Desire for gain

The desire to gain wealth, recognition, acceptance, power, freedom, choices, wisdom, health, or honor are all huge motivators. Outward signs of prosperity are all around us. Being motivated to acquire wealth is not wrong. Wealth can provide security, comfort, self-confidence, freedom, and even generosity.

The danger comes in when it’s the motivation, not a motivation. I can say that there have been periods in my life that wealth was the motivation. Wealth had too much control over my reasons to take action. I think it’s easy to fall into this trap. It’s also easy to go overboard in the motivation to acquire the trappings of wealth, to focus on the new car, new house, and overall consumerism in pursuit of a wealth lifestyle.

If you are out of balance in your motivation, or if your motivation for wealth is not tempered with other key motivations, then when you achieve the wealth goals of life, you will go through a period of being out of focus and unmotivated. As you draw closer to wealth goals, it will become more difficult to motivate yourself because money or wealth will have less pull for you. You will need to reset, adjust, or increase your goals. You might shift your focus to giving the surplus wealth away.

NASA discovered in the 1970s that the astronauts who had reached the pinnacle in space travel, landing on the moon, were having motivation and assimilation issues back on earth. As they conducted interviews over a series of months and years, they discovered that because these astronauts had invested years, and some lifetimes, toward the goal of landing on the moon, they were having significant challenges establishing lofty new goals to push for. It actually makes sense, when you consider it. When you've gone to the moon and back, what could be a loftier goal than that? You have accomplished something that only a dozen human beings in history have accomplished, and none since 1972.

There are many people whose most significant motivation is power. Many of these people go on to create and run large companies. Many in our political system are in this camp as well. An elected official can also have the motivation to serve our community and nation, but there are a large number for whom power is their primary motivator.

Fear of loss

Fear is a real part of life. Fear has been a teacher and motivator since we were small. I have loved my father from an early age, but I also feared him. The proverbial “Wait until your father gets home” threat kept me on the straight and narrow — most of the time. I knew if I strayed off that path, the odds were, upon him getting home, a belt would be used on my bare backside. I am not advocating corporal punishment but merely relating an illustration that was a reality for many families not all that long ago.

Having realistic fears for realistic reasons can place boundaries and shape motivation. The fear of getting a poor grade drives a student to study more. The fear that we might have a second heart attack changes our eating and exercise habits. And there are healthy fears that are ingrained in us for survival purposes, like the fear you experience as you walk across a small ledge high in the air, or the fear you feel driving too fast on a slippery road.

Fear-based motivation is frequently shorter in duration because once the fear passes, the feared outcome is less of a threat. We can put our guard down. Fear is a temporary way to make us perform in a more motivated state.

Pain or pleasure

We are all wired to seek pleasure and also avoid pain. We have both of these motivation impulses inside of us. I have used both with clients whom I coach in getting people unstuck and into action. Let me share a few of my favorites.

Most of us have causes that we are for or against with significant passion. Think of the various political causes that cause people to march or protest. Find whatever elicits a passionate response in yourself, based on your values and beliefs, and can connect that with pain. Doing something that might benefit a cause you are against would be pain.

Let's say I'm working with a client to establish motivation and new habits, and that guy is an avid Democrat. We agree to a commitment level and activity level, and we decide what actions should be taken. He agrees that if he falls short, there is a pain action he is required to take. For example, he sends me a check for $100 or $500 made out to a Republican candidate or the Republican National Committee. If he falls short on his commitment, then I send the check. I actually have checks like this in my desk frequently. I can count on one hand the number of times, in 20 years of coaching, when I have had to mail them. The clients, because of the pain of contributing to something inconsistent with their values and believes, motivate themselves to action.

Using pleasure also works well for some of us. Creating pleasurable rewards, small or large, can motivate us to action. Give yourself an extra day off for hitting your sales goals for the month. Dangle the mani-pedi afternoon of pampering if you get the garage fully cleaned and organized by midday on Friday. Either pain or pleasure speaks to your motivation more deeply. There isn’t an absolute right or wrong, but figure out what works for you.

Increasing the power of your drivers

The power of motivation increases when you limit the options and choices. When you don't have the option of doing nothing, and when all other courses of action are untenable, then your motivation to take action increases.

