2 Humble Inquiry in Practice—Case Examples

In this chapter I present a wide range of examples from the mundane to the profound to illustrate that there is no absolute formula for Humble Inquiry. Remember: Humble Inquiry is the skill and the art of drawing someone out, of asking questions to which you do not already know the answer, of building a relationship based on curiosity and interest in the other person.

It is an attitude reflected in a variety of behaviors that are appropriate to the given situation. Many of the examples do not involve actual interdependence but illustrate the importance of building relationships such that when you are suddenly interdependent, the other party will trust you enough to be open and helpful. Ultimately the purpose of Humble Inquiry is to build relationships that lead to trust which, in turn, leads to better communication and collaboration.

1. Taking Mary to tea

(A missed opportunity to Humbly Inquire)

I had arrived in Cambridge with my new bride and was getting ready to teach my first class ever, a lecture course on social psychology for first-year MBA students. Most evenings I was deep at work on my lectures because I was so anxious about my first teaching performance.

Mary asked me several times if I’d take a break and maybe take her out for a cup of tea, to which I replied that I was sorry, but I had to finish the lecture.

Looking back on this scene I feel sad, regretful, and somewhat ashamed. What should I have done? I have a caring attitude and I wanted to be helpful, but I wanted to finish the lectures. Going out to tea would have been a total disruption. In reflecting back on this event I realize that I had three options.

Option 1 Stick to my guns, politely and firmly say, “Sorry, can’t right now,” and continue to work on the lecture. This is what I did and now regret.

Problems with this option:

It put Mary down, telling her that my work was more important than she was.

Mary might have needed to discuss a problem and wanted my input; if so, I would not have learned about it and, therefore, would not have helped.

I felt guilty and ashamed.

I built up some resentment because I felt guilty or ashamed.

Option 2 Give in and take Mary out to tea.

Problems with this option:

I might go out for tea physically but not psychologically, so it would be tense, awkward, and unsatisfying to both of us.

I might enjoy it but then have to work later and, thereby, create new problems.

I might resent it and unconsciously punish Mary in some way.

I might develop an image of Mary as “always asking.”

Mary might not have wanted a tea break but needed to talk to me about something and used tea as a vehicle.

Mary might have felt guilty for interrupting me.

Option 3 Humble Inquiry—Be empathic, sit down with Mary for a moment and give her my full attention. Ask her in a kind and attentive way what’s on her mind and suggest that we talk for a minute. In retrospect, this is what I should I have done.

Why this option?

By seriously asking, I would have been honoring the relationship, honoring her request for attention, and avoiding the put-down.

I would have had a chance of finding out whether she just needed a break, needed to get out of the house, or needed to talk over some important issue with me.

I then would have had the information to decide whether my lecture or Mary’s need was more important at that moment and could have made the appropriate decision.

We could then decide together whether to have tea then, to talk then, to have tea later, to talk later, etc. It would have been the appropriate next step, and that would have contributed to building the relationship.

I would have had a chance to share my anxiety about the forthcoming lectures and enabled Mary to gain some empathy for my situation and offer help.

I would then feel that the break was worth taking even if it cost me some work time.

WHAT I LEARNED

When the choice is between you or me, look for a way to explore us, the relationship itself.

Ask an open question to get information that you need (a question that is not answerable with just a yes or no).

When one is too busy with one’s own agenda but wants to display a caring attitude, what often works best is a small change in behavior, not a total revision of the relationship.

A small change allows a brief interruption to get more information before making a big decision.

The small change should invite joint problem solving.

Small changes now avoid the need for big changes later.

Humble Inquiry would have enabled a small change.

2. Getting departmental telephone costs down

(Using Humble Inquiry to get help from subordinates)

When I was the chair of my department of fifteen professors, I got a note from my dean that our phone costs were way out of line. I was told that I should find out what the problem was and get the costs down. I received a packet of information which provided a list of all the calls made by each faculty member, presumably to help me locate the problem persons and get them into line. So my job was to figure out what form of inquiry would yield the best result in terms of solving the problem.

Option 1 Go over with each professor her or his list of calls and find out which ones were legitimate and which were not.

Problems with this option:

This would involve telling people they had a cost overrun problem and requiring a detailed explanation.

This option would offend people, make them defensive, and actually reduce the chances of finding out what was really going on.

Option 2 Go over the list myself, locate cases that looked out of line to me, and selectively call faculty members for explanations.

