8
When You Dare to Challenge
Choosing to lead by offering a counterview can be heart-stopping. Sharing your perspective in a team meeting is the beginning. Then there’s holding your own with senior executives, taking a stand at town hall, or walking onstage to speak to your industry colleagues. Standing out, whether privately or publicly, is intense.
Anne is no stranger to the spotlight. She exudes a confident presence. She started life in Canada, where her father ran small businesses in a remote area. When her parents decided to split, her mother, a diplomat, raised Anne in Japan. That experience offered Anne exposure to the world and early independence. She was proud of her mother, who advanced to serve as ambassador to troubled countries. It was natural for Anne to launch an unprecedented training program in the consulting firm where she worked:
It was the biggest thing I ever did and my first large-scale project not directed by a “grown-up.” My friend shared his idea, and I came on board immediately. It was important to have the idea, but really important to execute it well. Our volunteer team created a brand-new training experience for 100 peers. We had to recruit and engage 20 senior and midtenure people to facilitate.
We had a shared vision and did a good job of dividing up the work without ego among senior and junior people on our team. It took months to prepare. I was working on a project in Brazil, and I used my 10-hour flights to get it done. The last two weeks, I worked around the clock. Invested in the vision, we spent a lot of time rallying others to get them excited to show up. It was risky to ask people to attend on a weekend! We knew success depended on people arriving with a mindset open to learning.
Well, at the end of the two days, we wrapped up and thanked everybody. We got a standing ovation from the entire group.
That was when I was first seen as a leader in a different way from just executing what people asked me to do. Each morning, I had led a brief meeting to tell the senior leaders what I wanted to get out of the day. I treated them as my staff. One said, “Junior tenure people don’t talk to partners that way. That was amazing!” A few helped me get my next job after that experience.
I look back and think, It was a really good decision. There would have been no way that senior people would have recommended me for my follow-on job! It was a game changer.
Management assumes that every young leader is like Anne, poised and able to take a stand with top executives.
That’s simply not the case.
Even for professional actors, it can be frightening to step out of the shadows on to the stage. Few people are naturals. They prepare tough questions and answers and rehearse. But here’s the thing. Speaking up is the least of it. Saying it in the right way counts, and that includes everything from the emotion you convey to your tone, the speed and rhythm of your cadence, and your pauses. Knowing when to remain silent is important too.
And voice without presence is insufficient. I confess: I hate the words “executive presence” and “personal brand.” They rankle me. You’re not a can of soup. You’re not a packaged executive. Your value comes from how you bring yourself to work and how others see you. Are you regarded as a leader with confidence, someone to follow? That starts with your intention for how you want to be seen. It extends to the way you hold yourself, your walk, how you stand or sit, the space you fill, your energy, and the connection you make with each person in the room. That’s presence.
Taking a stand combines voice and presence. It uses everything you’ve got. Doing that well signals to the higher-ups that you’re ready for more. Don’t believe me? Watch well-known speakers. If they’re any good, you feel moved to answer their call for action.
Check yourself out by standing in the shoes of management. Your silence might be misinterpreted as disengagement. Your hesitance could project lack of confidence. Your discomfort could mean lack of potential for advancement. The way you sit could signal arrogance. Speaking up too brashly could be misinterpreted, as could interrupting, speeding up, or talking too much. Feel overwhelmed? Happily, voice and presence are learned skills, as these stories show:
• What’s actually stopping you from speaking up? Growing up with a significant speech impediment, Martin never thought people would want to hear from him.
• What will it take to get you to step up? When told that she should consider leaving, Joy chose to stay and prove them wrong.
• How do you take a stand on your own behalf? After he realized that no one else would take the responsibility, Jared stepped up to fight for himself.
• What are the steps to leadership? With a strongly held desire to experience the world, Seckin started in Turkey and worked his way up from there.
• How do you build the muscle to step out with greater comfort? An independent spirit, Bruce mastered how to challenge with extraordinary results.
Learning to challenge is a rite of passage at work and in life. It’s a universal need. We want to be valued and respected. We want to be counted.
