Chapter 3
Stepping into the real you
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
— Mark Twain, American author
Stepping into the real you takes confidence — and maybe a healthy dose of ignorance. It may also take competence but confidence trumps competence all the time. It's natural for people to misinterpret confidence as competence. Perhaps because doing so is a judgement call and making this call is easier — determining a person's competence usually involves some form of test or observation, and that takes time. A judgement call on their confidence is often instantaneous. It may not be accurate but it is a judgement nonetheless. If you believe someone to be confident, you will assume they are competent and vice versa. If you sense a lack of confidence, you will assume a lack of competence. This may not be fair but it is what people do. So, as leaders, it is important for us to not only feel confident, but also aim to project confidence. Obviously, confidence and competence together is the ultimate goal, but many leaders have more than enough competence — what they lack is confidence, and it is this area they need to work on. Many things can cause a lack of confidence, and I explore a few instances in this chapter.
The confidence muscle
I have always believed that confidence is like a muscle. You need to keep working at it on a regular basis to keep it strong and, if you want to get stronger, you need to lift heavier weights. That's why I love the work of Katty Kay and Claire Shipman. In their book, The Confidence Code, they state that confidence is affected by three aspects: our genetics, our environment and our choices.
With genetics, the reality is that some people are born with more confidence than others — and we can't do anything about that. Many use this as a cop-out and they shouldn't, because there are two other aspects of confidence.
CONFIDENCE IS LIKE A muscle. YOU NEED TO KEEP WORKING AT IT ON A REGULAR BASIS TO KEEP IT STRONG AND, IF YOU WANT TO GET STRONGER, YOU NEED TO LIFT HEAVIER WEIGHTS.
Environment also plays a part in how confident we are. If you are in an environment that is encouraging and supportive, this will have a positive impact on your confidence. If you are in an environment that is not supportive, where people are always questioning you, this will have a negative impact on your confidence. This environment could be at work and could relate to the culture, your direct leader or your peers. Or this environment could be closer to home — it could relate to your partner, your family and your friends.
Do you have a supportive partner or close friends who encourage you and believe in you? Or are you constantly being undermined and questioned with comments like, ‘What are you doing that for?’ and ‘That's a stupid idea’. We may not always have total control over our environment but most of the time we do have some control, and perhaps we have more control than we think. Most of the time we can choose who we surround ourselves with and who we seek advice from.
The final aspect involves the choices we make, and we all have total control of this. In The Confidence Code, Kay and Shipman talk about choice being a muscle, and that the more you use it and test it, the stronger it will become. They also state that women are less likely to exercise the confidence muscle through the choices they make because they are 25 per cent more prone to perfectionism.
Kay and Shipman offer a definition of confidence as ‘being prepared to fail’. Anyone who suffers from perfectionism is less likely to have a go at something because the risk of failure (or not getting it perfect) is too great, so they don't exercise that confidence muscle. I love this definition because I hear many of my female clients (and most are very successful women) say that they lack confidence because they often get nervous or anxious. It is worth remembering that confidence is not about never getting nervous or anxious or doubting yourself; it's about feeling those nerves and experiencing that doubt and having a crack anyway.
While I was reading The Confidence Code, I went to the gym and had a body scan that measured my weight, height, percentage of body fat and skeletal muscle mass (the muscle that powers movement of the skeleton). During the explanation of the report, the instructor advised that there were many genetic factors that we have no control over (height being the most obvious), but that there are many aspects that we can control through the choices we make (such as diet and exercise).
One of those aspects that we can change through the choices we make is skeletal muscle mass. By increasing the amount of weight work we undertake, our skeletal muscle mass increases, which also makes our bones stronger. This is especially important for women, who are more prone to osteoporosis. I started to feel an analogy coming on — this time between the confidence muscle and the skeletal muscles, and how both are critical for women in making us stronger and protecting us from the eventual falls and knocks we are bound to experience at some stage.
The more we exercise these muscles, the better for us in the short term and the long term, because when we are challenged or experience a downfall, the likelihood of us breaking is reduced. Maybe we won't even break at all, but just pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and give it another crack.
So, along with the three aspects of confidence are the three areas of focus you can look at to increase your confidence:
- Stop using genetics as an excuse for your lack of confidence. Blaming your parents for everything runs a bit thin after a while. Grow up and step up.
- Start making choices about who you surround yourself with, and make more time for people who have your back and believe in you — both in a personal and professional sense. This does not mean recruiting in your own mould or surrounding yourself with people who only say yes. It is about surrounding yourself with people who believe in you and, because of that, are able to give you constructive feedback that comes from a place of respect and support.
- Make choices that strengthen your confidence muscle by feeling the nerves and doubts about a certain option, and doing it anyway. When it comes to being more real in your leadership role, this could encompass a range of things. Some will be relatively safe while others may carry a bit more risk. The key is to keep challenging yourself and strengthening that confidence muscle.