Problems with this option:

This option would be very time consuming.

I would still run the risk of creating defensiveness.

My relationship with the faculty members would be undermined.

Option 3—(Humble Inquiry) Focus on the goal of reducing the telephone bill without destroying my relationships with my faculty. For me to know who had gone out of line and why was not really important. To implement this option I asked my secretary to send each faculty member his or her list of calls accompanied by my memo saying that the Dean had told me that our costs were out of line. The memo then asked each faculty member to 1) look at her or his own list of calls to 2) determine whether he or she had calls that should have been on other accounts and 3) to monitor this in the future. I made it clear that I was not interested in looking at each list and that I trusted each faculty member to examine and correct telephone usage in his or her own office. Though it was quite prescriptive, it was, in effect, asking them to help me in solving the dean’s problem of cost overruns.

The important issue was for me to realize that I was dependent on them for the relevant information and to figure out what form of questioning would yield the best result in terms of solving the problem and, at the same time, enhancing the trust level between me and the faculty rather than risking offense and, thereby, reducing the trust level. Such offense could easily have resulted if every faculty member thought I was going over all his calls individually.

Why this option?

It demonstrates my trust in faculty members to examine and correct telephone usage on their own, rather than risking offense and, thereby, reducing the trust level.

It is, in effect, asking them to help me in solving the dean’s problem of cost overruns.

WHAT I LEARNED

I had to reflect carefully on what I was really trying to do in a supervisory role before leaping into action.

I had to accept my dependency on others for the relevant information and be Here-and-now Humble, i.e., ask the faculty for help instead of telling them what to do.

I had to figure out what kind of question would really provide the answer, and, more importantly, how to ask that question—in this case through a memo that also let people know that I was not interested in individual information.

The method I ended up with did lead to several faculty letting me know that they had found out that some graduate students had made all kinds of long distance calls that should not have been on the department account. I felt good that they could come to me to tell me what they were doing rather than my having to ask them to tell me what they were doing.

3. A CEO asks a tough question

At a top management meeting to discuss succession plans for several senior positions, the following conversation took place:

Head of HR: “I think one of our best candidates to be put into the pipeline for the CEO position after you (the present CEO) retire is Joe. He has had good international experience and only needs a few more years in the New York headquarters to see how the whole system works.

A member of the management development staff: “I recently talked to Joe and learned that he has young children he wants to educate in Germany, so he has been lobbying to be transferred to the German subsidiary where he would like to spend the next five years. He is quite adamant about getting back to Germany. I know he does not want to stay here.”

CEO: “That really poses a problem because he really needs the experience here in New York if he is to develop into CEO potential.”

HR: “I guess we should then take him off the succession ladder.”

CEO: “Let me talk to him before we do that.”

This triggered my concerns that the CEO would bully him into staying and would risk having a very unhappy subordinate. So I spoke up.

Ed: “If he has made it clear that he wants to go to Germany for his next assignment, shouldn’t we honor that wish?” (Humble Inquiry)

CEO: “Ed, I have to talk to him because we owe him a full disclosure of his situation. I will not try to convince him or use power tactics, but I feel I need to tell him that if he does not stay on in New York, we will have to take him off the succession track. That is a piece of information we owe him. It would not be fair to take him off the track without telling him. He can then decide how to balance his work and family priorities. For example, he might want to move the family back and commute or find some other adaptation. But he needs to know the reality which is what I have to convey to him and then ask him what he wants to do.” (Humble Inquiry)

Option 1 Take Joe off the succession ladder.

Problems with this option:

They would have to find another viable candidate for the position.

Joe may be the best person for the job but wouldn’t be given that chance.

Option 2 Give Joe the full information and ask him (Humble Inquiry) what he wants to do. Allow Joe to decide how to balance his work and family priorities.

Why this option:

Although it’s possible that the CEO might bully Joe into staying and risk having an unhappy subordinate, Joe deserves to know the truth: that if he does not stay in New York, he will be taken off the succession track.

Joe might find a workable solution, such as moving his family to Germany and commuting to New York.

It asks Joe for a decision (Humble Inquiry) rather than making the decision for him.

WHAT I LEARNED

Taking people off the promotion ladder without telling them is showing less respect and being more authoritarian than making oneself vulnerable by engaging in conversation.

That I could easily fall into the trap of telling, i.e., making the decision for Joe, and fail to ask where asking was appropriate.