Here’s the hardest part: standing in the spotlight to take your share of the credit. Everyone is watching and listening, on social media too. It takes courage to be seen and heard. But no matter where you are on the spectrum from wild enthusiasm to sheer terror, it’s nothing short of thrilling. You’re crossing the line to become a leader.
No matter what your job title is.
AT A LOSS FOR WORDS
The real confidence destroyer is self-judgment.
The head of HR in a financial investment firm bubbled with joy when she suggested Martin for the interview. “You’ll love him!” she said. “He’s one of a kind!” You see, Martin had turned a showstopper into a temporary detour:
I’ve had—since I was four or five—a speech impediment. I didn’t think much about college or a career because I didn’t see that it was possible for me. I figured I’m not somebody who would get to talk to people.
But I became the sort of person who talks almost to prove to myself a willingness to put myself out there. Just to say something and not allow it to prevent me from speaking.
In the mock trial club in college, I got more of a hint that I might be able to be a person in the world who could have conversations in a professional context.
The issue lingered for a long time. Other people worry about sounding stupid at work; Martin worried about getting his words out:
My fear is if I make it clear I have this impediment, I will be found not to be qualified or capable. In my first year, I was genuinely convinced I could be fired any day and that my hiring was a fluke. Now I know it’s not true.
I was given responsibility early on. After a few months, it became hard for me to maintain that image of myself as not being able to go someplace. I had started picking up the phone, able to say, “Hi, this is Martin.” It had always been very hard to say my name. That happened gradually. It’s sticky; it’s hard to change even with so much evidence to the contrary. In moments, I still wonder whether I have the chops.
How did Martin’s metamorphosis happen? Replacing his mindset was the catalyst, but new mindsets don’t just switch on:
For me, it was realizing how long term the process would be—it’s very easy to get frustrated—to feel capable. It’s like going to the gym to exercise. You won’t have big muscles quickly. You have to keep working at it, and it will happen over time. I really don’t believe there is some great insight. All the Hallmark stuff is true—you know, you are good enough—but you won’t be able to internalize it by reading it on a card.
You’ll need to continue to work to convince yourself of something that other people already know. Often I’ve been convinced I’ve said something in a way that was not eloquent—and I’ve worried about it and asked someone if it was OK, but no one ever said anything other than “You’re great.” Certain insights I have are just habitual and wrong. Applying analytic thinking can be helpful to pick something apart, like the variables in a meeting, but don’t apply it to your own performance. You won’t perform well that way.
I see people joining with the same fears. I can assume that some of the worries I have now will appear unnecessary too, as I grow. I’ve seen this movie before.
For someone who used to believe that college and a career were not in the cards, Martin left me with no doubt that he was more than up to the challenge.
So What?
That’s mindsets for you, deeply embedded beliefs that shape our horizons. A speech impediment poses a physical obstacle, but a limiting mindset is more formidable. When Martin replaced his mindset—People don’t value what I have to say—his experience improved. But mindsets are stubborn. There’s no on-off switch for them. You have to work at it. So focus on appreciating—enjoying—the process of evolving.
The real confidence destroyer is self-judgment. Martin held on to his self-image long after he’d changed. There’s building new muscles, and then there’s getting used to the new you. As you practice, ask people around you to let you know when they see you changing. That alerts them to pay attention that you are changing. Their evidence will be powerful; pretty soon, you’ll stop seeing yourself as a person who cannot, should not, stand out.
Baby, that’s just not you anymore!
SHATTERING CAREER-LIMITING SILENCE
Don’t kid yourself. Anytime you want to get to the next level of performance, there will be pain.
Joy’s father fought high blood pressure and kidney disease; her mother donated a kidney to save him. Together, they gifted Joy with the belief that ambition, grit, and love would meet any challenge. School was her first opportunity to test that belief:
I was a top student at my neighborhood elementary school. Then I transitioned to junior high, where students came from all over. It was a very painful time. Seventh grade was the most difficult year in school ever. Many tears were spilled.
I was so frustrated because I couldn’t keep up. I was a B student—not what I was used to. I could have dropped out. Fifty percent of the minority students did. But staying in that school prepared me for the type of challenging environments I would have later on. It forced me to take myself to another level. Challenge became my norm.
