So put the message away and then revisit it after a planned delay.When you return, you see your words with fresh eyes – an editor’s rather than the writer’s.

Reviewing the Big and Small Pictures

Your job when self-editing is to review what you wrote on two levels:

check.png The macro level: The thinking that underlies the message and the content decisions you made.

check.png The micro level: How well you use language to express your viewpoint and ask for what you want. (I talk about this in Chapter 5)

Assessing content success

Start your edit with a big-picture review, using the fresh eyes and mind you gain by putting the piece aside for a while.

tryit.eps Read through the entire document and ask yourself:

check.png Is what I want very clear from reading the message?

check.png Does the content support that goal?

check.png Is anything missing from my argument, my sequence of thoughts or my explanations? Do I include all necessary backup?

check.png Do I give the reader a reason to care?

check.png Do I include any unnecessary ideas or statements that don’t contribute to my central goal or that detract from it?

check.png Does the tone feel right for the person or group I’m communicating with?

check.png Does the whole message present ‘me’ in the best possible light?

check.png How would I react if I were the recipient rather than the sender?

check.png Are there any ways my reader can possibly misunderstand or misinterpret my words?

Tip.eps The initial editing challenge is to drill to the core of your message. If you followed the step-by-step process to create the document that I present in Chapter 2, check now that you met your own criteria and that every element works to accomplish your goal.

Your objective answers to these nine questions may lead you to partially or substantially revamp your content. That’s fine – there’s no point working to improve presentation until you have the right substance.

You may choose to do the big-picture revise right away, or plan for it and proceed to the second stage, the micro-level of editing: crafting the words. It’s much easier to make the language more effective when you know exactly what message you want to deliver.

Assessing the effectiveness of your language

You have two ways to get instant, objective feedback on how well you used language.

check.png Use a readability index. Most word-processing software can give you a good overview of the difficulty of any written piece. As Chapter 3 details, Word’s Readability Statistics box provides helpful information on word, sentence and paragraph length; the number of passive constructions; and the degree of ease with which people can read and understand your message. Use these statistics to pinpoint your word-choice problems.

tryit.eps check.png Read it aloud. Reading what you write aloud is a favored method for many writers. As you speak your writing quietly – even under your breath – you identify problems in flow, clarity, and word choice. Asking someone else to read your words aloud to you can put you even more fully in the listener role.

In addition to telling you whether you achieved a conversational tone (see Chapter 3), the read-aloud test alerts you to eight specific problems common to poor writing. I recommend solutions to four of these problems in Chapter 3.

check.png Problem 1: A sentence is so long it takes you more than one breath to get through it. Solution: Break it up or shorten it.

check.png Problem 2: You hear a monotonous pattern with each sentence starting the same way. Solution: Change some of the sentence structures so you alternate between long and short, simple and complex.

check.png Problem 3: All or most sentences sound short and choppy, which creates an abrupt tone and dulls the content. Solution: Combine some sentences to make the read smoother.

check.png Problem 4: You stumble over words.Solution: Replace those words with simpler ones, preferably words that are one or two syllables long.

The read-aloud method can reveal four additional challenges. I deal with each problem in greater detail in following sections, but here’s a quick overview.

check.png Problem 5: You hear yourself using an up-and-down inflection to get through a sentence. Solution: Make the sentence less complicated.

check.png Problem 6: You hear repeat sounds produced by words ending in -ize, -ion, -ing, -ous or another suffix. Solution: Restructure the sentence.

check.png Problem 7: You notice numerous prepositional phrases strung together. Solution: Change your wording to make fewer prepositions necessary.

check.png Problem 8: You hear words repeated in the same paragraph. Solution: Find substitutes.

remember.eps If you read your copy aloud and practice the fix-it techniques I prescribe in Chapter 3 and the following sections, you give yourself a gift: the ability to bypass grammar lessons. After you know how to spot a problem, you can use shortcut tools to correct it. Even better, track your own patterns and prevent the problems from happening.

