CHAPTER
18

To Share or Not to Share

In This Chapter

• Preparing to show your work
• Overcoming your reluctance to share
• Dealing with feedback in healthy ways
• The gifts of sharing your creativity

One of the greatest feelings you’ve probably experienced is when you’ve been able to share a meaningful part of yourself with another person. Giving a gift to someone for no reason engenders warm feelings and pleasantly surprises the other person. Perhaps you’ve been on the receiving end of such an exchange, too.

But what happens when you share a part of yourself with others and the situation doesn’t go as planned? This can happen when you decide to reach out and show your creative work and may be why you’re not so sure you want to share. The flip side is that sometimes one act of sharing can move mountains. In this chapter, you learn the pros and cons of putting your work out there, which, in essence, is showcasing a piece of your heart. You also learn how to prepare yourself and your work for showing and how to accept both praise and criticism.

Being at Peace with Sharing

The decision to share your creative efforts with others is a big one. Whether you paint, draw, sculpt, act, cook, quilt, sing, play an instrument, dance, write, take photographs, make films, or engage in some other kind of creative activity, eventually you must decide if you desire to share your talents with others. Those who make their living in a creative field must show their work or they won’t be in that profession for long. But even professionals get disheartened when their creative work is questioned, or worse, criticized harshly or rejected altogether. A lot of people declare “I just do this for myself. I don’t need an audience.”

Do you fall into that category? If you do, do you secretly wish to change that viewpoint? I certainly did at one time, but I wasn’t conscious of that for a long time. For literally two decades, I wrote songs and felt contented as I sang and played them aloud in an empty room. Yet when I reached into the inner depths of my soul, I knew someday I hoped to tap into the emotions of other people and touch their hearts in a way that would make a difference in their lives with both my singing and songwriting. That would only happen if I went beyond the bounds of my closed door and reached out to others. I finally did, and yes, it was scary and emotional, especially considering that my first public performance was at a friend’s funeral. My fingers literally were shaking as I played my guitar and my voice was quivering. But I survived it and went on to do more public performances, which happens on a regular basis today.

If you are uncertain about sharing your work, can you also go well beyond the surface and reach deep within yourself to get to the bottom of what’s behind your hesitation? What comes up for you? If it’s fear, question that further. What is behind the fear? Are you afraid you’re not good enough? If so, what constitutes “good enough”? Remember Chapter 6 and the blocks that were discussed? What’s the worst that could happen if you reached out and shared your work? Keep in mind that “the worst” usually doesn’t manifest. Can you recall a time when you feared “the worst” would happen and not only did it not go the way you had envisioned, but in fact there were no negative ramifications at all? Even the supposed “worst experiences” you imagine can have a happy ending.

The same can happen when you share your creative work. Whenever you go public with your work, you do risk criticism from others. You’ve read multiple times throughout this book how taking risks is a part of creativity. That includes stepping out of your comfort zone.

CREATIVITY KEY

Sharing doesn’t have to be a black-or-white situation; there are certainly shades of gray. In other words, most people don’t go from creating on their own to sharing with a football stadium–size room of people. It can happen in stages.

“I’m Ready to Share—I Think”

Congratulations if you’ve decided to step beyond your private boundaries and go public or are at least willing to continue reading this chapter to consider the idea further. What does going public mean? That depends on your personal desires, dreams, and goals. Are you wanting to be a big fish in a small pond, a big fish in a big pond, or not a fish at all? Perhaps you just want to share your creative work with a few friends and family or are creating solely for your own personal pleasure.

Take a look again at your initial motivation and purpose, which will help you answer the question of what you truly desire to do. In Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way, she talks about finding the “true north” of your goals on your “emotional compass.” In other words, what’s behind your creative goal? If you paint portraits and one of your goals is to have a solo exhibit in a gallery, perhaps respect as an artist is what’s most important to you. Someone else may be after fame and fortune and is looking to make it big. Neither situation is better than the other. It’s an individual aspiration and choice you make.

Also, if you are creating in more than one discipline, you may want to involve others with some projects and not others. For example, you may write poetry and make beaded jewelry. You may feel the poetry is too personal and you would feel too vulnerable sharing it, whereas you see the jewelry as more of an activity that would be fun to share as people try on colorful bracelets and necklaces you’ve made. With each of your creative endeavors, take a look at what drives you.

