CHAPTER 2
Realizing That Old Dream Isn’t
Worth Realizing
It is 3 a.m. I am in Manaus, deep inside the Brazilian rainforest. A crowd of college students is gathering on the main floor of a dilapidated Amazon riverboat about half a mile away. I am downstream with a guide, floating along in a hollowed-out tree trunk used as a makeshift canoe. The guide handles the long stick-like paddle skillfully, which is demonstrated by the fact that while the water churns and we push forward, there is utter silence. I listen to the sudden and sometimes deafening shrieks of the rainforest animals as we progress in the pitch-dark night toward an area where crocs are known to gather. We scan the edges of the riverbank with a pocket flashlight, looking for the gleaming eyes of a small croc so that we can catch it and bring it back to the riverboat to discuss the habits of nocturnal animals.
As we near the target area, the canoe slows to a stop, and we turn on the flashlight. There before us, just a few feet away, are at least thirty pairs of bright white croc eyes staring back at us. The guide calmly paddles closer to the riverbank as my heart begins to pound so loudly that I am sure that both the guide and the crocs can hear it. My mind is racing, frenetically reviewing the instructions from the impromptu training earlier that day. Now it’s up to me.
Slowly, I lean out of the canoe, which is nearly level with the river water, quickly grab the croc’s jaws with one hand, and then immediately grab his tail with my other hand as he begins to flail upon being lifted out of the water. “We got him! We got him!” I yell. All at once the students on the riverboat upstream begin to shout with excitement.
The guide helps me ease back into place in the canoe; after all, this is no place to fall in and take a swim. I hold the croc in place on my lap while the guide paddles quickly to the riverboat. Minutes later we float up along the side of the riverboat to the sound of rousing cheers. I hand the croc to the onboard guide and climb onto the old riverboat, feeling flush with adrenaline. In this moment I think to myself, “I have to do this again—and soon!”
That Amazon trip was one of many moments of high adventure in my global nomad graduate student life, but ultimately, racing into the 9-to-5 matrix presses on us all and we walk into the structure in lockstep. I was no different. But what if we chose a different path? What if we created our own rules about how we spent our days? Now, I’m not saying that floating down the Amazon River every day is a realistic way to earn a living, but the experience did lead me to an epiphany years later when I realized that doing short stints of work that I loved was the key to Lifestyle Design staring me in the face, waiting to be recognized. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
There would be two decades of running the traditional 9-to-5 circuit of getting degrees, sending out resumes, going on interviews, and all of that boring and exhausting stuff before I would be able to see my career outside of the 9-to-5 construct.
Chronology of a 9-to-5 Career
Like many other people, I graduated from high school with plans for going to college and someday landing that dream job. However, years later I became completely disillusioned. Have you ever been disillusioned by your own career choices? If so, you might relate to one or more of the following scenarios:
- Did you invest a lot of time and money pursuing an education only to realize years later that it was a poor use of your time?
- Or perhaps you landed a job with that prized company, but that job didn’t pay off in the way you hoped?
- Maybe the company you worked for went bankrupt after you dedicated twenty years of your blood, sweat, and tears to the place.
- Or you were replaced on the assembly line by a new high-tech device.
We all have a story, I imagine. Mine begins with a lot of college and ends with a lot of disappointment—followed by my greatest success. Before we charge ahead, let me give you a little background on my journey to this point.
Starting at Point A: Eyes on the Prize
I was a seriously career-minded student; you have no idea. I went to class, then straight to work on campus at the International Education office, and then straight home to study until all hours of the night. I did that for four years of undergraduate school and two years of graduate school. I was driven to someday be “The Director” (cue the harps) of an International Education office somewhere in the United States. Six years of college was just the beginning of the long road ahead; it would be almost ten years before I was able to get from Point A to Point B. My decade of real-world preparation looked like this:
1994: Graduate with a master’s degree and land an entry-level job on the other side of the country. I pack my belongings in a shiny, brand-new subcompact car that was now scratched beyond belief by my belongings and drive for thirteen hours to this not-very-exciting new city. I report to the office the afternoon before I am to begin working only to discover that my new boss never set up the temporary housing she promised me, so I sleep in my car the first night. On day one my boss walks in, sits down, takes a look at me, and point blank asks what my religious persuasion is. She then proceeds to lecture me about the stupidity (her word) of religion, and me by extension. It’s only 9:15 a.m. I managed to find the one atheist living in the Bible Belt.
1995: Continue to work for the oddball boss, clocking the time on my resume so that making a move to a new employer doesn’t look suspicious in my job history. In the meantime I give professional presentations at state and regional conferences to build credibility and become more marketable in the work world. Hiring season arrives, and I apply for jobs everywhere in the United States and overseas.