Everyone writes with his or her own personal patterns. The better handle you gain on your own patterns, the better your writing, and the faster you achieve results.

Now for some detail on handling problems 5, 6, 7 and 8.

Avoiding telltale up-down-up inflection

‘Fancy’ words, excess phrases and awkward constructions force sentences into an unnatural pattern when read aloud. The effect is rather like the typical up-down-up-down inflection of the tattletale: I know who DID it.

tryit.eps Read the following sentence aloud and see what pattern you force on your voice:

All of the writing that is published is a representation of our company, so spelling and grammatical errors can make us look unprofessional and interfere with the public perception of us as competent businesspeople.

Simply scanning the sentences tips you off to its wordiness. This single sentence contains two phrases using ‘of,’ two statements with the passive verb ‘is,’ and three words ending in ‘-ion.’ They produce an awkward, wordy construction. Plus the sentence contains 34 words – far more than the average 18 I recommend – and more than five words have three or more syllables (see Chapter 3).

You don’t need to be a linguistic rocket scientist to write a better sentence. Just go for simple and clear. Break up the long sentence. Get rid of the unnecessary words and phrases. Substitute shorter friendlier words. One way:

All our company’s writing represents us. Spelling and grammar errors make us look unprofessional and incompetent.

After you simplify, you can often find a third, even better way to write the sentence. A third pass may read:

When we make spelling and grammar mistakes, we look unprofessional and incompetent.

Looking for repeat word endings

Big clues to wordy, ineffective sentences come with overused suffixes – words ending in -ing, -ive, -ion, -ent, -ous and -y. Almost always, these words are three or more syllables and French or Latinate in origin. Several in a sentence make you sound pompous and stiff. They often force you into convoluted, passive constructions that weaken your writing and discourage readers. (See ‘Moving from Passive to Active’ later for more on activating passive construction.)

Tip.eps Sprinkle these words throughout your written vocabulary but never let them dominate. Try for one per sentence, two at most. Avoid using a string of these words in a single sentence. Find these stuffy words either visually, by scanning what you write, or orally – read the material out loud and you’ll definitely notice when they clutter up your sentences.

In the following sections I show you examples of overly-suffixed wording and how to fix it. If you are unenthusiastic about grammar lessons, proceed happily: my goal is to help you develop a feel for well put-together sentences and how to build them. Once you notice problems you can correct them without thinking about rules.

The -ing words

Consider this sentence:

An inspiring new idea is emerging from marshaling the evolving body of evidence.

One short sentence with four words ending in -ing! Read it aloud and you find yourself fall into that up-down inflection. You can fix it by trimming down to one -ing word:

An inspiring new idea emerges from the evidence.

Here’s a sentence I wrote for this chapter:

Besides, there’s something more satisfying about physically editing your copy and using the universal markings.

I didn’t spot the five words that ended in -ing until my third round of editing! Once you see a problem like this, play with the words to eliminate it. Then check that it matches your original intent. I rewrote the sentence this way:

Besides, you may find it more satisfying to physically edit your copy with the universal marks.

remember.eps When you’re both the writer and editor, you’re doubly responsible for knowing what you want to say. Fuzzy, verbose writing often results from your own lack of clarity. So when you spot a technical problem, think first about whether a simple word fix will work. But realize that you may need to rethink your content more thoroughly. After you’re clear, a better way to write the sentence emerges, like magic.

If you edit someone else’s work, knowing the writer’s intent is harder. You may not understand what the author is going for, and then it’s all too easy to shift her meaning when you try to clarify. You may wish to ask the author how to interpret what she wrote. Or make the changes and as appropriate, check that they are OK with the writer. Don’t be surprised if he or she objects. The writer/editor relationship is often a tense and complicated one.

The -ion words

The following is cluttered with -ion words and incredibly dull:

To attract the attention of the local population, with the intention of promoting new construction, we should mention recent inventions that reduce noise pollution.

Reading aloud makes this sentence’s unfriendliness instantly clear. Also note that piling up lots of -ion words leads to a very awkward passive sentence structure.

