CHAPTER 4

Conciencia: Knowing Oneself and Cultivating Personal Awareness

THE BRILLIANT MEXICAN ARTIST Diego Rivera created a powerful black-and-white etching entitled Conciencia. In it, he rendered a young teacher holding beautiful apples in her mantle, surrounded by eager children. Rivera, a symbolic artist, included an open book, suggesting the quest for knowledge. The title Conciencia implies that we must look for deeper meanings. Conciencia can be translated as “consciousness,” “awareness,” or “self-knowledge.” Rivera’s portrayal suggests the teacher as our inner guide. The children symbolize our pure and receptive self, poised to learn and grow. The apples are pearls of knowledge.

The concepts of confianza and personalismo point to two critical questions for Latino leaders: Who are you, and what kind of person are you? Answering these questions requires the practice of conciencia, or in-depth reflection, self-examination, and integration. Conciencia is the connection the leader has with their inner core—the reliable, consistent self that provides direction and guidance. Conciencia is the mechanism for the leader’s character formation and personal development.

Conciencia entails knowing oneself. This requires tapping into the intuition that allows one to be aware of one’s motivation, values, intention, and inner dynamics. Robert Greenleaf calls attention to this when he writes, “The intuition is the most reliable part of the servant leader.”¹ A National Community for Latino Leadership survey indicated that the number one trait people wanted in their leaders (chosen by 58.9 percent of respondents) was character, depicted as being honest, demonstrating integrity, and having strong moral values.² The word integrity comes from the Latin root integer and refers to wholeness or being complete. Such wholeness (integration) is possible only by cultivating the practice of conciencia—paying close attention to one’s intuition, impulses, and inner voice. To cultivate conciencia, leaders must also uncover any personality flaws or desires that might get in the way.

Conciencia reflects a leader’s personal clarity and fosters congruence. My mentor Bernie Valdez oozed conciencia. He asked questions that helped me define why I wanted to be a leader and what I wanted to accomplish. Because he was my first Latino mentor and teacher, Bernie also helped me incorporate my culture into leadership. This was essential to my personal integration and indispensable for becoming a Latina leader. Bernie believed leadership was helping our people find pride in their cultural roots and tapping into their inner power.

Conciencia Rests on Cultural Identity

WHILE SELF-AWARENESS IS AN essential part of leadership preparation for all people, for Latinos it includes integrating one’s cultural identity and knowing one’s roots and family heritage. Moreover, since US Latinos have grown up as minorities and have experienced exclusion, leadership requires healing any scars or insecurities that have resulted.

In 1967, Rodolfo “Corky” Gonzales, a civil rights leader, poet, and boxer, wrote the epic poem “I Am Joaquin,” which powerfully depicts the struggles of sorting through negative societal messages, grappling with the pull of assimilation, and seeking a positive Latino identity. The poem laments that Latinos are “lost in a world of confusion” and “caught up in the whirl” of a strange society.³ Gonzales’s remedy was to embrace Hispanic history and tap into the greatness of the culture.

Much has changed since the 1960s, when Gonzales penned his call for cultural preservation and pride—a time when Latinos did not even have a collective identity. Ensuring that the culture is preserved for future generations, however, is still an essential function of leadership. Through national and community-based organizations, leaders support cultural integration, pride, and a collective identity.

A crucial aspect of conciencia, then, is being secure in one’s cultural identity. By integrating positive cultural aspects, leaders can function effectively in mainstream society without losing their heritage, sense of self, or commitment to their people. They can then teach others how to do likewise.

For many Latinos, becoming culturally secure requires resolving the internalized effects of discrimination and exclusion that result from growing up Brown. Latinos have been termed “minorities,” a euphemism for people who historically have been in subservient or in oppressed positions. Minorities are on the outskirts of the dominant culture, always seen in reference to and measured by dominant norms and values.

In the United States, White culture is presented as the standard, even the ideal, and innately superior. Anglos are the top dogs. The media, school system, and society reinforce this message. White people reap disproportionate economic benefits, have a higher standard of living, and enjoy greater opportunity and certain privileges. In addition, in a materialistic culture, the high significance placed on wealth and status is connected to individual value and worth. People who have higher economic status are simply treated as if they are more important, special, smarter, or more talented. White privilege has structured society to favor some groups and to make access more difficult for others.⁴ Moreover, there is a general ignorance about the culture and contributions of Latinos, as they along with other minorities were never integrated into US education or history. (I hope part I of this book has contributed to a greater understanding of these antecedents.)

