CHAPTER
12
STORIES FROM THE FIELD
EMPLOYEE SATISFACTION RENEWED
“Frank, you’ve got six months to improve these results, or you and your management team can forget your bonus for this year!” Cheryl said, with a little panic audible in her voice. “And I can forget mine too. How did this happen? Your division has the lowest employee satisfaction survey scores in the whole company. That means anywhere in the world!”
“I thought the numbers were going up,” Frank offered defensively. “I don’t know how they went down further.”
“You’re responsible for Learning Services. I don’t have to tell you that your division is responsible for helping our business units and leaders throughout the world carry out their key strategic initiatives. And one of those initiatives is almost always employee satisfaction! And just how do you think we’re going to sell our services to help them, when we can’t even help ourselves? Don’t you think everyone in the company is looking at these numbers? I know I look at everyone else’s. They do, too.”
Frank sat stiffly as he absorbed his boss’s words. He had known all this before he entered the room, but he still did not have an answer. She was right and they both knew it, but she didn’t have an answer either.
“Okay,” Cheryl said after she had taken a couple of deep breaths. “My yelling at you is not going to solve this problem. We are out of time, out of ideas. We need help, and fast! I think I know where to go.”
Later, Cheryl was able to reach Michelle Reina to ask for help. “We have to get those numbers up in six months,” Cheryl said in a desperate voice. “I know that low satisfaction means that the employees probably aren’t as involved in their work as they might be. They may even leave. After all, they do the things that anyone does when morale and commitment are low; they feel betrayed. That division is stretched superthin since the recent alignment that was centered on keeping just the people with core skills. I can’t afford to lose any of them.” Cheryl paused for a moment. “Can you help?”
“I hope so,” answered Michelle. “We have to gather some information fast if we’re going to have time to do anything to change those scores. I’m going to have to meet with your senior people and a number of others.”
“Just let me know when you need them. I’ll make sure they’re there.”
Over the next week, Michelle met individually with each member of the senior team and then leaders of other units that worked with this troubled division. She wanted to understand the history of the organization, the players, what their mission was, their strategies, their processes, and their desired outcomes. She asked each person, “What’s going on here? Where are relationships damaged? How willing are you to participate in rebuilding these relationships?”
Once Michelle earned his trust, Frank confided in her how frustrated he felt. He had been hired from the outside a year earlier to take this division to new heights. “This job is not what I thought it was going to be. I inherited a mess. People are frustrated and angry about the restructurings that happened before I even got here. I can’t get them to stop complaining. I’m sick and tired of hearing people whine about things that I had no part of and can’t change. They’re acting like spoiled kids who didn’t get their way. And Cheryl doesn’t want to hear about it anymore. She just wants people to move on. Well, I’d like that too, but they’re so stuck in the past.”
199As Dave, one unit leader, put it, “Things have been bad for a long time. There are a lot of people around here in pain. Many are just not willing to do the top job they used to do.”
There was no quick-fix answer, but some issues were surfacing that could lead to answers. Like a detective, Michelle needed more information and help, so she brought in Dennis Reina. For the next six weeks they created a safe environment for people to share their experiences and feelings. They conducted small focus groups and held one-on-one confidential conversations. By the end of the process, they had spoken with over 150 people. The Reinas listened to the employees’ experiences (what had happened) and listened for what impact these experiences had on the employees and on others. These weren’t pure “dumping sessions,” though. The Reinas helped employees see what their options were as to how to behave.
Michelle stopped in Cheryl’s office late one afternoon. Cheryl was hunched over her computer typing rapidly. Cheryl was so focused that a minute passed before she realized Michelle was there. “Sorry, Cheryl,” interrupted Michelle, “I didn’t want to disturb you, but if you could take a few moments to review what we have been learning, we’ve reached a critical stage in our process.”
“Of course! Your work is a priority around here.”
“Thank you. We’re learning some important facts that have influenced your employee satisfaction scores. We are finding that many of your people were feeling like they were powerless victims. They didn’t know how the leadership was evaluating them, and as shifts have happened, many employees are unsure of their roles and responsibilities, who their bosses were, or how these new jobs fit into the company’s plans.”
“How could they not know? We talk about those things all the time.”
“I’m sure you do,” Michelle responded, “but the messages are not getting through. Dennis and I have been working with them so they can see that they could do things differently. Sure, they couldn’t control what had happened, but they can control how they respond. We’ve helped them map out their choices. We’ve also tried to help the employees understand why you, as leaders, have made the decisions you have.”
200Cheryl listened to Michelle’s every word, but didn’t say anything.
“We heard about how the Learning Services division has gone through two major restructurings in the last three years—that 30 percent of the division’s workforce was downsized. People didn’t understand where you and Frank planned to take the division in the future. Since they didn’t know that, they couldn’t see how they personally fit into the future here. They’ve spent a lot of energy wondering when the next restructuring would come and when they might lose their jobs.
“As you can see, those changes have not been accomplished as well as you thought. Employees found they were duplicating work being done elsewhere. Finger pointing and blaming are running rampant, as they often do when people are hurting, confused, and frustrated. A problem is everyone’s fault, and no single person is responsible for fixing it. The rumor mill is alive and does not paint a pretty picture.”
“This is hard to hear,” Cheryl sighed. “But keep going. I need to hear it.”
“People are struggling to balance their work and personal lives because of the expanded workload. They resent times when they have to choose between their family and work. They pay a big price regardless of their choice. Some comments we heard were, ‘No matter how I use my time, I let someone down—either a team member because I didn’t join that 9:00 P.M. conference with Asia or my family because I worked another Saturday morning.’ ‘We are constantly in a no-win situation. I either let my family or my team down.’
“This pressure has had a huge effect; many have felt they have lost their own lives. ‘I’ve gained fifteen pounds in the last six months and have completely dropped out my exercise program. Who has time?!’ ‘I used to play racquetball on Saturday mornings with my buddies. I haven’t seen them in three months.’ ‘I used to have my parents over for dinner on Sunday nights. Now I’m just too tired to cook, talk, or entertain. I know they love me no matter what and do understand, even though they are disappointed. But I feel lousy and miss seeing them.’ ‘I’m newly married. I want to be with my husband in the evenings and on weekends.’ ‘I honestly wonder how long I can keep this up. If I knew this was temporary, I’d grin and bear it, but I don’t see it changing.’ ‘What am I doing here? Is it worth it? I don’t see an end in sight.’
201“The bottom line here is that everyone in your organization feels betrayed in a really major way,” Michelle observed. “The betrayal continues to grow. These major trust issues are directly affecting employee satisfaction scores.
“I see the way trust was breached in so many ways. They thought they had an agreement with you and your leadership team that you would provide a structure to accomplish the goals of their division. Instead, they experienced what one person called ‘structural roulette.’ This person thought you just kept spinning the wheel when you didn’t win immediately. They thought you didn’t communicate clearly with them, so they didn’t know what was expected of them, and you didn’t appear to listen to them. Finally, when you kept changing people’s responsibilities, they began to feel it was because you didn’t have confidence in them. They experienced betrayals in all three types of what we call transactional trust: contractual, communication, and competence. Under these conditions, you can commend them for their loyalty that their satisfaction scores had not gone down sooner and further.”
Cheryl looked as though a brick wall had fallen on her, just staring blankly at Michelle.
“That’s the bad news,” Michelle added. “Now for the good news. These people still believe in this company and want to be a part of it. We received commitments from every person we interviewed to do their part in rebuilding the relationships here. They want to heal from the betrayals. They want this organization to be successful and for them to share in it.”
This latest news boosted Cheryl’s spirits. “So you mean we have a chance to redeem this tough place we’re in?”
“That’s exactly what I mean. We challenged everyone else to take responsibility for their part in what has happened. I challenge you in the same way. Are you willing to make the changes necessary to heal, not only the betrayals experienced by your employees but also those betrayals you have felt from them?”
202“Of course! I have to. What’s it going to take?”
“We will need to spend time going over with you and Frank the specifics of what we’ve learned. We will talk much more about the nature of trust and betrayal and how to rebuild trust. We need to do this with the people in your immediate organization. They also need to learn more about how they must operate differently, so they don’t just blame the two of you and the rest of the leadership team.”
“Okay. Let’s get started.”
During the next several months, the Reinas helped everyone see how collaboration was breaking down due to poor communication. Individually and together, Cheryl and Frank were coached to understand what their people needed from them and to work through their own feelings of betrayal. They learned to trust others enough to share information with them. The division was behind on its deliverables (such as setting up a knowledge management system). They had not been honoring their commitments or delivering on time. Decisions were made by those involved on how to improve this.
