Foreword

This is a book that needed to be written, and it’s a book that needs to be read. Influence is not a nice-to-have in business; it is a nonnegotiable. Influence depends on having a seat at the table and entails having your voice shape decisions and outcomes. Not enough women are influencing today. It’s true that too few of us “sit at the table,” especially in the C-suite. In order to get there, stay there, and make real contributions at every step, we women need to do some things differently.

We need to ensure that what we say gets heard. This sounds obvious, but it is not easy. Getting heard requires preparation and practice on our part. Men and women communicate differently. Women tend to use more words, speak more formally, and focus on process versus outcomes. There is nothing wrong with that, but because it’s not how men communicate, men often tune such speech out, which means that your input may not be appropriately considered.

At one point, I met with a male colleague to discuss how to have his team sell a technology product that my group developed. His first words, before I’d said a thing? He asked, “Why should we sell your product?” I wanted to explain the client relationships it would help them build, the best-in-class product attributes that took years to develop, and the product’s superiority to anything our competitors have. Instead, I said, “Because it will add $40 million to your revenue goal for this year.” He heard that! I knew he was thinking primarily about how he and his team could be successful, so I spoke his language.

Disagreements cannot be taken personally. Sometimes we confuse influence with getting everyone to agree. In reality, influence is getting the right decision made even when people do not agree. We need to quit trying to please everyone. We must be able to make a decision and say, “Here is why X person and Y person disagree with me, but this is what we need to do anyway.” We need to quit relying solely on agreement and consensus and instead show we have a point of view and can stand by our decisions. One of my female colleagues is confident enough to say occasionally to her boss, “Just because you disagree with me doesn’t mean that I am wrong.” We must become comfortable with disagreement.

Confidence must come from within. I learned this lesson a while ago, and I’ve never forgotten it. I was at a public event being introduced as the incoming board chair of a large nonprofit. The person introducing me spoke enthusiastically about my warmth, approachability, and sense of humor. He talked about the heart I bring to my decisions and how fully engaged I am in my community activities. I sensed that description of me would surprise colleagues in the audience who only knew my office persona. When I took the microphone I said, “Yes, that was me he was talking about, in case you couldn’t tell!” A few days later, my boss at that time gave me some feedback: “Cathy, people who work with you in the community love you, but not everyone at the bank loves you like that. Figure out what is different when you are in the community and see if you can bring that person to work.” That was hard for me to hear, and it was one of the most important pieces of feedback I’ve ever received.

I realized I was giving myself permission to be my authentic self in the community, but at work, I was behaving in ways that I thought I should behave. I was imitating the behavior of others, and I did not feel confident unless I had the approval of others. Since then, I have made it my mission to show up with confidence and to be my true self. I have found that influence and authenticity are inextricably linked. Only by being truly self-confident can we influence others to follow us. And remember, influence is a nonnegotiable for leaders.

What works for men at work does not necessarily work for women. This book was written so that you, too, can connect your influencing skills with your authenticity. My hope is that with practice, greater self-awareness, and the knowledge gained from the insight and experiences highlighted throughout this book, you will become a person of greater influence and you will make a difference.

Cathy Bessant

Chief Operations and Technology Officer

Bank of America