Relating to your team members

When you head a department or work unit, you are fully responsible for how the group interacts and operates. This carries some ramifications that all too many managers appear to forget. When you’re the boss, you’re the role model; don’t look for any vacations from that. How you treat people and communicate with them is echoed in how they interact with each other. Remember also:

• You’re always in the spotlight. People are intensely aware of any perceived unfairness, inconsistency or favoritism on the boss’s part.
• You set the standards for level of commitment and respectful behavior. Hard work, courtesy and consideration are contagious when coming from the top. At the same time, you must hold your team accountable.
• You establish value. People naturally strive to perform in ways they observe the boss to value — if you write well, for example, they typically write more carefully, too.
• What you say and what you write may be given far more weight than you credit or intend. Careless statements can have unintended consequences. Remember all those movies where a VIP said, “If only Smith wasn’t around to bug up the works …”?
• Your communication style affects what your employees choose to share with you and how honest they will be. It affects to what degree they’ll express their true opinions and contribute ideas.
• Your tone in communicating has lasting impact. A badly thought-out or mean-spirited message may negatively affect your whole unit, while positive messages inspire and motivate.

Here’s an important corollary of the foregoing principles: Your responsibility as a manager requires you to control your own feelings and short-sighted reactions. Professional entertainers are never allowed to have a bad day and neither are you. If you want to be respected, letting negative emotions like anger, frustration, pettiness or bad moods rule will always work against you. The boss is key to the whole spirit of our work environment. We need them to be positive, confident, enthusiastic and cheerful so we can feel secure and supported.

Taking account of the ideas you’re absorbing in this chapter and others, build a written persona for yourself as a supervisor — the supervisor you want to be. Describe the temperament, personality, management and communication style you aim for. How can you create and maintain trust? Communicate expectations? Improve subordinate performance? Show support and reward good contributions? Think about why the best boss you ever had was effective and about the qualities you didn’t like in others. This exercise gives you a vision for yourself to channel into your everyday work life and yes, with a little trial and error it will become real, and reward you nicely.

Some of the best advice I’ve heard is that whatever the work, aim to build a team around yourself. Never get so lost in the numbers, pressures or urgencies that you forget this basic commitment or run out of time to handle it. Use everything you write to foster good feelings and commitment.

Set the stage for yourself by looking at your staff members as individuals. Build a profile for each key person with the tools presented in Chapter 2. Take special account of what motivates each person, their strengths and aspirations, and how they relate to the team. Rather than act on assumptions, ask each person about how they prefer to be communicated with and any considerations they feel important to share. In some firms, new employees are asked to cover this in a written document.

Creating personal profiles of those under your authority gives you a super tool for deploying your forces well and promoting team spirit. Look for strengths and cherish the differences. The better you know your team, the better you can frame your written messages to each person as well as the full group. Let’s look at some general guidelines.

Writing to inspire and motivate

The harder your staff works, the more you accomplish, the better you do your job and the more kudos you gain. What’s not to like? Many ways of motivating people come down to surprisingly basic ideas. But they are so often ignored that it is easy for you to absorb them and stand out. Here are some ideas to guide the content of your messaging:

• Communicate a positive vision. Every team member should know the goals of the organization, department and unit they work within, and what success looks like and how the team is to achieve it. Knowing how your own work fits into the big picture is motivating and helps everyone do their jobs better.
• Share information regularly. People like and need to know “what’s going on.” An industry trend? A new edict coming down from on high? Tell your staff as much as you can ASAP, and what it means to them. If people know they can depend on you to share important news, you diminish opportunities for gossip and wild surmise.
• Make the most of good news — and don’t hide bad news. If you’re recognized for an achievement that took a team, share the glory and celebrate. If there’s bad company news, tell it. The news will come out anyway so share it early rather than late to maintain trust.
• Stay positive and upbeat in all your communication. If asked, most people will tell you that having an even-tempered, cheerful boss makes their lives hugely better. Upbeat communication projects that you like your job, know you do it well and expect the best from everyone. Extend trust and most often, people will be trustworthy.
• Be clear on what you want and what you expect at every turn. Each person should understand their role and how it fits into the unit and organization, as well as how they are expected to behave and interact. Hold staff members accountable. Beyond keeping people on track, this helps them feel valued and encourages them to aim high.
• Actively encourage your staff to share their own information, ideas and suggestions. Everyone complains about writing reports, but if your staff includes more than eight people or so, how else will you know what’s going on? Respond to helpful reports, and in conversation, listen!
• Show appreciation often: for work well done, an over-and-above contribution and good writing! People repeat and amplify behavior that brings praise, while an unacknowledged good deed may remain a lonely one. Give credit as due rather than appropriating it for yourself. Demonstrate your team is valued by meeting one-on-one with members, regularly if possible.