Then the Reinas did some work on clarifying boundaries. They armed people with tools and skills to deal with difficult and ambiguous day-to-day situations. The Reinas helped them reframe their experiences and see them as opportunities that would strengthen them and the organization. They did this work through face-to-face meetings and global conference calls (Singapore, Germany, and elsewhere). The Reinas also provided coaching for many individuals throughout the division.
The leadership team received extra attention, which helped them clarify their roles, how trust had been lost, how they could rebuild it. Some of this was done as a group; much of it done as executive coaching. The focus made a difference.
Cheryl and Frank paid attention, they learned, and they changed their behavior. They earned the respect of their people. Relationships were rebuilt; a foundation of trust was created, and deliverables were getting back on track. Finger pointing gave way to collaboration, gossip to straight talk; expectations were clarified and roles and responsibilities negotiated; information sharing and open lines of communication allowed for greater life balance. As one employee put it, “I feel like I have returned to my family.”
203Sure, challenges continue, and people do have their share of “bad days.” But they manage their tendencies to blame and react. They continue to share responsibility. “The model helps us maintain perspective. We understand we won’t be successful and satisfied without trust. We are continuing to learn how to build trust, and we understand the steps to take when it is broken.” “We count on our relationships with one another. We can actually focus on doing our work!”
At the end of the six months, Cheryl called Michelle. “I’ve got incredible news. You did it. No—I mean, we did it. Our employee satisfaction scores shot up. The jump was unprecedented. Being average never felt so good! We now have higher levels of employee collaboration and engagement, and less duplication of effort. We know we can take this even higher. Thank you so much for teaching us so much about ourselves. You have helped us learn more than we could have hoped for.”
MANUFACTURING PLANT CLOSES WITH HEART AND HEALING
People were in shock! Some were in tears, others furious. Many were hurt and confused as the news spread across the shop floor: the plant was closing, and their jobs were being outsourced overseas.
“What’s going on here?” questioned Stan Francis, production manager. “I thought we had an agreement that if we met our higher production quotas and contained our costs, the plant would remain open.”
“We more than upheld our end of the bargain,” said Steve Border, the shop steward. “It just didn’t seem to make a difference.”
The employees gathered around Stan felt hurt and were angry at management. But the manager could only shake his head. He was going to lose his job too.
Three years ago, the Donaldson Company manufacturing plant, located in a small midwestern city, was bought out by Thomas-Bingham Corporation (TBC). TBC had planned to announce the closing of this plant at the time it bought it, but the people at the plant challenged the company to give them a chance. The leaders and employees banded together to negotiate keeping the plant open. TBC management promised to keep the plant operating if the Donaldson facility reached the increased production quotas and contained costs. In the first year, Donaldson met the quotas, and in the next two years, it actually exceeded them.
204In spite of the fact that the Donaldson employees and leadership more than kept their word, the TBC management reneged on their promise and decided to close the plant anyway. Everyone at Donaldson was devastated. They felt betrayed!
Accepting the inevitable, Donaldson leadership wanted to make the plant closing as painless as possible for everyone. They knew they needed help and decided to call a consultant known to work with employee morale issues. They chose Leslie Yerkes of Catalyst Consulting Group, author of two books on creating fun in the workplace, and asked her to help lighten the mood of everyone during this dark time, creating something “fun” before they all left. Leslie faced the leadership team after she heard the situation. “You can’t sugarcoat the closing. It’s just too serious, too painful. Be more respectful of your employees. A fun event wouldn’t help your morale, would it?” There was quiet around the room and then hesitant voices saying no.
“It was all we could think of,” responded Dave Smith, plant manager. “We wanted to do something to make people feel better.”
“What can we do?” asked Stan.
Leslie paused for only a moment. Trained and certified in the use of the Reina Trust & Betrayal Model and approach, she named the situation. “The closing of the plant is a serious betrayal, and it hurts a lot of people. We need to handle the situation accordingly. I can help you!”
Leslie introduced the leadership team to the Reina Trust Model in a multiday trust-building workshop. She particularly focused their attention on the Seven Steps for Healing. Throughout the workshop, Leslie encouraged the leaders to deal with their own sense of betrayal. They realized that their desire to have a fun activity had come from their denial of their own feelings. Having made progress in working through their own pain, the leaders were in much better shape to start helping others in the plant. Leslie suggested that the leaders especially focus on using the seven steps as a framework to guide them and their employees through the process of closing the plant. She trained the leaders in the application of each of the seven steps to help them take care of the employees and do the right thing as leaders.
205With Leslie’s assistance each step of the way, the leaders first acknowledged to themselves and then to their employees the betrayal that had occurred and the impact that it had on each of them. The leaders wanted to fully understand the effect this plant closing had on their people, so they formally assessed the climate in their organization by using the Reina Organizational Trust Scale to measure the level of trust between management and employees. They wanted to know how much they were being blamed for TBC’s decision. The plant leadership also took the time to hear people directly by walking around the plant and really listening to their employees—their concerns, anxieties, and frustrations. They talked with people at the water coolers, in the break rooms, out on the shop floor, in the hallways, before and after meetings. The leaders were creating a safe climate that allowed people to talk about what was happening.
“You need to give everyone a chance to share their feelings,” guided Leslie. The leaders were very surprised at how quickly the employees started talking. Given permission to share, the employees talked about how their hearts were broken by the company’s decision. Many had worked at the plant their whole adult lives. For more than a few, there had been more than one generation working at the plant. They had always been good workers but had committed to performing at an even higher level recently. They had been really proud of achieving the improvements demanded by TBC. Now they were going to be cut adrift.
“It helped a lot that Leslie prepared us and helped us structure the sessions,” reflected Stan. “But when I was out there with a group of ten workers, I can tell you, some of this was really hard to hear. Most were feeling angry, some hurt, several talked about being sad, and a couple are definitely vindictive.”
The plant leadership grasped how angry employees were about what had happened and how anxious they were about their futures. Employees recognized that they were losing not only their jobs but their livelihood, and they needed support! It turned out that the listening sessions provided some of the emotional support people needed and helped them turn elsewhere for more. At a leadership team meeting, Dave Smith had the first smile on his face that most could remember for months. “I just heard from TBC; they are going to provide the money we requested— demanded, really—so we can provide some skill retraining and job outplacement counseling.” The whole team gave a collective sigh of relief. The plant leadership contacted plants in other industries in the region to advocate for their hiring Donaldson employees. From the Reina Trust & Betrayal Model, the plant leaders understood that giving support to their people was critical in order for them to effectively work through this situation and move on.
206Leslie used the Reina Trust & Betrayal Model to help the plant leaders reframe the experience for themselves by considering the bigger picture. They had to admit that the marketplace was changing and that they wouldn’t have been able to keep the plant going for long. At least at this point, there were some resources to help everyone make the transition. Realizing this, leaders were able to help their employees put the experience into a larger context and give their people the business reasons for the change.
“Just this morning I found myself talking to the image in my mirror,” shared Stan. “You know, I still get so angry about this that I could explode.” There were several nods of agreement around the table at the leadership team meeting. “I know many of the people on the plant floor still get upset so easily. There was nearly a fight yesterday, and when the foreman arrived, the two just walked away. They knew it didn’t have anything to do with the other person.”
“That is so true,” said Dave. “Having a better understanding of why this change is happening certainly doesn’t change the reality that they are going to be losing the jobs they had known, parting from coworkers, losing a part of their identity, maybe even having to move from their homes and leave their community.”
The leaders worked hard at helping employees see they had a choice about whether to define themselves as victims. They helped employees explore different options, such as new jobs and new career paths.
In spite of their own feelings of being betrayed, the plant leaders accepted their part of the responsibility for what had happened. They had been too quick to accept TBC’s promise to keep the plant operating and had not looked for any signs that the promise might not be kept. The leaders had learned an important lesson for their future. They had fought hard for the plant and the people who worked in it. These leaders felt a great deal of responsibility for the well-being of their employees. While acknowledging the pain everyone was experiencing, they also found ways to acknowledge the contributions, large and small, that employees were still making to the plant and to each other.
207“You know,” Stan suggested, “we need to recognize those workers who have been here for a long time. Each fall we have our tenure ceremony. We have to do it this year, even if it means we move it up five months so we can do it before the plant closes.” The company leaders did hold a tenure ceremony to acknowledge the years of service and the contributions of each of their employees—many of whom had worked for the company since its inception twenty-seven years earlier.
Leslie reminded them, “Resentment, cynicism, and blame are normal reactions to betrayal. They won’t go away by magic, but you are doing what you can to help everyone.”
