Chapter 10
Savoring Uncertainty
Until recently I thought about NOT writing this chapter. I didn’t want to write a pep talk. I certainly didn’t want to write a chapter trying to convince you to simply ignore today’s chaotic world and move on into your retirement and life planning as if nothing much was going on around you that really mattered.
Then I realized what I did want to write was an unflinching look at reality: We’re in a period of insecurity and change. The world isn’t going to end. We’re not going over a cliff. I’m not being pessimistic or hiding my head in the sand. We have retirement and life planning to do AND we’re going to do our planning and our living in times of significant uncertainty for the foreseeable future.
Several years ago, I attended an ALS gala fund-raising event in northern California. I found myself seated next to John Madden, the famous football and broadcast celebrity. In the midst of telling me what it was like for him to travel so much, out of the blue he stopped and asked, “Did you ever wonder about the people who invented cottage cheese? How did they know when they were done?” At the time I laughed. Then I began to take the question more seriously. Now, years later, I still remember it. What a great and profound question! And it is such a great metaphor for life. Done may not be the ultimate measure of security and accomplishment after all. Avoiding or denying uncertainty definitely won’t be.
As positive as I am about our futures, it would be unrealistic of me to pretend we aren’t in a time when Continuous Change remains the dominant, primary force in our lives. Instead, we are in a time when Discontinuous Change has become the dominant, primary force. The list seems endless: climate change and its impact on our physical and economic lives; the advance of technologies that are already dramatically reshaping the world of work for pay including replacing many of what used to be lower and mid-level organizations; the shifting of power in the world as demonstrated by the jostling for global mind-share position/dominance of disputed territories/economic power/military power/doctrinal prominence; the understandable complaints from the millions to whom new forms of wealth/security/health and hopeful futures have failed to trickle down; “terrorism” coming from foreigners and from our own citizens as a force in the world and in our nation that doesn’t appear to be going away any time soon; our apparent dissatisfaction with and suspicion of all three branches of government (executive, legislative, judicial); the increasing globalization of professional and personal communities and communication through the Internet and other technologies that in many ways are rendering historic cultural and geographic boundaries irrelevant; great advances in genetics that could give us longer lives without the capacity to pay for them or the emerging interests and abilities that would make them very high quality; the recent acceleration in the decline of public civility as demonstrated by political races at all levels; the significant decline in religion/church-based life in favor of values-driven lives rooted in “spirituality”; and the hollowing out of the middle class and—just as important—the evaporation of middle-class work for pay that created both the dream and the ability to pursue it in a grounded, stable fashion. It’s a prodigious list and it isn’t even a complete one.
In the middle of all of this we’re supposed to be doing intelligent retirement and life planning? YES! And in the middle of this—not to mention the simple attributes of our own aging, changes in interests and relationships, and the decreasing time horizon within which we can reasonably plan in detail and permanence—we can reasonably expect our lives and the lives of those we love not to be discontinuously affected somehow? No!
Regardless of financial capacity, it isn’t reasonable to assume we and those we care about are somehow inviolably insulated and protected from discontinuous forces in our lives.
It also isn’t reasonable to assume we are doomed and, therefore, smart planning, living, and adapting is pointless because it’s all too out of control and going to end badly anyway.
As I said, I’m especially interested in all of us finding ways to do smart, reasonable planning and adapt ourselves and our plans as we go along.
Going back to savoring uncertainty, let’s take a closer look.
Savoring means to appreciate fully, to enjoy or relish, especially in taste or smell. Given the fact it’s a metaphor, when, in the normal course of your life, you think of or encounter uncertainty, what does it taste and smell like?
Reader Exercise
Answer the following questions:
1.What was one important life situation that you savored?
2.How did you know savoring was a possibility in that situation?
3.What did it smell and taste like and what was your visceral experience of it?
4.How did this savoring inform other possibilities for savoring in the future?
5.How good are you now at being aware of the possibility of savoring in the moment and stopping to do it?
6.How good at it will you need to be as you move into your retirement and future?
Uncertainty involves situations for which we have only imperfect and/or unknown information. It applies to predictions of future events, environments, or events that are only partly observable, and experiences about which you’re ignorant. (You’re not stupid but you lack the necessary information or education.)