The following questions can help you decide what stimulates your desire to share your work:

• Are you drawn to share your work because you feel you have something important to reveal to others?
• Are you driven to make money from your creative venture?
• Do you want to transition your creative focus from an avocation to a vocation? In other words, do you want to make a hobby a job?
• Does the possibility of being in the spotlight motivate you?
• Does sharing mean you are you simply looking for approval?
• What would it mean to you to have your work validated by others?
• If the thought of sharing your work makes you feel nervous and uneasy, are you looking to work through this anxiety by confronting it head on?
• Will you be truly happy if you keep your creativity to yourself?

Assessing Your Work

If you still have some discomfort around the idea of sharing, you may feel a need to protect yourself. How can you do that? Assessing your own work can help you decide whether it’s something you’re truly ready to share or something you need to give more attention or put aside.

The trick is to do an honest evaluation without being too soft or hard on yourself. You’re back to that “good enough” question again. Good enough in whose eyes? Yours or someone else’s? That’s an easy answer—it starts with you. You have to believe in yourself. At the same time, you need to establish your own measurement standards for judging your work. Do you have a sense of the criteria you’ll use? What’s a “must,” and what’s optional? Remember, one of the blocks that was discussed in Chapter 6 was procrastination. Are you judging your own work harshly as a way to avoid going public, or is your creation really not ready and in need of reworking?

INSPIRATIONAL INSIGHT

“Part of the healing process is sharing with other people who care.”

—Jerry Cantrell

To evaluate your own work, the following are some general criteria you can use:

• Reflect upon your motivation when you first began your creative project. This should tie in to your “true north.” What were your feelings around the creative endeavor? Did you stay true to your original intention or did something change along the way?
• Are there steps you can still take to improve upon the work? Beware of the perfectionist popping up here! Remember, it’s always best to strive for excellence, not perfection. As I presented in the chapter on your blocks, perfection can become an excuse to procrastinate.
• Are you happy with the way your project turned out? How do you truly feel about the final outcome? If you intend to sell your work, the marketability of your work becomes part of your criteria. If you were after a certain type of feeling, make that an important part of your evaluation.

In short, to properly assess your work, look at your original goals and see if you accomplished them. If you’ve accomplished them, you can feel ready to share; if you haven’t, you can go back and see what you can do to make your work ready to share.

Deciding Whether It’s Truly “Share-Worthy”

Even after you’ve gone through an evaluation process, it’s understandable if you’re not completely sure your work is “share-worthy.” If you’re at the point in which you think you’re ready to share but still have reservations, stop right now and make a list of what’s holding you back. I mentioned fear earlier in the chapter. Tune into that feeling more now and write down your reservations, starting with the words “I fear ….” Examples might be the following:

• I fear there’s nothing special about my work.
• I fear others will secretly laugh and make fun of my work.
• I fear my work isn’t very original.
• I fear anyone could do what I’ve done.
• I fear this just doesn’t stand out.

Just writing down your fears will help you get in better touch with where you’re at psychologically. Once you’ve examined the statements in black and white, it’s easier to be objective. Take the first statement in the example. What really makes a work of art (or whatever your creative activity is) “special”? If this is one of your fears, it’s probably because you’re comparing yourself to someone who has been out there sharing her work for a long time. Remember, you have to start somewhere, just like other people did! Go through each of your statements and evaluate them for their truthfulness. If there is any truth to them, ask yourself “Does it really matter?” Again, that ties into your motivation and purpose.

Take your time in digesting your fears and in determining an evaluation system for your work. You may be overly critical of your work, but it is possible to share prematurely. I remember doing that with two songs that I had written. In both cases, I knew that they weren’t my best songs, yet I put them out there anyway. With the first song, it was just in the draft stage and I shared it with one of my biggest supporters. I could tell by his reaction that he wasn’t that crazy about it. I wasn’t upset with him, but I was kind of mad at myself because I knew I should have waited. I was excited about the direction it was going because it was a different type of song for me. In other words, I let my excitement to share overtake my gut instincts to wait. In the second case, I knew the song could be improved but I let go of the need for it to be perfect and told myself it was “good enough for now.” I don’t regret that decision, but I now know the difference in how I feel when I share a song that isn’t quite there compared to when I sing one that I feel is ready.

