CHAPTER 21
You Owe Me: Loyalty Versus Tenure
During a break at a corporate event I was leading, I overheard a guy from engineering talking to a newer employee. I had never worked with this guy but knew he had been at the company for more than ten years. He had produced steady and decent results for most of that decade-plus and was among the best at the company. Some had produced better results over that time, but most had left the company while he stayed. And he appeared to be leveraging that for all it was worth. Everything about his words and even his posture screamed “big fish in a small pond” attitude and gave off a “don't mess with me” vibe. Not that he was unlikeable. On the contrary, like most people, I found him funny and charming. But not in this conversation. He told the other employee how the company “lets me do my own thing” and how “bored” he was. I couldn't resist inserting myself into their conversation.
Hey, I couldn't help but overhear you guys talking and what you said. So if you're bored, why don't you find a different job and quit?
“Oh, I couldn't quit. They need me.”
They might need you a lot less than you think they do.
“No, they need me.”
I decided to push him. Well, I have to tell you: If you're doing a job you don't want to do and you think they need you more than you need them, then you are probably doing a lot less good stuff than you think. In fact, you're probably disrupting the team.
I got pulled away to restart the event, so the conversation ended before he could respond. But I told him to find me after we concluded if he wanted to continue talking, which he did. Clearly, he had been thinking about what I said: “You know, Nathan, I didn't mean that I didn't need or want this job, I just mean that I've stayed loyal to this company for a long time and they kind of owe me.”
Really?
“Yeah, I've passed on a lot of opportunities I could've taken advantage of and left, and maybe I would have been more successful if I had. But I never did.”
I've heard this story before: Despite his charming and funny demeanor, this guy had grown complacent and resentful. Maybe he was once as successful as he could be. Maybe those opportunities were real and he did pass. Maybe he even did it out of his idea of loyalty—the same misguided loyalty that leaders in the middle have for employees like him. But his justification for his loyalty was about fear of what he didn't do, which cost him. It was a fear that those opportunities had now passed him by. He was now stuck in his job without the will to get better.
What this situation inevitably leads to in employees like this one is not just complacency but resentment for those who lead them: A “you owe me” mindset. The belief that “I am important and required.”
Nobody Is “Owed” Nuthin'
Years ago, as a district sales director, I visited some of the stores in my area with my boss. During our last store visit, he asked the store manager if we could do anything to help him and his team be more successful. The manager looked at us and said, “Sure, we don't always feel the love. So if you and Nathan could show us the love more often that would be great!”
My boss smiled, looked at the manager, and said, “Do you get paid every two weeks? [Manager nods.] Then there you go! You get love every two weeks.” My boss wasn't joking or being mean. He just knew that because of his mandated recognition programs (such as consistent forms of gratitude and acknowledgment calls, top performers award programs, coaching efforts, semi-annual “bonding” meetings), there was nothing but love and gratitude going on. That was probably why this was the only manager on all our stops who mentioned this. The manager was not a bad person, but like a spoiled child, he felt that no matter how much money, recognition, or support he was given, it was never going to be enough.
For leaders in the middle, this mindset can be dangerous because it makes those they lead feel resentment and frustration for something they're getting—even getting abundantly. That's just a small way entitlement breeds resentment after a few months. Now imagine how much resentment might build up after ten years of those feelings, and then you get what was happening with that engineer.
When employees like the engineer resent their organizations and leaders because they feel they sacrificed themselves for their jobs, they become the employee version of “loyalty” to a fault. This warped version of loyalty is not a big problem because of one's actions alone. It's also a problem because of the blame game these employees play. Under the guise of loyalty, they blame the company for their missed opportunities or perceived lack of “love.” Employees like the engineer who get this way are on autopilot, doing only what they need to do to stay successful and claim their paychecks. They make it clear to anyone who will listen that they are important and required.
All that blame and entitlement almost always takes a toll on their leaders and their teams if not handled directly, which was certainly the case with the engineer. The day I spoke to that employee, I also spoke to his boss. She had only been with the company for a short time and had inherited the team. She immediately seized on it and appreciated this engineer's past successes and institutional memory. Of course, as you now know, that links loyalty to tenure, which in this case led to not only his feelings of entitlement but his boss's defense of his actions. “He one of the smartest guys I have. He knows more about what we do than anyone else,” she told me. “But he is by far the biggest pain in the ass of anybody.” She stopped herself and thought for a moment before continuing: “He kind of has that right, though.”
What do you mean he has that “right”?
“He's very helpful, and the team loves him. He doesn't tend to follow directions and wants to do his own thing, but he's entitled to do his own thing after being here so long. And as long as he is doing his own thing, he is fine. When I try and coach him on anything else, he's difficult to manage.”
I see this at every company I've worked with in every department: Employees become so “knowledgeable” about their jobs that their bosses rely on them for that knowledge. Thus, they tolerate everything those people do, not because they're good, but because the leaders fear losing that knowledge and the consistent (but not growing) success that comes with it. In this scenario, everyone is held captive to tenure under the guise of loyalty. It sounds good—even noble—to proclaim loyalty for tenure. But it's just an excuse for not coaching down and serving up.
This engineer believed he had his boss and thus his company over a barrel, and they refused to call his bluff and hold him accountable. And because no one was demanding more of themselves or each other, he was winning the mind game. I tried to explain this to his boss. I laid out what would happen next and probably had started to happen before she took over:
You have ten other people on your team, and you're telling me that this guy is your stud and is also your biggest pain in the ass? And you tolerate it not because of his effort but because of time served and how smart he is? You have a team of engineers! They're all smart. You're eventually going to have ten other smart engineers looking to be the biggest pain in the ass. Because they all want to be like this guy is and feel entitled to the same privileges and loyalty. They're either going to be so good they feel they can tell you what to do, or they are going to leave because they feel less significant and appreciated.