Joy’s dream was to design jet engines. She hit the jackpot, interning at an aircraft company while in college. Soon she learned that it would take 20 years to move beyond designing one small part. So when a consumer goods company called, Joy answered the phone. She started upon graduation.
It’s hard to imagine that Joy would be anything but successful. However, a training session to help African Americans excel sent her into a nosedive:
My report card had me as the lowest performer in the pool. The training coordinator said, “You’re probably not going to do well here. Your manager must have told you—you’re not a good fit. You may want to start looking.” When I didn’t speak up, it showed that I was not engaged in the training—not interested, not bringing forth any new thought or train of thinking. It was not a question of brains but how I had engaged.
It was horrible! I cried all the way home.
The coordinator had said that white managers don’t feel comfortable giving feedback to their African-American subordinates, but I went in the next day and asked. My boss said, “What are you talking about? You’re doing very, very well.” He gave me examples, and they were all positive. Still, maybe he didn’t feel comfortable. I second-guessed him.
I noticed that my work style was very different. I’m an introvert on the extreme side. In meetings, I was not the one speaking up with an opinion. I would think about it and talk to my manager later.
Deep down, Joy lived in horror that she wasn’t a good fit. But for the next six months, she worked very hard to prove the report card wrong:
I built a lot of relationships with people I would not have necessarily reached out to. I ran my issues by them and got coaching. I had been an island.
About a year later, my boss gave me a critical project to lead. If it didn’t go well, that would be clear feedback. But he started including me in meetings, and I thought, Clearly, I’m a strong contributor to the group, and they value me.
A year after that, my director and some external partners were meeting. I was the most junior person in the room, and I was adamantly opposed to what the group wanted to do. I spoke my mind. The purchasing manager told my director, “Joy is someone to be afraid of!” and my director said, “She’s the strongest person on my team.” That’s when I thought, I’m pretty darn good. I was on Cloud Nine.
Joy is going strong today, eight years at the company and a brand manager.
So What?
Joy needed that intervention to provoke her to face the fear holding her back. She could have left for a more harmonious culture somewhere else. Instead, she accepted the tough feedback and challenged herself.
Everything you do in a group situation—whether you speak or remain silent, take an action or do nothing—is a signal. Most of us are so focused on the discussion that we forget we’re transmitting. All the time. Unless people know you well, they’re not judging just your performance but your readiness for more leadership responsibility.
Don’t kid yourself. Anytime you want to get to the next level of performance, there will be pain. Get ready to head into the uncomfortable zone where learning happens. Joy had to build bridges and reshape her network with people who could help. That took all three of Joy’s strengths—ambition, grit, and love—plus courage.
One last note: This isn’t a one-time thing. There will be more than a few heart-racing moments. Every day, there are opportunities to strengthen relationships or start new ones. Each meeting is a new opportunity to challenge. But with practice, it gets easier, like riding a bike—impossible the first time but eventually great fun.
STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF
You might hear “no,” but you’re better off asking. Both men and women who ask receive more than those who don’t.
Jared was always responsible, the oldest of six. He was wired to work hard with his head down—ambitious to advance—but with a strong need for stability:
I was homeschooled until seventh grade, interacting mostly with adults. When I wanted to go to a real school, my parents sent me to a private school for two years and then to a public high school. Those experiences—being able to be successful in three environments while maintaining a strong sense of myself—gave me confidence. I crave continuity and stability, but those transitions were not scary.
My dad was an independent software consultant. As I was growing up, there was a lot of instability. That’s why I’ve always had a big corporate job. I want to know that my company is going to be around tomorrow. Knowing that I have a stable core enables me to be open to other experiences. It helps me feel in control.
After two years working in a corporate environment, Jared ran into a pay and promotion freeze. He had been a good soldier, working hard and believing that all was well:
I was getting great feedback, and I knew I was valued. But profitability was bad, and I had not been promoted. I felt betrayed! My performance had been compared to people two levels higher. A 10 percent raise would not have killed the company. I realized, I have to take care of myself now.