The problem with too many -ion words can be way more subtle, as in this sentence from an otherwise careful writer:

Whether they are organizing large demonstrations, talking with pedestrians in the street, or gathering signatures for a petition, their involvement was motivated by the realization that as individuals within a larger group, they had the potential to influence and bring about change.

In addition to four words with the -ion suffix, the sentence also contains three ending in-ing. The result is a rambling, hard to follow, overly long sentence that feels abstract and distant. This sentence is challenging to fix. One way:

They organized large demonstrations, talked with pedestrians and gathered signatures. Their motivation: knowing that as individuals, they could influence and bring about change.

Does it say exactly the same thing as the original? Perhaps not, but it’s close. And more likely to be read.

Notice that after I cut down the -ion and -ing words, some of the cluttery phrases become more obvious.

check.png Of course, pedestrians are ‘in the street’ – so why say it?

check.png ‘for a petition’ and ‘had the potential’ are both overkill.

Tip.eps Always look for phrases that add nothing or offer unnecessary elaboration – and cut them. Your writing will improve noticeably.

The -ize words

Similarly to -ion and -ing words, more than one -ize per sentence works against you.

He intended to utilize the equipment to maximize the profit and minimize the workforce.

Tip.eps In fact, you rarely need these kind of Latinate words at all. In line with the principle of using short simple words as much as possible, shift utilize to use and maximize to raise. And you can more honestly state minimize as cut.

Modern business language keeps inventing -ize words, essentially creating new verbs from nouns. ‘Incentivize’ is a good example. Consider this quote from a government official that appeared in a newspaper article:

It would be a true homage to her memory if we are able to channelize these emotions into a constructive course of action.

Aside from the fact that ‘channel’ is better than ‘channelize’ for the purpose, note how made-up, long words are typically embedded in abstract, verbose thinking.

The -ent, -ly and -ous words

Words with these suffixes are usually complicated versions of words available in simpler forms.

A silly example that combines all these forms shows how using long words forces you into that unnatural rhythm, passive structure and wordy phrases full of unnecessary prepositional phrases.

Continuous investment in the pretentiously conceived strategic plan recently proved to be an impediment to the actualization and inadvertently triggered the anomaly.

warning_bomb.eps Unfortunately, much modern business writing is filled with convoluted language, clichés, and hyperbole at the expense of substance. When you try to edit some of it – -such as the preceding silly example – -you’re left with nothing at all. The fact that no one is impressed with empty writing, or likes to read it, doesn’t stop people from producing it. This is a mystery I can’t solve.

But I’m hopeful: Research is under way to correlate good writing and communication with the bottom line. Towers Watson, a global management consulting firm, conducts high-profile surveys on the financial impact of effective communication and the American Management Association is interested in the ROI-writing connection. Meanwhile the lesson is clear: Don’t write in empty business-speak – it won’t reward you.

Pruning prepositions

Tip.eps Another good way to reduce wordiness is to look for unnecessary prepositional phrases – that is, expressions that depend on words like of, to and in. Here are a few examples along with better alternatives.

Original: Our mission is to bring awareness of the importance of receiving annual checkups to the people of the community.
Revised: Our mission is to build the community’s awareness of how important annual checkups are.

Original: But it is important not to forget that you have to still use the rules of traditional writing.
Revised: But remember, you must still use traditional writing rules.

Original: He invested 10 years in the development of a system to improve the performance of his organization.
Revised: He spent 10 years developing a system to improve his organization’s performance.

Tip.eps Try any and all of the following to cut down wordy phrases

check.png Use an apostrophe. Why say the trick of the magician, when you can say the magician’s trick? Why write the favorite product of our customers, when you can write our customers’ favorite product?

check.png Use a hyphen. Rework the CEO’s fixation on the bottom line to the CEO’s bottom-line fixation.

check.png Combine two words and remove an apostrophe: The phrase build the community’s awareness can also read well as build community awareness.