“It certainly will be better for employees,” responded Stan, “if they work through those reactions while still at the plant so that they won’t take them into a new job and organization. I think it will be a lot healthier.” Using the trust model as the framework, they helped people shift from blaming leadership for their woes to creating the next steps in their careers. To be fully free from the power of the betrayal, leaders and employees had to choose to work through their pain. They didn’t have to say it was okay that the closing happened, just that they could put it in their past. Some would blame their problems on this betrayal for the rest of their lives, but most were ready to move on.
After helping people through the final six months, leadership had to close the plant. Now it was time to throw a party. It was time for some fun! The employees planned the party, using money from the leaders. It was a plantwide bash to celebrate what they had been together and how much they had achieved. Because leadership went the extra mile to take care of their people, their employees wanted to acknowledge them, so the employees invited the plant leadership to attend the gathering. At the party, people read poems that they wrote about their work experience at the plant, sang songs, and played music. They laughed together and shed tears together. It was a passionate and powerful way to cap the transition and to help the employees let go and move on. Although the employees didn’t condone what the management of TBC had done, they were able to accept their situation and move on without blaming the plant leadership.
208Dave and Stan stood at the back of the room as the party wound down. “I think,” reflected Stan, “everyone has done a lot of healing.”
“Yeah, I do too,” responded Dave. “Six months ago I never would have thought we’d be at this point now.” They looked out over the dwindling crowd, knowing that in a few days these employees would go their own ways, many to work for other businesses and industries—but without the baggage of condemning their old company or their bosses. Leslie Yerkes had facilitated the leadership team in using the Reina Trust & Betrayal Model to help their people heal from betrayal and find their way through the inevitable changes they were facing. It was a learning process that built trust among the employees and the plant leadership alike, even though everyone at the plant lost their jobs. Dave looked at Stan with a smile and a handshake. “We did well. I’m proud of us all.”
The employees and leaders lost their jobs, but what they learned about trust and betrayal will never be lost. They moved on with a depth of understanding about relationships and renewal that will be with them always.
HOSPITALITY ORGANIZATION CULTURE TURNED AROUND
When Jack Knowles took the helm at QFS, he knew that he was now playing in the big leagues. As a part of BigCorp, QFS shared the larger corporation’s reputation as a haven for the best and the brightest—a well-funded and highly respected organization that is highly decentralized, relationship based (as opposed to bottom-line based), and a standard setter in its field. Consistent financial growth was expected of all corporate units. Jack was excited, ambitious, and confident that this new job would be where he would make his mark.
The reality of QFS, however, was much as Jack had experienced at other firms in his early career. It was still the same old stuff in the trenches. Managers existed in a “netherworld” between frontline staff and directors. Directors mediated the “reality” of the organization with the strategic vision, planning, and sometimes myopia of the executives. Communication, process management, execution, reporting . . . it was all the same . . . confusing, contentious, and full of contradictions. The two things Jack now had were resources and a relatively forgiving decentralized structure within which he could really practice his leadership.
Jack knew that he needed more information about the dysfunctional dynamics of his senior leadership team and the organization as a whole. The more people he talked to, the more questions he asked and the more answers he heard, the more he knew something had to be done. He made a point of not just talking to his department heads. He wanted their perspective but also wanted the experiences of others more in the line of fire. To assist him during his transition into his leadership role, he hired Jan Sykes as director of HR.
Jan Sykes heard story after story from the staff about how people “done them wrong.” You name it—they brought it to Jan. “People come to me and talk about betrayal, very personal stuff.” She sees the staff as being in relationships, much as we have in our lives outside of work. “If I don’t have trust in my boss or my coworkers, I can’t function well; it’s the same with my partner. You spend how many hours a day with each other at work?” From Jan’s perspective, it wasn’t so much that her job was a train wreck of betrayal and dysfunction. It was more like this: “To me trust is very personal. This is about a lifestyle thing. Trust is the foundation of relationships.” She wanted everyone to grow and become whole. Jan believed that many people in her organization defaulted to behaviors that didn’t build or promote trust. She felt that people have to do some “inner work” to get to the point of being sensitive to trust.
Jack agreed with Jan’s statement that people within his organization defaulted to behaviors that didn’t build trust. But it was in Bree Hardwick’s story that Jack really experienced the pain. As a middle manager, she inherited a unit that had been devastated by betrayal. The previous manager was unreliable, vindictive, and petty. When Bree took over, “It was like working with forty-six abused children—they had all been betrayed. The betrayal was, as far as I could tell, both personal with the old manager and pragmatic in that this particular unit had failed at pulling off a grand opening of a new facility a couple of years ago. There was a lot of finger pointing.”
210As Jack learned this information, he took it very seriously. He realized that good relationships weren’t just “feel-good” but necessary for an efficient organization. He knew that trust is an issue in every organization; some just deal with it better than others. From what he had learned about the interactions among employees throughout QFS, the company definitely could benefit from more trust. People in his organization had to be able to depend on each other if the company was to thrive. They had to do what they said they would do, communicate fully, and have the capability to do their jobs. Jack recognized these needs. Part of his recovery strategy was to hire Dennis and Michelle Reina and use their Reina Trust & Betrayal Model to assist him in building a foundation of trust within his organization.
One of Jack’s initial moves was to hold a five-day retreat facilitated by the Reinas with seventy leaders throughout the organization. He wanted to get to know his people and to have his people get to know him. He also wanted them to understand that he had a plan and that the plan was going to revolutionize both the delivery of services and the culture of work at QFS.
Jack learned that building trust at QFS required a careful assessment of “where his people where at and how willing and able they were to change. The retreats and trust assessments provided by Chagnon & Reina Associates began to set the stage for a long-term and strategically crafted effort to build a new service model, better management skills, and, most important, a culture of trust.
Jan said, “Anyone who wants to understand themselves has to look at whatever they are doing in a systematic way.” She put it very simply: “It is not about how others change, but about how I change. I start by looking within myself.” Just as Jan learned, the others at QFS learned that one of the most significant features of the Trust & Betrayal Model is that “trust begins with me. ”
Bree began to use the Trust & Betrayal Model with the fifty employees in her service delivery group. She facilitated team-building exercises with her frontline staff, teaching them about the model through experiential exercises. “You can’t really talk about it too much; the words just don’t matter as much as what we do. You have to be a model. In our group, trust is so important because our jobs are fluid, almost chaotic. We don’t feel we are in control of what we will be facing next. Things change minute to minute. We need to know we’re supported, and I need to rely on my upper management in the same way!”
211A big part of Bree’s responsibility when she took on this new job was, as she put it, “to deal with the ‘disaster’ I inherited. The Seven Steps for Healing are always in the back of my head. I dealt with a lot of anger and a lot of grief, but we got through it. Now I believe that people here trust that others want to make everyone look good. There is much more of a sense that we are all in this together. It is refreshing to see people trust their colleagues; and know they are there to help them and assist them. I have seen how people have changed regarding the way they do things; they are much more devoted to the process and to each other.”
“I feel vindicated,” Jack Knowles said quietly. “I believed that the language of trust could help open communication in this company. I believed that if we all really bought into this process, we could grow and change as individuals and come together around this common theme. We could be happier and more productive. QFS is different now. It is a lot better place for all of us to work, and the people at BigCorp like the results we are achieving.”
MILITARY BRANCH STRENGTHENS ITS SOLDIERS
“I hate this trust stuff! I’m only here because I was told to be here,” John griped at the beginning of a six-day workshop on trust and betrayal. He then tried to disappear, keep silent, and hope he wouldn’t be called on to volunteer anything about himself that really mattered. But at the end of a cycle of sharing, when everyone else had shared experiences of betrayal, the group turned their eyes to John. Trapped, he froze for a moment and then looked for an escape. Seeing none, he gritted his teeth and began to share some little pieces around the edges of his life. Once started, there was no stopping. Once he began looking at the betrayals in his life, there was no turning back. During the course of the week, he came to understand how betrayal had formed his life, for the positive and not so positive.
212He learned how betrayal had influenced his approach to life, in ways he was proud of and ways in which he was not so proud. He came to realize that although he knew, hands down, that people could trust him, he did not trust anyone. It just wasn’t safe to. The deep wounds he carried remained unhealed. He was always looking over his shoulder. Through the workshop, John came to see choices he had that he had not seen previously. He gained a picture of another way to embrace relationships. It was an experience that changed his life.
John was one of nearly forty people from a major military organization who attended these workshops to learn about trust and betrayal. They were there because their commanding officer wanted to raise levels of authentic, courageous leadership. He knew trust was critical, particularly during a time of war. These forty were selected because they had the respect and credibility to then take trust building throughout this leader’s command.
Some of John’s colleagues were as reluctant as John, but they all attended because they were ordered to. Others had been deeply troubled by the lack of trust within their organization and hoped that this would be the start of something much better.