It felt awkward. I had never pictured myself in this situation. It was tough to accept that no one was going to take care of me. I went to see the head of the office and said, “I value the great feedback and that clients value me, but it’s not showing up in my paycheck. Adjusted for inflation, I’m making only $2,000 more than when I started.”
I could tell that he was surprised. He said, “You’re right. I’ll look into it. Follow up with me if you don’t hear back.” I felt in control as I left. He knew I wasn’t happy; I had successfully communicated that. I also felt angry—that was how I overcame my awkwardness.
I did follow up. I had been ready to leave. When I received an off-cycle raise and promotion, I stayed. The disruption wasn’t worth it.
Learning to stand up for himself served Jared well. In time, he advanced to vice president in corporate communications—in a move to another financial institution.
So What?
Not everyone feels comfortable speaking up about pay and performance. It’s disruptive, and that could be destabilizing. But it’s part of the job. Strong performance earns you the right to speak up. Of course, you must do it well to avoid backlash.
Make your case strong but fair by arguing your value to the business. Management doesn’t have to take care of you, but they want the business to thrive, and you’re part of that. The stronger your case, the more likely you’ll prevail.
It’s the sad truth that speaking up about pay or performance is harder for women. Rehearse the conversation ahead. There’s a fine line between getting what you deserve and being misperceived. Present your point of view with openness, neutrality, and positive framing. If you show how it’s good for the business and fair for you, you ought to find a ready audience. You might hear “no,” but you’re better off asking. Both men and women who ask receive more than those who don’t.
Jared grew up that day. In taking a stand on his own behalf, he risked instability, and that worried him. But in taking responsibility for himself, Jared gained independence.
That’s a pretty great trade-off, if you ask me.
THE REWARDS OF INDEPENDENCE
It takes courage to ask why things are done the way they are.
But it takes even more to do something about it.
Seckin grew up in Istanbul, an only child. His hardworking parents often came home late from the bank. Accordingly, Seckin was a latchkey kid. In return, he received a precious gift: independence:
I learned to make decisions and accept the consequences. I learned to cook for myself and not to make a fire at home! Like making fries.
I did it the way my mother did it. I remembered that she did not put the oil in the sink, but I forgot where she put it. I had a brilliant idea to throw it out the window into the garden. We were in an apartment. Our neighbor had her laundry hanging, and I burned it. I had to give two months of pocket money.
Independence stirred Seckin’s curiosity and sense of adventure. He went to college in France on a scholarship and then to the United States for his MBA, gaining global experience afterward in consulting. When Seckin returned to Turkey, he joined a financial services firm in product management, with the difficult challenge of delivering growth in a stagnant market:
I thought it was weird that banks offered our product or the competitor’s, but not both. So I started to analyze why. I brought examples of products from other countries to our bank clients. I helped them launch the new products in Turkey.
Then I expanded this approach to other countries. I relied on data that no one was using. Senior management gave me more countries to manage. Ultimately, with a team of seven, I covered over 20 markets. I learned how to lead by example, how to manage the team. I gained an internal reputation for best practice.
From there, Seckin’s boss’s boss in Europe invited him to apply for a U.S. management role. She had just transferred to New York when she made the call:
Frankly, I said, “I’d like to, but I don’t know the American market at all.” She told me that it would be a fair competition. If I didn’t get it, I realized I would have more to learn. So I applied and went to New York to the interview. I am not nervous in interviews or customer meetings. I prepared notes. I asked myself very challenging questions. I was happy and excited, feeling blessed. But when I got back home, I told my wife they could easily get someone from New York instead of moving us and dealing with a visa process.
After a customer meeting in Ukraine, I got a call from New York. I got the job! I was happy but stressed. I never believed they would give me that role. It would have been more consistent to transfer me to Europe.
Seckin then stepped up to his biggest leadership challenge yet with the help of his new team:
I was now responsible for a product sales team, and I wanted to meet them, learn their expectations. I wanted to work hand in hand, knowing their aspirations, work styles, everything. I had only one thing in my mind: to be genuine and to be myself. I tried to pass on my high positive energy, to show that we were in it together.