Sometimes, you may need an outsider’s input to help you decide if your work is truly ready to share, as well as whether you’re emotionally prepared. If your reluctance in sharing is because you’ve determined your creative venture is lacking something but you’re not quite sure what, this would be a good time to consider consulting a friend, a mentor, a creative person whom you admire, or someone whose opinion you value. Research shows that interacting with others and discussing your challenges can lead to a breakthrough you might not achieve on your own, especially if you pair up with someone who thinks differently than you do or takes approaches that vary from yours. If you recall, I presented the idea of teaming with another individual to create in Chapter 10; however, it’s also a useful technique at any stage of the creative process—in the beginning, when you first get an idea, in the middle when you’re experimenting and exploring, or during the evaluation stage.

If you feel you’re not ready to share because you still have fear or are unsure of yourself and you’ve done the creative play in which you’ve practiced with yourself, you could reach out to a trustworthy friend for support. When seeking out that support, use discernment in selecting the right person. Sometimes even the best of friends can come from a place of insecurity and even jealousy, especially if your life is taking off in a positive direction and their life is going downhill. That doesn’t necessarily mean a problem-plagued friend will let you down. My point is to choose carefully, especially if you’re sensitive to feedback that could feel like rejection. Even the most confident person can be shaken by that feeling. You also could consider sharing your work with your mentor first, if you’ve established that type of relationship, in order to gain confidence to share with a wider audience.

Once you have determined the right person or people with whom to initially share, give yourself enough time and space to “show and tell,” followed by a meaningful discussion. In all likelihood, you’ll feel most comfortable doing that in your own home. From there, you can make whatever adjustments come out of that session and then branch out and invite a few more people over. Little by little, you’re building your confidence by sharing with people who you already know are on your side but who also will be honest with you.

You can improve your chances of receiving truly helpful advice on whether your work is “share-worthy” by structuring the gathering in a way that’s specific. For example, consider asking them to provide written notes so you’ll really be able to take their comments in and appreciate the information more. Your supporters will be more likely to give meaningful feedback rather than speak “off the cuff.” And instead of telling the participants something as vague as “I’d appreciate your opinion,” it’s better to be more explicit. Ascertain what would be most beneficial to know in order to determine whether your work is ready to share. For example, if you’re sharing a short story, you may want to know if your characters are believable or descriptive enough. Or perhaps you want their viewpoint on whether the ending was a surprise or predictable. Form your questions based on your creative goals and see whether your audience thinks you’ve accomplished them. In the next section, I talk about the different types of criticism you might hear once you have reached out and shared and how to prepare yourself to deal with each comment most effectively.

CREATIVITY KEY

You may choose to limit sharing your creative talents to one person or a small group of supportive friends and family, or you may strive to go for the gusto and shine in a much bigger, public way. In the end, your choice is about what is going to bring you the greatest joy. However, don’t lose sight of how you also may touch others’ lives by sharing your gifts.

Handling Feedback Once You’ve Shared

So now you’ve prepared yourself mentally and emotionally and you’re feeling good enough about your work to step out and share. You may never feel 100 percent ready and may still feel a little bit nervous; that’s okay. If you take the following tips into consideration, you can save yourself from potential heartache if you receive feedback that doesn’t sit well with you.

You can’t please everyone. I know you already know this, but it bears repeating. For example, I’m always amazed when I view a video on YouTube that seems positive or remarkably creative in every way but see that some people gave it the “thumbs down.” I think to myself, How could they possibly not like that video? Yet I know better. Everyone thinks differently and comes from their own perspective. If you’re putting yourself out there, not everyone is going to like what you do. That doesn’t make you a bad person or a lackluster creator. Not everyone is going to like you or your work, whether it’s due to envy or something else. Accept that as a fact and spare yourself the agony of overanalyzing where people are coming from. You’ll probably never know.