Resolving the Barriers of Exclusion

Because of cultural domination, success for Latinos meant cloning the behavior and thinking patterns that White society taught in schools and other institutions. This social conditioning can result in Latinos rejecting their culture, becoming “whitewashed,” and distancing themselves from their own group. One way that Latinos and other people of color have tried to escape negative cultural images is to assimilate into the dominant society. Assimilation erases one’s cultural identity and can create feelings of inferiority that function at an unconscious level. The fact is, however, that no matter how hard Latinos and other people of color tried, they could never totally fit in.

When I was seven years old, my family bought a small house in a newly developed section of town. I was uprooted from West Tampa, where the “Spanish” people lived, and walked into second grade to see a whole sea of White faces. Like other children, I wanted to be accepted and to succeed in school. So, little by little, I stopped speaking Spanish, learned to act like the other kids, and even became embarrassed by my immigrant family. Likewise, many Mexican Americans in the Southwest forgot Spanish and even changed the pronunciation of their names.

The psychological pain of rejecting one’s own group, together with the confused or splintered identity that can result, was termed the “pedagogy of the oppressed” by the perceptive Brazilian thinker and educator Paulo Freire. His concept built on the “psychology of oppression,” a process by which Latinos and other “minorities” internalize the society’s negative messages and beliefs about their people and come to believe that these messages and beliefs are true. This operates at an unconscious level, so that many are unaware of how these function in their personal lives or affect their self-esteem. Once this occurs, they are held hostage by their own thinking and begin to collude with the society that keeps them “in their place.” They may believe their culture is inferior and thus readily accept the social, mental, and behavioral consequences of oppression.⁵

For an individual, the feeling that one may not measure up can be confused with a lack of initiative or abilities. However, when an entire culture cannot compete equitably and must battle the obstacles of discrimination, this becomes a systemic or social mechanism.⁶ Conciencia requires a clear awareness of how exclusion affects Latinos both individually and collectively.

Conciencia entails addressing the subliminal messages about White privilege, resolving the internal barriers of exclusion, and integrating one’s cultural identity. As a young girl, I struggled with this. As an immigrant growing up in a lower-income family, I did not know the social manners associated with White people or the middle class. Children like me who didn’t have the “right” clothes, know the “right” people, or live in the “right” neighborhood often felt inadequate. The language my family used, their table manners, and their jobs put me at a disadvantage. I remember as a young girl feeling inferior. One occasion was especially difficult.

The Red-Striped Dress

Even as a child, I could total up my “social disabilities.” I was poor, Brown, small boned, short, and a girl. My mother spoke broken English. I didn’t think I was very smart. All in all, this added up to what I later termed a cultural inferiority complex.

As budding teenager, a very sensitive time in my life, I was invited to a special party by a well-to-do Anglo cheerleader. My mother took me to Lerner Shops to buy a dress for the event. Going to Lerner was like a Saks Fifth Avenue expedition! I still can’t imagine how my mother got the money to do this. There on the rack was a beautiful red cotton dress with black and brown stripes and a little bow tie at the collar. My mother and I were so happy that I tap-danced around the store. Such a treasured moment.

What a trauma to my young soul when I walked into the party and saw the rich girls dressed in fancy taffeta and silk! I was mortified and hid in a bathroom all night, refusing to come out. Years later, I saw a TV special on how poverty affects self-image. It told the story of a little girl who hid in the bathroom during lunch because she didn’t have money to eat. When the teacher asked why she did this, she said, “I felt ashamed.” This was the same embarrassment I felt that night. Experiences are internalized by minority children, and they think, “I am not good enough,” “Something is wrong with me,” “They are better than me,” or “I won’t amount to much.”

By the time I entered high school, I had decided “I must succeed. My parents and familia are counting on me and have sacrificed so much.” While I was thinking about this, I saw a cartoon that had a wise old owl singing “It is not what you got. It’s what you do with what you got.” This became my mantra. Wow! I thought. I may have been born with limitations, but I am going to make it! I became involved in school activities and sports, wrote for the school paper, and was even elected an officer in several clubs. (Actually, if the truth be told, I assimilated, but more about that in part IV.)

I ended up going to college and then, through the transformative experience of the Peace Corps, learned about my great culture. Today, I know that as an immigrant growing up in a low-income family, I was resourceful, scrappy, talented, and street smart. In fact, check it out: I learned to speak English when I was six years old. I now draw energy, pride, and strength from the obstacles my parents and familia overcame. My mother came here with no money and no education, and yet those obstacles couldn’t stop her. If she could do that, think of what I can do!