My team told me that I was transparent with no hidden agenda. Past managers did not try to have the team shine. I did this with respect, combined with intellectual curiosity, to learn from them. I am not ashamed to admit it. They have been in the market longer. If you will explain to me, I will be very attentive and fully listen. I always want to learn.
The more you meet with others, the more perspectives you get. You realize you are not right or wrong. You become more open and stop having just one idea that you radically support. Your judgment evolves.
Step by step, Seckin reached a senior position—never giving up on his desire to experience the world.
So What?
Seckin faced every leadership challenge as an opportunity for learning and creative problem solving. Curiosity is a gigantic breath of fresh air. It takes courage to ask why things are done the way they are. But it takes even more to do something about it.
Seckin also had a secret weapon: his teams. They helped him scale the business and move to a market he knew nothing about. Seckin absorbed everything his teams offered and questioned everything. Fantastic combination!
A learning mindset is the neon-lit billboard for this story. It propelled Seckin to challenge the status quo. It’s also why Seckin reviews his week on Fridays. He said, “I question what I could improve. In 10 years, I want to be successful at work. But if I only work, I will not be. I could have failure in my relationships or physically. Being very successful would be better than extremely successful because of that.” A happy workaholic like his parents, Seckin also made sure to pay attention to having a full life.
Naturally, learning to make margaritas for his wife was in his weekly improvement plan too.
THINKING FOR YOURSELF
Before you challenge, find ways to reduce your risks. Offering a solution is one. No one likes a person who only criticizes.
Bruce’s voice is confident, independent, and persuasive. I was curious to learn where that came from. Born in a small New England town, Bruce described his childhood as “entirely regular”:
I’ve always wanted to accomplish things and be challenged. I’m competitive. My little brother was fairly athletic. I wasn’t into sports until I saw he was good at it! I’ve always pushed myself into situations where I was uncomfortable.
I had a lot of opportunities growing up. School was easy. Teachers would teach, and I’d be doing my homework during class so I’d have more free time for whatever I wanted to do later.
I remember my mom saying, one day, that she was never wrong and that I was a pain to challenge her. I told her, “You have to present the facts or logic if you want me to go along.” Even back then, I always spoke up.
In high school, Bruce followed his parents to work for the same pharmaceutical company. HR persuaded him to study computer science in a college near headquarters. So he did, with a part-time job on the night shift. Bruce moved into information technology upon graduation.
Fifteen years later, Bruce was the youngest vice president in the company. He didn’t advance simply because he worked hard. Taking a stand set him apart:
We were merging our company with another. IT consultants came in to present their recommended approach. Their pitch was to take over our entire infrastructure operations. Our management wouldn’t have to worry about the new company after the merger. I thought, There goes my job! I suppose fear made me speak up!
My approach was different. I believed we could do it ourselves. My plan was a positive: it cost less and enabled better collaboration. That was a turning point in my career. They got rid of the outside vendor and put me in charge of the infrastructure integration. The next week, we flew to Germany. That was my first time outside the United States and the first time I had to present. I wondered if someone would figure out that I didn’t know what I was doing.
As infrastructure team leader, Bruce reviewed the overall integration plan. He thought the consultant’s plan was ridiculous, impractical:
Everybody was saying, “You have to get behind it.” I kept looking for the person with common sense who would realize that it was not possible in the time frame. When I didn’t find that person, I was compelled. I called the senior guy. I gave him my background and then raised questions about the critical path. I told him what I thought. He started to listen. They changed the schedule, and he made me responsible. He still remembered that call 10 years later!
You can’t be satisfied that somebody else knows what you know and is in a position to ask questions you could ask. It might be just that you don’t know the bigger picture or all the facts, but don’t be afraid to voice your view to help. I’m highly sensitive to people’s perception of me, but I don’t let it hold me back from doing the right thing.
You might be thinking that twice is enough risk for one person. Bruce asked to join a senior meeting and spoke up a third time despite being warned not to by his boss:
An IT supplier was pitching the dream of new tools, making it sound all too easy. The very senior meeting chair asked for people’s reactions. Everyone kept their heads down. Most were just hoping not to be called on! I spoke up and said we already had the tools and the solution. The hard work was coming together to use it in the right way to get the value.