Teach others how to treat you. What I mean by this is if someone mistreats you, perhaps by putting you down or being sarcastic, and you allow it to happen frequently over time, in essence you are sending a message to that person that it’s okay to treat you that way. I’m not talking about the occasional slip people make; I’m referring to a pattern of behavior toward you that an individual has established. Decide what you’re willing to tolerate and either confront the person, who may not even be aware of her conduct, or ignore the situation altogether.

It also may not have anything to do with you personally; some folks have a negative disposition regardless of the person or situation. Realizing there are people with a negative outlook on life overall is an awareness to keep in mind as you put yourself in the public eye.

Establish boundaries around what you are willing to tolerate. If you find people go beyond what you wish to hear—perhaps their critique feels hurtful and unproductive—speak with them politely to let them know you only wish to hear information that is useful. You have to establish your own boundaries on what you deem as valuable.

Don’t immediately discount someone’s feedback. Whether you receive feedback in a safe environment that you’ve set up or you’re in the public eye at large, as long as the people in your audience are being kind and supportive, hear them out. For example, if someone offers a suggestion you don’t agree with, do not automatically reject her idea. First of all, you may be reacting negatively because you’re “attached” to the way you’ve been expressing your creativity and it’s natural to resist change. To combat this, allow some space and time before determining if it’s valid. In the moment, you can simply say “Thank you. I’ll think about that.”

The more comfortable you get with your own creative expression, the more you’ll have a sense of what you are willing to change based on others’ comments. While you may know right then and there that there’s no way you’re going to proceed with their idea, there’s no reason to let them know that. It can’t hurt to listen as long as the conversation is respectful.

Don’t take it personally. In Don Miguel Ruiz’s book The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, one of the agreements is to not take anything personally. This is great advice for everything in life, and your creative work is no different. Remember that any critiques you receive that seem cruel are not about you. It’s about your work, which goes back to point number one. Not everyone is going to like what you do. Oftentimes people who critique in an unkind way are projecting their own feelings of unworthiness onto you. It’s their baggage. Don’t carry it for them!

Of course, if you receive disappointing feedback from people with whom you have a close relationship, you may feel like it’s personal. To get past this, have a heart-to-heart talk to find out why they didn’t respond more positively. People who care about you are more likely to give you honest answers that you can take as constructive criticism. They care enough about you to provide feedback that could help you improve.

CREATIVITY KEY

Sometimes as soon as you hear a negative comment, you automatically shut out any praise that is given, even if you received 10 other compliments. In receiving feedback, make it a habit to listen for the positive. Take it into your heart and then say “thank you.”

Consider the source. How do you decide whether to respond to someone’s unsolicited advice, particularly if it’s negative? Start by determining whether it’s worth your time. Remember the discussion of time in Chapter 6—that immovable commodity of seconds you have every day? If it’s someone you don’t know well, you may decide to not go forward with learning more about the feedback. But if sharing your creative project happens in the workplace and your boss criticizes your work, for example, obviously you just can’t ignore her. If you encounter such a situation and you disagree with the assessment, request time to discuss the comments so you can gain a better understanding of the person’s rationale and to ask for suggestions for improvement. Such a meeting also gives you an opportunity to provide more clarity around your intentions and can even shift the person’s perception of your work.

You don’t always need to defend your work. When getting feedback, be aware if you are being needlessly defensive, especially if all that may be required are a few minimal adjustments. Yes, sometimes major changes are necessary and you’d rather remain firm, but those changes could make all the difference. Work through your resistance by keeping an open mind. You may ultimately find that the alterations you make result in a change for the better.

Give yourself time to process your emotions. All of the preceding suggestions are simpler to say than to actually implement. It’s easy to say you’re not going to take criticism personally; it’s much harder to actually dismiss negative comments. Therefore, if you’re truly upset or disappointed after feeling criticized, give yourself time to process your emotions. Otherwise, you’re just brushing them aside.

Use a creativity booster to get out of a “feedback funk.” Rather than replaying negative feedback in your head, instead take action to get your creative spark back. You can revisit some of the earlier chapters that talked about techniques to inspire your creativity. By engaging in one or more of them, you can reconnect with your original reason for creating, which will help move you into a more positive emotional state. And if you have a gratitude file, this is a great time to pour through it. A situation like hearing disappointing feedback provides another reason why it’s good to have something to go back to that boosts your confidence and makes you feel better.