Keep in mind that good communication is a two-way street. Technology has changed us: We expect to interact online, not just read, and we want to contribute ideas and opinions and be heard, rather than just listen and follow orders. People want to be part of the action rather than just recipients of information from on high. Practice the old one-way-trickle-down style (colorfully called “cascading”) at your own risk. Your most valuable people will not put up with it.

Being an active and knowledgeable member of the team is especially important in managing Millennials and Gen Z’ers (Chapter 2). They value “the experience,” chances to learn and knowing the why of everything. Such opportunities are more important than money to many young people, and they may quickly disappear themselves if kept on the periphery. So, stay on the lookout for opportunities to encourage active participation. And consider the idea of training programs for your team, and perhaps for individuals to help them develop a useful skill. This benefits your mission and is usually deeply appreciated.

Let’s try these concepts out first with messages no one likes to write: bad news.

Delivering bad news

Suppose the head of technology, Hal, has been told that poor company profits for the past quarter mean there will be no raises this year. He’s been given a lot of profit-and-loss (P&L) statistics, but not much else to help explain the situation to his department. He knows that top management came close to cutting staff and will no doubt consider doing so should company performance not soon improve. He must break the news to his ten-person team.

First consideration: Should Hal deliver the news in person or in writing? When the news is bad, or you must criticize, always consider face-to-face interaction first. People often feel it’s cowardly to hide behind a written message in business — and they’re right, just as it’s cowardly to break off a personal relationship with a Snapchat post.

On the other hand, in many negative situations, a written message can be a good opener. It enables you to think through the facts and their meaning, and communicate them in a more controlled way that helps readers digest the information before reacting, or overreacting.

In this case, Hal’s goal is to deliver the unwelcome news and minimize the bad feelings it will naturally produce. He considers his audience and his team members’ probable responses. This mental scan suggests that probably at least one person will respond with quick anger that will infect everyone else and set a bad tone for a conversation. Emotions are communicable! He envisions the whole group dwelling on the injustice of it all, making the situation worse.

Hal’s decision: Communicate the basic message in writing and follow-up face to face, with a short delay that gives everyone time to absorb the news and come to the meeting with relatively open minds.

Try This: Write the message. Before reading the following version of the memo Hal might write, think about how you would write it. How would you generate a positive outlook without sacrificing honesty? Then read this version:

• Subject: Next year salaries and planning
• Dear Ellen, Jerry, Marsh, Quinn, Larry, Jackson, Emery, Jenny, Bob, Sue:
• At the Leadership Team meeting yesterday, I learned that the company will award no salary increases for the coming year. This decision was reluctantly made by top management because our Q4 earnings fell 7%, in large part because the Mister Magic launch fell well below expectations.
• The decision-makers could alternatively have chosen to make up the deficit with layoffs. While we all feel justifiably disappointed not to receive raises, I for one am grateful that the decision was to maintain full employment. So, none of us is now at risk, and we need not fear for our colleagues, nor worry about extra work burdens falling upon us.
• I can also share that this year will see three new product launches. Our decision-makers are hopeful that results will be strong, the P&L picture will rebound, and we’ll all reap the rewards down the line. I’m optimistic — but I can’t tell you that we should be complacent.
• What can our team do at this juncture?
• I see a real opportunity for us to prove our value on a broader scale. My idea is that in the coming months, we could push ourselves to move above and beyond our own territory. I would love to see us share our project management know-how with other departments and help them adapt our systems to improve their own productivity. This helps the whole company, of course, and gives us a chance to spread the word on how valuable our work is and how well we do it.
• Let’s meet on April 10 to brainstorm ideas. At that time, I’ll also reserve 10 minutes to talk about the wage freeze and answer any questions to my best knowledge. I’ll share the P&L statements if you want to see them.
• Meanwhile, please think about my plan and bring your best thoughts to the brainstorming. Let’s identify departments that can benefit from our practices and create a preliminary plan of action.
• I’m proud of the team we’ve built together, and I believe we can use our combined skills to contribute more and be valued more. —Hal