Cynicism, isolation, bitterness, and rejection—these feelings were all too common and had taken a toll on people and the ways they worked together. In an organization that prided itself on teamwork, honesty, and integrity, there was a shocking lack of these things. Yes, there were exceptions—people who continued to practice, foster support and reflected the values of the esprit de corps associated with our military. However, they experienced this negative behavior and unhealthy feelings as a daily struggle. Meanwhile, new members of the organization would come in full of enthusiasm and hope and, usually within three years, sink into the hole with most everyone else. People had questions about their supervisors, many feeling at risk during every interaction. Whether they were really being betrayed by their superiors could be debated, but many believed this notion to be true, especially as individuals sought promotions. The current work environment fostered what one member called “kiss up, kick down.” Even friendships with peers had begun to erode, leaving individuals increasingly isolated at a time when more was expected of them.
213Many worked even harder to get the work done. Others simply tried to hold on until they could get out. The turnover of these highly skilled and trained people was crippling the organization’s ability to fulfill its mission. Something had to be done. In the military, all are there to serve the mission. That must not be compromised.
Leaders in the organization did not miss that there was a problem. They tried many things, some helping a little and some not at all. There was no magic bullet. As the pressure from outside the organization increased, especially multiple deployments to combat zones, the strain within the organization approached the breaking point.
As the leaders discussed the continuing problem, one officer observed that all their problems seemed to boil down to one source: there wasn’t enough trust. They had been talking around this issue for years but had not addressed it directly. It was time to face it. The senior leaders became convinced and decided to spend some of their dwindling financial resources on seeing if trust work would make the difference they needed. They used a decision matrix to objectively evaluate the various approaches to trust. They wanted something based in research that had rigor, they wanted something behavioral and concrete, and they had to be able to measure their performance. They narrowed their choice to Drs. Dennis and Michelle Reina and their Reina Trust & Betrayal Model and approach, and selected people to learn how to use it.
The program had some simple but powerful expectations: support individuals’ growth; help them become aware of how they trust; increase satisfaction at work; serve our country with pleasure; move beyond politeness; increase feelings of competence; improve their sense of being appreciated and valued. If these goals were achieved, the organization was expected to have improved retention and productivity.
Within months, the initial workshop was scheduled and planned. Representatives from throughout the organization from around the world were brought together to be trained and to take the trust building approach they learned back to their units, where they would teach others. The workshop was not a sit-in-class-and-take-notes type of experience. Participants had to face their own trust and betrayal experiences and explore how these experiences had affected their lives and their relationships. In short, they had to do “their work.”
214Several participants reported that this workshop was a life-changing event for them. It changed the ways they worked with others on the job, and they found they took the approach home. Marriages were revitalized as couples talked about how they trusted each other and had experienced betrayals. One officer reported that his relationship with his children changed as he came to recognize ways he had betrayed them and learned to make different choices. He realized they were paying attention when, on occasion, they used the trust language when talking with him. Consistently, participants shared stories of how the introduction of the language and concepts of trust and the bringing of awareness of trust into their lives changed their relationships with coworkers, superiors, and subordinates. As one person described it, “Trust is to relationships as blood is to the body. Without them, the other dies.”
The participants left the workshops enthusiastic and ready to spread the word. One participant said, “I’m really proud of the organization for taking the gamble on hearing what is really going on and trying to do something about it.” The kickoff to the trust work was a success. The challenge for these advocates was to share their experiences and the approaches they learned, without the support of the extensive workshop they had had. Returning to each of their bases, they had to decide how best to reach people. As is typical in such situations, each of the participants also went back to his or her regular responsibilities. They had to find ways to pack the trust building into an already full schedule. No matter how committed they were, their being pulled many directions made it harder to spread the word effectively—particularly during war.
Having a big block of several days means that participants can experience the impact that trust and betrayal have had in their lives. It is made “real.” Once the workshop participants were leading their own programs, they found it impossible to have as much time for the hundreds of new participants as they had had for their own experience. But they took it one step at a time and gradually saw the difference the trust-building work made. They have seen the need people have to learn about trust and to tell their story. They have also seen the powerful impact they can have through modeling trust-building behavior in their daily actions.
215More people are aware of how trust issues affect their individual and collective lives. With each new workshop, more people are learning the concepts, the language, and the behaviors that build trust. Pockets of trust are breaking out as people are actually using the model and accompanying tools. This is leading to growing hope for many people who had come to believe there was no hope for real change in the ways people in the organization interact with each other. Individuals are finding hope for themselves as they change their own lives.
Diving into trust and betrayal has caused participants to become reflective at times. As one person put it, “Trust work is messy! You have to deal with parts of your life that you don’t want to deal with. But it’s worth it.” Many participants have come to see, time and again, that trust is an individual responsibility. Individuals have to choose when to trust, and they have to choose when to heal from betrayals. It does no good to wait for a betrayer to change before beginning to heal. The Seven Steps for Healing are steps in a process rather than a single event. They are an approach to life. For several participants, learning that they could not heal anyone else was a relief. Realizing they would have to heal themselves meant they could no longer blame others for their continuing pain. Only they could bring it to an end through forgiveness and healing. The choice was theirs.
One participant described dealing with unhealed pain from betrayal as being like trying to keep a beach ball under water. It takes a lot of energy and concentration to keep on top of the ball, and waves often knock a person off. Then it’s a scramble to get back on top of it before it pops above the surface. The ball is so demanding that people can focus only on getting back up on top of it. Many don’t think to just let the air out of it. Healing from betrayal is letting the air out. It brings hope.
The commanding officer heard the stories of the forty who had undergone the training. He heard their commitment to trust building and knew that although it was solid, he too had to do his part. He could not expect his people to engage in something in which he was not fully willing to participate. He knew that if he wanted to grow trust, he had to give it. For him, giving it meant getting directly involved.
216He asked his entire organization, worldwide, to complete the Reina Organizational Trust Scale. He wanted to know how his people perceived the level of trust within his organization. The 93 percent rate of return told him he was asking the right questions. It became clear that trust was important not only to him but to the whole organization.
The commanding officer brought the results to his 350 senior leaders from around the globe. He showed them where they had a strong foundation of trust and where they had work to do. People in the organization trusted their leaders’ competence to carry out important military functions, but they did not trust them to hear feedback, especially around tough issues. They experienced their leaders demanding support, pulling rank when necessary, but felt they received support only when it was convenient. The commanding officer asked them to pay attention to the results and to commit to taking action to further develop trust. He promised to keep asking important questions and to do his part.
At the time of the writing of this chapter, the commander was taking steps to engage his leadership team in an extensive trust-building process. They will measure the level of trust in their relationships with others to raise self-awareness. They will measure the level of trust in their leadership team and use the results to strengthen their own team’s trust. They will learn and apply the Trust & Betrayal Model to anchor their trust building leadership roles. They will listen to the voices of people’s experiences as they recorded them in the open-ended questions on the Organizational Trust Scale and take responsibility to address the issues and needs that the scale identified.
In the meantime, the forty people trained in the Trust & Betrayal Model continue to bring the work forward. Their commanding officer is equipping them with additional trust building materials, instruments, and tools to support them. In him, they have a leader who is on board, engaged, and following through. He is demonstrating the very thing he sought through trust building—authentic, courageous leadership.
Although the organization-wide trust building process is in its early stages, some report that there are already gains for the organization. They continue to remember that trust is built every day, step-by-step. And for many people within this military organization, their own raised awareness of trust, betrayal, healing, and renewal has changed their lives forever.
HOSPITAL BUILDS TRUST AFTER ACQUISITION
”We’ve got to do something!” exclaimed Karen Green vice president for regional services. “I thought morale at Willow Bay couldn’t get worse, then it did. Nurses are almost tripping over each other to get out the door. I just heard today that more may resign. With all the blaming, gossiping, and undercutting going on there, I’m surprised we still have as many there as we do.”
A year and a half earlier, Willow Bay Hospital had been acquired by Greenleaf Health Care Systems, a large conglomerate. Many had been proud of Willow Bay’s solid reputation as one of the area’s finest community hospitals. Losing their autonomy was a blow. Undercurrents of mistrust that had remained hidden before the acquisition bubbled into plain sight with the change. Willow Bay was one of several hospitals reporting to Karen.
She continued, “They are questioning any decision made by management, especially any that they attribute to Greenleaf. To them, every decision appears to be a bad one. When they are expected to do something differently, they challenge it rather than give it a chance. Any new directive becomes a fight. And they continue to question the capability of the other nurses. None seem to be as good as the standards they have set. I don’t think even they measure up to the standards they use for everyone else. And I’m not sure how to turn this around.”