Strengthening your confidence muscle could include ditching the PowerPoint for your next presentation, making a stand for one of your chimes (refer to chapter 2), being prepared to show vulnerability and emotion at work or just deciding to be more real. The point is to just get that confidence muscle working. As Dale Carnegie says, ‘Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.’
Just like exercising your muscles, there is no gain without pain.
Strength in vulnerability
When Alex, my eldest daughter, was nine, I overheard a conversation she was having with a friend's daughter. Alex was explaining to Mia how smart she was and she confirmed this by saying, ‘I know I am smart because my mum always says I have an answer for everything’. Mia's mum and I were crying with laughter so much it hurt. Sadly, I had to tell Alex what that saying really meant. Luckily she took it well.
So, as a leader, are you known for having an answer for everything in that bad kind of way? This is not an attribute you want to strive for. Unfortunately, early in our career as we climbed our own specialist technical ladder, having an answer for everything was a good thing and, in most cases, something we were rewarded for. As you move into more senior leadership roles, however, having an answer for everything is no longer something you should be striving for. Unless, of course, your answer is something like, ‘That is a very challenging problem but I have every faith in you that you can resolve it. If there is anything I can do to support you, let me know.’
In David Weinberger's book Too Big to Know, he explores the explosion of data since the beginning of the digital age, and the impact that this has had on leadership. Turns out (as I cover in chapter 1), this overload of information has made decisiveness difficult. He suggests that, as business becomes more complex and the amount of information leaders have access to continues to grow, the network is what makes the best choices rather than the single leader. In other words, it is unwise for a leader to think they are the smartest person in the room and that they need to make the decisions — because, as Weinberger suggests, the smartest person in the room is the room itself.
According to Marshall Goldsmith's book What Got You Here Won't Get You There, 80 per cent of our success in learning from other people is based on how well we listen. So if Charlie Jones was correct when he said, ‘Five years from today, you will be the same person that you are today, except for the books you read and the people you meet’, as leaders we better get a whole lot better at listening and learning from others.
I believe that the leader who still thinks they need to be the smartest person in the room and have the answer to everything will struggle in this changing world we find ourselves in. Leaders need to embrace vulnerability, and understand that showing vulnerability is not a weakness but a strength … and that can be hard to do. Howard Schultz, the CEO of Starbucks, sums it up when he says, ‘The hardest thing about being a leader is demonstrating or showing vulnerability … When the leader demonstrates vulnerability and sensibility and brings people together, the team wins.’
THE LEADER WHO STILL THINKS THEY NEED TO BE THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE ROOM AND HAVE THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING WILL STRUGGLE IN THIS CHANGING WORLD WE FIND OURSELVES IN. LEADERS NEED TO embrace VULNERABILITY.
Brené Brown is a professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. Her book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, is a New York Times number 1 bestseller and was voted by Fast Company magazine as one of the top ten business books of 2012. Her 2010 TEDx Houston talk, ‘The Power of Vulnerability’, is in the top ten of most-viewed TED talks in the world.1
Brown believes that vulnerability is ‘our most accurate measure of courage’ and is about uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. She believes you can use the same definition for leadership. That is, that leadership is about being able to show up and be seen even when there are no guarantees.
Brown's research busts a few myths about vulnerability that as leaders we should be aware of. Here are two of them that I think are critical.
Myth 1: Vulnerability is a weakness
While we may respect other people who show their vulnerability, we all too often see it as a weakness in ourselves. As Brown says in an interview with Forbes magazine, vulnerability is ‘the last thing I'm willing to show you. In you, it's courage and daring. In me, it's weakness’.
But showing your vulnerability isn't a weak thing to do — it's hard. For Brown, vulnerability is ‘about showing up and being seen’. And that's tough. You're worried about what people will think about you, what flaws you'll expose. You're used to covering up these flaws, playing to your strengths, rather than admitting you might need to collaborate with other people to find the answers. As Brown says, ‘We end up hustling for our worthiness rather than standing in it’.
However, a growing number of leaders are understanding the strength in vulnerability. And this is a good thing because a significant number of people, especially Gen Ys, are getting tired of leaders who try to cover it up. They are looking for leaders who have the courage to show vulnerability, and have the strength and confidence to say, ‘I don't know the answer, what do you think?’
So showing vulnerability is not a sign of weakness; it is, in fact, the opposite — it is the ultimate sign of strength, courage and confidence.
Myth 2: Vulnerability is letting it all hang out
Some leaders shy away from vulnerability because they think it is about letting it all hang out. But it is not about wearing your heart on your sleeve and crying at the drop of a hat. It is also not about over-sharing or purging.
Showing vulnerability requires boundaries and trust. Vulnerability minus boundaries is not vulnerability; in fact, it can lead to distrust and disengagement.
Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them. Brown believes, ‘We need to feel trust to be vulnerable and we need to be vulnerable in order to trust’.
Even with boundaries and trust in place, opening yourself up, showing the real you, along with your vulnerabilities, does open you up to the possibility of being hurt. Perhaps what you have shown will be used against you. The benefits, however, are worth it. As Brown concluded in Daring Greatly :
Without question, putting ourselves out there means there's a far greater risk of feeling hurt. But as I look back on my own life and what Daring Greatly has meant to me, I can honestly say that nothing is as uncomfortable, dangerous, and hurtful as believing that I'm standing on the outside of my life looking in, and wondering what it would be like if I had the courage to show up and let myself be seen.
Ironically, the leaders who have strength and confidence are the ones most prepared to show vulnerability. Think about your own life and what you regret. When I think of the things I love in my life, I know they are in my life because I have dared to go for them. On the other hand, my biggest regrets are when I have stepped away from owning up to what I want or need from others.
Impostor syndrome
Impostor syndrome (also called impostor phenomenon) is where people are unable to internalise their own success. Despite all the evidence of their competence, intellect and accomplishments, they do not believe it themselves.
The term was first coined by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes in their 1978 research. Over five years they studied 150 highly successful professional women across various fields — women who had earned PhDs, who were respected professionals in their fields and who received praise and recognition from peers and authorities.
The study showed that, despite all their outstanding achievements, these women did not experience any internal feeling of success. They put these achievements down to luck and believed themselves to be ‘frauds’ or ‘impostors’.
This initial research focused on women, and further research has been conducted to identify whether men also experience this phenomenon. Through their research and in their clinical experience, Clance and Imes have found that ‘the phenomenon occurs with much less frequency in men and that, when it does occur, it is with much less intensity’.
A 1984 study that interviewed American psychologists reported that almost 70 per cent of them felt like impostors.
Susan Pinker's book The Sexual Paradox: Troubled Boys, Gifted Girls and the Real Difference between the Sexes also explores impostor syndrome. Pinker believes that the syndrome is purely limited to successful women. According to Pinker, successful men never feel like they are frauds.
Men tend to attribute their success to their own internal ability and effort, and attribute failure to external factors. Women, on the other hand, tend to attribute their successes to external factors such as luck or a one-off effort, and internalise their failures.
Impostor syndrome is not about low self-esteem but feelings of self-doubt are common. Chances are you have experienced impostor syndrome at some stage in your career, particularly if you are female. The following sections explore what the syndrome feels like, some of which may be very familiar.
What does it feel like?
Some common signs of impostor syndrome are typified by the following statements.
‘I'm such a fraud’
Sufferers of imposter syndrome feel they do not deserve their current success or position, and believe it is only a matter of time before they are found out — that is, before people realise they really do not know what they are doing.
In the Clance and Imes research, many of the women interviewed believed they had obtained their position through an error. Many of the students in the graduate school, for example, believed they were there due to an administrative error. One female professor stated, ‘I'm not good enough to be on the faculty here. Some mistake was made in the selection process.’
You may be saying to yourself, ‘Well, this research comes from the 1970s and 1980s. Times have changed.’ But, believe me, this syndrome is as common as ever and, as mentioned, most especially in women holding senior positions. I have personally felt the effects of this syndrome early on in my career. When I first started my career I was a trainee computer operator and was placed on a six-year development program, as were the other trainee operators. Every year you had to sit both oral and practical exams to progress to the next level. If you failed, you simply stayed on that level for another six or twelve months until you passed the exams. Many operators reached a certain level and did not progress any further, or stayed on the one level for two or three years before progressing.
Every 12 months, I passed the exams and progressed to the next level without fail, passing many of my colleagues along the way. All the time, however, I felt like a fraud. I acknowledged I had good communication skills but to this day I believe I fooled everyone with my technical ability. I found myself constantly looking for ways to remove myself from that career before I was caught out. When I did leave, I told everyone, ‘I left before they found out I had no idea what I was talking about’. I think people believed I was joking. I wasn't.
‘I'm just lucky’
Another common trait of people who suffer from this syndrome is attributing their success to luck. They feel like they were just in the right place at the right time.
Over the years, I have come to really despise the word ‘lucky’ — I almost take it as an insult when people call me ‘lucky’. Ten years ago, I left the relative comfort and safety of regular fortnightly pay to go out on my own. It was really hard work. I had twelve months where I did not draw an income. Since then, I have had some good years and some bad years. I have always had the option to go back to a nine-to-five corporate gig but I have stayed true to the life I wanted to create. I feel like now I am living the dream that I wanted. I feel absolutely grateful but not lucky. When people say I am lucky, I feel they are not recognising the hard work it took to get here.