Cutting all non-contributing words

Extra words that don’t support your meaning dilute writing strength. Aim for concise. Use the set of clues I describe in the preceding sections and zero in on individual sentence for ways to tighten. Here’s a case in point:

With the use of this new and unique idea, it will increase the profits for the magazine in that particular month.

Extra words hurt the sentence’s readability and grammar. Even though the sentence is fairly short already, it manages to jam in two prepositions (of and for), an altogether useless phrase (with the use of), and an unnecessary word repetition – new and unique. Of course, the sentence construction is confusing as a result. A better version:

This new idea will increase the magazine’s profits in that particular month.

An objective look at your sentences may reveal words and phrases that obviously repeat the same idea. Here’s a sentence I wrote for this chapter, which talks about editing hard copy from a computer print-out.

Of course, you must then transfer your changes to the original on your computer.

In context, the original document was clearly on the computer, so I cut the unnecessary phrase:

Of course, you must then transfer the changes to your computer.

Consider this explanation of how Track Changes works:

Now when you make a change, the alteration is indicated in a color and any deletion is shown on the right.

The rewrite:

Your changes then show up in color, and deletions appear outside the text on the far right.

The revision works better because it eliminates unnecessary words and with them, the passive construction of alteration is indicated and deletion is shown.



Tip.eps Take aim at common phrases that slow down reading. Substitute simple words. The words on the left are almost always non-contributors; choose those on the right.

Wordy

Better

at this time

now

for the purpose of

for, or to

in accordance with

under

in an effort to

to

in order to

to

in regard to

about

in the amount of

for

in the event of

if

in the near future

soon

is indicative of

indicates

is representative of

represents

on a daily basis

daily

Moving from Passive to Active

Most people write much too passively. They use far too many verbs that are forms of to be, which force sentences into convoluted shapes that are hard for readers to untangle. Worse, all those to be verbs make writing so dull that many readers don’t even want to try. I talk about passive verbs in context of writing in Chapter 3, but now I cover the topic from the editing angle.

Tip.eps Active verbs say everything more directly, clearly, concisely and colorfully. If you want to transform everything you write – quickly – pay attention to verbs and build your sentences around active ones.

Thinking ‘action’

Tip.eps Active voice and action verbs are not the same thing grammatically, but this isn’t a grammar guide. For practical purposes don’t worry about the distinction. Just remember to cut back on the following word choices:

check.png Is + an -ed ending: as in, Your attention is requested.

check.png Are + an -ed ending: as in, The best toys are created by scientists.

check.png Were + an -ed ending: as in, The company executives were worried about poor writers who were failing to build good customer relations.

check.png Was + an -ed ending: as in, The ice cream was delivered by Jenny.

check.png Will be + have + an -ed ending: as in, We will be happy to have finished studying grammar.

check.png Would be + an -ed ending: as in, The CEO said a new marketing plan would be launched next year.

The solution in every case is the same: Figure out who does what, and rephrase the idea accordingly:

check.png We request your attention.

check.png Scientists create the best toys.

check.png Company executives worry that bad writers fail to build good relationships.

check.png Jenny delivered the ice cream.

check.png We’re happy to finish studying grammar.

check.png The CEO plans to launch a new marketing plan next year.

Verbs endings with -en raise the same red flag as those ending in -ed. For example, I will be taken to Washington by an India Airways plane is better expressed as An India Airways plane will fly me to Washington.

remember.eps When you rid a sentence of to be verbs, you win a chance to substitute active present tense verbs for boring, passive past tense ones. Many professionals work this tactic out on their own through years of trial and error (trust me on this). Writing in the present tense takes a bit more thought at first but quickly becomes a habit. Use present tense everywhere you can and see your writing leap forward in one giant step.

Tip.eps Look closely at all your sentences that contain is, are and the other to be verbs. See whether an action verb can bring your sentences to life. Often you can use the present tense of the same verb:

He is still a pest to the whole office about correct grammar.

is better stated as,

He still pesters the whole office about correct grammar.

At other times, think of a more interesting verb entirely:

She is intending to develop a surprise party for the boss.

is more engaging as,

She is hatching a surprise party for the boss.