Latino contributions were never taught in school, portrayed in the media, or acknowledged by people in authority. I had to search for them, talk with others who had similar experiences, and then find these within myself. The decision to be proud of my heritage is one of the integrating factors of my life and work. Conciencia entailed redefining myself by acknowledging my cultural strengths and embracing my Latino identity.

Latinos today must consider their values and upbringing through a new lens—one that portrays the positive attributes of the culture. They need to know their history and unearth the real story of Latino people in the United States. By definition, becoming a Latino leader involves the integration of one’s culture, history, and personal background.

Leadership preparation in the dominant culture typically does not entail learning about and tapping into one’s cultural identity or resolving issues of discrimination or exclusion. Although doing this would certainly expand a person’s ability to understand the deep imprint of culture and race, Anglo leaders today are challenged instead to increase their understanding of other cultures and to expand their ability to relate to and appreciate diverse people.

From Conciencia to Action

MANY TIMES, OPPRESSED PEOPLE believe they can’t change their situation and that circumstances are too great to overcome. To be a leader, a person must heal their own wounds—find out how past circumstances have made them stronger and more capable. Then they can use this awareness to help other people believe that they too can change their lives for the better. This was a hallmark of Raul Yzaguirre’s leadership: “The leader has to build his self-confidence. You have to believe in yourself first. You have to convince yourself you can do it before you can convince others.”

Personal integration, a secure identity, and self-confidence are not possible if one’s reference group and ancestry are rejected. Many younger Latinos might not have experienced discrimination personally and can relate to this only by talking to their parents or grandparents. But they can ponder the fact that Hispanics still lag educationally and economically and are scarce at the higher levels of leadership. These are flashing indicators that discrimination and White privilege persist.

Conciencia must be a collective process, because otherwise a person keeps internalizing, believing that they are the only one with the problem or even that these limitations are inherent in Latinos as a whole. As people talk about and release the effects of internalized oppression, cultural pride and a stronger identity emerge. Leaders remind people that historically their salvation came from their culture and community, which sustained and nourished them. Latino leaders are alchemists, transforming oppression into energy for positive change and harnessing frustrations to create passion. They understand that hardships bring vitality, resilience, and spiritual strength.

Latino leadership programs must also teach the skills that make people successful in the dominant culture. Latinos value modesty, humility, and staying part of the group. However, if a person does not know how to distinguish oneself or toot one’s own horn, they may not be promoted or seen as a leader. For this reason, when I was the director of Mi Casa Women’s Center, every participant took an assertiveness training course. The Young Hispanic Corporate Achievers program has a special “branding and marketing yourself” segment—an essential skill to move up the corporate ladder. Ruben Gallego, the young congressman, emphasizes, “Latinos need to learn to promote themselves. One thing I’ve learned, whether its business or politics, people who know how to sell themselves are the ones who end up getting the jobs and political positions.”

When Latinos master dominant-culture skills and integrate their cultural identity and assets, they have a competitive advantage. As more Latinos become educated, they have these skills. (Anna Escobedo Cabral, Ruben Gallego, and Lisa Quiroz all graduated from Harvard.)

Conciencia Is Other Centered

Conciencia implies that a leader has contemplated questions such as Why do I do what I do? Many cultures believe that a person’s intention—the why or the desired end result—is the nucleus from which integrity and power flow. In a collective, people-centered culture, leaders have a natural propensity to serve their communities. Furthermore, since most traditional leaders have sprung from the public and nonprofit arena, their leadership is other centered rather than about money, personal gain, or advancement. Cabral notes this tendency: “There is this basic value that whatever you do, you do for the community and the family. Yes, it is important to do well, but because it will enable others to do well.”

Bernie Valdez encouraged me to tap into my conciencia when he said, “First, a leader has to be really secure. You have to know who you are and have respect for yourself.” Knowing oneself engenders consistency and predictability. Then actions can align with words.

César Chávez grew up in the migrant camps of California and continued to live humbly throughout his life, never making more than the farm workers he led.⁷ Latinos saw him living a simple life, taking personal risks by leading demonstrations, and many days fasting. A spiritual man, he manifested his inner work in his speeches, behavior, and action. These demonstrations of his personal values led people to believe in him as a person, and so they followed and tried to emulate him.