Think of the heart attack patients who smoke, for example. They knew for years that smoking was bad for them before the heart attack. Now faced with no choice but to quit, backed up by the specter of death, it’s amazing how their willpower exceeds their won’t power.

The problem for most of us is that we rely on external influences to motivate us to operate or change. It’s not due to discipline actions or internal resolve. The frequently negative external consequences limit our choices. We get painted into a corner with no other option. That is when our willpower surges ahead of our won’t power.

Tying drivers to those you love

The most powerful driver in the world is love. It is the big why and the big motivator. The emotion of love will cause you to be more motivated in your behavior and actions because you're doing things for someone else. Most of us will never love ourselves as much as we love someone else. The love we feel for our kids and significant other can be a dominant driver in our motivation.

Joan and I tried for years to conceive a baby. We went through rounds of infertility shots, insemination, and invitro treatments to no avail. When the miracle of adopting Wesley just appeared out of nowhere, our years of prayers became a reality. I was emotionally at an all-time high. This story is pertinent because I connect those years of infertility struggle with subsequent positive action. Within a month of Wesley being born, I had opened a 529 college savings account for him. We have fully funded that account for 17 years straight. We did it through two recessions because of our love for Wesley and the desire for him to graduate college without the massive debt that most people start their work lives with. Removing that debt from his plate will give him an advantage in life that few enjoy. It will also allow us to not have to raid our retirement funds to pay for his or our daughter Annabelle’s college education.

Who do you love so much that you will get up early for them and stay late to help them? What actions can you take? Connect your love for them with your motivation to take action and you have a powerful combination.

The inducement

A carrot placed in front of a horse builds his anticipation of a treat. His eyes see the carrot but it’s just a few steps out in front. It’s the enticement of a reward that is just out of reach that can trigger the motivation to go take action. Most people need both long-term goals as well as short-term goals to create motivation. The promise of the payoff in the near future causes most people to begin.

Creating inducement rewards and even celebrations can increase motivation. If I have made any mistake in motivation, it has been too many long-term rewards and not enough short-term rewards. One of my big goals in life has been financial independence. It has been a large driver and motivator. The challenge with financial independence is it’s honestly a long way off. For even the most successful people, it’s a 20-year journey. Being motivated every day for 20 years is a high bar. You must also reward progress and the journey along the way.

The benchmark

Having benchmarks means placing markers in your pathway to success. It’s setting small rewards along the road when partial completion has been accomplished. You can use benchmarks for a project, relationship, earnings, or health. My counsel would be to set specific targets and timelines.

As I'm writing this chapter, I've decided that I'm going to reward myself with a walk outside after finishing this section on the three categories of motivation. When I finish the whole chapter later this evening, Joan and I will drop the kids off to go ice skating while we have a quiet dinner out. I am setting specific benchmarks and rewards.

The more we can reward ourselves with small but important rewards as we reach benchmarks, the more motivation we stir up in ourselves. Because we haven't fully completed the task but merely a benchmark, we must select a reward that has a small investment of time as well as small cost. I'll limit my walk to 15 minutes so that I can get right back at it. If I go for an hour, it’ll be too much time away from writing, and I run the risk of not completing the chapter today, which is the bigger objective.

This strategy works extremely well with children, even teenagers. Because kids look at the totality of a task or project, they are easily overwhelmed, which leads to demotivation. Most kids lack the skill to break a task down to benchmarks or smaller pieces. As the adult, we need to help them and create small rewards at benchmarks. Then mix in a little encouragement.

The reward

The reward is what we are really shooting for. We have crossed the finish line and completed a task or accomplished a goal. It helps to add drama, significance, celebration, or ceremony to achievement. We need to claim our rewards when they happen. We also need to slow down to enjoy and savor them. The process of savoring solidifies the accomplishment in your subconscious mind and builds your self-confidence. You'll want to have that feeling again and again.

The danger of motivation being kicked into hyper drive is that we never pause and savor. Once we accomplish whatever achievement we desire, we tend to cross that one off our list and cue the next one up to go after. Pausing to reflect and enjoy locks it in. It helps us avoid burnout, which leads to demotivation. Since I accomplished the benchmark of completing this section, it’s time for my walk, where I get to feel the sun on my face and observe nature’s beauty. It’s my reward of 15 minutes.