Trimming ‘there is’ and ‘there are’

Tip.eps Big-time culprits in the passive sweepstakes are the combinations there is and there are. This problem is easy to fix – just commit never to start a sentence with either. Keep away from there will be, there have been, and all the variations. Don’t bury them inside your sentences, either.

Check out the following examples and improvements:

Original: There were 23 references to public relations in the report.
Revised: The report cited public relations 23 times.

Original: There is a helpful section called “new entries” at the top of the page.
Revised: A helpful section called “new entries” appears at the top of the page.

Original: It’s expected that in the future, there will be easier ways to communicate.
Revised: We expect easier ways to communicate in the future.

In every case, using an active verb does the trick, and almost all reworked sentences are in the present tense.

Cutting the haves and have nots

Like the to be verbs, using the various forms of the verb to have signals lazy writing. Find substitute words as often as possible. A few examples and possible rewrites:

Original: He said he had intentions to utilize the equipment he had been given by the company.
Revised: He said that he plans to use the equipment the company gave him.

Original: We have to make use of the talents we have.
Revised: We must use our own talents.

Using the passive deliberately

Despite all the reasons for minimizing passive sentences, passive verbs are not ‘bad.’ You need them on occasions when the ‘actor’ is obvious, is unknown or unimportant, or is the punchline. For example:

The computer was developed in its modern form over a number of years.

After long trial and error, the culprit was finally identified as the Green Haybarn.

You can also make a case for using the passive voice when you need to frame a message in terms of you rather than we or I. When writing to a customer, for example, you may be more effective to begin,

Your satisfaction with the product is what we care about most.

Rather than,

We care most about your satisfaction with the product.

The second statement gives the impression that ‘it’s all about us.’ Of course, don’t write an entire letter like the first opening – just the first sentence.

The passive is also useful when you don’t want to sound accusatory. The bill has not been paid is more neutral than You failed to pay the bill.

Sidestepping Jargon, Clichés and Extra Modifiers

Relying on words that have little meaning wastes valuable message space and slows down reading. Over-used expressions also dilute impact, and ‘insider’ language can confuse ‘outside’ readers. Jargon, clichés and unhelpful adjectives are hallmarks of unsuccessful business writing.

Reining in jargon

Almost every specialized profession has its jargon: terminology and symbols that shortcut communication and in some cases, make group members feel more professional and ‘inside.’ If a physicist is writing to other physicists, she doesn’t need to spell out the formulas, symbols and technical language. Her audience shares a common knowledge base.

Similarly a lawyer can write to colleagues in the peculiar language he and his peers mastered through education and practice. A musician can exchange performance notes with other musicians in a way that means little to non-musicians.

warning_bomb.eps The risk arises when people talk or write to anyone other than fellow-specialists and use inside jargon. You forget that the general public does not share your professional language. If, for example, you’re a scientist who needs to explain your work to a journalist, report on progress to company executives, order supplies, negotiate employment or chat at a party, you’re best avoiding scientific jargon entirely.

remember.eps Outside of specialized fields, we are all generalists. We want to be addressed in clear simple language we can immediately understand. Judging by their messages to clients, many attorneys and accountants are among those who forget this basic principle – or perhaps no longer remember how to communicate in plain English.

But business writers face an additional challenge. A specialized, jargon-laden language flourishes full of buzzwords that means little – even to those who use it. For example, a technology company states in a publication:

These visible IT capabilities along with IT participation in the project identification process can drive the infusion of IT leverage on revenue improvement in much the same way as IT has leveraged cost cutting and efficiency.

What does it mean? Who knows? All too often, corporate writers string together a set of buzzwords and clichés that communicate little beyond a reluctance to think.

warning_bomb.eps Of course, sometimes a writer or organization deliberately chooses to bury a fact or a truth behind carefully selected words and phrases. Then you might argue that a message built on empty business jargon works well. But I don’t recommend deliberately distorting the truth, writing without substance, or masking either situation with bad writing. Doing so just doesn’t work, and it may boomerang. This widely-circulated Citigroup press release made the bank look ridiculous:

Citigroup today announced a series of repositioning actions that will further reduce expenses and improve efficiency across the company while maintaining Citi’s unique capabilities to serve clients, especially in the emerging markets. These actions will result in increased business efficiency, streamlined operations and an optimized consumer footprint across geographies.