“You’re not the only person who needs to turn this around!” responded Monica, an internal consultant at Greenleaf. “The people of Willow Bay are the ones to address this with you. It’s our job to help them.”
“How do we do that?”
“Are these people heartless, vicious, totally self-centered people?”
“Of course not. They are dedicated health professionals giving some of the best care available.”
218“Do they want to work at a place where morale is bad and they don’t trust their coworkers or the administration?”
“I don’t think so. I assume that’s why so many are leaving.”
Monica, with a thoughtful look on her face, sat back. “Then we have a lot to work with. You know that we have been introducing the Reina Trust & Betrayal Model elsewhere in Greenleaf. I think it could help the people of Willow Bay turn things around. We’ve had good success with it in other areas of our system.”
Monica went on, “It’s obvious that people feel betrayed. I’d like to learn more about how people are feeling. I have some guesses, but it is important to hear it from them. And if morale is low, people are needing to talk. We need to give them a safe place to do just that, constructively. I’d also like to plan a way to introduce the concepts and language of trust to everyone at the hospital. I need to put them on the same page.”
“You have my full support. What do I need to do?” inquired Karen.
“I’ll need your help engaging others. The first person I want to talk with is Carol Simpson, your director of operations. I’d also like to meet with each member of the management team. I think it’s best that I do that one-on-one. I will soon need their help to set up sessions to introduce the Trust & Betrayal Model with all members of the hospital.”
Monica continued, “Karen, this is not going to be easy. But I have learned steps to rebuild trust. They will help us find our way. It will take time. And we’ll get there. We have to trust the process!”
Karen experienced the first sense of hope about Willow Bay that she had felt in months. This would be such a relief if it actually worked. It would be great to be able to deal with all the other fires that were coming her way.
On a Thursday morning, Karen and Monica settled into Carol’s office. Karen began, “We’ve talked this morale problem into the ground over the past year and have tried different strategies. Despite our best efforts, morale just keeps getting worse. I began to realize that we were trying to do too much on our own and weren’t taking advantage of other resources within Greenleaf. I know that you met Monica before. I asked for her help, and she’s here for us.”
“Monica, I’m glad you’re here. I don’t know where to go with this to make it better.”
219Monica responded, “Let’s see if working together we can change that. And I do emphasize working together, not only the three of us but everyone at Willow Bay. Let’s start by your telling me your take on what is happening here.”
“It seems that it’s quite acceptable here to blame anything that appears to go wrong on Greenleaf. There are complaints every day about how doing things the ‘Greenleaf way’ is screwing things up. Gossiping and rumors are getting out of hand. Some of it is really vicious, tearing down fellow workers. As you know, one of the results of this kind of environment is that we are losing nurses, physicians, and some of the support staff. We are becoming dependent on registry nurses to cover our shifts. Should this continue, we will have a serious problem with continuity of care. I’m really concerned that it could put the quality of our care at risk.”
Carol paused and looked at the other two for a moment before continuing. “Yesterday I talked with my long-term nursing supervisor, Toni. I think you need to talk with her directly. Hopefully it won’t be an exit interview, since she told me she was thinking about leaving. There is a physician who was formerly here who is recruiting nurses for his new hospital. She is one of my best, the staff love her, and she may be resigning. We can’t afford such losses.”
The conversation went on for another hour as Karen and Monica asked questions and Carol answered. It was clear that Carol was well informed and emotionally spent. The job was taking a serious toll on her. Karen was beginning to realize that the problem was even bigger than she had thought.
Monica worked with Carol to plan a series of workshops to introduce the topic of trust using the Reina Trust & Betrayal Model. Carol confided in Monica how worn down she had become. The stress was having a major impact on her life. She had a received a call from another hospital; they would be extending her an offer, and it would be tempting.
The atmosphere of the early introductory workshops on trust was highly emotional. People began to become comfortable as they told their stories and worked through some of the issues between them. They put sensitive subjects on the table, trusting that Monica would help them. They talked about how they felt let down by leadership and belittled by Greenleaf.
220It was important for Karen to know that the staff felt disappointed by her. Monica, with care, gave Karen the feedback she needed to hear. “Karen, I have learned that the staff doesn’t really understand you. They feel you have let them down. Are you willing to hear their views?”
Monica continued, “I’m finding that they are thinking of you as a ghost who floats in, almost never seen but pulling strings in the background. They know you are an important player. But for many of them, you represent the evil Greenleaf empire. They don’t think that you’ve tried to come to know them or to learn how they have done things. They feel that you have ‘come in’ and simply asked them to change before you really understood their ways. I know how much you care about them and how much you respect their work and how much you want to support them. The challenge is that right now they don’t know that. We have to find a way to help them hear you and for you to hear them. It is only then that healing and rebuilding will begin.”
Karen hired a professional coach, Dr. Michelle Reina, someone who really understood issues surrounding trust. This coach helped Karen understand people’s concerns and vulnerabilities. Most important, the coach helped Karen understand what her people needed from her as a leader and as a person. With her coach, Karen administered The Reina Leadership Trust Scale (a 360-degree survey) that helped her understand trust in her relationships.
Karen grew to understand how people behaved when they were disappointed and betrayed. She dug deep into herself to renew her role as a leader and her convictions about health care, caring for sick children, and supporting families. This was not just a job for her; this was her passion. She wanted to make a difference in people’s lives.
Coaching helped her find the courage to do what she knew was most important—talk with the staff. Karen began communication sessions so that she could speak to everyone on the staff. She acknowledged how she had overlooked and failed to understand their needs, how they felt betrayed. She described her own experience of feeling overwhelmed at times and her own disappointment at seeing the way people treated one another and her.
The staff knew that Karen was skillful and had depth of knowledge. During these sessions they saw a side they had not seen before—her heart and humanness. Karen acknowledged that rebuilding had to occur. She told the truth: “I can’t do it alone,” and she asked them if they would be willing to work with her. This was a major turning point in letting them know that Greenleaf in general and Karen in particular were for real. She asked them to do their part. Reframing and taking responsibility began to take place. They could see that she cared, that she was serious and on their side. This was a time for healing.
221Karen felt it was important that they have some baseline measurements of trust. Although Monica’s introduction to trust was helping, they needed to know where they still had work to do. She also wanted them to measure improvements. They drew upon the Reina Organizational Trust Scale to measure the level of trust in employees’ and management’s behaviors. The results showed that employees’ perceptions of management’s behaviors were particularly negative, as were their perceptions of themselves. Gossip was a major problem, as were channels of communication, information sharing, and people backing one another up. An “us against them” dynamic was common. Karen sighed when she saw the numbers: “At least we have some room for improvement!”
Eventually Carol decided to accept another offer. Ironically, Toni was still there, reporting she hadn’t quite made up her mind yet. Carol’s departure set off a wave of antiadministration feelings and more rumors. Carol was replaced by Cynthia, who was sent by Greenleaf. Karen had thought Cynthia would be okay, but Cynthia made it clear she was unhappy being there; of course, that contributed to more feelings about the administration at both the hospital and Greenleaf. Within a few months, Kevin was appointed as the permanent director of operations for the hospital. Karen and Monica welcomed stability in this position!
Kevin proved to be very capable and quite an advocate for the trust work. He was familiar with it from other assignments for Greenleaf. He stepped in and began to use the trust model to support the rebuilding and healing process.
“I talked with Toni the other day,” offered Kevin, “and she told me that she had decided to stay. I thought it would be good for you two to hear why she made that decision, so I asked her to stop by now.” As he said this, he got up and opened the door so that Toni could come in. She greeted everyone and sat down. Kevin said, “Toni, I’m so glad you decided to stay. Would you tell Karen and Monica what led you to this decision?”
222“Of course, I’ve been up and down with this. I had a physician say that she needed me. She told me how much she depended on me. She said my experience was vital. I’ve been told many times that I’m important here, but at that moment I really heard that I was valued. I don’t need to hear that on a daily basis. I just need to know it and feel it inside. It helped me remember how important this place is and how important what we do is to me. I don’t want to lose that.
“Also, attending Monica’s session on trust and betrayal helped me see things differently. At first I didn’t want to go. I thought they would be trying to convince me that I was seeing things all wrong and should put on a ‘happy face.’ But they didn’t. They were talking about the same things that caused me to think about leaving. I didn’t feel blamed; that made a difference. The discussions around trust and betrayal helped me see that I do have some choices. They also helped the others in the room see that we’re all a part of what has been so frustrating to us. I believe that we can shift that and create the kind of environment we want.