‘It's not that hard’
Downplaying success is another attribute of impostor syndrome. With comments such as, ‘I was just the best of a bad bunch’ or ‘It wasn't anything; anyone could have done it’, the sufferers tend to discount any success they achieve.
In my practice, I have the opportunity to work with some amazingly talented women who are highly successful in their own right, and many have moments of impostor syndrome. Ask yourself whether you have ever used any of the preceding statements, or felt like you didn't deserve the success that has come your way. If you have, chances are you have experienced or are experiencing impostor syndrome. Also think about whether you've ever used such a statement about someone else. Perhaps you've assumed someone didn't deserve to be where they were and hoped they would be found out as a ‘fraud’ some day. Think about whether your thoughts and assumptions are perpetuating the imposter syndrome in others as well as yourself, and ultimately stopping you from finding and expressing your real you.
What are the consequences?
When an individual is suffering from imposter syndrome, it can cause real problems for them and the company they work for. Some of the consequences can include the individual having the following:
- reluctance to take on new responsibilities, projects or promotions due to fear of failure
- strong risk-aversion due to fear of failure
- inability to celebrate successes or even talk about successes (which can in turn have a negative impact on promotions and other opportunities)
- an abnormal reaction to negative feedback or even constructive criticism (which can in turn lead to unprofessional behaviour)
- increased levels of stress and anxiety due to the constant worry of being found out.
I also believe the syndrome creates another significant consequence that relates to leadership and being real. If you constantly live with the fear that you will be caught out, you will be less likely to stand out or just to be your true, real self.
I went to a Catholic school where wearing a school uniform was compulsory. I can still recall the days when I forgot to wear my blazer and I would do my best to blend in and hide among my classmates at school assembly so I would not be found out.
People who suffer from impostor syndrome spend a lot of time trying to blend in, making sure they don't get found out.
With this weight around their neck, how can they possibly have the courage to make a stand? To be completely real, to allow their chimes and beliefs to guide them, to make a tough decision, to be bold and to go against the flow?
Ironically, the more success sufferers experience the more they feel like a fraud. Meryl Streep, who has received numerous Academy Awards and Golden Globe nominations, has said, ‘Why would anyone want to see me again in a movie? And I don't know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?’
What is the solution?
Curing imposter syndrome has no easy answer, but you do have some options to help you deal with the issues:
- Awareness — like most things, you first need awareness to make a change. You need to be mindful of the initial and any ongoing thoughts you have. Awareness can often be hard, though, because the feelings are so real. When I look back on my early career, I still find it hard to accept that I had impostor syndrome. If I am completely honest, I still don't genuinely believe I did. I still find it easier to believe my technical skill did not warrant my quick rise through the ranks, and that this success was purely because I was a good communicator and was well liked. I believe this even though I know logically that would never have been enough to warrant my promotions.
- Support — it is really important to surround yourself with people who support you. Many highly successful people have support mechanisms in the form of coaches and mentors. If you don't have a professional mentor or coach, at least speak to a good friend or trusted adviser about your feelings.
- Reframe — once we are aware and have support, could the solution be as simple as reframing our thoughts and the stories we tell ourselves? While it may not be simple, I believe this reframing can be very powerful.
If Pinker is correct and impostor syndrome is only experienced by highly successful women, then if you are experiencing these feelings, by definition you are a highly successful woman.2 Could it be a matter of reframing your thoughts? So when you catch yourself discounting success or responding with, ‘I'm just lucky’ or ‘I was in the right place at the right time: anyone could have done it’ or when you catch yourself feeling like a fake, instead of labelling yourself a ‘fraud’, could you reframe the situation and label yourself a ‘genius’ or ‘legend’?
Think about it. You are only feeling these thoughts because you are highly successful. If you weren't, you would not be feeling them.
Logically this makes sense but, of course, changing the stories we tell ourselves is a lot easier said than done. However, it is definitely worth the effort.
Natasha Pincus created and directed the music video clip of Gotye's ‘Somebody that I used to know’. This video clip is one of the most viewed video clips in history and has won multiple awards around the world. After the success of the video many people claimed Natasha was a ‘genius’. It got her thinking about this — to the point that she wrote a book titled I Am Not a GENIUS and So Are You. I had the pleasure of seeing Natasha speak in 2014 and was inspired by her message. She believes that anyone can be a genius but we have to believe it. Believing you are a genius makes you more creative, more empathetic and more productive. You dare more, believe more and commit more. For Natasha ‘it means accepting that Genius is a label that can't be given to you by anyone but yourself’. But only ‘when you get out of your own way’.
BELIEVING YOU ARE A GENIUS MAKES YOU MORE CREATIVE, MORE EMPATHETIC AND MORE PRODUCTIVE. YOU dare MORE, BELIEVE MORE AND COMMIT MORE.