Behavioral style and motivation

Everyone reacts differently to any given situation. Say you’re in a meeting to hear the bad news that your company earnings are down. If I were there, I might demand facts, numbers, and possibly hurt some people’s feelings by my direct approach to finding the source of the problem. You might launch into a pep talk, pat the others on the back, and assure everyone that this is just a hiccup. Another attendee might latch onto a finance report, poring over every detail and attempting varying analyses. And someone else may simply sit calmly, taking in the responses of the others before speaking up.

These are examples of varying responses defined within a behavioral model known as the DISC model. According to the DISC theory, a widely followed behavioral model — adopted and modified by numerous behavioral-modeling programs — each person exhibits one or more of the following behaviors in varying degrees:

• A Dominant is motivated through competition, contests, and goal achievement.
• An Influencer is motivated through recognition and relationships.
• A Steady is motivated through harmony, peace, and persistence.
• A Compliant is motivated to plan and follow a process.

What motivates and drives people with these four behavioral styles is very different. Whichever style you have, you have to create systems and opportunities to drive you and reward you as you progress to success.

Identifying your DISC behavioral style

To be most effective in your efforts toward success, you must first understand yourself. Then you can figure out how to adapt your strategy and objectives in order to effectively reach success, both personally and professionally. To advance your career by using the DISC model, you must take one action step right now: Take the test!

To identify your primary behavioral style, go to the Sales Champions website, www.SalesChampions.com/FreeDISC, and take the free behavior-style assessment. It takes less than 10 minutes to answer the 12 questions, and you get the results, which pinpoint your behavioral style, via e-mail within minutes. This report points you in the right direction so that you can begin to use your behavioral style in your day-to-day life.

So how did it turn out? Did you say, “Yes, that’s me!” after reading the information? That’s the typical reaction of most people. Before diving deeper into DISC, you must rid yourself of two ideas before you make any wrong assumptions about people:

• No behavioral style is better than another. In truth, each style carries with it strengths and weaknesses, opportunities, and challenges.
• Most people exhibit a combination of behavioral styles, with one or even two commanding the mix (called primary behavioral styles). Very few people — less than 4 percent — score high in only one style.

A person’s primary behavioral style is the style with the highest score when using an assessment instrument. It’s the style that is most notable especially in pressure situations. The secondary DISC style influences behavior to a lesser degree.

I dissect each behavioral style in the following sections in this chapter. DISC was based on William Marston’s research on human behavior dating back to the early 1900s. DISC does not factor in education or experience. Having said that, I find it to be extremely accurate in the prediction of behavior and acts.

DISC has been well validated. One of my most vivid life experiences with DISC involves my oldest son, Wesley. At 9 months old, he started to talk, and he was soon using complete sentences. It didn't take long for us to realize that he was wired in the womb to be a High I (influencer). He has the classic yin and yang of a High I. On one hand, he can strike up a conversation with anyone and has a rare gift of verbal communication. A friend is merely someone he hasn’t met yet. On the other hand, he has the attention span of a flashbulb. We have long discussions about tools, systems, and strategies he must use to keep himself focused. Most people in the High I category are great starters but lousy finishers.

What makes the Dominant tick?

Dominants are bottom-line oriented. They thrive when they have a clear, tangible goal, and they’re in it — whether we’re talking sports, stardom, or sales — to win it. You find a lot of Ds in the sports world. Vince Lombardi’s famous quote of “Winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing” sums up life’s philosophy for a High Dominant person. Dominants also love a challenge and are enthusiastic when the challenge results in an “est” reward: the highest salary, the biggest corner office, and so on.

I remember watching a 60 Minutes interview a number of years ago. Cohost Ed Bradley asked golf mega-star Tiger Woods, “If we played ping pong, would you want to beat me?” Woods responded, “No, I would want to kick your butt!” Then Mr. Bradley said, “What if I won?” Tiger’s response was classic High D: “We would play again until I won.”

How does a D operate?

