The search for balance in your life could be one of the reasons you're reading this book. Something seems out of whack. You're not happy with where you are or what you're doing, and you're struggling to find meaning and fulfillment in your life or career. Your work could be stressful because of a recent layoff, reorganization, or increase in competition. You've been asked to take on more work to cover the departure of others. You're putting in longer hours than normal to keep your job secure. And if you're not part of the traditional workforce, you're probably juggling children's schedules, a household, and community involvement. The gutters need cleaning, healthy meals are a rarity, and you lie awake at night thinking of all the things that still need to be done. You're craving balance, serenity, and direction.

It is difficult to achieve complete balance in life. It never fails: As soon as one part of your life starts to go well, another part becomes a challenge. Balance remains an objective we all desire, and you don't want your next move to throw what little balance you have into a tailspin. Anxiety can result from external forces. Is your life being consumed by overscheduling, too much clutter, toxic relationships, or overwhelming family responsibilities? Anxiety could stem from something internal. Perhaps your physical health is not good because of poor eating habits or inactivity. Anxiety itself has been linked to ailments from heart disease to immune system disorders. You could be engaged in unhealthy self-talk, your head filled with thoughts of failure or self-doubt. Anxiety could also result from doing too many things that don't mesh with what you value. You could be spending too much time on activities that aren't important to you but not enough on goals about which you're passionate.

It's time to reflect again on the principles and goals you chose in Chapter 2, The Preparation Hand. These decisions should set the course for the moves you need to make. Compare the life your principles and goals describe to the life you currently lead. By making the move to create a life based on what you value, you will be moving closer to creating a life filled with balance. The internal and external challenges will either disappear completely or become more manageable because of new and improved work and life strategies. Don't let the idea of making a move itself create anxiety for you, either. Most people are fearful of change, but the moves you are about to make can take you to a better place. Balance is just ahead.

You can try a number of strategies to deal with the anxieties in your life. Some are related to your work life and others to your life at home. Many of the ideas are surprisingly easy and work well to reduce anxiety, no matter where you are in your life journey.

Most people begin their days already behind. Having stayed up a little too late the night before, they hit the snooze button twice before getting out of bed, then race through a shower, skip breakfast, and drive ten miles over the speed limit to their first appointment of the day—and they wonder why they feel overwrought and anxious! It's important to allow yourself to get adequate rest. The National Sleep Foundation reports that 31 percent of U.S. adults sleep less than seven hours each weeknight. Do you know how many hours of sleep your body needs? The next time you take a vacation, keep track of the number of hours you sleep without waking to an alarm. It sometimes takes several days for your body to readjust to a no-alarm-clock natural waking time, but eventually you'll be able to determine how much sleep your body requires. Then try to get that amount of sleep each night. That often means going to bed earlier than you are used to, which, of course, isn't always possible. You can operate at a sleep deficit for a while but not for long. Eventually, your mind and body will rebel, and you'll need to replenish the “sleep bank” again with several longer nights of sleep. Take a moment right now to think about your evening habits. Can you change any activities or lifestyle choices that would allow you to get more rest?

Another way to relieve anxiety is to allow yourself to start each day quietly. Thirty to sixty minutes of private quiet time right after you wake up can provide clarity and focus, two qualities missing from most days. Bernie, a restaurant manager, runs on his treadmill. He does so in complete silence, with no TV on and no newspaper in front of him. The quiet felt uncomfortable at first, but now he looks forward to being lost in his thoughts. He considers this time to be his most productive hour of the day. Allison, an aerobics instructor, likes to write in her journal. She used to write in the evenings before going to sleep but now prefers journalizing in the morning after she's had a chance to “sleep on things.” LaWanda, an engineer, uses her morning quiet time to read. She enjoys reading popular fiction during vacations but uses her regular mornings to read and reread the great books of literature. She finds they help her gain a perspective on her fast-paced, information-overloaded life. She finds comfort in seeing how history repeats itself, and the books illustrate lessons that she can often apply to her life today.