To keep impostor syndrome at bay, maybe we just need to replace our thoughts of ‘fraud’ with ‘genius’. I am a true believer that our thoughts become our words, our words become our actions, our actions become our habits, our habits become our character and our character becomes our destiny.
Imagine if every time you thought you were a fraud, you replaced that thought with genius. Little by little the fraud label you place on yourself can be replaced with the label of genius. The thought of genius may even become so strong at times that you will (because you can't help yourself) proclaim out loud ‘I am a genius’.3 Even if no-one is around to hear it, I encourage you to speak it.
Of course, you need to be careful how you say this. You don't want to tip the scales too much and go from impostor syndrome to the Dunning-Kruger effect. David Dunning and Justin Kruger of Cornell University (in a 1999 study) found that some individuals rate their abilities much higher than the actual reality. In essence, this is the complete opposite of impostor syndrome. Their research was inspired by a bank robber who covered his face with lemon juice believing that, because lemon juice was used as invisible ink, it would make his face invisible on security cameras.
I am sure you know people who are like this. Maybe they don't cover their face with lemon juice thinking they will become invisible, but they have an over-inflated sense of their competence — a sense that does not match reality. They can be extremely frustrating and dangerous.
Shakespeare alluded to this in As You Like It when he said, ‘The foole doth thinke he is wise, but the wiseman knows himselfe to be a foole’. Now that is genius!
Be careful who you take advice from
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson, American lecturer and writer
When it comes to courage and confidence, you need to be careful who you listen to. Earlier in this chapter, I discussed how important your environment and who you surround yourself with is, but sometimes the voices we are listening to are the ones in our head.
Often the battle of the voices in our head is a good thing. They can sometimes stop us from making a mistake or keep us away from danger. Other times they stop us from taking on a challenge because they provide a very convenient excuse or logical reason not to. However, distinguishing between a reason and excuse can be difficult.
At Harvard we were often asked a simple question when making a statement or contributing to a class discussion, and that was: ‘Is that the truth or is that a convenient story you are telling yourself?’ This question was unbelievably confronting but it did make you question the assumptions in your head.
I have found this to be a very powerful question to ask of myself and the leaders I work with. When I facilitate my storytelling workshops, I often get some leaders saying something like, ‘I have to present to the Board but could never tell a story because they would not relate’. Really? I respond with, ‘Is that the truth or is that just a convenient story you are telling yourself?’ Because the most likely truth is that they don't have the confidence to share a personal story with the Board.
When you are about to take a risk or challenge yourself, you will always have that voice in your head explaining to you why it is not a good idea, and that voice can be persuasive.
That voice may say something like this:
- ‘Don't talk about your faith at work, you will put people off.’
- ‘Don't share a personal story of vulnerability, it will show weakness.’
- ‘Don't talk about gender diversity; it will damage your career.’
- ‘You have to use PowerPoint; you will look unprofessional if you don't.’
Make the conscious choice to ignore that negative voice in your head that holds you back, and reap the benefits that come from stepping forward and being real.
Say it as it is
My friend Wendy is a financial planner and she spends a lot time at conferences watching people present. These experiences led her to ask me to include a section in this book on avoiding corporate jargon and, instead, ‘saying it like it is’. So here it is.
About ten years ago, a colleague gave me a copy of Don Watson's Dictionary of Weasel Words as a parting gift. Was this a subtle hint to change my communication style?
Anyway, ‘weasel words’ is a term used to describe words that have no substance or have lost all meaning. The term originates from a widespread belief that weasels suck the contents from bird's eggs, leaving only the empty shell. (Although this is a widespread belief, doubt exists as to whether weasels actually do suck the contents from the eggs. Regardless, the term has stuck.)
In the belief that weasels suck the contents out of eggs, ‘weasel words’ is used to describe words or statements that have had the life sucked out of them.
Weasel words are also more commonly known as ‘management speak’ or ‘political speak’. That is, the art of talking without actually saying anything. The adoption of such language could be due to the fear of being wrong or the fear of making a commitment or the fear of delivering bad news. Regardless of the reason, people who hide behind ‘management speak’ or ‘political speak’ or ‘weasel words’ are simply not prepared to say it as it is.
The business world and the political world are rife with examples of this. Take this edited extract of an exchange between journalists and Australia's then-immigration minister Scott Morrison, who provided a ‘doorstop’ press conference in June 2014:
Q: Minister, is there a boat in trouble off Christmas Island?
A: It is our standard practice as you know, under Operation Sovereign Borders, to report on any significant events regarding maritime operations at sea, particularly where there are safety of life at sea issues associated, and I am advised I have no such reports to provide.
Q: Is there a boat?
A: Well, I have answered the question.
Q: … So are you saying that boats are not leaving [for Australia] ?
A: We are always ready for boats that may arrive and we always anticipate that they may seek to come and we are always ready. We are ready today, we were ready yesterday and we will be ready tomorrow and the government's policies will continue to prevail.