4. I launch a new task force

and use Humble Inquiry to get commitment

I was on the board of a local environmental organization that wanted to launch a capital fundraising campaign. the executive director, Joan, and her Executive Committee of the Board, asked me to chair a task force whose job would be to determine if the board was emotionally ready to launch a Capital Campaign. We asked eight of the more active board members to join the task force. The next step was to have our first meeting to decide what to do. Joan had been through a previous Capital Campaign ten years earlier and felt that many mistakes had been made. She proposed that at the beginning of the meeting she brief the group on the previous campaign’s mistakes.

Option 1 Start out by telling the group about previous mistakes to help them avoid going in wrong directions.

Problems with this option:

Telling the group anything would focus attention on Joan and me, rather than on us as a group.

By starting with potential problems, it would put a negative slant on the Capital Campaign from the beginning.

Some members had been involved in the previous campaign and might get defensive.

Option 2 Start with an informal dinner meeting and begin to build a relationship with the group members by asking each person the question: “Why does each of you belong to this organization in the first place?” (Humble Inquiry). Have each member around the table answer the question with no interruptions, questions, or comments until all ten have spoken. This is what we did with great success in that most members were very positive and enthusiastic about the organization and its future.

Why this option?

The rules and the nature of the question introduce an atmosphere of inquiry and put emphasis on positive feelings about the organization.

This allows each person to speak openly about the organization, making it clear at the outset whether there would be enough enthusiasm and energy to launch the Capital Campaign.

Having each member answer the questions builds a sense of shared responsibility and unifies the group.

WHAT I LEARNED

When a question is asked in a group setting, it is important to impose a rule that everyone gets to answer the question before back-and-forth discussion is allowed.

A question should elicit information and feelings important to the group’s mission.

It is indeed crucial to start the meeting with everyone speaking from the heart before any interaction is allowed.

The chair should control the process, not the content. The next four examples illustrate a more spontaneous use of Humble Inquiry and show how that can have powerful and often unanticipated effects.

5. Giving directions

My house was on a street that feeds directly onto the main highway into Boston. I was in my front garden when a woman drove up and asked me whether I could direct her to Massachusetts Avenue. This would have meant turning around and going back across several streets. I asked her, “Where are you trying to get?” (Humble Inquiry). She replied that she was trying to get to downtown Boston. She was already on the direct road to Boston, so I told her to just keep going on the road she was on. To this day I wonder what would have happened to her if I had told her how to get to Massachusetts Ave.

WHAT I LEARNED

Don’t jump in telling answers until you know what the other person really needs to know.

Don’t assume that the person with the question has asked the right question.

6. Initiating culture change

(an unexpected consulting success)

This case study is an example of how an innocent Humble Inquiry can initiate a change process.

The CEO of a power company wanted me to help launch a culture change project because he felt that the organization was stuck in an old and obsolete set of practices and norms. Would I come to diagnose and then propose change steps? I did not know much about this organization or the CEO’s perceptions or motivations, so I inquired whether he would be willing to come visit me first to define the problem (Humble Inquiry). I was very curious about his motivations and did not want to get involved in a visit before I knew what he wanted.

He and his COO and head of organization development decided that this was a good idea and agreed to spend a half-day with me at my house. When we sat ourselves down in my garden I took an inquiring attitude (Humble Inquiry) and waited for them to tell me what was on their mind. They launched into a series of general statements about how this old company had a culture that was immovable and frustrating. My interest and curiosity grew, but I could not get a sense of what they were talking about because it was too general. I was feeling ignorant of what they meant by stuck and immovable. When feeling this way, I have found that one of the best kinds of Humble Inquiry is just to ask for an example, which is what I did.

The COO jumped in with the following: “Just yesterday I had one of my regular staff meetings of my group of 15 members of the leadership team. They always sit in the same seats around this huge table. Yesterday, there were only five people at the meeting and they again sat in their same seats even though that scattered them all around the room. It was really crazy … you see what we are up against?”

He then looked at me expectantly, presumably hoping for affirmation and support. I had many choices of how to respond. (You should ask yourself what you might have said at this moment.) Spontaneously—because I was genuinely curious—I asked, “What did you do?” (Humble Inquiry)

He said, “I did not do anything.” (Missed opportunity)

And in that moment a huge light bulb went off in his head and in the heads of the CEO and the VP of organization development. My innocent question revealed that whatever problems they were having with stodginess in their own culture, it was supported and reinforced by their own inaction. For the next two hours, the four of us explored all the ways in which they were colluding in maintaining what they were complaining about and how they could change their own behavior. Over the next year they were able to make most of the culture changes that they desired, all triggered by the reframing of their own role through my humble question.