Why it works: Hal takes the “us” perspective throughout — we’re a team and we’re all in this together — but there’s no question about who is in charge. He strategizes his content and writing style to accomplish the goal and uses a matter-of-fact, low-key tone. The message acknowledges that readers will feel unhappy, but doesn’t dwell on it. He makes the likely assumption that people will not much be interested in the P&L statements, so gives that a light reference that he will supply the material if wanted. He spends the most time framing the bad news in a more positive light by:

• Conveying confidence in the company: He points out that decision-makers could have made a less humane and acceptable choice, firing people, which suggests that the company cares about employees.
• Creating a silver lining: Hal tells his people that though things are not as they would wish, they’re okay — and moreover, they can help underwrite their own prospects by pitching in above and beyond now.
• Reframing his team’s attention from the inevitable “so unfair” complaints into an action possibility: The idea that as a team, they can work to demonstrate their value is energizing and sets a positive tone for a think-tank session.

In such situations, it’s important to create a perspective shift without misleading people or offering false assurances. In many instances, it might seem hard to find a silver lining — but with a little creativity, you may be surprised at how often you do.

When people are hit with unwelcome news or a poor result, our tendency is to think “why?” For example, “Why didn’t management plan better so the product launch would succeed and we could get our raises?” Or on a personal level, “Why didn’t the boss pick me for this great assignment?” “Why” questions have their place in challenging you to think beyond the obvious, but resist letting them generate time-consuming, dead-end analysis.

Switch “why” to “how” and you automatically set your mind to action mode: figuring out practical ways to address the problem. Hal’s memo did this for his team members by orienting them to see how they could help remedy the company challenge and improve their own prospects. If you aren’t picked for an assignment or job you want, ask yourself “How can I show the boss (or recruiter) that I’m ideally qualified next time?” Then map out a plan.

Notice that Hal’s message puts the bad news right up front — bottom line on top applies to bad news just as it does to cheery news. Delivering an unwelcome message in a “sandwich” framework used to be popular. For example, “We have really liked working with you. Unfortunately, we’re not renewing your contract. But we had some good times together, right?”

Today’s readers don’t react well to such tiptoeing. Get the bad news done and then move on to some kind of mitigation, insofar as possible. It must be genuine, or don’t do it at all. For example, if you’re turning down a job candidate who’s jumped through all your hoops, you might end with, “Here is the contact information of someone who I believe might like to know about your skills,” or “We’ll hire a new set of interns in August and would be glad to review your application again at that time.” Such information means infinitely more than, “We had so many great candidates but could only choose one.”

What if you have 1,000 applicants to turn down, or just don’t have anything helpful to say? Then just close simply but firmly. “Thank you for applying. We very much appreciate your interest in our company.”

Even worse than the sandwich technique is trying to obscure bad news in a torrent of irrelevant information, or news that’s good for people other than the reader. The CEO of a major international corporation made a fool of himself a few years ago by announcing big layoffs in an email that meandered on for seven pages about the company’s great future, then got around to announcing that a whole division was eliminated in the interest of this rosy future. Outraged employees immediately hit their share buttons and the whole world jeered.

The CEO overlooked this book’s governing principles — know your audience, know your goal and strategize content within that frame. In announcing layoffs or other news that is calamitous to some, those at the top may forget that these messages have multiple audiences each with their own direct self-interest.

If you fire 500 people, whether in writing or in person, what’s the message to all the colleagues you hope to retain? Your goal for the laid-off folks should be to minimize their distress and hatred of you as a callous employer. Those slated to remain need to know that the company isn’t going under, and there’s good reason to stick with it and soldier on. The general public and media are only a click away, so you’re inevitably delivering the message to them as well. Therefore, you need to demonstrate that the firm is on solid ground, has made a difficult but valid decision and isn’t unfeeling toward those losing their jobs.

Try This: Think the message through. If you’ve been faced with a challenge like this or can imagine one in the future, use this approach: Combine the goal-plus-audience strategy (Chapter 2) with the talking points technique (Chapter 9). Here’s how it might work if you’re responsible for telling those 500 people they’re out of work:

1. Define your audiences.

   Your primary audience is the 500 people you’re laying off. Your secondary audience is the remaining staff and everyone they might share the message with (the board, the media, the public, stockholders, creditors, competitors).

2. Define your goals.

   Inform the 500 people that they are unemployed soon as sympathetically as possible. Reassure the remaining staff that the company is in good shape and that their jobs are currently secure and they will not be adversely affected. Reassure the other audiences and in doing so, avoid any suggestion that the company is unfeeling or vulnerable.