The life of Judith Sedgeman, EdD, for the past three decades has been centered in her dedication to awakening creativity, resiliency, and well-being in people through their understanding of the Principles of Mind, Thought, and Consciousness, which are the foundations of our experience of innate health. She is a teacher, mentor, and consultant in that work. (More about Judy can be found at http://www.three-principles.com.)
When I interviewed Judy Sedgeman, we both wanted to include her favorite subject: innate health. Here is a segment of our conversation:
George: Suppose an assortment of people came into your living room and said, “We’re 50 and have completed many if not most of the things we set out to do. Where do we go from here?” How would you advise them?
Judy: Well, the first thing I would say is, don’t be afraid. I would teach them not to be afraid, not to follow fearful thoughts, and not to look in the mirror. I have clients who say, well, I’m too old to try this or that. You’re only too old if you think you’re too old. If you’re infirm, you have limitations. But if you’re not infirm, try it, you know?
So the first thing I would do is share what I understand about our thinking. How we take thinking on, and how seriously we take it, and how easily we get led astray by the thoughts we’ve borrowed from other people. Like, “You shouldn’t do that.” Like people over 50 shouldn’t wear blue jeans. There are a lot of ideas that especially women have—but a lot of men have ideas, too—about what’s appropriate, what’s not, what they should be doing at this point in their lives, and what they shouldn’t be doing. What would people think? What if I don’t do well and then I have my first so-called failure?
Failure is a thought. You could call it a learning experience and move on. But calling it failure kind of makes it icky. So I would work there first. I’d help you to free your mind from all these habitual, self-defeating, self-limiting thoughts that we’ve accumulated over a lifetime, that are or are just thoughts. They don’t have any power except the power that we give them.
And then I would start talking to people about, what’s something that you always wished that you had done, but you never had time for? You didn’t get around to it? And you’d be surprised. I’ve actually done this with people, and you’d be surprised what they come up with. I was talking the other day to somebody who had to retire from nursing because she really couldn’t spend that much time on her feet anymore. She had some kind of medical issue, but she’s very vibrant and a really wonderful person. And I said, what’s something that you always kind of had in the back of your mind that you just never had time for, or never gotten to do?
And she said, “You know, ever since I was little, because I love books so much, I thought I’d like to write stories for children.” But she had never really brought that thought to the foreground because she got busy and got into her life. And I said, well, what kind of stories would you want to write? And she said, “Well, I don’t know. When I was little, I just thought I could do this.”
Reader Exercise
Answer the following questions.
1.What was one important life situation in which uncertainty appeared?
2.How did you know you were uncertain?
3.What did it smell and taste like and what was your visceral experience of it?
4.How did you see and work with it?
5.As you do your retirement and life planning, what is uncertain that you must see and work with right now?
6.How good will you need to be at seeing and working with uncertainty as you move into your retirement and life futures?
Let’s take a look at four scenarios in which you can look for opportunities to savor as well as possible uncertainties.
Bill and Doris Green, ages 63 and 64, both worked for the same company straight out of college. When the kids came along, Doris left to be a stay-at-home mom. Bill changed employers twice, both times for significant promotions in manufacturing management. Pensions and defined benefit plans had, of course, gone away. In their place, the Greens made it a priority to put money into 401(K)s and employer matching plans as well as building a significant equity in their home over time. When he was 54, with two kids in college, Bill’s company was sold, his job was declared “redundant,” and he was laid off. Despite his best efforts, Bill was unable to land another comparable job. They lived on their savings. Eventually Doris went to work in retail and Bill went back to school for retraining in technologies. It was a tough time. Their kids are now out of college. Both Doris and Bill are employed. Tearfully, they sold their house at the top of the market and now rent an apartment, which to their great surprise, has proved to be a happy change. They have rebuilt some of their savings but certainly not enough for them to stop working. As they look toward “retirement,” it looks increasingly like eventual part-time work for both of them combined with local interests and activities. Their biggest retirement worry is outliving their money. Retirement isn’t a new and discrete phase of life in their future. It’s an integrated and logical extension of the decisions they are making and the life they are living now.
Reader Exercise
Answer the following questions:
1.What do Doris and Bill have to savor?
2.What do Doris and Bill have to be uncertain about?
3.If they came to you for words of wisdom or advice, what would you say to them?