Dominants thrive on results, but how does that play out in their lives? Dominants are …

• Self-motivated, with a need to direct and control all situations that have an impact on them. They can prefer to work alone rather than serve as part of a team. And if they’re part of the team, they prefer to be the leader.
• Focused on the destination, working hard to achieve their goals and eliminating steps they consider unimportant. If you’ve ever said, “Don’t ask how I achieved it; only notice that I did it,” your core behavioral style is most likely that of a Dominant.
• Direct. Some would call them forthright, straightforward, or to the point; others would describe them as curt or brusque.
• Willing to work long and hard to make their plans happen. People with a D behavioral style get to the office early, stay late, and pay almost any price necessary to achieve the success that they desire.
• Quick in thinking and action and expect others they work with to be as quick. Your D boss wants to know your numbers; she’s impatient when you attempt to explain the hows and whys.

What’s the downside to Ds?

Fast thinking, fast talking, and fast acting, Dominants can easily overpower or intimidate others. Dominants are by nature direct, aggressive, and to the point. When aggravated by stress, the High D can come across as egotistical, arrogant, too fast, not caring, inattentive, and pressuring.

Dominants also tend to get bored easily and need the constant stimulation of a worthy challenge. In their efforts to control all factors that affect their success, Dominants often attempt to control other people as well, which can cause discord. The good news is that when the battle’s over, it’s over. No grudges, no rehashing. For a Dominant, it’s water under the bridge.

The High D has a primary fear of being taken advantage of. A High D must be convinced that he’s getting a fair shake or a good deal before he’s comfortable moving ahead. A High D also needs the straight story upfront. He’s the type who walks into a car dealership and says, “Give me your best price.” If he discovers that they didn’t give it to him at the get-go, he walks out. What's the High Ds' blind spot? His short fuse often has him exploding in anger. The fireworks go off, with little consideration for the aftermath, and sometimes he’s surprised when others seem cold after one of his outbursts.

What drives the I?

Influencers are people people. They enjoy working with groups as well as having one-on-one interactions. Influencers like a lot of attention, so in group dynamics, they tend to wind up angling for the spotlight. Being liked, being popular, and being recognized rank high with the I.

Optimism and can-do certainty make Influencers comfortable with the often high-pressure demands at work or home. Their unbounded enthusiasm and desire for personal glory helps them reach sales achievements — especially if it earns them a gold plaque on the wall for all to see.

High Is are also drawn to the newest, cutting-edge, trendiest, most-exclusive products, services, and experiences available. They feel it is part of their image and that it affects the way others see them. A High I wants to be recognized by other people for her purchase or sound decision.

An Influencer in action

An I is the easiest of the four behavioral types to identify. Even in the midst of a crowd, look for the most colorful, most vocal, most expressive of the flock, and you’ve found your I. Influencer’s command of language and strong verbal skills turn to his advantage in situations in which he must be persuasive. High Is are extremely social and personable.

One on one, Influencers exude the same amount of energy and optimism. They connect and build a high level of trust in others quickly and easily. For example, in your mind, replay some of the times you saw President Clinton on television. He’s certainly the classic High Influencer. I don’t think there has been as effective, friendly, persuasive, optimistic, and verbally persuasive of a politician in my lifetime.

Too much of a good thing?

High Influencers can be bigger than life and sometimes overwhelming. Under fire, a High I can appear scattered, showy, lacking substance, out of touch, verbose, too familiar, self-promoting, and unrealistic.

High Influencers are also often highly emotional. Feelings and emotions can influence their actions heavily — often to the detriment of objective clarity. Focusing on the details — filling in the paperwork and adding up the numbers — just doesn’t add up to a priority for an I. In fact, a High I may neglect most activities that don’t involve social interaction or “fun.”

Influencers tend to be trusting to a fault. They give their trust to people easily without checking all the facts.

What gets a Steady going?

Steadies live to serve. They’re driven to please and meet the needs of their family, friends, community, and job. They’re extremely loyal to the people around them and are always willing to give help and support. An environment of collaboration and cooperation is the most comfortable place for the S.

The High S develops deep, long-term relationships, and in business, they retain clients for years or even decades. They want to finish what they start and go through each step or stage of a project for their own fulfillment, as well as for their family, friends, or job.

Distinguishing a Steady

If you want to see a Steady, look for the Energizer Bunny. This type adheres to the established routing or cycle and keeps going and going and going. The predictable Steady sticks to the program, especially under fire.

Spotting High Steadies can sometimes be hard. They’re behind-the-scenes operators, steering clear of center stage and opportunities for attention. That doesn’t mean Steadies don’t like working with people. In fact, they’re very sociable, but in more of a what-can-I-do-for-you way, rather than a look-at-me way. Steadies treasure long-standing relationships and work hard to maintain them.