3. Brainstorm to create talking points.

   The talking points for this situation may be:

   • Decision was made by the CEO and Executive Leadership Team
   • They regret the need for making the cut
   • Reason: closing down of unprofitable division that is behind the times technologically
   • Remaining staff are secure in jobs but must pull together
   • Each laid-off employee will receive a generous severance package reflecting service time
   • The company is retaining a career counseling firm to help identify new opportunities for all the laid-off workers and counsel them one on one

Once you’ve articulated your audiences and clarified what you need to accomplish, the talking points give you good substance to work with. Here’s one way to use the points:

• Dear ____:
• I am sorry to share that the AeroWing Division will cease operation April 3 of this year, and that all division staff will be laid off. We highly value your nine years of service and regret that we will not be able to continue employing you as of that date.
• I made the decision in close consultation with the Executive Leadership Team. We are responding to the division’s steady decline over the past five years, primarily because this product has been technologically outpaced by new competitors. We’ve concluded that unfortunately, the company is unable to support these losses and further invest in this arena at the expense of our other product lines, which continue to grow.
• We want to offer you as much support as we can at this time. You will receive a compensation package reflecting your time with Aero that I believe you will find generous. The Talent Management Office will shortly contact you to arrange a personal consultation.
• Also, we are retaining a professional firm, BetterNextTime, to provide every member of the AeroWing team with one-on-one counseling. Ten counselors will work on-site for six months to help everyone affected find appropriate opportunities, and their full resources will be available to help you with your next career step.
• I hope you will accept my personal good wishes for your every future success, and my appreciation for all your contributions to a division in which we will always feel enormous pride.
• Sincerely,
• Jack
• John C. Berry, CEO

Why it works: The CEO and Executive Leadership Team take responsibility for the decision, and the CEO delivers the message in his own name. This may seem like a small point, but taking ownership matters to people. What is more annoying than bad news delivered in statements such as, “It was decided that …”?

The tone is low-key and matter of fact, but also somewhat formal, which is befitting the subject matter. The CEO expresses sympathy to an appropriate degree; going overboard with warm feelings would accomplish little and might be taken as hypocritical. The bottom-line reason for the layoffs is clearly stated in a way that doesn’t involve other parts of the company. The primary audience can’t argue with the numbers, and few will be interested in more detail.

Secondary audiences, such as the media and stockholders, may well want to see the financials, however, and the company would be wise to have backup material ready. More detailed information should also be tailored for a set of press releases, announcement on the company website and other channels this company uses to communicate with its full range of stakeholders.

Writing with the structured approach I recommend always helps you think more analytically. In considering “audience” for this sample message, until I wrote the organized list, I overlooked the importance of stockholders, creditors and the company’s board of directors. Major clients might also need more tailored messages, as well as strategic partners and government agencies. If the organization is a nonprofit, a major announcement should be directed to supporting foundations, private donors and volunteers. This suggests a broad principle.

When you’re responsible for communicating with a number of audiences, don’t forget them in reporting on an important event. Identify each audience and brainstorm how to customize the message for each: content, level of detail, language, tone. Keep WIIFM in mind — what’s-in-it-for-me.

And, know how to reach every audience. Board members may need hand-delivered information packets, different employee groups may prefer social media or email or printed memos, stockholders probably want a letter from the CFO. All too often, organizations unintentionally focus on communicating with a few audiences via their traditional channels and overlook other venues more likely to reach other audience segments. (For a simple way to analyze and categorize your audiences, and cross-match them with the right channels, see Chapter 8.)

Here’s proof that how you write a message matters a lot: Research indicates that effectively handling bad news messages, such as announcing layoffs, makes a difference in how people react and what they remember. Follow-up studies show that departed employees who felt respectfully treated and understood the business situation harbored little or no bad feeling toward the company. Those who feel they were treated carelessly remained angry — and found many ways to share that resentment.

Writing good news messages

Certainly, it’s a whole lot nicer to share good tidings, but you may have found that in fact, positive messages are difficult in their own way. But “thank you,” “good work,” and “congratulations” belong in the good manager’s portfolio, and this writing skill should be exercised often.

Many supervisors dwell on the need to criticize rather than offer messages of appreciation. But in many instances, appreciation is a better way to encourage behavior we want and wean people away from what we don’t want. Most employees aim to please their bosses and live up to expectations or exceed them. All too often, the problem is that supervisors fail to adequately communicate what they want! Many employee surveys highlight this destructive gap.