CREATIVITY KEY

Take note that the biggest critic often resides within you. Remember the inner critic that you read about in Chapter 6? This voice of doubt can start to speak loudly at the end stage of the creative process—not just in the beginning. This is especially true if you’re new to creating and sharing. Your censor may speak up if you’ve reached out in the past and experienced rejection. That voice says, “Remember the last time you tried this? You don’t want to feel disappointment again.” If you’ve read this far, you have the tools to silence this faultfinder. Select one of the many techniques you’ve learned and start using it. Happiness awaits you!

How Sharing Your Creativity Touches Others

I don’t want to underestimate the courage it takes to put yourself out there and I hope you feel better prepared now to respond to criticism should that happen. At the same time, I don’t want you to leave this chapter thinking that sharing your creativity will frequently result in a negative experience. In fact, the opposite is usually true. Perhaps the best way to overcome your fears is to experience the joys that come when you share and receive uplifting feedback. Imagine how wonderful you will feel when you are approached by people who tell you that your creativity touched them in a significant way.

It’s a heartwarming feeling to know you can make a positive difference in others’ lives by sharing a part of you. That’s what Melody, a visual artist, learned while doing her first art show. A woman visited her booth several times throughout the day. She kept coming back to look at an original painting titled “Seek,” which was part of a series called “The Journey.” About an hour before the show closed, she came back and bought the painting. As she was paying Melody, she began crying. She told her that she had lost her daughter earlier that year and had been seeking to find a way to move on without her. She was drawn to the painting because it reminded her of her daughter. She and Melody both cried and hugged.

Melody told me she remembers how vulnerable she felt that day. She feared her first show would be a bust and imagined how awful she would feel if she didn’t sell anything. In Melody’s own words, she said, “I have always strived to live a meaningful life but have struggled with knowing how to serve and make a difference for others in a way that serves me also. Never did I imagine that I would realize my own journey of finding a way to follow my pleasure while making a difference in the life of another.” Since that initial show, the woman bought every original painting and several prints from “The Journey” series.

I’ve also experienced this impact firsthand. During a church service, I once sang a song titled “My Angel on Earth,” which I wrote in the wake of my best friend’s sudden death. Afterward, a woman came to me with tears in her eyes and told me how much the song comforted her because she had just lost her father. Cherish moments like that. Do not undervalue what you have to offer. You may never have aspirations of becoming a creative professional, but the good news is that you don’t have to be a pro to connect soul to soul with another human being. You just have to be willing to share your creative essence!

As you can see from these stories, you never know how your contribution can make a difference in another’s life. In his book “Show Your Work!” author Austin Kleon said that if you want people to know what you’re all about and the things you love, you have to share. This will help you find your own “voice.” To build up to that confidence in sharing, he recommends sharing something small once a day. If you do that right from the start of your creative project, you’ll develop a healthy habit and feel better equipped to share a bigger creative endeavor once it’s complete. You can also take the time to explore the different ways you might step outside of your safe sanctum. For example, sharing doesn’t always have to happen in person; depending on the nature of your work, you can become an artistic contributor to online galleries. You might even consider doing a “show and tell” with elementary students. You’ll probably hear all kinds of praise from the children—and you may serve as an inspiration at the same time. Whatever way you decide to do it, share with others and experience the joy of the give-and-take that is creativity.

The Least You Need to Know

• There’s a certain amount of risk involved in showing your creative work to others. Remember, though, taking risks is an important part of creativity.
• Re-examine what you wish to receive from your creative expression. This will help direct you in how and with whom you wish to share your creative output.
• Develop a system of your own to evaluate your creative work to determine when and if it’s “share-worthy.” Feedback from others is helpful but you must feel good about it first.
• Constructive criticism from others can lead to improvements that may not have happened on your own. Keep an open mind, and after thoughtful consideration, do what feels best to you.
• You can literally change a person’s life through your creative efforts. Be aware of this whenever you resist sharing due to fear of being rejected. Your creativity is a light in the world. Let it shine!