If and when that happens at that company, it's something that can't be solved by coaching the others because they see that coaching as punishment for not being pains in your ass too. Most importantly, that engineer was not serving his boss with his behavior and soon neither will the rest of the team until she holds everyone, regardless of their tenure, accountable. Because no one “owes” anyone loyalty. Loyalty must be earned every day and only lasts as long as the contribution continues and grows.
Six months later the boss of that engineer got a new boss herself—one with a serve up/coach down mindset. In their first one-on-one meeting, the new boss asked her about the engineer, and she told him about all the issues she dealt with and why she continued to put up with his attitude and behaviors. The new boss told her that her team, the organization, and the engineer all deserved better. He coached on how to have the hard conversation with the engineer that he must line up and do more or make a change. When she followed through that week, the engineer decided it was time to move on and find his next adventure.
Six months after the engineer left not only did the team not lose any ground but they are thriving. Morale was at an all-time high. Even better, the engineer found happiness too. He actually thanked his old boss for forcing him to do what he had been afraid to do and make a choice to find a new challenge.
But This Person Sacrificed So Much for the Company!
As we have seen in every part of this book, choices have consequences, and too often, the choice we make is the most comfortable or the one that brings the most immediate gratification. As leaders in the middle, we must choose to coach. We must choose to serve. These are not the easiest choices, so we must have the will to see those choices through. When leaders are willing to push themselves and those around them to be more and do more and not accept anything less, the pain and fear that leads to inaction goes away and makes everybody's tomorrow better. The engineer did not sacrifice opportunities, he just made a choice not to take them. But when he was pushed, he realized the consequence of that decision and made a new one—the one he should have made years before.
This is why leaders in the middle must coach everyone up or out no matter their time served. That may sound harsh, but is it? Or is it common sense?
If you perceive it as harsh, most likely you were managed, not coached. No one demanded anything from you, and you lost the will to demand anything from your boss and yourself. You settled into a mindset of complacency and doing enough to stay successful but never get better.
If you perceive it as common sense, most likely you were coached and understood that no matter your job or title, your commitment is to be and give your best every day.
Of course, there are times when it is hard not to feel the “everyone is important, but no one is required” approach is harsh. Consider the scenario when leaders in the middle have to let long-tenured employees go. Employees say: “I sacrificed my family for this job. I traveled and worked eighty hours a week and now twenty years later, the company that I sacrificed my family for is just going to let me go?” Don't you owe those employees for their loyalty? No. You might owe them a final paycheck and any retirement savings tied to the company, but everything after that—from severance to a send-off party—is a choice. As was the choice of the employee to do what he or she did for twenty years in working for you.
Put it this way: You always hear, “He gave twenty years to that company” but you never hear, “They paid that guy for twenty years of contribution.”
Listen, we all want to feel valued and feel that our work and effort has purpose, but when that feeling leads us to resentment or blame, it becomes a fault. This scenario is no different than the engineer's choice I recounted before. These people made the decision to stay at their companies and work eighty hours a week. Whatever the reason was, they made it. If people regret it now, it's easier to blame others for that decision to mitigate the sting of being let go than admit the consequences of their actions.
Chances are, these people also knew what they were getting into in the first place. They decided that eighty hours a week was worth it for what it provided for them and their families: status, houses in nice neighborhoods, fancy cars, the latest cell phones and other gadgets, nice vacations . . . Heck, they may have really enjoyed their work too and felt a real sense of pride in their jobs and drive to do better. Then they lost the will to keep doing it. Their families aren't to blame for the decision. Their bosses and their companies aren't either. They are.
You don't get to blame your bosses or organizations in hindsight for your decisions and losing your will. You are usually the source of your problems—not your people, bosses, or clients.
This doesn't mean employees and team members are not worthy and don't deserve happiness and success. Everyone deserves happiness and success. It just may or may not be found in your or anyone's current job. Just like no one is required, no job or job title is required either. This is about one's value as a person as much as it is about not allowing anyone to be entitled, complacent, and resentful under the mask of loyalty. People are more than one job or what they do for a living, and no one should wait for what is owed to them. Every opportunity should be sought after and pursued, regardless of who you are, where you work, or how long you have been there.
Serve Up/Coach Down Mindset: Loyalty Versus Tenure
No one is owed anything but a paycheck for services rendered. As soon as we start thinking we are entitled to more, we stop giving more to earn that paycheck! Leaders in the middle must know that no one's job (not even our own) is guaranteed by what we have done. All of us must earn our jobs every day, every week, and every year. Loyalty comes from contribution, not tenure.
The wrong mindset fueled by poor coaching and an inability to serve up: I choose the status quo. I'm disrespecting and being disloyal to long-time employees by expecting them to do more and contribute better after ten or twenty years than they did after one or two. I need to protect these people, because I need them to succeed. If they were to leave, I don't know what I would do. I don't need to coach them. I need to keep them happy. It serves the company well to keep them happy, even if they are pains in the ass.
The correct mindset fueled by great coaching and an ability to serve up: I choose to be better. I must serve my company and my boss first by coaching everyone up or out, regardless of tenure. Serving up means prioritizing the needs of my company first, and I serve them and show appreciation for my team by coaching down to make them better and exceed expectations. In sports, teams draft new players every year, and veterans have to earn their job every year. If we want to build a thriving winning culture, we must commit to doing the same in business.