Q: So Mr Morrison, you are not even going to confirm there is a boat, you are not going to say what is happening if people are in the water? Their boat is leaking, we are told — leaking oil — and you are not going to say anything about that situation?
A: What I have said is that it is our practice to report on significant events at sea, particularly when they involve safety of life at sea. Now there is no such report for me to provide to you today. If there was a significant event happening then I would be reporting on it.
Q: So what does that mean?
A: You are a bright journalist. I'm sure you can work it out.
Q: No, we are asking you, Sir. You are the minister.
A: And I have given you my response.
Q: So could you clarify, Sir, for us — at what point does an event become a significant event involving a boat on the water?
A: When you see me here standing and reporting on it.
Q: And you are standing here reporting.
A: I am not. I am saying there is no such report for me to provide to you today. There is, therefore, no significant event for me to report at sea.
Q: Are you saying that it could be a hoax that people are saying they are in trouble?
A: I am not saying anything of that at all. I am not confirming any of these matters. This should come as no surprise to you. This has been our practice now for the entire period of this operation. This is another day at the office for Operation Sovereign Borders.
Another day indeed, and another day of being unprepared to say it as it is. Although you can't blame Morrison alone — apparently his department employs more than ninety-five communications staff and spin doctors, at a cost of more than $8 million a year.
Besides avoiding weasel words, if you want to be more real you should also try to use fewer acronyms, less jargon and fewer clichés. Of course, we all do use these from time to time, but make sure when you communicate you do so as little as possible and instead include more of just saying it as it is. Keep it real.
Acronyms
Acronyms (or acronyms and initialisms, to get technical) can be handy when every single person you are talking to understands what they mean. Sadly, this situation is often assumed and can be the furthest from reality.
I can recall a time when I was mainframe computer operator. One of the fans in the IBM processor had broken and I needed to order a new one. I looked up the IBM parts directory for ‘fan’ but couldn't find it listed under ‘f’. I ended up calling them directly to be advised I would find the part number for the fan under ‘A’ because it is called an AMD ... an air movement device. Really? So, yes, IBM does have a TLA4 for a FAN and it is an AMD.
When you think about it, acronyms are used as a kind of shorthand. They usually take less time to write and less time to say (although not always!). This is fine for the person writing or speaking. But the person listening or reading has to do all the work to convert the acronym into the full name. Even then, they sometimes don't understand what that means.
A classic example of this is CVP or EVP, which are acronyms for customer value proposition or employee value proposition. As in, ‘We need greater clarity on our EVP’ or ‘We need to ensure that this is aligned to our EVP’.
The process in the receiver's heads is likely, ‘EVP? EVP? What is that? Ah, yes. It is employee value proposition. I wonder what that really means. I think it means what we offer to our employees that they value. I think? Why can't they just say that? Sorry, what were you saying?’
I know I am guilty of using acronyms at times but I try to use them less and less. Because, when you think about it, if using acronyms makes it easier for you but harder for others, doesn't that just make you lazy when you use them? Or, perhaps worse, even selfish?
Clichés and management speak
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
— Oscar Wilde, Irish writer and poet
Using a lot of clichés and management speak is dangerous. Using this type of language assumes that everyone understands what these terms mean, and that is a flawed assumption. For every person who knows exactly what the cliché or management speak term means, there is likely at least one person who has no idea but is too afraid to ask, and another who has the incorrect interpretation.
Even more concerning, sometimes the person using the cliché or management speak does not know themselves what it fully means.
For example, here are three terms that particularly annoy me:
- Step change — as in, ‘The current way we are doing things is not working; we need a step change’. I think what this means is that we need to step up a bit or change the pace. To move from a waltz to a tango maybe? I don't really know what it means. I hear it a lot and have now resorted to asking people what they mean. I often get very vague responses about ‘changing pace’. Is it just me, or could we not just say ‘do things differently’?
- Executional excellence or operational excellence — I was working with a leader once who used to use this phrase a lot — to the point it was one of their company values. I would hear him and his team use the term in most of their communications to employees. One day, I challenged this leader, saying that I was not sure if people actually knew what it meant and, in fact, I was not even sure if my interpretation of what it meant was correct. He attempted to explain it to me and after a few tries he said, ‘What it basically means is that when we say we are going to do something, let's make sure we do it right’. Now, do you not find that more engaging, inspiring and memorable than ‘executional excellence’?
- Close of play — as in ‘I need those documents by close of play’. This confusing term is used to replace the very non-confusing term ‘end of the day’. I think this an attempt to bring in a sporting cliché but (outside of cricket) I don't hear too many people use ‘close of play’ in regards to a sporting event.
The other reason you should avoid clichés and management speak is that they get little cut-through.5 This is mainly due to the fact that they very quickly become overused as more and more people in the organisation start repeating them.