The chair looked down the table and asked who I was. I explained, and then she said, “I’m going to lean on you and make sure you deliver.” I’m always looking to surpass people’s limitations on me.
The meeting chair, also CEO of the company, gave Bruce a new role reporting directly to her.
So What?
Bruce’s ambition and independent thinking are energizing. Now if that attitude is something you’d like more of, listen up. I’m not advocating speaking out willy-nilly. Be measured and thoughtful. Line up your ducks before challenging the crowd.
Start by aligning your interests with the company’s. That makes it a win-win. Ignore what everyone else thinks. Sometimes they’re dead wrong. If you think you’re right, get clear on your logic and gather the facts. Appreciate that if someone else’s case is strong enough, you ought to change your view.
Before you challenge, find ways to reduce your risks. Offering a solution is one. No one likes a person who only criticizes. Frankly, that guy is a pain! Use a more nuanced alternative to direct challenge, like asking questions. To increase your effectiveness, treat others with respect. Put your money where your mouth is, and something wonderful could happen.
Get ready. Standing out may land you an opportunity you don’t yet know about.
TAKING ON YOUR
LEADERSHIP CHALLENGE
As you grow, you’re going to take stands. You’ve probably already done so at least once. Remember the time when everybody else stepped back, and so there you were, standing out? Challenging? Good for you!
The tales in this chapter of daring to challenge hold the tensions between raw ambition and paralyzing self-doubt, a need to fit in and a need to be heard. That’s why it’s so hard. Inch-deep advice such as, “Just do it” doesn’t do it. Anne made it look easy, but she practiced her entire childhood. Martin had to overcome a physical impediment and the mindset that came with it. Joy had to face a career-limiting fear. Jared, Seckin, and Bruce learned to challenge by focusing on the opportunity.
Standing out is part of growing into a courageous leader with a vision of how things should be. Anyone wanting to make an impact enters this arena. Here are your next steps.
Understand What You’re Choosing to Do
If taking a stand feels risky and uncomfortable, it is. Before avoiding one, think strategically. Explore your opportunity in terms of your aspirations, career, and what draws you in:
• Analyze the spotlight. Before taking your stand, nail your day job. Remember, that’s the core of your evaluation. What’s the second thing? Still your day job. Then assess your stand-out opportunity, with four criteria:
Right thing to do: Does this help the company—and should it be done?
Energizing: Is it exciting to you, with significant potential for impact?
Visible: Will the impact be visible to senior management?
Probability for success: Can you deliver on this extra work and do it well?
• Psyche yourself up. In other words, perform a Jedi mind trick on yourself. Adopt a positive mindset that gives you courage and confidence.
Uncover your limiting mindset. It’s holding you back from standing out (as in, Speaking up will get me fired). It’s often entrenched, hiding beneath another mindset that feels justified (as in, Junior people should show respect by remaining silent).
Observe it by standing in the shoes of a third party. Get curious about how that mindset helps you but limits you. For example, it may be stopping you from blurting out half-baked ideas, but it may also be stopping you from ever speaking up.
Reframe from fear to ambition. Choose a different mindset that enables different behaviors (such as, I can make this great idea happen). The mindset you choose is one you have in different circumstances, when fear isn’t present. It worked for you there and can work for you here.
Visualize your new behaviors. When you replace your mindset in this situation, different behaviors will naturally result. How do you feel now? Can you see yourself taking action?
Prepare to Stand Out
Practicing presence has an outsized impact for minimal effort. It readies you for action. Don’t cram the night before you intend to speak up. Practice your presence repeatedly—in rehearsal and situations that carry less emotion for you—to expand your range of comfort:
• Use others to embolden yourself. Seeing yourself through others’ eyes will help disabuse you of constraining mindsets.
Set your goals. State your short-term goals clearly and consider whether you’ve got the right coach for those goals. If not, find the right one!
Know who you are at your best. Ask a few managers who know your work to comment on what you do well, who you are when you’re at your best, and what you could do to be at your best more of the time. Share this feedback with your coach too.
Do what your coach suggests. If you stumble, don’t blame anybody—not your coach and not yourself. Stumbles are great learning moments. Thank your coach for it.