“So, I thought it might be good to also have a one-on-one discussion with Monica. She helped me see my role in supporting the rebuilding of trust. After talking with her, I really ‘bought into it.’ It was that one-on-one that did it for me. I decided to stay.”
Karen reached out and shook Toni’s hand. “I want to thank you for staying. You are an important part of this hospital, and we need you. We’re all learning how to be more trusting and trustworthy. I hope we can learn a lot more about it together.”
“I do too,” Toni replied and left to go back to work.
“An experience like that is just part of the evidence that this process is making a difference,” began Karen. “Yet we can see that some of these problems are deep and involve the whole hospital. Addressing them is going to take more than an introduction to trust in occasional discussion. We need to find some way of going deeper with everyone at the hospital.”
“I agree,” stated Kevin, “but I don’t know how to do that. I just can’t take people off the floor; it’s impossible.
Monica saw her chance. “I would like to make another suggestion. I learned of a tool called Reina Trust Building On-Line. It is a way to engage people over time, in depth, in the Trust & Betrayal Model and help them actually put those behaviors into practice every day. I think it would be a good fit for us since it would allow us to involve everyone at different times of the day and night and at an affordable price.”
223Monica made arrangements to engage everyone in the Trust Building On-Line. It provided the solution that allowed everyone to become more aware of trust and to learn trust-building skills and behaviors. Participants learned about how they trust, how others trusted, and how they could use trust-building behaviors to do their jobs. Because it was impossible for people to take much time away from patient care, learning modules were designed to be completed on-line in fifteen to twenty minutes. People engaged in the Trust Building On-Line process in learning clusters. Each cluster communicated with one another via a designated online community dialogue space. Monica and other trained facilitators helped keep the groups moving, on track, and involved. This approach gave the people in the hospital a chance to really engage with one another on a regular basis. Employees participated in the process every week over a four- to five-month period. Over the course of a year, everyone participated. Relationships formed and deepened; trust grew.
And people were using what they learned. Kevin reported at one of their update meetings with Karen and Monica how he had talked with a nurse in the emergency department. “He was amazed at the way people were now talking. They did it first on-line and then started talking more on the job. They were definitely taking it seriously.”
Karen, Monica, and Kevin continued to look at their progress. “I believe we have made a real difference,” Karen began. “I know that I have learned so much about trust and betrayal, especially how I was committing trust-breaking behaviors all the time without knowing it. I can also see that the pattern of blaming Greenleaf for every little problem has faded away. As people deal more directly, they don’t need a scapegoat. Now when someone says they have an issue with Greenleaf, we pay more attention to it.”
“I like what is happening with the Willow Bay Council,” reported Kevin. “It really helped that they already had the role in advising the leadership team. We got them involved, and the council helped drive the model through the organization. They built collaboration, and as a result they even became more effective as a council.”
224“I’ve got something to add, too,” said Monica with excitement in her voice. “We have the results of the latest Organizational Trust Scale that everyone took. I’m sure the two of you will like what I have to say. Changes in perceptions about management in the past year have continued to improve. There is a 12 percent increase in staff perceptions of management’s trust-building behaviors and a 23 percent reduction in their perception of management’s trust-breaking behaviors. The level of trust in employees’ behaviors went up across the board. The open-ended responses show that employees resist jumping to conclusions and talk directly with one another about problems rather than gossip; they respect personal needs and organizational policies; and they collaborate more freely and share accomplishments. They report that they address operational needs, more readily hold themselves accountable, and keep agreements. Doesn’t that look a lot brighter than when we started this process?”, Monica exclaimed.
We are practicing transactional trust behaviors more consistently.
“I am really gratified,” said Karen, “and I know those at Greenleaf are too. Facing our trust issues has improved communication and how we deal with our challenges as well.”
Kevin offered, “I am going to put metrics in place that help us more tangibly measure the positive impact this has had on our business performance. I know it is there; I want to demonstrate it. And, on a more personal note, I have seen some numbers that are important to me. They convince me that we have turned the corner. Our turnover has returned to the levels prior to the merger. I’m really glad that Toni and others like her have seen that this would be a good place for them to stay and work. We now have what was missing: a strong foundation of trust.
A LEADERSHIP TEAM TRANSFORMS
“For such a competent group of people, we sure had problems working with each other!” exclaimed Candace, department director. “When I look back over the past three years, it is amazing how it has worked out. We had issues about trust in nearly all of our interactions with each other and couldn’t even acknowledge them. No wonder all the different things we had done to improve our communication and cooperation hadn’t made a real difference. Of course, things would get better for a while after each program or consultant, but then we would slip back into our old ways. We just hadn’t addressed the issues deeply enough to really make things better. Now that we have faced ourselves and looked at the ways we broke trust with each other, we are making progress that is going to stick.”
Candace paused to look at the others in the room. The leadership team members were gathered for their semiannual review of their progress on their many trust-building tasks. They had made enough progress that they could reminisce about their experiences.
“I remember,” said Bart, a unit manager, “when some of us finally were willing to admit that we had problems trusting each other. Wow! That was tough to do. We knew we needed help, especially from someone who really understood how to fix trust problems. I’m so glad we contacted the Reinas. It was almost serendipity, when we suddenly had that opening time slot for the agency conference. Michelle Reina’s activities and talk got our attention. We could move from just talking with them about trust to actually beginning the work.”
“We just didn’t know how much work it was going to be,” added Bonnie, another manager. “I remember when we were asked to participate in the Organizational Trust Scale survey as preparation for that presentation. I asked, ‘What’s this?’ But I filled it out and was amazed at the results. Michelle Reina interpreted the information we gave on that instrument. When she talked about trust in her presentation, she talked about how we trusted, or, as the case was, didn’t trust.”
“Yeah,” replied Bart, “like how we wouldn’t talk much with each other. I left you to do your job, and you let me do mine. At least after hearing the results of the scale, I knew we had a lot of competence trust in each other. I knew everyone in this room could do a good job. I just didn’t want to be a part of what you were doing. Now it seems really weird; I usually think of being isolated when we are dealing with people we don’t see very often. We were isolated, and we saw each other all the time.”
“We have learned a lot,” observed Candace with a slow look around the room to catch the eye of each person. “I know that I have been healing so many of my wounds, and I hear from each of you that you are healing, too.”
226“I heard the rumors of my staff talking to Candace about their complaints about me,” offered Bonnie. “But Candace, you didn’t talk to me about it. I was left wondering what people were saying and what impression of me you were forming in your mind. It was getting strange, but I kept trying to do my job. I had to wonder, though. Candace, you seemed to be watching what I was doing and telling me how to do some of the details of my job. I definitely felt you micromanaging me, and I resented it. I’d go home after work and scream at my dog—I was that frustrated!”
“I don’t think we’ll ever forget those feelings of being micromanaged,” reflected Bart. “I always felt like I was being kept on a short leash. That was the strange part. I assumed I was hired to do this job because I was qualified to do it. I had done it elsewhere. I knew I could do it here. Yet I kept having the feeling that Candace didn’t really believe I could do it without her keeping track of almost everything I was doing. Candace, I kept wishing you would let me do my job and focus on doing yours.”
“Aren’t we ever going to let that go?” replied Candace with a sad tone in her voice.
Not knowing what to say, everyone sat looking at Candace. Finally Bonnie broke the silence. “Candace, we have let it go, at least as much as we can. I know my feelings about it were very intense. We just touched them again. I also know things are changing. Candace, I see you changing, and I see all of us changing too. We are slowly but surely putting those things behind us.”
“I want to come back to what I think got us moving,” suggested Bart. “As part of that agency conference, we participated in taking the Organizational Trust Scale. I remember not thinking much of it when I started completing my form before the conference. By the time I’d reached the end of the form, I found I was really thinking about the answers. I even went back and thought more about some of my earlier responses. I remember laughing to myself when I wondered whether my answers would really be tabulated in confidence. I was laughing because it was funny to think about not trusting the process of handling a trust survey. When I finished my instrument on-line, I was still feeling a little cautious. Then I waited to see what the results would be.
“I remember seeing the results just before the conference. They seemed pretty positive. I began to wonder if I was the only one who wasn’t trusting. But, of course, I wasn’t going to talk to anyone else about their assessment of it. I was a little relieved when Michelle Reina gently, but firmly, said that the results showed some things we needed to look at. But it was obvious that we didn’t want to. I know now that I wasn’t the only one wanting to avoid dumping that can of worms out on the table and watching those slimy parts of us spreading out where everyone could see them.”
227“That conference was a hit,” added Bonnie. “I really liked what Michelle added to it. Not surprisingly, after the conference there was a burst of better communication, and I heard everyone feeling more hopeful. And then there was that slip back to the old behavior, just as had happened before.”