What could the COO have done at the moment? Humble Inquiry on his part would have been to say to the group in a curious and nonpunitive way, “Why are you sitting so far away?”

WHAT I LEARNED

Asking for examples is not only one of the most powerful ways of showing curiosity, interest, and concern, but also—and even more important—it clarifies general statements.

A timely open question is sometimes all that is needed to start effective problem solving.

7. A job definition problem

(the power of ignorance)

I was working with Shell Australia and was invited to join the senior management for lunch. In the middle of the lunch, the CEO brought up the news that they were losing their VP of administration. The CEO said he hoped that I would not mind if they did a little company business during lunch and launched into the issue by announcing that Peter, the primary candidate, seemed like a perfectly OK candidate to promote into that job, what did the others think? Several of the VPs were clearly nervous about Peter. They discussed his strengths but somehow continued to feel uncomfortable about him. They were all telling why Peter was not right for the job.

I watched this for a while and became puzzled why they seemed to like Peter but could not resolve giving him the job. I also got curious about what a VP of admin did in this organization, so I asked: “What does the VP of administration do?” (Humble Inquiry)

I got a few patronizing smiles but then they decided to take the time to answer the question. “He has finance, accounting, personnel, long-range planning, public relations—”

At this moment one of VPs said that it was in public Relations that Peter had problems—he was a good inside guy but not effective externally. They immediately agreed on this as the reason they were nervous about giving Peter the job.

And then one of them asked, “Does PR have to be part of this job? In fact, isn’t it getting to be such a big issue in Australia with all the new environmental issues that we should have a VP of just PR?” (Humble Inquiry plus suggestion). The group agreed immediately to separate out PR and then agreed further that Peter was perfect for the other functions. Problem solved.

WHAT I LEARNED

Accessing your ignorance, or allowing curiosity to lead you, is often the best guide to what to ask about.

Once again, asking for an example (what does the VP of admin do?) proved to be crucial to problem solving.

8. The sympathetic oncologist

(providing choices)

When my wife Mary had her first bout of breast cancer in her 50s, we were sent to an oncologist who immediately conveyed to her an interest in her total personality and life situation through body language (intense attention and eye contact), through taking lots of time with questions, and always responding sympathetically (Humble Inquiry attitude). He asked her several general and personal questions before zeroing in on the medically related issues. My wife felt respected as a total human being and, therefore, felt more open in voicing her concerns about treatment.

When it came time to planning treatment, he told us that there were several combinations of chemo and radiation that were possible and were equally likely to be beneficial and left the door wide open as to what might work best for us (Humble Inquiry). He asked what our travel plans were for the following year. We mentioned several long trips that were on the books and the fact that we spend the winter months in California. He immediately told us that we should not change any of our plans and that whatever treatment was needed could be scheduled around our trips and could be delivered as well in California.

What was striking was his questioning us about our other life priorities, which made Mary feel she could trust him totally. This increased her motivation to accept his prescription and work hard on her treatment. She went into remission for ten years, but another cancer grew and it was very important to her to have the same oncologist. He was available, so all went well on that round. After another 15 years of remission, the cancer surfaced once again. This time the same oncologist was not available, and it was immediately evident that the new doctor was more technical in orientation and much less interested in how treatment would fit into our total life situation. The result was much more anxiety and worry on Mary’s part, which led to searching out a second opinion and shifting to another doctor, who was again more personal and was able to make Mary more comfortable even though the prognosis was worse.

WHAT I LEARNED

In contrasting the doctors, it was striking to me how quickly Humble Inquiry created a comfortable relationship and how quickly the absence of it created anxiety and worry.

Humble Inquiry was conveyed by the whole attitude, not just the specific questions that the doctor asked.

The questions that were most important in establishing the relationship were personal ones, not technical/medical ones.

In Summary

All of the examples above are intended to either illustrate an attitude or provide specific questions that show interest and respect, which will stimulate more truth telling and collaboration. As the quality of communication increases, the task is accomplished better. These cases also illustrate that Humble Inquiry is not a checklist to follow or a set of prewritten questions—it is behavior that comes out of respect, genuine curiosity, and the desire to improve the quality of the conversation by stimulating greater openness and the sharing of task-relevant information.