• Get your ducks in a row. You’ve made your decision so get the facts. Otherwise, it’s your opinion versus anyone else’s. People notice the individual who opposes the status quo. That’s the definition of standing out.
Figure out your stand. Challenging others is like lobbing a grenade into the meeting. There are many other ways to take a stand. Consider engaging one by one ahead of the meeting, connecting with the meeting chair by phone and e-mail, joining or leading a task force to develop the recommendations. Draft your messages in bullet points and have your elevator pitch ready.
Do your homework and make your plan. Don’t assume everyone else is wrong. Ask around, get the facts, and check your thinking. If your facts stack up, turn it into a business case that considers the challenges, alternative views, and solutions. No one wants to hear complaints or problems. Clarify what would have to be true to take this recommended direction. Find a trusted sounding board.
• Rehearse in the rehearsal room.* To warm up, practice in front of a mirror to see yourself in action. Then take a cell-phone video of yourself, or better yet, ask friends to help you. Go well beyond your comfort zone. Practice standing at the front of the room to compose yourself before speaking. Practice speaking loudly and softly, quickly and slowly. Experiment with different emotions such as being authoritative versus friendly. Expand your range to increase your impact.
• Practice regaining your composure after an adrenaline rush. Start using your mindfulness practice ahead of time. You’re going to need it in the moment—and right after. To recap:
Sit up comfortably—head on spine and back straight, with your body at rest (untangle your legs and arms). Close your eyes and turn inward. For a few minutes, take a deep breath in on the count of four, and breathe out deeply on the count of six. Do that a few times.
Reflect on what you hope to create. Set your intention—for example, I will be an active contributor to the discussion. Repeat this practice in a quiet space before walking into the meeting (the washroom works well!). Hopefully, you feel calmer and alert.
• Get ready, get set. Prepare open-ended, exciting questions that get other people engaged without cornering them. Examples include: “What does great look like?” or its opposite, “What are the ‘black swan’ events we’re missing?” Be ready if someone throws the question back at you.
Step Forward
Speaking up is just the tip of the iceberg. Taking a stand involves your words, voice, stance, delivery, and ownership—your whole being:
• Be in the moment. As you enter the situation, remember your intention, feel your emotion, and purposefully form connections to the others. Take your time. You want to be alert and focused, able to shift in the moment.
Gain your composure. When you feel strongly about an issue, it’s normal to raise your pitch or speed up. It’s also normal to show nervousness through unsettled physical movements. None of that helps your case. This is where mindfulness comes in. Use it.
Get used to the headlights. The first time you’re in a tense situation, you may feel shock. You can make this heart-racing situation easier with a mantra you’ve practiced, like “I’ve been thinking” or “Here’s a different way to look at it.” Or take a few deep breaths.
Engage others with respect. Listen actively, paraphrasing to show that you’re hearing what’s been said. Look for ways to connect the dots between what others are saying. Position your perspective in the positive. Paint the picture of what could be, and listen to the responses you receive.
Regain your center. After speaking up in the meeting, use the same rhythmic breathing to slow your heart rate and direct your focus.
• Stay with it. Once you’ve taken your stand, you have a responsibility to help the organization move forward. Own that.
Respond with lightning speed. Become superb at handling the follow-up, in the moment or right after, to resolve a misunderstanding or answer a question. Use a line such as, “Here is what I understand from what you’ve said. Please check my thinking.” Be confident in the fix.
Figure out the next steps and take the lead. You’ve started a chain reaction. Now take the lead in reaching a better solution. It probably involves working with others, so welcome the opportunity.
• Give yourself some credit. You’ve survived the rush, and you’ll do even better the next time. Your heart will soon resume its natural pace, and the thinking part of your brain will restart.
Stepping forward and standing out make you a more compelling, more inspiring, and more human leader. That’s when you’re in the game. There is a seat at the table for you. People are watching and listening.
And in this game, your chance for positive impact has just skyrocketed.
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* Thanks are due to Claude Stein, a voice coach and gifted facilitator who taught me this term. If you’ve been an actor or performer, you know. For everybody else, imagine a safe place where you can experiment, where you are showered with support, and where you can only succeed.