Writing is an ideal tool for making this connection. It feels more official and special when you deliver a written compliment rather than a spoken one, which is fleeting, and may not in the moment be well expressed.

The key to composing good thank-you and job-well-done notes is specificness. It’s easy to orient yourself to be specific if you apply the goal-plus-audience framework. Suppose your subordinate, Allie, has done a good job preparing a slide deck for your client presentation. You know a thank you is in order. Off the top of your head, you might say,

Hi Allie, Thanks so much for the slide deck, show went well. —Chuck

But this is short-sighted. If you more deeply consider your main goal — to encourage future good work — you’d probably see the challenge more concretely:

• Reinforce Allie’s enthusiasm for such assignments.
• Acknowledge her extra effort — she worked on this over the weekend.
• Help her feel she’s a valued member of the team.
• Help her feel good about working for me.

Here’s one way of meeting these goals:

• Dear Allie,
• I presented the show last night, and it went very well! I noticed that Bob, the prospect’s division head, smiled all the way through, and 20 minutes of good Q&A about our campaign ideas followed. It’s too soon to say if the account is ours, but I’m happy that we gave it our best shot.
• So, thanks for helping me do that. You pulled the deck together on a tight deadline and translated the packaging ideas into effective visuals. The transitions you came up with tied it all together nicely.
• Glad to have you on my team. —Chuck

Does this message sound like overkill? As always, adapt the ideas to your own style and comfort zone. You don’t need to write notes like this every day, of course. But observe what a few minutes of planning accomplishes. In telling Allie exactly what she did well and the results this helped achieve, Chuck shows Allie she is valued as a contributing member of the team; her hard work is appreciated by the person who matters most, her boss; and that boss is a great person to work for. Remember, relationship-building is an underlying goal for every message (see Chapter 2).

As Allie basks in feeling appreciated, her motivation can only grow. Will she work even harder to earn further praise? Put in extra time as needed? Come up with more creative ideas? Probably. Well-delivered praise is the best available way that you, as a manager, can promote alignment with staff members and assure that future work is outstanding. But it only works when it’s specific and concrete.

Criticizing with kindness

It falls to the manager’s lot to coax team members to meet standards and perform better. Many supervisors are uncomfortable with this demand, but it’s essential to the role. The good news is that often you can accomplish your goals with a positive approach.

When I began presenting workshops early in my career, I realized that often when someone gives a speech, or reads an assignment to the group, the prospect of feedback terrifies them. Although group input was always meaningful, at times people were unthinkingly (or thinkingly) cruel in their responses. The result was hurtful rather than helpful.

I stumbled across two techniques that mitigate these harmful interactions. First, invite the spotlighted person to review their own performance with a question such as, “How do you think you did? Anything you’d want to do differently next time?” Next, require that the group deliver only positive comments. When everyone engages in looking for the good, strengths are highlighted, plus opportunities to improve surface naturally without hurt feelings.

If you’re reviewing an activity or initiative in a one-on-one meeting, you first might ask, “What did you feel went well with the project?” Or bigger picture, “How would you evaluate yourself (or your experience here) over the past six months?” Follow up with, “What do you think you could have done better?” And perhaps even, “What do you need that would help you do better?”

Written messages, obviously, lack this back-and-forth potential. But the non-blaming spirit of the idea applies. Suppose Allie had not done a good job on her slide deck assignment. You didn’t like all the visuals, the transitions were uneven, the flow was shaky, whatever. You need to hold her accountable, yes, but the overarching goal is for her to improve next time. Delivering all this negativity in writing might crush her initiative and confidence, which is counterproductive to your own interests.

Considering this, you might write:

• Allie, I appreciate that you got the show done on such short notice. I know that was tough.
• However, I had some problems with the deck. Some of the visuals were off-target and the transitions were rough in places. Let’s talk about this so we’re in closer alignment next time. Does Tuesday at 10 a.m. work for you? —Chuck

A brief message with not a lot of detail does the job better in this case. Unlike when you deliver compliments, when it comes to criticism, reviewing specifics often is best accomplished in a private conversation rather than in writing. The foregoing memo to Allie prepares her for a thoughtful discussion aimed at helping her improve.