People with high anxiety levels are people who usually expect perfection and rarely delegate to others. Do you have those tendencies? Perfection can be a time waster. Although precision and excellence are important to most things you undertake, focusing on details that only you will notice eats up time that could be used more productively and causes undue stress. Most parents of young children will tell you that perfection flew out the window as soon as the kids were born. Personal grooming must be delayed until late in the day; housework happens only when guests are expected. Changing your mindset from it must be perfect to this is good enough considering everything else I have on my plate at the moment is the battle cry of anxiety-free people everywhere.

Another question to ask yourself is whether someone else in your life could handle this better (and maybe even do a better job) than you. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you always should. Multitasking can be overrated! Delegate, delegate, delegate—to team members, family members, roommates, assistants. Delegating to others will decrease your overload and take advantage of others' skill sets. It can also teach others the values of personal responsibility and teamwork. List the various tasks you face at work and in your personal life. Which could be broken into smaller pieces and delegated to one or more others? Take each big job and divide it into specific tasks. Then create a chart of each person's responsibilities, set appropriate deadlines for each task, and schedule times for periodic updates. Jack, a retired TV engineer and union representative, believes his parents instilled in him the attitude that “if you want it done right, do it yourself.” He used to take on too many responsibilities at work and with the union because he believed he was the only one who could get the right results. Along the way, he developed high blood pressure and an ulcer and saw the demise of two marriages. As he neared the end of his professional career, he started to realize that the price of always being in control and in charge had too big a price tag. He began to groom his replacements and tried hard to give up his controlling tendencies. In doing so, he found he could help others learn better and faster how to do his job. It was a lesson he wished he'd learned sooner.

Are you having enough fun? Laughter is a great anxiety reducer. You've undoubtedly noticed how one good laugh can instantly change your mood or diffuse an argument. Many doctors believe that laughter reduces pain and suspect that it can have the power to promote healing. One study of college students showed that those with good senses of humor had fewer colds and upper respiratory infections. Laughter could indeed be the best medicine. Do what you can to laugh more each day. It may be a cartoon-a-day calendar that gives you a chuckle. Perhaps it's reading a humorous newspaper column each morning or spending more time with friends who make you laugh. Watching TV and film comedies, stand-up comedy routines, and reading humorous books can also lighten a heavy load.

Having fun doesn't mean you always need to be doubled over with laughter. Engaging in a hobby or sport is a fine way to release tension and get your mind off your worries. If you think you don't have time, find a way to schedule it. It might mean you have to sacrifice something else in your calendar, but all work and no play can make you not only dull but also full of anxiety. Kari, a lawyer, enjoys those unexpected periods of “found” time that crop up occasionally. Open, unscheduled pockets of time used to be spent fretting over some issue at work. Now Kari takes that time to step outside for some fresh air, close her eyes for a few minutes of rest at her desk, or wander through the boutiques located in her building's lobby. By taking advantage of those unexpected open periods, she allows herself some personal time and an opportunity to clear her head and enjoy herself.

Doing something for someone else can release anxiety for both parties at the same time. Volunteering your time and talent helps others in need and provides a way to get your mind off whatever is plaguing you at the moment. Coaching a kid's sports team, preparing meals for the homeless, or providing companionship to residents of an elderly care facility are all ways to serve your community and put your own life and troubles in perspective. Jackson, an accountant, enjoys spending each Thursday night at a local church helping underprivileged kids with their homework. It clears his mind of his troubles, and he leaves each evening with a fresh perspective on his own life.

It has become more and more difficult for us to get away from it all. Thanks to cell phones, pagers, email, instant messaging, and laptops, it has become possible, and often expected, to work a “24/7” workweek. Some people like the ability to be connected instantly to others. Many chief executive officers and vice presidents use email to stay in constant communication with employees, shareholders, and customers. Their open door policy has evolved into an open mailbox policy. Managers often use a combination of email, instant messaging, cell phones, and voice mail to stay in contact with far-flung team members. Ramon, a managing director, uses instant messaging to get immediate status updates and customer information from the home office. Many families enjoy the instant connection that email and cell phones provide. Parents are able to stay in closer contact with children; long-distance relationships stay healthy and strong.