Candace shook her head as she remembered those times. “Not again! Seeing what was happening really upset me. I kept thinking, ‘We can do better than this.’ I knew we had to do something different or we would just keep sliding backwards. But what? There was something about Michelle that gave me confidence. I think it was the way she could tell it to me straight and leave me feeling hopeful rather than beaten down. I knew we were going to need all the straight talking we could handle. When Michelle came back, she really helped us zero in on what was happening on this leadership team. I agreed that we should administer the Team Trust Scale as preparation for further work.
“Remember that follow-up workshop for just our leadership team? I didn’t really know what was going to happen, but I had the sense that we were rolling in the right direction. Michelle helped us craft a vision of how we wanted to operate with each other. It was a feel-good exercise. We all could feel good about it, but it also felt a little fantasy-like. Then Michelle calmly, but effectively, hit us right between the eyes. She reported back to us what we had said on the Team Trust Scale. In our own words and ratings, we had described how, in many ways, we didn’t trust each other. We squirmed and danced as we listened, but we couldn’t avoid our own assessment. Michelle kept coming back to what we had said we wanted, pointing out the statement we had just created. And she reminded us again of what we said on the Team Trust Scale. She kept after us until we began to face the issues we had identified. It was a hard time for all of us. The critical thing we needed to learn was that this was about what we were doing. We had the power to do something about the situation, and it was going to take a while, perhaps a long time, to really make the changes we wanted.”
228“I’m glad we formed that bond with Michelle,” reported Bart. “We needed that because we then went into dealing with some really tough issues. Using words like trust and betrayal was really hard at first. We were much better at dancing around issues. I think we had a conspiracy never to talk about anything that would have an emotional impact on another person. I don’t think it would be possible to use the word betrayal without affecting the other person. So we just let things ride. We were trying to ‘be nice.’ We thought we could fool ourselves that being nice would keep the whole thing from having any emotional impact.”
“I think that workshop exposed the illusions we had about how we were relating to each other,” added Bonnie. “But in spite of the commitments we made to keep working on these issues, there was a big part of me, and I think of everyone else in this room, that just did not want to keep digging into these long-held wounds. You know, I’m feeling a little bit of that right now.”
“That’s so true, then and now,” reflected Candace. “Michelle kept talking about how we each had to own our part in what was happening. I’ll admit that there was part of me that wanted everyone else to change so the situation would be better. When I realized that I would have to change too, it really scared me. I didn’t know how to make this kind of change. That’s when I asked Michelle to be my coach.”
“Wasn’t that when we introduced Trust Building On-Line?” interjected Bart.
“It was. Michelle talked about the importance of expanding the trust and betrayal work beyond the leadership team. Having everyone in the agency, no matter where they were located, learn the same language and concepts at their own pace and then discuss it all with their on-line groups was such a boost to our process. And we didn’t even have to pay for travel to get them together. And those professional moderators certainly kept the groups on task.”
“I think,” added Bart, “that having everyone working on their trust and betrayal issues really helped change the climate. I know having my team members talking about it meant there wasn’t any opportunity to slide. After all, I was supposed to be more experienced in this than they were.”
229“With all the emotions around here, it was good to fall back on the Trust & Betrayal Model, Bonnie added to Bart’s comment. We used the model to align people to the work and to hold them accountable. There have to be accountability and consequences to drive high performance.”
“I remember,” continued Bart, “Michelle saying time and time again, ‘It starts with you.’ It took me a while to realize that the ‘you’ was me. I had to take time to look at my own beliefs. It takes each and everyone of us looking at ourselves because trust is built on the group experience. Trust is such a loaded word because it means different things to different people.”
“Well,” said Donna in an intense voice that instantly got everyone’s attention. “The big moment for me was when my beliefs changed a little over a year ago. Candace had us sitting in this very room, and I thought my world was coming to an end. I don’t think I have ever seen Candace get so upset as she was when she came into the room and couldn’t even sit down. Candace, you just paced back and forth for what seemed like an eternity before you started talking. And when you did start talking, I didn’t like what I was hearing. I can still hear it in my head as though you were saying it today.
“You told us that you had had it with being the scapegoat—that everything going wrong in this agency was your fault. You were willing to take responsibility for your share, but everyone in this room was going to have to take their share too. I remember how frustrated you were that a year before that meeting you thought everyone in the room had committed to working on their own trust and betrayal stuff. You asked each of us to commit to telling you when we thought you were doing something that was hurting trust. I remember each of us made that commitment to you. You also made a commitment to us. You got yourself a coach, and I could tell you were dealing with some very heavy stuff. I saw you make changes. I saw you loosen the reins some, letting us work without your watching so closely. I saw and heard you invite and expect us to demonstrate communication trust with you and each other.
“But one year later we were back in the same room, and you were furious. The results of the latest Team Trust Scale had just come in, and it was obvious that there were people on this team who were saying things on the form that they wouldn’t say to your face. You told us, in no uncertain terms, that you felt betrayed, that everyone had a contract with you and that contracts had been broken. I felt like I had kept my commitment, but I was still shaking. Had I said everything directly that I had felt and had reported on the instrument? I asked myself.
230“Well, you didn’t call any of us out individually on this. You did demand that each of us get a coach and start facing our own issues around how we were working and communicating with you and each other. You said we would be responsible for getting our own coaches, at agency expense, but you would be willing to help make some connections if that would help. So we all left that meeting, and within a few weeks, all of us had coaches. I know that my coach made a difference for me.”
The room was silent. Everyone either looked down or continued to look at Donna. The emotions of everyone’s experiences were flooding over them.
“That meeting,” said Candace quietly, “was one of the hardest times in my life. I was so hurt and angry. I did feel betrayed . . . and right in the middle of your doing this work on trust and betrayal. There was part of me in complete disbelief. It was also a time when, I now know, I came to trust each of you in a much deeper way. Before then, I hadn’t trusted you enough to confront you. When I did, you came through. You got your coaches, you did some great work, and we are at a different place this year. The fact that we were recently rated by the Gallup organization as having ‘best practices’ for our teams says something very good about what we’re doing. On top of that, I just got the results of the latest Team Trust Scale from Michelle. By the way, I am really glad we’re administering the scale and the Organizational Trust Scale every six months. It’s much harder to slip back when movement is measured. Oh yes—the results. Here are the numbers. You can see that we have reached a very different and higher place than we were a year ago. Congratulations to all of us.”
The mood in the room became quite a bit lighter with that news. Immediately there were smiles and little side conversations.
“I do want to say a few more things about our trust work,” said Candace. “We have done a lot of healing. Three years ago, there was so much pain everywhere we turned. We felt it, our coworkers felt it, and everyone else in the agency felt it. We have come to live the Seven Steps for Healing. It has made a huge difference. We have practiced the four characteristics of transformative trust. We have had the courage to face this pain and its causes and then keep facing it. We have demonstrated that we have the conviction to make this a very different place in which to work. We continue to hold to the course. We have expressed compassion for each other rather than assume the worst. In being compassionate, we have invited compassion in return. And, one of the real blessings of this work, we have created a true community. I know that for me, this feels very different, very good. I am very proud and pleased to be a part of this whole experience.”
9/11
This story was told to our colleague Dick Weaver on this unforgettable day.
The double doors of the training room burst open. “Hey! I’ve got something to tell you immediately,” interrupted Bill with a quivering voice. “A plane has just struck the World Trade Center in New York, and the building is on fire. I have to go now. My family lives in Manhattan. I don’t know what other crazy people are out there. I have to take care of my family. You decide what you need to do.”
Gathered in the meeting room of the Vermont lodge, nearly a dozen people had just finished their breakfast and were getting ready for today’s training. They were enjoying the peaceful setting as they munched on their morning rolls and drank their coffee. Bill had been a part of a lighthearted conversation just before he stepped away from the group when his wife opened the meeting room door and signaled for him to step out. He was gone only a minute; his face was full of fear when he returned. It had taken a moment before he had gotten people’s attention, but now everyone sat in shocked silence. “What did he just say? What’s going on? A plane crashed into a building? It couldn’t be true.” All of them kept going over and over Bill’s few words in their minds. It couldn’t be real!
September 11, 2001. We all remember where we were and what we were doing when we got word of the tragedy that morning. Now all it takes are the numbers 9/11 to bring it all back. This small group, gathered in a lodge deep in the woods of Vermont, was just getting started on the third day of their certification training in the Reina Trust & Betrayal Model. Interestingly enough, they were about to spend their morning exploring the nature and power of betrayal. Instead of having to remember betrayals from their pasts, these group members were facing what one participant called “the ultimate betrayal.” This betrayal would change their lives and the lives of everyone else in the country.
