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Mentoring: The Key to Life Planning
Ken Blanchard and Claire Díaz-Ortiz
When people look back on their lives and the successes they’ve had, almost without exception they talk about the people along the way who’ve guided their journey. That’s because successful people do not reach their goals alone. Behind even the most independent achiever is a person or group of people who helped that person succeed.
Like coaching, mentoring is a one-to-one process. But the relationship between an individual and a coach has specific objectives and goals focused on developing potential, improving relationships, and enhancing performance. Mentoring, on the other hand, has big-picture objectives and goals. As the subtitle of this chapter suggests, mentoring is about more than goal accomplishment; it’s about life planning.
Does mentoring work? Absolutely. As Michael Hyatt says, “Nothing drives success faster than the right mentoring relationship.”
Mentoring is a mutually beneficial relationship. Yet when most people think about mentoring, they focus on the impact the mentor can have on the mentee—in other words, on the person supposedly doing the teaching. Very little is said about the impact the mentee can have on the mentor. In fact, most mentor-mentee relationships are win-win: Both parties learn and gain from the experience.1
Another common perception is that mentors are older people with established careers and well-honed skill sets who provide guidance to younger mentees. This isn’t always the case. A mentor can be older or younger. The key to success is selecting the mentor or mentee who best suits your needs, regardless of age.
How do you determine if mentoring might be right for you? Consider the following three questions:
Where are you in your life—are you on an upward trajectory, or have you hit a plateau?
Do you feel uncertain about the direction you’re heading?
Are you open to learning from others?
These questions are important to ask, regardless of your age.
Suppose your gut feeling says, “Yes, I should be a mentor” or “Yes, I could use a mentor.” What concerns might stop you from developing a mentoring relationship?
Obstacles to Beginning a Mentoring Relationship
There are three primary concerns people have about getting involved in mentoring.
The first is time. Many people believe that mentoring is too time-consuming. Yet being a mentor or mentee isn’t a full time job. If you’re a mentee, the right mentor can save you from making costly mistakes that can set your career back years. Having a mentor will improve the quality of your decisions and provide opportunities that simply wouldn’t be available to you otherwise.
If you’re a mentor, a mentee can give you new perspective about where you are in your own career.
The second concern has to do with fear. A lot of people are afraid to approach potential mentors, and a lot of potential mentors are afraid they don’t really know how to be a mentor. It’s natural to feel anxious about beginning a mentoring relationship, but that’s no reason to miss out on the potential advantages of mentoring.
The third concern about mentorship has to do with confusion. Uncertainty about what mentoring is and what it means to be a mentor or mentee prohibits people from pursuing mentoring relationships. In One Minute Mentoring: How to Find and Work with a Mentor—and Why You’ll Benefit from Being One, Ken Blanchard and Claire Díaz-Ortiz clarify what mentoring is and what it involves.2
Choosing a Mentoring Partner
Before selecting a mentoring partner, you must determine the type of mentoring relationship you’re seeking. The following is a partial list of various mentor-mentee relationships:
New hire mentoring: Many organizations have formal mentoring programs for newly hired employees. The concept is simple: pair up a new hire with an experienced performer, and watch the new hire learn and grow.
Peer-to-peer mentoring: These relationships involve partnering with someone of the same status or ability so that you can mentor one another and improve each other’s effectiveness.
Cross-generational mentoring: This involves two people from different generations pairing up for mutual benefit and growth. The older person might be a role model with wisdom to impart to the younger person, or the younger person might be a teacher of cutting-edge skills—such as technology—to the older person.
Essence Versus Form
It’s important to bear in mind that there are two aspects of working with someone in a mentoring relationship—essence and form. Essence is all about sharing heart-to-heart and finding common values. Form is about structure—how you will work together.
Once you’ve identified a potential mentor or mentee, meet with that person first to find out if it’s a good match in terms of essence. Do your values align? Do your personalities click? Does the conversation flow?
If you and your potential mentor or mentee have passed the essence test, you can move on to the form aspect of working together—what you intend to accomplish, how you intend to achieve your mission, when you’ll communicate, and where you’ll work together.
The importance of essence versus form really became clear to Ken Blanchard before he developed a mentoring coauthor relationship with Norman Vincent Peale. Ken initially had an idea of writing a book called The Power of Positive Management, and he met to discuss coauthoring the book with an author who was considered a leader in positive thinking. At the meeting, all his potential coauthor wanted to talk about was form: who was going to do what, how they were going to divide the royalties, and the like. He quickly redirected any discussion of essence to form. So Ken decided to pass on working with him.
Shortly afterward Ken got a call from his publisher, who said, “I understand you had a disappointing talk with your potential coauthor. Have you considered writing a book with Norman Vincent Peale?” Ken’s reaction was, “Is he still alive?” His parents had gone to Norman’s church before Ken was born. “Not only is he still alive at 86, but he’s also a fabulous human being,” said his publisher.