If you're in a position to choose how available you are to others, consider the two schools of thought regarding incoming calls and email. Some people prefer to process them as they come in and take immediate action, whether that is to answer them, pass them along for someone else to handle, or trash them. Others prefer to schedule one or two times each day to deal with voice mail and email. Messages are logged as they come in and then handled at a more convenient time later in the day. Caller ID is becoming a favorite tool of families and home-based business owners. Incoming calls can be identified and screened for the ultimate in control. Experiment with both strategies and find which one works for you.

If you're currently in the workforce, is there a way to spend part of your normal workday working from home? That can be a good way to reduce anxiety and allow you to see your family, get dressed in the daylight, and commute after the rush hour. Dante, an applications specialist, was ready to resign after an especially busy product rollout. She had two small children and wanted to see more of them while they were young. Her employer came up with an innovative idea; he let her design a work schedule that worked for her needs. She suggested a schedule in which she worked eight months on and four months off. She's been working that schedule now for more than ten years. With many companies stretched thin by layoffs, employers are often willing to do anything to keep their good employees happy. If your employer isn't as flexible as Dante's, it might be possible either to reduce your work hours or to work part of the time from home.

Perhaps a larger move is in the cards for you. Many people, especially parents of young children, are making major career decisions to bring more balance into their lives. Some are leaving their conventional jobs to start their own companies; others are selling their businesses and rejoining the traditional workforce.

Do you need to make a major move to reduce your stress level? Get into the workforce? Get out of the workforce? Ask for a raise? Take a pay cut? It all goes back to knowing your goals and what you value. Take time to think about what a perfect life would look like to you, and then begin taking the steps to create it.

Simplify—sounds like a great idea, doesn't it? Is it easier said than done? Not at all. You can try a number of ideas that will streamline your routines and simplify your daily life. The first thing you have to do is clear the clutter. Clutter can take on a life of its own and mess up yours in the process, causing psychological stress, mistakes, lost income, lower productivity, and embarrassment.

Think about all of the places that hold the clutter in your life:

Then think of all of your clutter:

Once you deal with the clutter, you'll be able to create new routines that will ensure that the clutter won't reappear. Don't try to clear all of the clutter in a single try; it's too overwhelming. Do it in chunks, tackling only one of the clutter areas at a time. Begin by taking everything out or off of the space. Take this opportunity to clean that area thoroughly while it's cleared. As you put things back, sort as you go, grouping similar items: computer discs, bills to be paid, sweaters, tools, action figures, and so forth. Place the things you need most frequently in the most convenient spots. Be ruthless as you sort, throwing away everything that is a duplicate or no longer relevant to your life. If you can't throw it away, consider selling it, donating it, or storing it out of sight.

Like the wire hangers in your closet, paper has a way of multiplying when your back is turned. Consider storing more of your paper and photo clutter electronically. In fact, take digital photos of sentimental items and keep the photos instead of the things, such as kid's artwork or an old prom dress. Locate your prime real estate: the places you need open to do your work, such as your desktop, the kitchen counter, or workbench. Put everything you need to get at throughout the week within arm's reach; move everything else away. Respect your prime real estate and keep it clear. If this all seems too overwhelming, consider hiring a professional organizer. You can locate those in your area by contacting the National Association of Professional Organizers. A day spent with a professional can jump-start the organizing process and teach you the skills you need to maintain the order.

As you work to clear your clutter, experiment with some new, simplified routines. If you are computer proficient, set up a program to pay your bills online. Depending on where you live, you could also do your grocery shopping online and have it delivered to your door. More and more busy people are shopping online for gifts from books to flowers to food. You can even send greeting cards via email. Here's a classic reminder: Handle any paper material only once. Sort all mail and papers immediately into one of five categories: to be read, to be done, to be thrown, to be filed, to be paid. Keep your reading pile handy and grab a few items when you know you'll have some down time such as while traveling, waiting for an appointment, and before going to bed. Items requiring action, such as correspondence, forms, and questionnaires, should be kept in a to-be-done area and scheduled into your calendar. Keep a wastebasket handy and toss everything you don't need or want into it. File papers immediately or schedule filing time into your calendar as a daily or weekly task. Create a to-be-paid file and schedule bill paying into your calendar.