You may need a “nudge” memo that is stronger, according to your judgment of the person and situation. Here’s an example:

Gwen, you edited the workplan, but you missed a lot. I would have expected you to ask questions if some of the material was unclear to you. Here’s my own rewrite — let’s discuss.

An important exception to this less-is-more approach is when you need to create a written record of insufficiencies, such as for legal documentation. Then write in excruciating detail. A lawyer or HR person is probably available to give you these guidelines.

Writing requests and giving orders

The same principles of thoughtful communication apply when you assign work. Routinely see everyday messages as building blocks toward better performance and good relationships. Which request in each of the following memos would you prefer to receive from your boss?

Memo 1:

Jake, here’s the material for the Collins report. Due date Wednesday, no fail! Better, get it on my desk Tuesday for review. Thnx.

Memo 2:

• Jake:
• Here’s everything you need for the Collins report. I believe all the sections are covered, but please take a look at the attachments and let me know ASAP if you find anything missing.
• This is high priority, and I count on you to get the full draft to me Tuesday. Then I’ll do a quick review for delivery to the client on Wednesday. If you run into any problems call me, day or night.
• I know this deadline is tight. Thanks for pitching in.

The second message tells Jake why he’s doing the work on short notice and that it’s a contribution to the team. He feels respected and included. Who doesn’t want to feel that way? When I talk about this in workshops, often someone says, “But that’s my assistant’s job! Why do I have to sweet-talk him into doing it?” You don’t. But if you want the work done with enthusiasm and resourcefulness, perhaps with unacknowledged overtime, you need to care how the person feels.

Make it a habit to visualize whom you’re writing to (see Chapter 2) so the person is real and individual to you. Decide to use every message to build that team around you. People work harder for a manager who cares about them and tells them why their assignments matter.

I know a successful young department head who frames every request to staff this way: “Would you do me a favor and ….” “Of course, they have to do it,” she explains, “and they always say ‘sure.’ When I put it like that, it sets a tone that says I appreciate what they contribute. They’re happier to ‘help me’ than if I just said, ‘do this.’ So, I just give all my orders that way.”

Guarding your tone

The most frequent complaint upper echelon managers make about employee writing — especially when done by younger people — is that they are “tone deaf.” In other words, they address VIPs, including clients and top executives, in the same spirit and language they might use writing or texting to friends. This doesn’t come across as respectful. If you feel that respect must be earned, not automatically awarded for reasons of age or relative importance, I won’t argue with you. But you can damage your prospects. You’ll gain more respect for yourself by communicating in line with the high standards most upper-level people expect or insist on.

If you question your ear for tone, especially if writing to VIPs, make a practice of reading your emails aloud and consider: How does it sound — respectful, but like my natural voice? Does it give the impression that I’m annoyed or frustrated or unhappy? That I’m whining? Or don’t like the person I’m writing to? Notice when you read messages from other people that you sometimes intuit an emotion without being able to pinpoint what carries it. Try not to betray negative emotions in your own writing!

The impact is even worse than displaying them “live” in work situations. Note your choice of words, and in particular, if the cadence is choppy and staccato — the written equivalent of a stiff-legged stalk when you’re angry or offended. If the message carries any negative feeling, put it away for a few hours or overnight as possible and then re-draft. If you can’t turn the tone positive, consider whether you need send the message at all. A conversation might be better — or just determine to move on.

Should you fake respect or good feelings when they’re not genuine? Yes, sometimes. When you communicate in ways that lead others to feel bad, rejected or disrespected, it may never be forgotten or forgiven, especially if you do it in writing. Aim to build relationships, not undermine yourself. And keep in mind that your superiors won’t let you near a customer, client or VIP of any sort if they can’t trust you to be in control of your own feelings and represent their interests well.

How can you do this when the supervisor (or client or coworker) fails to do their part? Here are some examples of how Matt might handle a delay caused by his boss’s failure to get back to him with information. Which do you believe would work best for accomplishing the immediate goal — receiving information — and the long-range one of building a relationship and positive image for himself?

Version 1:

Marge, didn’t I already ask you five times to review the draft I spent 23 hours writing and give me your input? Remember? I’m at a standstill! If I don’t hear from you by 3:30 tomorrow, I’ll assume you have nothing to say and go ahead on my own. —Matt

Version 2:

Marge — I’m still waiting for your input on the draft I sent Tuesday. This is creating problems. Any chance you can get back to me this week? —Matt

Version 3:

• Hi, Marge,
• I know what a busy time of year this is, but we’ll really appreciate your input on the Marshall draft. You may recall we promised to deliver it Monday. Is it possible for you to take a look by the end of the week?
• It will be a big help.
• Thanks, Matt

Read aloud, Version 1 sounds accusatory, impatient, whiny and childish. If Marge is Matt’s boss, she will feel attacked and regard him with suspicion henceforth. If he’s a client, Matt may soon be job hunting. If Marge is a coworker, she’ll feel angry and uncooperative.