Like clichés, other words can become the flavour of the month. Words such as strategy, journey, moving forward, narrative, leverage, deliverables and … I am sure you can add many more to this list. This has even started to occur in the Australian Football League with the word ‘structure’. Footballers being interviewed after games can now be heard saying, ‘Our problem was we did not adhere to our structures’ or ‘Our structure was solid, which helped with overall play’.
Once these terms become overused they start to lose their impact.
Don Watson has a website6 that provides many sad but hilarious examples of not saying it as it is. Take the following, for example, that was from a job advertisement for a ‘Citizen Services Ambassador’ at Births, Deaths and Marriages Victoria.
Citizen Experience Portfolio
The Citizen Experience Portfolio has an intimate knowledge of citizen expectations and emergent trends and strategically defines and navigates BDM's service delivery model to ensure a relevant and sustainable citizen-centric offering. The Portfolio is comprised of the Citizen Service and Citizen Experience Development Teams and has responsibility for the development, implementation and evaluation of services that place the expectations and needs of citizens at the core.
The Portfolio initiates and enables the collaborative exploration and dynamic adaptation of BDM's citizen-centric service delivery model and citizen value proposition.
The Citizen Experience Development Team is responsible for the development and implementation of business transformation and service development initiatives and accompanying processes and tools. This Team also leads the exploration, analysis and development of citizen-centric discretionary services.
The job being advertised was actually a customer service and administrative role.
Let's look at CVP or customer value proposition again. When you hear that acronym or phrase, do you have any emotional connection to it? Does it excite you? Probably not or maybe only a little.
On the other hand, let me share with you an experience I had recently on a family holiday to Paris. While in this amazing city, I organised a private walking tour for my family so we could discover some local cafés, bakeries and other specialty shops that are off the tourist track. Our guide advised us of a beautiful phrase the French have: ça vaut le déplacement which means ‘it's worth the trip’.
She was using it to describe the specialty baker known for making the best croissants in Paris. Our guide advised that no matter where you are in Paris, these croissants are worth the trip — we had, in fact, crossed the Seine for them.
My daughter Alex has coeliac disease, so at the time had not had a croissant since her diagnosis seven years before. We had found out that the French process flour differently, which means their flour contains very little gluten, and considering croissants are mainly butter, the croissants were almost (but not quite) gluten-free. We had one very excited daughter on our hands.
Alex's first croissant in seven years deserved to be the best and it certainly was ‘ça vaut le déplacement’.
This beautiful phrase got me thinking of customer value proposition. Imagine if instead of talking about CVP, we shared this story and then asked of our people ‘What are we doing, or what can we do, that our customers will cross the river for? That is, what will make them go out of their way to deal with us? So that they will do anything to work with us and only us?’
I suggest we start replacing phrases that have little impact and emotional connection with questions like, ‘Is it worth the trip?’ For this to work, though, it needs to be communicated via the story. Otherwise, ‘Is it worth the trip?’ on its own will just end up being another meaningless phrase.
So instead of asking, ‘What is our CVP?’ ask ‘Is it worth the trip?’ or ‘ça vaut le déplacement'? But please, please do not reduce this to IIWTT or CVLD.
Analogies and metaphors
Analogies and metaphors can very useful when attempting to explain something. Teachers, for example, use them often in the classroom to help their students understand concepts. Leaders can also use analogies and metaphors, but they need to be aware that they do have their limitations. They can help people understand a concept but not necessarily inspire and engage them.
Sporting analogies in particular should be avoided. Business is not a game of two halves and no-one wins the premiership at the end of the season.
Ensure your analogies will connect with everyone in your audience and keep in mind that if you have to explain an analogy, it's a poor analogy.
Weasel words, acronyms and corporate jargon are not new, and they have always been annoying for the listener. Once I tried to get through a day without using any acronyms or corporate jargon — it was hard and I failed. So I am not suggesting we need to stop using them all together but if leaders want to be more real and to engage better, the less we use of them the better.
Level up
I am a huge fan of J.K. Rowling and besides loving the Harry Potter series I also love her attitude to life. Rowling believes that, ‘It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all — in which case, you fail by default’.
I was introduced to the concept of ‘levelling up’ by the amazing Matt Church and I found it an extremely useful tool in providing the courage and confidence to give something a crack, such as stepping into the real you. Matt talks about vibrating up a level and I prefer the concept of that over the much-used term ‘step up’. ‘Vibrate up’ has a more gradual feel to — it's about making small changes to vibrate up a level. Then, once you are at that level, that becomes your new constant, which allows you to then vibrate up another level.