232Dennis and Michelle Reina were just as stunned as everyone else when Bill made his announcement, and quickly left the room. They too had family and friends who might be at risk. Michelle’s family lived down the street from the Pentagon. Dennis had relatives in New York and New Jersey. They also had responsibilities as the workshop leaders. “Obviously we are going to have to change our plans for this workshop,” said Michelle. “We have to decide whether it is even appropriate to continue. We need to find out more about what is going on. Sounds like we also need to contact our families. Then we can decide together what we’ll do next. Let’s come back together in an hour.” There were nods of agreement around the table and then everyone went quietly back to their rooms.
In each of the rooms, TVs were quickly turned on and soon filled with images of the second plane crashing into the WTC’s south tower and then the video of the smoke rising from the Pentagon. People attempted to call home but most often heard only busy signals because of jammed circuits. They kept calling, with an increased sense of desperation. They had to talk with their families, especially their young children. There was such relief when they finally got through. Debbie’s five-year-old daughter was crying, very confused. “Mommy, the planes hit the buildings. Why did they do that?” There were no answers that day. There were only feelings of anger and a sense of being betrayed. Innocence was lost; the world was suddenly a different place.
The workshop participants all saw the animated maps showing the locations of planes still in the air. Once all planes were ordered to land, it did not take long for the maps to start clearing. Because everyone had flown in to the workshop, no one was going to be able to get home any time soon. Their freedom to move about the country was gone. One more blow was added to the overwhelming experience of betrayal.
233The hour passed quickly, but people returned to the meeting room before the time was up, one by one sliding into the big easy chairs that formed their working circle. They were deflated, all the air and energy punched out of them by the combination of hits they had absorbed. Michelle looked around the room. “In the face of what has happened, we have some choices to make. We can bring this program to a close, and each of you can try to find ways of getting home to your families. We can stay together as a group and keep an eye on what is happening in New York and Washington. Or we can spend some time dealing with what just happened and then continue the workshop. The choice is yours to make, as a group.”
Roused to action, they did a quick check-in to make sure everyone had reached their loved ones. They had. Then the group became animated as they talked about their choices. Don had been quiet, but when he cleared his throat, everybody turned to him. “I want us to stay together. I’m not ready to make a choice about whether to continue the workshop, but I am ready to try to make some sense of what is happening. Can’t we do that together?”
“We can,” Dennis responded, “if that’s what everyone wants. What would the rest of you like?” There was swift agreement. “Okay, let’s gather up some blankets, some water, and a little food. We can take a walk in the woods. I know just the right place for us to deal with something this upsetting.” The group quickly moved to the tasks without any further direction. Ten minutes later, they were all gathered again, this time with their arms full. Dennis led the way out of the lodge and down a narrow path into the woods. The day was just warming up, so the air still had a bit of fall crispness. The light feeling of the bright blue sky and early fall colors in the trees were very different from the heaviness they all were feeling. There was little talking as they walked. Most of the time there were only the sounds of their footsteps and a few bird songs. Later, some would describe it as a walk, others a hike, but all agreed that they entered a dimension where time and distance had little meaning.
They had just passed through a dense stand of maple trees when they entered the clearing of an open field and knew immediately that it was the right place for them to gather. Surrounded by pines, maples, and aspen, they could look up and see the deep blue sky. The sun had not yet reached the floor of the clearing. They spread blankets around in a circle and lit a candle in the middle. To help settle people, Dennis led the group in a short meditation. When they were finished, the group was ready. “Let’s start with our talking about what has happened.” Immediately, those around the circle shared what information they had learned from the TV and conversations with others. As they shared, they got the sense that they had all the facts there were to know at that time. The discussion then moved to larger issues and the meaning of what happened. Debbie spoke up: “I don’t know if anyone else is feeling this, but I’m feeling really off balance, talking about such a horrendous event while we are in such a peaceful setting. I feel guilty to be in such a beautiful, peaceful setting with such loss in our country at this time. It feels more like we’re talking about some really bad movie plot, not this kind of tragedy.”
234“We know this really happened,” responded James. “We all have the images seared in our minds. But we don’t have to keep our focus totally on these details. How will we ever move on from this?”
“Your question is true for any betrayal. At some point, we have to step back and get a new perspective on it,” Dennis chimed in. That exchange helped the whole group take their sense of what happened to a much deeper level.
Everyone shared their fears and their anger, a particularly natural thing to do given the circumstances. Most were more concerned about the impact on their family and friends than on themselves. Dennis brought the conversation back to those in the circle. One by one, people reached deep inside themselves and talked about their own fears and anger. They also talked about what was most important to them in life: their families, friends, and loved ones; doing meaningful work and making a difference. They talked about higher purpose, both their own and that of such a tragedy.
As each one talked, the group listened and gave encouragement. They were learning more fully of one another. Don noticed how the sun spread across the floor of the clearing. He felt it was a gift of light to them. After the final person talked, the group explored how they would provide support to each other for the rest of the week and beyond, as well as how each person would get and give support among family and friends.
The group was learning more about betrayal and healing with each passing minute. They shared their reflections.
235“It is often helpful, when we feel betrayed, to think about it in more than one way,” Michelle guided. “I suggest looking at what purpose this might have had in our own lives. What are the messages we need to hear? And how do we understand ourselves better because of this?” Those questions really made people think. Some of them needed solitude, and they got up and found small paths into the dense forest. A couple of people took a walk together, talking softly, while the rest of the group remained on their blankets in the clearing. After a little more quiet time, Joe spoke up. “Those are hard questions! I will live with them for a long time. Right now, I really know that I’m angry. My head says it would be good for me to answer them, but my heart wants to hurt the people who did this.” Michelle looked at him thoughtfully and replied, “I really get that. It’s going to take some time before you are ready to look at these questions. Answering them at some point, when it is right for you, will be important to moving on.” The others drifted back, and many of them shared the beginnings of their thinking about Michelle’s questions.
Dennis noticed that there was energy coming back into the group. “I want to remind us all, Michelle and I included, that we will need to take responsibility for our own reactions, attitudes, and behaviors in response to this devastating event. This is a huge betrayal, one we and the world will never forget. Let us consider what a temptation it is just to stay angry. We will eventually need to consider what else we’re going to do to help ourselves and others heal from this.”
Chris encouraged people to look at the other side of what had happened: “What kind of anger, especially from betrayal, must the hijackers have had that would have led them to this act?” Joe and Debbie looked startled at Chris’s last question.
Joe said, “I hadn’t thought about the hijackers at all, just about what they had done. They were just faceless terrorists until you asked that.”
“Yeah,” added Debbie. “I can see that I won’t be able to let go of this thing until I try to understand where they are coming from.” The others slowly joined this conversation. It was obviously a stretch for all of them, but they were thinking hard about this.
Evening began to come, and people prepared to leave the woods. Dennis paused and looked into each face. “I want to remind all of us that we are trying to heal from a huge betrayal. The healing process means we can release the power of the event over our lives. Simply put, it’s forgiveness. That doesn’t mean we say it was okay; it certainly was not. It also doesn’t mean we put our heads in the sand. It means we remain open to look for what we might learn from this betrayal. Forgiveness means we don’t let it control our lives. This is too big a betrayal for any of us to be healed at this moment. It is something we can work to create in our lives. I appreciate how engaged everyone is at this time here in the clearing. Let’s have a closing meditation.”
236As the meditation was concluded, the candle was blown out. The participants began to gather the blankets and other things they had carried to this special place. As Joe and Michelle shook the pine needles from a blanket, he was taken back to times when he had shaken blankets as a child while camping. In the midst of all the pain of the present moment, that visit to the past gave him great comfort.
There was little conversation as they walked back to the lodge, each person deep in thought. Once back in their meeting room, they returned to their usual chairs. After checking in with one another, they agreed they were ready to continue the workshop. Joe spoke for the group: “I believe that an important reason this terrible thing happened is that there is not enough trust. I don’t think it is a coincidence that we are here on this day, working on trust, learning about betrayal. Dennis and Michelle live this stuff. They used it today, and it made a difference for me. I feel an obligation to learn all I can about trust and take it into the world. It is the most powerful thing I can do to help us never repeat the horror that has happened today!”
The group spent the next four days together. Together they learned about trust, betrayal, and healing. They learned that when people are in pain, confused and distracted as they are, you cannot just expect them to move on. People need to be supported to acknowledge what has happened, how it is affecting them. They need support to be ready to move on.
The people together on that day have moved on to teach the very principles they came to understand that week. Their support of one another and the depth of their understanding of trust and betrayal have helped them touch and make a difference in the lives of thousands . . . building trust, healing from betrayal, and discovering renewal.