1996: Land a new job on the other side of the country, this time at a Big Ten university. This job is considered a huge leap forward in my career, but what do I do? I turn the job down six times during the salary negotiation process. I’m finally hired on, but am now making significantly more than my soon-to-retire counterpart, which ticks off my co-workers before I even arrive. The job is interesting and rewarding—for a while.
1997: Begin to realize that being “The Director” seems relatively easy and pays twice the salary, but requires a doctorate. I prep for the GRE test, apply to the stellar doctoral program on campus, and land an assistantship that pays for college. I quit my regular job and begin classes. My 9-to-5er parents think I’m nuts to give up job security. My 80-year-old Italian grandmother cries actual tears while saying, “No man will want to marry a woman who is smarter than him! You will be ruined!” I wonder if this is some tricky reverse psychology tactic.
1998: Work a helluva lot during year one of the doctoral program, but find it surprisingly easy. I finish the required on-campus courses and decide it’s time to pursue my dreams of travel in a way that allows me to also earn college credit for some valuable work and research experience that will ultimately pad my resume for the next big job search. I apply for internships overseas; I apply everywhere!
1999: Land an internship working for the Australian government and within weeks pack up and move there. I continue my studies at an Australian university while pursuing my research. I write a paper that gets published by the Aussie government and meet the prime minister during a private meeting with about thirty of my fellow interns. A few weeks later, I receive a phone call from a university travel program that I applied to for five years running. They ask me to work on their cruise ship, and I accept on the spot. The moment the semester ends, I drop off my belongings at the DHL office for shipment back to the United States; the boxes don’t surface again for nearly a year. With a few months to spare before the ship sets sail, I throw on my backpack and hit the trails, trekking across Australia, New Zealand, and Fiji. (After all, comprehensive travel experience is a must in order to land a job as “The Director”!) I climb the world’s tallest steel bridge in Australia, jump out of planes in New Zealand, have an unexpected encounter with a great white shark while snorkeling in Fiji, and darn near stress out my parents by e-mailing home about all of these adventures.
2000: Race home, pack my bags, and set sail on the cruise ship. I circumnavigate the globe working as an onboard travel agent for one hundred days. I earn money while working to cover my expenses back home. I enjoy breathtaking, life-changing travel experiences like a big-game safari by hot air balloon at sunrise over the Serengeti. A few months later, I am back on campus. I move into a rented house for the summer and proceed to write my entire dissertation from cover to cover and graduate by year’s end.
2001: Apply eagerly for director-level jobs nationwide. I land a job as director at a nearby university.
Now, you may think that the punctuation is wrong at that end of that last entry. It should be an exclamation point instead of a period, right? After all, that was the ultimate goal that propelled me through decades of college classes, overseas work, and research, right? In 2001 I finally realized the dream that I had chased and dreamed about for so many years. Finally landing that dream job should have been cause for rejoicing. As it turns out, no. That job, my so-called “dream job,” which was the focus of many years of my life, broke me. It shattered my world; it was devastating. And it turns out that it was the most liberating thing that could ever happen to me.
Arriving at Point B: The Illusion of Security
When we are sitting at Point A and plotting a way to get to Point B, doesn’t Point B seem like the be-all and the end-all? When Point B is a specific job or career position, we dream of the perks that come with being hired on as a 9-to-5 employee, including the salary, paid vacation days, paid sick leave, and health insurance benefits. We dream of luxuriating in the security of being a salaried employee. That is the goal; it’s the golden ticket. Growing up, I remember hearing my grandfather talk about how he never enjoyed a single day of paid vacation in his entire life. The message from his generation was to look for one of those jobs that paid regular benefits, and if you landed one, oh boy, hang on and endure whatever comes your way because those benefits are worth it, baby!
This mindset continues in our present-day world where, in fact, due to the currently high rate of unemployment, previously choosy employees are now willing to do more for less money in order to hold on to their benefits, dwindling though those benefits may be. I understand their reasoning. And I deeply respect them for getting up every day and going to work in order to support their families. Likewise, I realize that companies can sometimes have good intentions, but simply must cut back in order to remain solvent. I empathize with everyone involved. However, I have discovered that all of this round-robin misery is optional. It’s optional! Do you hear me? IT’S OPTIONAL!
Contrary to popular belief, being a career employee is not the answer to a lifestyle of freedom and security. Walk into any unemployment office and take a good look around. Do all of those previously salaried employees look like they are enjoying the freedom and security that they imagined going into the job on day one? No. They are miserable, they feel helpless, and their entire life is out of control. Allow me to illustrate my point.
When I landed my dream job as “The Director,” I had no idea that eight people before me had been offered the job and flatly rejected it because the salary was low and the department was in disarray following an unpopular merger that resulted in ferocious infighting among veteran employees. Nonetheless, blinded by my wanting to at long last assume the title of Director, I naively accepted the position and jumped right into the thick of it. That job became my identity. I worked day and night to the point of exhaustion for about two years before I took a breath to prepare for my impending wedding.