The first part of the levelling up activity is to choose your challenge. What is it that you want to level up to? For example, when I did this my challenge was to grow my business. But I have done this many times with many clients and their challenges have all varied — from speaking up more to seeking an executive role or losing ten kilograms. Your challenge may be to increase your leadership presence, or it may be a specific aspect of that such as bringing more of your true self to work, becoming a better presenter, becoming a more active listener or increasing your presence on social media. One challenge you could work on is levelling up to be a more inspiring leader and communicator.
Whatever your challenge is, write it in a circle in the middle of a piece of A4 paper. Once you have your levelling up challenge identified, in the top left quadrant of the paper write down all the non-negotiables involved if you were to achieve this challenge. These are normally based around your values.
As I said, when I first did this activity I did it around my challenge to actively grow my business. My daughters, Jess and Alex, were ten and thirteen respectively, and, as a working parent, I was juggling many demands. I recorded my non-negotiables as:
- still spending school holidays at our rural property
- always having time to exercise with my friends
- maintaining my current work–life balance — still enjoying time with my kids, my husband and my friends
- never taking work for the sake of it when I didn't think I could add value.
Then in the bottom left quadrant of the paper, record all the things you will lose if you level up to this challenge.
For me, I listed all the things I assumed I would lose if I actively grew my practice, as follows:
- sleep-ins
- Facebook time
- excuses
- wasted time
- clients I didn't enjoy working with
- my mortgage.
What I love about this activity is that you, and only you, decide what you record here. When I started to write down the things I would lose, I naturally started with the negative things, because when we talk about loss it has negative connotations. However, once I moved past the sleep-ins and being able to waste time on Facebook, I ran out of negatives. I was about to write work–life balance and time to exercise but I reminded myself that these were on my non-negotiable list, which meant I wasn't going to lose them at all. Then I started thinking of other things I would lose and then they became positive ones.
The important thing to note here is that what you record and what you believe you will lose will either support you in your levelling up efforts or sabotage them.
If your list is predominately negative, have a go at thinking of things you will lose that are positive.
Once you have recorded all the things you will lose, move to the top right quadrant and record all the things you should gain if you level up. What will you get by doing this? For me it was:
- financial security
- financial freedom
- sense of accomplishment
- freedom to choose (not only for me but for my family)
- more opportunities
- sense of fulfilment
- complete control of who I work with.
Again you get to choose what you record here and what you believe will either support or sabotage you. If you truly believe these gains are possible, they are more likely to happen. I am a massive fan of positive thinking or, as Matt Church calls it, positive delusion. For example, when I go on a run, I tell myself that I don't stop on runs. I come to a big hill and my positive delusion kicks in and all my mental energy gets me up that hill without stopping. Now I must admit that this does not work 100 per cent of the time — there have been occasions when I have stopped — but it hurts me to even put that in writing because it is going against my positive delusion mindset.
I work with a lot of clients who come to me saying, ‘I hate public speaking and I am no good at’. And guess what? They hate public speaking and they are no good at it. How can you be a good public speaker if you hate it and you think you are no good at it? What would your mindset be like when you had to speak in public? What would your body language portray? Yes, you may need some skill development to address this situation, but you also need a bit of positive delusion.
IF YOU TRULY BELIEVE THESE GAINS ARE possible, THEY ARE MORE LIKELY TO HAPPEN.
The final quadrant you need to complete is the bottom right corner. This is where you reflect on your non-negotiables, and compare what you will lose with what you will gain and decide what you know to be true. For me, I wrote: ‘Just do it’. I then added the following:
- the non-negotiables are not an excuse
- my family will be better for it
- I will be better for it.
It is amazing what can happen or what you can make happen after completing this activity. I started training for a half marathon with two of my closest friends. We spent a lot more time exercising together and completed the half marathon together.
I also made slight changes to how I structured my day, including changing when I enjoyed my first morning coffee — instead of having it as soon as the kids left for school, I started to have it while I sat down with my youngest daughter so we had breakfast together.
I started owning my position more. Once I made the decision to level up, I just assumed the position of a successful business owner. Outwardly nothing changed; it was just a slight mindset shift in me.
I gave myself more of a break. I went hard but was more relaxed about it. I have always been a fan of stopping and smelling the roses but, again, I just did this more.
I don't know whether it was coincidental but life just seemed to get a whole lot better. My sales escalated and more and more amazing opportunities came my way. For example, I was asked to run a storytelling workshop in London for the International Committee of the Red Cross. I did this and combined it with a family skiing holiday — so suddenly the kids were really excited that Mum had to travel a bit with work.
My husband (who had become increasingly disengaged from his work after spending 26 years in the corporate world) now had the freedom to do what he wanted to do, which was to become his own boss and work with his hands in the building and construction industry.
I recruited two of my best mates (and running buddies) to work for me. So now I get to run and discuss work at the same time — and have a fun Christmas party.
It is amazing what you can do when you combine your non-negotiables with some positive delusion … Genius can happen. You can change your world and possibly the world of the people around you.