Saying no can be an easy way to achieve more balance in life. Balance requires controlling your anxiety, your clutter, your breathing, and your self-talk. You must also control your choices. Do you let yourself get overscheduled with more activities than time allows? Are you involved in toxic relationships with people who drain your energy? Have you developed some bad habits? Do you let others interrupt you or take advantage of your time? Women are frequently guilty of trying to be people pleasers. Saying yes is just easier than facing the conflict or rejection that often results from saying no to something. Avoiding saying no can also be tied to culture. Japanese rarely use a direct no; in that culture, indirectness is seen as a sign of maturity and power.

No is a favorite word of young children. They say it easily and often. If they don't like the food, clothes, friends, or toys, they have no problem letting you know. This is part of the growing-up process; by saying no, they're exploring their boundaries and expressing their free will. Something happens as you age, however: You are bombarded by cultural messages that encourage you to conform and seek the approval of others. You want to be seen as a nice person, so you placate others rather than run the risk of offending them. You could allow yourself to get maneuvered into situations you're not comfortable with. You may accept unjust criticism without challenge. Quite often we can't even say no to ourselves; we allow ourselves to procrastinate, to give up, to give in, to shirk responsibility. The inability to say no when you need to can lead to a number of unhappy conclusions; you could be moving yourself further and further from your values and goals and heading toward feelings of isolation and resentment.

You can try some strategies to feel more comfortable saying no. First, you need to analyze your speech for nonassertive, tentative speech patterns. Have you ever heard yourself say, kind of . . . , maybe . . . , well . . . , don't you think . . . ?, or I guess . . . ? If so, you're robbing yourself of the opportunity to speak with authority. Make an effort to speak more directly. Avoid turning sentences into questions, remove hedges from your language, and give instructions rather than suggestions.

These changes won't turn you into a demanding or mean-spirited person. It's the difference between being assertive and aggressive. Trying to prove you're better than someone else is aggression. Assertive people value themselves and can speak directly about what they believe.

The next technique is a good one to try when you want to avoid conflict. Try framing your no response between two more positive phrases. It can help others accept your refusal with a minimum of hurt or angry feelings. First, make a statement that acknowledges the other person's request; this will tell him or her that you listened and understand. Second, state your refusal and your reasons that you can't do it. Third, tell the person what you can do.

Having a clear idea of your goals and what you value can help you set boundaries for yourself. Take some time at the beginning of each year to create a personal set of policies, your own guidelines for how much you will take on, volunteer, or donate. Then, when you're approached to do something, you can lay down the law and say no. I'd like to help you out, but I have only enough time in my schedule to take on one pro bono project each quarter. Kids, you're each going to be able to play only one sport this year. It certainly sounds like a good cause, but I've already made all of the donations I can this year.

Jenny learned the hard way about taking on more than she should. Strong personal principles and an “eye on the prize” will help keep you balanced and free to make the next best move for you, whatever it is.

When we feel off-balance, often all we need to do is reconnect with our family. Not all families are the same. Yours could have only a few members or hundreds. Perhaps you count only immediate family members; others can include pseudofamily: a neighbor always called Grandpa, a babysitter who was more like an aunt, a best friend's parents always considered to be a second set, and so on. Ask yourself: Who composes your family? How often do you connect with them? What is the quality of your relationships? A truly dysfunctional relationship demands professional help. Most families are able to weather the storms together and stay healthy and strong throughout the years. Taking the time to reconnect and stay in touch can help you feel grounded and secure, two qualities that are especially important to someone looking to make a move at work or in life. What can you do to keep the lines of communication open with family members? What can you do to make your relationships even stronger?