Sixty-six-year-old Barbara Kushner thought she and her husband had it all together financially and personally. They had just retired to Arizona from Ohio. She was looking forward to music, golf, and a life of volunteering and good works. Then Tom, her husband, suddenly passed away. Barbara had never paid attention to the financial side of their lives. Tom took care of all of that. When he died, she was suddenly propelled into a relationship with a financial advisor she didn’t know, a set of unfamiliar financial concepts and languages, and a combination of decisions she wasn’t prepared to make yet couldn’t delay. It turned out that Tom had made two unwise investments that, in fact, had cost them a large portion of their net worth. She certainly isn’t going to lose the house, and she won’t be destitute. However, she will have to downscale her lifestyle in order to live within her means. For Barbara, retirement will involve learning a whole body of financial knowledge she should have had earlier, working part-time, and gathering her friends and family around her to help her make the transitions necessary.
Reader Exercise
Answer the following questions:
1.What does Barbara have to savor?
2.What does Barbara have to be uncertain about?
3.If she came to you for words of wisdom or advice, what would you say to her?
Carol Folsom and Rick Smedley, both 68, met in law school years ago. Married early, they both pursued high-powered, well-paid professional careers. When their daughter came along, they readily adapted to sharing responsibility for her along with a full-time nanny. Their daughter grown and gone, they are both at the top of their careers and beginning to execute on their retirement plan. Carol and Rick had worked intensely hard for years, largely buffered by their professions from the business roller coaster beyond their doors. They are going to keep their condo in Chicago but have also purchased a condo in Florida. They plan winters in Florida and summers at home. Money is not an issue. Having been active and financially able philanthropists for years, they are moving a portion of their money to a community foundation in Florida, which will automatically make them members of an elite community of donors and nonprofit board members. Rick is buying a boat. Carol is joining a tennis club. They are both planning on taking lifelong learning classes. Retirement for Rick and Carol looks like the ability to step into communities and interests that will provide them with new stimulation and friendships. Now if they could just get Rick’s arrhythmia to go away . . .
Reader Exercise
Answer the following questions:
1.What do Carol and Rick have to savor?
2.What do Carol and Rick have to be uncertain about?
3.If they came to you for words of wisdom or advice, what would you say to them?
Ted Dawson, 72, failed retirement, not once but twice! Divorced and unsettled at age 55, he jumped on the opportunity to retire, thinking it would be a fresh and wonderful relaunch for him. With his kids’ support he visited 15 of the cities featured in 99 Best Places to Retire, did the necessary research through friends of friends already in these places, chose the best one for him, bought a house, and moved. This all happened quickly after he announced he was retiring from dentistry. During the first year in his new home and city, Ted volunteered widely. He worked at developing nonprofit board expertise. He threw small dinner parties for other retirees in his neighborhood. Eventually he realized that part-time volunteering wasn’t enough in his case and that he needed to find a full-time job. For four years he became the executive director of a local nonprofit. When he had taken the organization as far as he could take it, he retired again. Six months later, he felt himself to be floundering again, clearly wanting something he could own.
On top of that he, somewhat surprisingly, found himself increasingly ambivalent about being part of a couple again, something that until recently he had quietly longed for. The ownership solution turned out to come with an opportunity to buy into a local dental practice and work three days a week, effectively job sharing with another dentist who wanted ownership and part-time practice, too. For Ted, retirement looks like a combination of ownership, part-time practice, volunteering, and uncommitted time.
Reader Exercise
Answer the following questions:
1.What does Ted have to savor?
2.What does Ted have to be uncertain about?
3.If he came to you for words of wisdom or advice, what would you say to him?
When you first saw this chapter’s title, “Savoring Uncertainty,” what did you think? It’s my guess that many of you rolled your eyes and thought, “Oh, right, sure!”
I hope that you realize I don’t intend to:
1.Pretend uncertainty is a significant source of pleasure to be reveled in.
2.Convince you that should you trick yourself into pretending uncertainty is anything other than what it is.
3.Harangue you about facing up because I am afraid you will rapidly come down with some voluntary combination of denial and dementia around uncertainty.
Instead, I am encouraging you to take a clear look at uncertainty to see what it really is and isn’t about and what you can reasonably do about it and with it. Of course, by definition, there are parts of uncertainty you can’t see. You won’t be able to reasonably do anything about those parts except to keep them in perspective, ask for support and assistance when you need it (hiding out with our own uncertainty as a dark secret for extended periods of time is unlikely to be good for us), and, especially, keep looking at your own success stories and methods in adapting to both Continuous and Discontinuous Change.