After Ken agreed to meet with Norman and his wife, Ruth, he was amazed that the entire conversation was about essence. Norman and Ruth were quick to tell Ken all about who they were and their values and asked him about the same things. At the end of a three hour lunch, Norman turned to his wife, Ruth, and said, “Well, Ruth, do you think we should write a book with this young man?” It was the first time the subject of form—business—had come up. Ruth said, “Absolutely, under one condition. That from now on, whenever we meet, he will bring his wife Margie.”
Not only did Ken write a book with Norman, The Power of Ethical Management, but they developed a wonderful mentoring relationship that was cross-generational: Ken and Margie were in their mid-forties and Norman and Ruth were well into their mid-eighties.
The MENTOR Model: Elements of a Successful Mentoring Partnership
Once you and your mentor or mentee have decided to work together, putting some structure around the relationship will make your time together more productive. That’s why Ken Blanchard and Claire Díaz-Ortiz developed The MENTOR model: six guidelines for an effective mentoring relationship.3 Following these guidelines will keep your mentoring partnership on track.
Mission
Take time to craft a mutually agreed-upon mission statement for the mentorship. What do each of you intend to get out of your partnership? A mentoring mission is a picture of how things will be if everything goes as planned. While this at first may seem like overkill, you’ll be surprised by how the process of creating a mission will clear up assumptions and make your time together more productive.
Engagement
Agree on ways to engage that work for your personalities and schedules. Particularly at the beginning of your mentorship, make a commitment to regular meetings, even if they are virtual. By deciding how often you will communicate with each other and by what means, you will be building the structure that will make your mentoring partnership a reality.
Networking
Both mentor and mentee will bring a network of connections to each other. These connections will become a pipeline to new knowledge, skills, and opportunities. However, care must be taken so that you are not being reckless with each other’s connections. There is a fine line between following up with a contact that is offered to you and taking undue advantage of the people in your partner’s network. Be careful not to cross that line.
Trust
It takes time to establish the deep communication and give-and-take that happens in a mature mentoring relationship. Trust can be destroyed in an instant, so address any mistakes and communication breakdowns right away. By telling the truth, staying connected, and being dependable, you can build the kind of trusting relationship that leads to significant personal and professional growth.
Opportunity
For both of you, the relationship will open up opportunities—events, learning experiences, connections, and career options. Digital media makes potential networks bigger than ever, allowing for more opportunities for partners. Stay on the lookout for potential opportunities you can share with each other, and follow up on the opportunities offered to you.
Review and Renew
Mentoring relationships don’t necessarily last indefinitely. Once your mission is established, a regular review—perhaps annually or biannually—will help you keep the relationship on track and let you know when the mission for your mentorship has been accomplished. At that point, you can renew the relationship and create a new mission, or you can bring the mentorship to a close.
In their mentoring partnership, Norman Vincent Peale and Ken Blanchard touched on all the elements of The MENTOR model.
Their mission was to write a book that would have a positive impact on ethics and integrity in business and organizations, showing that people didn’t have to cheat to win.
They agreed on engagement early on, deciding where and how often to meet, and how they would communicate with each other.
When it came to networking, their mentorship was mutually beneficial. Norman introduced Ken to Truett Cathy, the founder of Chick-fil-A. Ken introduced Norman to Bob Buford, the author of Halftime, and other younger spiritual leaders.
The trust that developed between Ken and Norman was deep and authentic. They both realized that they didn’t just write about their ideals; they did their best to live by them. Norman was the most positive person Ken had ever met. And Norman often said that when he was around Ken, he was motivated to do more, even at his age.
Their partnership brought both Ken and Norman a world of opportunity. After meeting him through Norman, Ken coauthored a book with Truett Cathy called The Generosity Factor: Discover the Joy of Giving Your Time, Talent, and Treasure. With Ken, Norman got to participate in stimulating new seminars across the country.
By the time Norman and Ken’s book was published, they had developed a friendship/mentorship that they would review and renew regularly. Over the years, they continued to encourage and support each other. Norman suggested that Ken write a book about his spiritual journey, which Ken dedicated to Norman.4
Creating a Mentoring Program in Your Organization
Many companies have discovered that formal mentoring programs are one of the best ways to groom newly hired people to become successful. These internal mentoring programs have many benefits for the organization as well: more highly trained employees, increased engagement, decreased turnover, and leadership development, to name just a few. As a result, corporate mentoring programs are popping up everywhere.
At Chick-fil-A, all executive officers are asked to mentor others. The pairings are made by the company’s executive committee. Other leaders can “nominate” people to be mentored. Some mentor more than one person per year, based on their availability and interest.