At 10 a.m. on the first day of my vacation, I was busily packing for the wedding when my cell phone rang; it was my boss. She called to inform me that she was in the process of reorganizing my office and would be holding a staff meeting later that day to inform everyone of the situation. She apologized for the last-minute notice and told me that the candidate we mutually agreed to hire for another position would only sign on at the director level, so she decided to reconfigure the organizational chart.
After two years of tireless work to create a cohesive team in the aftermath of the hellish merger, the team was re-divided and the office was reorganized—in an instant and without my consent. To add insult to injury, I had effectively been demoted with no prior notice. And my team felt betrayed, believing I knew this was happening and deliberately failed to tell them before leaving for an extended vacation.
I was angry and deeply saddened in these days just prior to my wedding. Instead of being occupied with details about the flowers and the cake, all I could think about was work. On the day of my wedding, an entire table at the reception stood empty because team members had boycotted the event. By the time I returned to work, I was seething. This job that had been my life’s work for the two years prior was now merely a hot potato that I had to get rid of as fast as possible. My dream job turned out to be a “bad boyfriend” job, as it’s referred to in colloquial terms—one that you dedicate your heart and soul to only to be dumped suddenly and without warning.
This story illustrates the naked truth about why being a career employee is risky business. The rules of the game can change or be thrown out the window at any moment. In a heartbeat the organization can make sweeping changes, or on a whim the boss can reassign you, increase your workload, change your hours, decrease your salary, or terminate your employment. And no matter how high you climb the career ladder, you are always vulnerable—everyone answers to someone. The 9-to-5 career is merely the illusion of security that society chooses to accept as reality. In reality, changes can come at any time, no notice required. In my case, I was being effectively demoted soon after receiving a significant merit-based raise. Go figure.
This experience at my dream job and the stories from countless others just like mine posted on Internet message boards for job seekers caused me to panic. Was this what I had to look forward to for the next thirty years? I thought to myself. Was this my wake-up call to the reality that Point B is merely surviving the rat race until age 67? So many thoughts raced through my head during those days, but it was no time for deep introspection. It was time to find a new job that would pay the bills, and the clock was ticking!
OMG, I Need a Job!
When you are readying yourself for certain unemployment or are desperate to change jobs for some other reason, you develop a unique ability to focus. Most people in this situation work their regular job by day and carry out an “OMG-I-need-a-job” search at night. During the first few weeks, they frantically search all the job postings online and e-mail or call any friends or trustworthy colleagues who might have a possible job connection. Around the second month, the real panic sets in when all of the obvious leads have gone cold. It is in those weeks, months, and for some people—regrettably—years that the search process requires creative thinking in order to keep generating new job possibilities. In the meantime, job seekers continue to scour the Internet for job postings at prime companies or on popular job search engines. They also scan the want ads in their local Sunday paper in which many of the notices state the nature of the work but not the name of the company.
If enough time passes, people in desperation mode will apply for anything that pays. Have you ever responded to a blind ad only to receive an auto-reply message thanking you for your interest in being a salesperson in a multilevel pyramid-scheme company? Or better yet, have you applied for a job only to find yourself on a spam list that advertises products that you cannot afford because you are either unemployed or about to be? And as if all of the fun and games are not enough, some vacancies require the exhausting business of racing around in person and filling out tedious and redundant application forms at local Human Resources offices. Does any of this sound familiar? Have you been there? I sure have.
Well, when you finally run out of networking leads and you respond to all of the position vacancies that are out there, you become willing to negotiate nearly everything that matters to you in a job. As the days and months march by, you drudge up that belief that society has embedded in you: I need to be a salaried employee at all cost! You become willing to work practically anywhere, on any shift, with any commute time, and at a lower salary than ever before. You just need a J-O-B!
The J-O-B Is Not the Answer
Are you in the thick of needing a job right now, as you read this book? If you are, please let me tell you from experience that the J-O-B is not the answer. Instead, it’s the addiction. We crave the so-called security of the salaried job, but in reality that job may end at any time and begin again the cycle of job loss. Aren’t you tired of the rat race? Seriously, haven’t you had enough? If you are stuck in the job-loss cycle as you read this book, please know that this period of trial and tribulation can be the greatest learning opportunity of your life. I know that it’s hard to hear, but believe me when I say that unemployment or career dissatisfaction can be life-changing in a good way! It can be the greatest motivator you have ever known, causing you to dig deep and find courage that you never knew you had.
There is a better way; that is what this book is all about. It’s time to break out of the chains holding you prisoner in the 9-to-5 world and be free.
My intention is to inspire you and bring you into a new season of your life, one filled with hopes and dreams instead of the realities you currently accept and that pollute the vision you have for yourself. It’s time to cure your 9-to-5 addiction, to break free from the chains that weigh you down in this lifestyle in which your job drives your lifestyle instead of the other way around. Say no to the 9-to-5. It’s time for you to T-H-R-I-V-E-!