Translation: We’re firing a lot of people to improve our numbers.

To avoid producing empty business-speak steer clear of words and phrases such as:

best practice

blue-sky thinking

boil the ocean

boots to the ground

core competency

drinking the Kool-Aid

from the helicopter view

full service

optimization

over the wall

peel the onion

robust

scalable

shift a paradigm

take it to the next level

think outside the box

360-degree view

value proposition

vertical

world class

Tip.eps If you’re writing a press release, website or other promotional copy, check it for buzz-wordiness by asking yourself: Could this copy be used by any company, in any industry, to describe any product or service? If I substitute down-to-earth words for the clichés, does the message have meaning? Will my 17-year-old nephew laugh when he reads it?

Cooling the clichés

Jargon can be seen as business-world clichés. English, like all languages, has an enormous trove of ‘general’ clichés, expressions that are so over-used they may lose their impact. A few random examples that can turn up in business communication: All’s well that ends well, barking up the wrong tree, beat around the bush, nice guys finish last, a stitch in time, read between the lines.

Clichés are so numerous they often seem hard to avoid. Often they’re idioms, a way of shorthanding ideas, found in every language. They’re popular for a reason – they communicate a meaning in shorthand. And they can be used well in context. But I do suggest being on the lookout for any that don’t carry your meaning or trivialize it. Instead, say what you want more simply, or perhaps develop an original comparison, which I talk about in Chapter 3. And never forget that idioms and clichés are rarely understood by non-native English speakers, so try to avoid them altogether when writing to these audiences. I talk about this in Part IV.

Minimizing modifiers

The best advice on using descriptive words – adjectives and adverbs – came from the great 19th century American novelist Mark Twain.

I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write Englishit is the modern way and the best way. Stick to it; don’t let fluff and flowers and verbosity creep in.

When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don’t mean utterly, but kill most of them – then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are wide apart. An adjective habit, or a wordy, diffuse, flowery habit, once fastened upon a person, is as hard to get rid of as any other vice.

Twain wrote this advice in 1880 to a 12-year-old boy who sent him a school essay, but he’s right on target for today’s business communicators.

If depending on buzzwords and clichés is Sin #1 of empty business-speak, over-use of adjectives is Sin #2. Consider for example

The newest, most innovative, cutting-edge solution to the ultimate 21st century challenges…

What, another solution?

Tip.eps Adopt whenever possible the fiction writer’s mantra: Show, don’t tell. Adjectives generally communicate little. In fiction, and especially scriptwriting, writers must find ways to bring the audience into the experience so they draw their own conclusions about whether a character makes bad decisions, is unethical, feels ugly or pretty, is suffering pain, and so on.

In business writing, ‘show, don’t tell’ means giving your audience substance and detail: facts, ideas, statistics, examples – whatever it takes to prove they need your product or idea. Stating that something is innovative proves nothing. Adding an adverb, such as ‘very’ innovative, just multiplies the emptiness.

tryit.eps Take a piece of marketing or website copy, either your own or someone else’s, and highlightall the adjectives and adverbs. Then eliminate most or all of the words you identified. Examine what’s left. Does it say anything meaningful? If not, can you replace the copy with something real?

Welcome opportunities to replace empty rhetoric with substance! There’s no substitute for good content. Use good writing techniques (as presented throughout this book) to make that content clear, straightforward and lively.

In Chapter 5, I show you how to move from sentence building to create solid paragraphs, solve organization problems, use strong transitions, and fix the technical problems that typically handicap many business writers.



..................Content has been hidden....................

You can't read the all page of ebook, please click here login for view all page.
Reset
3.15.237.31