A High Steady is the type who sticks with her hairdresser of ten years — even though she’s less than dazzled with her recent haircuts. The High S possesses unlimited amounts of patience for people’s needs, wants, concerns, and hesitations. Although not dramatically emotive like the High Influencer, the Steady is empathetic and exudes a caring attitude.

Steady challenges

Although patience is a virtue, sometimes Steadies are steadfast to a fault, sometimes taking too long to make decisions or allowing their processes to hinder their productivity. Their lack of self-focus often translates to lack of self-confidence, and their discomfort with sudden change can paralyze them in times of upheaval.

The nature of the Steady is to proceed with caution when pressure increases. Steady people are likely to contain their emotions and react slowly to a threat. They’re uncomfortable with confrontation, especially if they sense a change in emotion on the person they are interacting with. A High Steady in extreme can be viewed as uncaring, uncreative, slow to act, unable to change, afraid, inflexible, hesitant, and unconcerned.

The High Steady craves harmony in all interactions. She wants everyone to get along, work together, and talk it out. If a High S senses friction, her inclination is to flee. But to those she’s connected with, a High S is a loyalist. Despite their strong commitments, High Steadies can come across as disengaged or uncaring because they tend not to express their emotions, and people may have a hard time reading them.

What puts a High C into gear?

High Compliants aren’t motivated by recognition, rewards, and other incentives. They are more internally motivated by quality. They’re there to compete with themselves based on the standard they’ve committed to meet. For High Cs, the focus is on the process and on achieving accurate and high-quality results.

In any endeavor, having a clear grasp of all the details is important to a High C. For example, a High C wouldn’t buy a new TV until he’s researched all the features and comparison-shopped with every store in town and on the Internet — even if it takes months.

High Cs thrive when they clearly understand the expectations and are given the time and resources to achieve accuracy and quality in their outcomes. They don’t demand the sort of control that a Dominant does, but they crave control over the factors that affect their results. They research thoroughly, wanting to take all risk out of the equation. They fear making a mistake.

How does a High C act?

Compliants, like Steadies, often fly under the radar. They can be quiet, reserved, and — although they’re agreeable to team situations — often found working alone. Compliants are meticulous planners. They’re polite and courteous in their approach. For a manager, Compliants provide the fewest problems in regard to following the rules, procedures, and paperwork.

High Cs need to follow the process and be clear on their objectives. Naturally reserved and painstakingly thorough, they become more so under pressure, especially if they’re being pressured to make a sudden change or break with the plan in any way. Under these circumstances, they turn to the procedures and carefully review the facts, the data, and the situation. High Compliants seek absolute accuracy. They often fear making the wrong decision and assess every situation thoroughly. High Cs often let their exacting nature lead to fear — a fear that they’ll make a bad decision.

When Compliants turn uncompliant

Considering their moniker, Compliants can be the most difficult, contrary, and uncompliant of the four types. In fact, High Cs are actually in compliance to a higher standard — one of thoroughness and accuracy at all costs. If they’re pressed to compromise in a way that betrays these standards, they can become just plain belligerent.

Compliants, like Steadies, can be resistant to change and slow to adapt, especially from what they believe to be the right process or system. At their worst, High Compliants are viewed as perfectionists, unyielding to change, overly questioning, too sensitive, slow moving, nitpicky, pessimistic, and not focused enough on the results.

Focusing on the power of personal development

Pursuing personal improvement or personal growth can be a big motivator. Being a better boss, spouse, or parent can fire up our desire and consequences. The striving to be the best version of ourselves possible and seeing the progress makes us feel better about ourselves. When we feel good about ourselves, our confidence and self-worth increases.

When we pursue improving our knowledge and skills, we increase our value to our company as well as the marketplace. We then gain the reward of more earnings and income because our value is enhanced. The new knowledge and skills are really new assets and tools that you can use for the length of your life. They even enable you to leave a broader, more valuable legacy to your children, friends, and associates.

When you engage in a focus of learning and growth, you start to formulate positive habits. The simple habit of reading each day for 30 minutes to grow and learn can lead to spectacular results of success. That 30 minutes each evening, repeated over a year, is 183 hours of reading time. The typical book can be read in 6 hours, so that’s better than 30 books read in a year.

