Understanding how to be mindful
Let us now take a look at what is involved in practising mindfulness. The good news is that what you do in your life might not need to change at all. Nothing external to your mind needs be any different: no person, situation or environment, or even thoughts about these, needs to change. In fact, you can carry on being as busy as you are, yet how you experience your life can become radically different. This may sound like a paradox, but think optical illusions, play on words or those funny conversations that leave you at cross purposes and you may begin to grasp that it is our mind that has the power to create these shifts in perception and, with mindfulness, we can start to learn to do this intentionally. This is a very ancient concept in mindfulness and Eastern spiritual practices:
Two similar objects appear different because of the difference in the mind that perceives them.
Patanjali, Yoga sutras, 2nd century BCE, verse 15, ‘Enlightenment’, in translation by Centre for Inner Peace
You will have experienced the beauty of mindful awareness numerous times in your life, probably as you go about most days, whatever age you are, whoever you are and whatever you get up to. You do not have to acquire it or get it in some way; it is with you already (and right here and now as you read this book), you have always had it and the ability to experience it, you may just want to understand it some more, and develop the skills to reinforce and cultivate more of it.
‘Mindfulness’ is just a word that is used to attempt to translate a particular way of attending to our experience. Other terms that may feel a little more familiar or palatable that encapsulate and could be used interchangeably with the term mindfulness are: awareness, consciousness, acknowledgement, observation or attention. Mindfulness is a way of being rather than an object or thing that you attain and so it is even better understood and described as noticing, knowing, observing, paying attention, in a particular way.
Mindfulness is all about showing up to your life, turning the lights up on the stage of your rich life experience to illuminate all that is going on for your observation and enjoyment – lap it all up, it is all yours for the taking (good and bad). It is all about bringing awareness to your experience in a purposeful and particular way, with open curiosity and acceptance, without judgement and defence. Most people have described such an experience when listening to music or sitting in a serene setting, say on a beach watching the sunset. Others have described it while playing games and make-believe with their children (in fact, the way children demand our attention makes them excellent mindfulness teachers).
In all these scenarios, it may be that you have become fully immersed and engaged in your experience of the present moment, allowing events to naturally unfold moment to moment as you observe and take it all in, even losing track of time as you do so and somehow all your cares and worries seem far away. The truth is that the clock is still ticking away and any worries that you may have are still there in the background somewhere, but your current activity or surroundings have totally captivated your attention as you observe with curiosity and acceptance. Just think back to the happiest and/or most productive and meaningful moments of your life – we bet there were moments when you were being mindful. The present moment really is a beautiful place to be and we are going to show you how you can spend more time there whenever you choose to.
Focus your attention, here and now!
The good news is that we do not have to wait until we are suddenly drawn into being mindful because our life circumstances have changed (oh, yes, I will be mindful when the sunset attracts my attention) or for a time when we are in the right mood. No, we can be mindful, irrespective of the changing world around us or the ever-changing feelings and thoughts that arise within us. It is all about you focusing your attention in a particular way (on purpose, with openness), zooming in on your present moment experience, wherever you are, whatever you may be doing (the choice is yours in any given moment).
Mindfulness practices take many forms but, essentially, all of them share elements of cultivating a disciplined development of awareness – seeing and experiencing the moment just how it is, without attachment or defence. Chögyam Trungpa, a Tibetan Buddhist monk and scholar, wrote of mindfulness:
Mindfulness is like a microscope; it is neither an offensive nor defensive weapon in relation to the germs we observe through it. The function of the microscope is just to clearly present what is there. Mindfulness need not refer to the past or the future; it is fully now …
The essence of mindfulness has been described by Teasdale (a mindfulness researcher) and his colleagues as a state of being:
Fully present in the moment, without judging or evaluating it, without reflecting backwards on memories, without looking forward to anticipate the future … and without attempting to ‘problem-solve’ or otherwise avoid any unpleasant aspects of the present situation.
It is time to wake up!
At the centre of mindfulness is acceptance and an open curiosity towards yourself and the world around you; it is not about changing yourself but about noticing what your experience is in any given moment.
Your mind is an expansive space and you may be surprised to know that your thoughts are not the only part of your mind – you have another part of your mind called ‘awareness’, your observing mind, and this part does not produce thoughts, opinions or judgements, it just simply notices and acknowledges what is and how it is, including the very process of thinking itself. It is the part of you that knows and is aware that you are thinking; it is you. After all, if you can observe your thoughts and notice the process of thinking in your mind, then you cannot also be your thoughts or this thinking.
Your awareness is much like the sky, while your thoughts and emotions are akin to the clouds and weather that pass through the sky. It is helpful to remember that the sky is never overwhelmed by even the fiercest weather conditions, it always has enough room for even the strongest storms or ferocious hurricanes. Just like the sky, your awareness is never overwhelmed by the strongest emotions or the most troublesome thoughts; it has space for them all. It might also be helpful to remember that, sooner or later, the weather always changes.