Intel runs a long-standing program that matches employees with mentors based on the skills and interests of the mentee. These mentorships can be in-person or virtual. Potential mentees are asked to fill out a questionnaire, which is used to match them with people who can teach them the skills they’re interested in mastering.
If you are interested in helping your organization set up a mentoring program, here are a few things to keep in mind:
Start with your Human Resources department. If you work at an organization large enough to have an HR department, it should be your first stop in discussing the idea. Has the idea been considered before? Is the HR team amenable to spearheading the effort? What support can you provide as the program develops? If you can get your HR department people excited about the idea, you’ll be able to rely on their expertise in setting up the program. This usually entails finding employees who are interested in a mentoring partnership and then matching people up.
Teach mentors and mentees The MENTOR model. Many times, potential mentors are scared of mentoring because they think they don’t know enough, when in reality the opposite is likely true. Life experience is one of the greatest predictors of a successful mentoring partnership, and most people find they have that in spades. By following the six steps in The MENTOR model, you will be well on your way to having a dynamic and powerful mentoring relationship.
Establish essential guidelines. Mentoring can only reach its maximum potential if a regular system of checks and balances is in place. Within a company environment, it’s a good idea for all mentoring partnerships to follow some general guidelines. Set parameters around such items as these:
Frequency of meetings between mentor and mentee
Timelines of the overall mentoring partnership
Dates of reviews between mentor and mentee
Putting in the work to create a formal mentoring program is one of the smartest investments an organization can make. Not only does mentoring educate and revitalize people within the organization, it also preserves and expands critical corporate knowledge. With approximately ten thousand people turning sixty-five every day, a formal mentoring program can also be a good strategy for transferring older employees’ knowledge and skills to the younger members of the workforce.
Tailoring Mentoring to Career Stages
In establishing an in-house mentoring program, it is important to match mentees and mentors on where they are in their careers. For example, the food services company, Sodexo, offers three types of mentoring programs to help employees at different stages of their careers: their Bridge program, where new hires are paired with seasoned managers; the IMPACT program, which forms 100 formal partnerships over the course of a year to employees at any level; and a less formal Peer-to-Peer program, which employees can choose to participate in at any stage of their career.
Early or Entry Level
For early- or entry-level employees, it’s beneficial to offer on-the-job training. Even better is offering a new hire mentoring program. This can pair a new hire with a seasoned employee to help the new hire understand the basics of the job and how they might chart a career path from their starting point.
Remember that entry level doesn’t necessarily mean youth. In today’s workplace, more and more Baby Boomers are beginning second careers. This trend was dramatized in the 2015 film, The Intern, where a 70-year-old widower (Robert De Niro), hoping to update his skills, accepts a job as an intern for an online retailer and becomes the mentee of its 30-something founder and CEO, Jules (Anne Hathaway). The film not only highlights a classic case of reverse mentoring, but also shows how mutually beneficial entry-level mentoring can be.
Mid-Career or Management Level
For employees who have learned the basics of their job, the emphasis will shift from technical, job-related skills toward people and relationship skills. Their best mentor at this middle stage may be a peer—someone at their same skill and career level—because these people will be familiar with the kinds of challenges mid-career employees face each day.
Executive or Master Level
For those who have reached the C suite or attained a secure spot at the top of their chosen profession, it’s time to suggest they move from success to significance by becoming a mentor. This is an excellent way for people to experience the truth of the old adage, “It is better to give than to receive.” The rewards of passing along knowledge and wisdom may not be measured by promotions and increased earnings, but people will be enriched by a deep sense of purpose and joy.
Again, the executive or master stage is defined more by competence than age. People have reached this stage when they have valuable wisdom and experience that can benefit others. For example, you may be a 28-year-old tech master, ready to mentor middle-aged but less experienced people in your field. The point is that you’ve become a leader and now it’s your turn to cultivate future leaders.
Being an executive or master mentor means that you are a role model; therefore, you will be guiding your mentee as much by what you do as by what you say. In fact, the best senior-level mentors employ top-notch listening and questioning skills to draw out the concerns and aspirations of their mentees. When you do speak, be candid. Let your mentee learn from your failures so they don’t have to make the same mistakes.
It’s true that mentoring will take some time and intention. It also takes time and intention to learn to drive—but once you know how, you can really go places! The same is true with mentoring. We all have 168 hours each week. Investing a few of those hours in a mentoring relationship will energize you in a way that web surfing and TV watching never will. When a mentorship is done well, both mentor and mentee can look to the relationship as a major factor in a successful, fulfilling life.
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We’ve explored the many ways leaders can achieve results through one-on-one relationships. In the next chapter, we’ll learn how leaders can move beyond the one-on-one relationship to build high performing teams.