Documenting your family's genealogy and stories is important to the generations who follow. As Rosalie and her son discovered, writings from her father offered insights into how they came to be the way they are today. Larry, a management consultant, asked his elderly father to document his experiences fighting in World War II. His father did so and also went on to write about his days working in his dad's small town grocery store in the 1930s. Larry cherishes both papers. He learned things about his father that were never discussed when his father was alive. Larry was also left with fascinating accounts of world history and Americana from someone who actually had experienced them.

Diaries, journals, and videos provide information and wisdom we can never get from photo albums. Written and filmed accounts can help later generations feel grounded and give them a focus and direction for the future. Why is it that so many adopted children and orphans search for parents and relatives? For most of them, undoubtedly, it stems from a need to feel connected and that they are part of a larger grand design. They search for answers, of course, but also want to feel as though they belong to a certain place and a time. Ask your older relatives to document their life stories and lessons learned. Be sure that you do the same. Family histories can bring balance to future generations.

Reunions are a fun way to reconnect with your existing relatives and are popular annual events for many families. Chris's family has gotten together in a little town in Michigan the third Sunday of August for more than 100 years. The numbers have dwindled in recent years, and the family name is now less common, but the reunions are still highly anticipated events. Some families plan less frequent get-togethers but make them more extravagant. Billie's family meets every two years and makes it a group vacation. One reunion was spent on a cruise; another took place at a dude ranch. Many resources are now available to help families plan reunions, including Web sites, software, and travel services.

If you're a parent, it's important to do everything you can to create balance in your own family life. It's difficult to do with so many demands on parents' time, energy, and finances. One government study states that roughly 37 percent of the total U.S. workforce is composed of parents with children under the age of eighteen. The typical middle income married couple with children works nearly six weeks more than their counterparts did ten years ago. Another study found that between 1969 and 1999, working couples lost an average of twenty-two hours a week of family and personal time. You're feeing more stressed and tired just from reading this, aren't you? And if you're a single parent, you're probably feeling even more so. All you need is to put a little more plan into your family plan.

Family balance is rarely achieved without some reflection, evaluation, and strategizing. Does your family take time to get together to talk? Parents' response to the challenge of spending quality time with their family is often to do an activity together. It is certainly valuable to read a book together or to go bowling or to a movie, but it is vital that families also get together to talk. Many families swear by family meetings; regular get-togethers at which siblings and parents catch up with each other, resolve conflicts, and discuss future plans. Consider calling your family together for a meeting and give it a try. Talk about the upcoming week or month and any problems that need to be smoothed out. Then talk about the meeting itself. How often would your family prefer to meet—weekly, daily, over a meal, at bedtime? Create a schedule and stick to it. If your family isn't used to talking together, it could take a while for it to feel comfortable. Stick with it.

Some families undertake an evaluation process similar to those done in corporations. These can be geared more toward children “grading” their parents: giving feedback regarding communication, availability, patience, support, favoritism, and so on. Don, a health care executive, and his wife found this evaluation process to be a wake-up call. Their kids told him he needed to play more games with them and take less work on vacation. They told their mother that she needed to be fairer when mediating arguments between them. This type of evaluation can be sobering for parents to hear but is a good way to improve family interaction and performance. Try this at one of your family meetings.

Also use your meeting time to bounce around ideas for bringing more balance into family life. Fun time can be scheduled into everyone's calendar, with specific dates and times for doing things together such as traveling, taking lessons as a family, or just watching videos together on the couch. It could mean that outside involvements need to be scaled back. Perhaps a reward system could be set up for doing chores or expressing kindness to each other. Brainstorm a little, and you'll be able to devise strategies that everyone can agree on.

Balance in life is not all about change, as in changing the ways you manage thoughts, say no, or deal with anxiety. Balance also encompasses other qualities you could already possess, which should be explored and celebrated. These particular traits and values can be the very things that bring you a sense of peace and joy. Affirm yourself by saying yes to:

Play the Game: It's Your Move

You've now been dealt the Balance Hand. You've learned strategies that can help you deal with life's challenges and embrace the future. Which cards will move you toward a more balanced life? Choose one now, and then write your choice in your game plan at the end of the book. When you've completed that move, return to the game plan to fill in the results.