Using your car as an auto-university, rather than listening to the radio, is life changing. When I started my personal development journey in earnest at the age of 29, I was never in my car listening to the radio. Instead, I had a cassette tape teaching me success, motivation, sales, wealth, finance, investing, time management, marketing, and many other success topics. That leads me to the next topic… .

Using activities to increase motivation

Drawing a line in the sand and taking physical action is a wonderful habit and great motivator. Doing something feeds your body and mind. Physically taking a walk around your neighborhood, biking along the river, or lifting weights can fire up your motivation to other actions. When you take physical action, it triggers your realization that you are responsible. If you are waiting around hoping to feel more motivated, there will be many times when that feeling does not show up. Even in the most motivated people, that feeling can’t be counted on to come. What they have done is connect in the habit of taking action. The first step in any action is a decision.

It can help to engage in actions and activities with others. As an example, let’s consider working out or exercising. If you engage a spouse, coworker, or friend, you will be likely to show up to avoid letting them down. I find for me, because I am a High D behavioral style, an exercise routine that enables me to compete is easier for me to maintain. Getting on the treadmill is less exciting than playing a match of squash against a worthy competitor. I love to win and get fit at the same time.

Getting motivated through loss and failure

We frequently will learn more from our failures than our successes. We learn how not to do something, which is usually vastly more valuable than how to do something. For all humans, making mistakes and errors is a normal occurrence of life.

Some of the greatest accomplishments have come out of the great losses. Candace Lightner established one of the most influential nonprofit organizations in the world, Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Candace lost her 13-year-old daughter, Cari, who was killed by a drunk driver. MADD has increased public awareness of the dangers of drunk and drugged driving, and its influence has been felt in the halls of Congress and state legislatures throughout the United States.

I was personally not the most successful, popular, or engaging kid in middle school. In fact, I was picked on, ridiculed, and made fun of relentlessly. It created in me toughness and resolve to ignore people who occupy the cheap seats in my life. It made me determined to be a success. What could be more validating personally in achieving success than being asked to write Success Habits For Dummies!

Increasing motivation through gratitude

We all have much to be grateful for in our lives. Just getting to the place of being born is a 1 in 400 trillion shot. The fact that you are actually alive to read this means you have overcome the longest odds that you will ever face. There will be nothing harder than actually being born. Be grateful at the opportunity of life. You are more than matter. You matter!

We can always find something to be grateful for. You might be going through a particular tough stretch financially or physically with your health. You might have an estranged relationship with a parent or a child. I would encourage you to look around and try to find a small thing to start a gratitude moment. Flip through a photo album and recall some fun moments you had with your family. Or at work, take a look around your office and remember those days when you had to work out of a cubicle next to someone who never stopped blowing her nose. It could be as simple as realizing you have good food on the table for today or this week. It could be how close you live to family and friends. Go outside and feel the warm sun on your face or walk outside and feel the crunch of the new snow or the warm sand on a beach.

If you are really struggling, go volunteer in a place where you’re guaranteed to run into people who are less fortunate than yourself. Serve a meal at a homeless shelter, help in a food pantry, or at your church. Volunteer to read at a school in an economically challenged area. There are countless people who have less than you do.

The ability to pause, meditate, and pray can also trigger gratitude. It can recalibrate our place and size in the world. For me, I know that God is in my corner and that He is much bigger than me or any of my problems. That triggers for me a mental awareness of gratitude. I recall this ancient text: “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” That gives me comfort in knowing I have help.

Using progress and completion for motivation

There is power in seeing movement toward completion of a task or goal. As we draw closer to completion, our motivation increases. If you have ever ridden a horse late in the afternoon, as you head back to the barn, when the horse realizes where you are going, he picks up his cadence. He knows his meal is not far off. The motivation for dinner grows with each step toward the barn. While we are not horses, the same is true for us humans as we approach completion.

Our brains need to see tasks completed. The completion triggers our feelings of self-worth, well-being, and accomplishment. Why not purposefully create those feeling first thing in the morning? One way to do that is to make your bed when you get up in the morning. That made bed signifies a completed task. As you walk by that bed, with its clean lines, crisp pillows, and lack of wrinkles on the comforter, you know you did that!