Version 2 is less offensive but still has a negative intonation — I’d call it passive-aggressive. Marge may do as asked, but won’t feel warmly toward Matt.

Version 3 is courteous and deferential. If you read it aloud, the tone is neutral and feels respectful. It carefully avoids casting blame. This message has the best odds of achieving its goal, to coax Marge to give the draft a few minutes’ attention and also regard Matt as a good assistant.

Avoiding the blame game

Version 3 suggests another good strategy: finding a way to let another person, especially a VIP, save face if they err. No one likes to feel chastised, belittled or implicitly criticized by anyone, let alone someone on a lower level. If the boss or a client ignores your plea for a response, or fails to return a phone call or even stands you up for an appointment, how can you handle it?

A good general principle is to let that person off the hook without relinquishing what you need. In Version 3, Matt does this by saying that he knows this is a busy time of the year for Marge. It can take a moment’s thought to figure out an appropriate mitigating statement for the other person and use it to frame what you want in a more acceptable way. For example:

• I know you’ve been traveling and that catching up is hard …
• This may have fallen through the cracks when so much is going on …
• I know everyone’s pressing you for figures this week …
• It looks like we had a miscommunication …

A person who feels well-disposed is much more likely to help you out or rectify an oversight than one who is put on the defensive.

Don’t overlook another tool in your strategy kit — the thank-you note. I talk about the value of expressing appreciation to subordinates earlier in this chapter, and the approach is equally effective with supervisors. Executives rarely receive compliments or thanks from people who report to them. Writing to thank them for good advice or a special favor makes you notable. A respectful compliment is also welcome. A message such as, “Tom, thanks for being such a great mentor and helping me grow so much,” may be in order once in a while. More immediate compliments may be best delivered in person. For example, “I admire the way you handled the Burke problem and learned a lot from it.”

Making it easy to respond

Here’s another idea that gives you better results when you need something from a supervisor, VIP or peer: Make it easy for that person. Recognize that realistically, your messages won’t get much attention. Managers spend a lot of energy putting out fires, and the broader their perspectives, the harder it is to keep everything in mind and focus on detail. Here’s a theory: In general, the higher up the hierarchy you go with a message, the briefer it needs to be. Or if not brief, the more quickly grasped. Aim to give your superiors just enough to make a good decision, ask important questions or take other action.

See this demand for brevity as a compliment: Busy people trust you to decipher what matters, tell them what they need to know and filter out the rest. Here are some techniques to help you do this:

• Be clear and upfront about what the manager needs to do or what you want — upon reading the message. Make a decision? Take an action? Evaluate something? Stay up-to-date? Figure out what is necessary for that goal and include the right amount of background and detail.
• Pay attention to the visuals. Even an email can use headlines, subheads and bold lead-ins to direct attention to high points and support productive skimming. Dense material is uninviting and a challenge to absorb. Follow the rules for short sentences, paragraphs and words.
• Lead with an executive summary. What, for an email? Yes, if helpful. Your readers may have a particularly short attention span; or you may want to set them up to read the body of the material in a certain light. If this is the case, compose a few sentence mini-version of an executive summary, covered in Chapter 7.
• Keep a backup in your pocket. Have a “stage 2” communication ready should the boss want more detail or context.

Another way to make it easy for a higher-up is to offer active help. Extending the example in the preceding “Guarding your tone” section, Matt could have improved Version 3 of his memo to Marge this way:

I know what a busy time of year this is, but we’ll really appreciate your input on the Marshall draft this week. Would it be easier to talk about this by phone for a few minutes? I could then make the changes for you. If this would be helpful, just give me a call when convenient.

An ingenious supervisor I know reports to her own short-attention-span supervisor in a government office this way: She sends him an email and also prints it out. She brings the printed copy to the conversation and gives it to him. He reads it in her presence, talks about it as inclined, asks questions and makes notes on the printout. She is thus assured that he read the message thoroughly and is well-equipped for a decision. His annotated printout gives him a secure platform for proceeding.