Understandably, our brains have increased in size over the centuries from those of our primeval ancestors and, as you may know, we are now classified as Homo sapiens sapiens, which, quite basically, translates to: Man (or woman) who is aware and is aware that s/he is aware. Amazing, isn’t it? The sad thing is that we hardly ever use our awareness. We have the ability to be self-aware but we spend most of our time rushing around, gobbling down food, grabbing at what we want and running from what we do not like, acting on impulse, instinctively without much awareness at all, a bit like our cave-dwelling ancestors did. This way of being can, of course, be helpful and it has its uses at times, but often it can also get us into trouble. In practice, how often do we actually use this awareness part of our mind?
Before you read on we ask that you take 10 seconds now to try the following exercise, which will help you to notice the difference between your thinking mind (thoughts) and your ‘awareness’ mind. Yes, 10 seconds (you read that right), that is all it takes!
Practice 2.1: Mindfulness right now!
Just 10 (seconds)
- When you have read through these simple instructions, close your eyes for the next ten seconds and try to notice and acknowledge the sensation in your body where your body makes contact with the surface on which you are sitting, laying or standing – this may be the sensation on your bottom or back where either meets the chair or bed, or the sensation on the soles of your feet where they meet the floor or the inside of your shoes.
- Simply notice and acknowledge this sensation, in other words hold it in your awareness, focus your attention on it and allow it to take centre stage at the forefront of your mind – nothing more than that. Not so much thinking about it, but curiously exploring, and noticing the feeling and the sense of touch of your body making contact with the surface.
- Should any thoughts pop into your mind about the exercise, any judgements or opinions about it or anything else at all (maybe about your body or what you need to get done generally), just notice these thoughts, do not try to push them away and gently bring your attention back to noticing and focusing on the sensation in your body.
- Just rest in awareness while you notice and concentrate on this sensation for ten seconds right now before reading on. Do not count the seconds, just take a rough guess of how long to do the exercise for, during which try to pay full attention, being as curious as you can be, to the sensation in your body described above.
- As we said, it might help to close your eyes.
What did you notice? Did you notice the sensation in your body or thoughts in your mind or both? Most people report how they become more aware of their ‘awareness’ when doing this exercise and certainly about noticing the difference between being in ‘awareness’ versus being in their thinking mind. Do not worry if you were not able to stay in your awareness mind for the whole ten seconds; that was not the goal anyway. It is more like a dance, our attention moving in and out of awareness, sometimes our thinking mind is taking the lead and at other times it is our awareness that leads. Noticing where your attention is, is being mindful. Just like a professional dancer or an athlete who both train to stay at the top of their game, we all need to train the mind to focus our attention and be more aware, and this takes practice.
It is also common for people to describe how they felt relaxed or a sense of stillness or peace when dropping into awareness. The reason for this is that there are no thoughts in our ‘awareness’, and therefore there is no cause of stress. Being in awareness versus your thinking mind is to experience the most classic definition of the term human being (rather than human doing); we are simply just being, being present in our experience right now, rather than doing (or thinking) anything about it.
Despite all this, it is important to remember that dropping into awareness (or truly noticing your experience in any given moment and in this instance a sensation in our body) is not a relaxation exercise (relaxation is just a fortunate by-product) but first and foremost an exercise of the mind. At first, it may feel a little strange to be in awareness, to be still feels unusual or uncomfortable for so many of us, as if there is something not right or weird about stillness, self-reflection or just being and not doing. If you felt odd, do not worry, this is totally normal, we are so used to doing and rushing around it is understandable if this feels strange to begin with. If you did not notice any of the above, put your book down and try the exercise again before you read any more.
A Mindful Attitude
(adapted from Kabat-Zinn, 2004)
When starting out in the practice of mindfulness it can be helpful to cultivate the following states of mind to help you further reap the benefits.
Non-judging – the mind is constantly judging. We can learn to bring a non-judgment to these judgments by noticing them with curiosity and returning to the focus of your attention. Simply being with whatever arises.
Patience – the mind is keen to move onto the next moment. We can develop a skill of returning to this moment.
Beginner’s mind – Be curious and playful, treating each practice and each moment as a possibility for new sensations and experiences.
Trust – Freeing yourself up from the mind’s harshness and opening yourself up to your knowledge and intuition.
Non-striving – Letting go of any expectations and attempts to change what is here right now.
Acceptance – bringing kindness and openness to all our experience.
Letting go – not holding on to or pushing away anything that shows up in the mind and body.
And breathe …
Throughout this book and its practices, you will see that we encourage you to notice your breath here and there. Our breath is really a great way to reconnect to ourselves when everything around us is kicking up a storm. The beauty is that our breath is always with us, it is the only certainty that we have in life (apart from our death) as we go about our crazy busy existence. So, if you find you are not breathing, you have probably met with the other certainty and, if you are still breathing, good news … you can practise mindfulness with your breath whenever you like. Our breath continues to go on, without any conscious effort from ourselves, always there, always present, our dear old reliable friend.
Touching base with our breath by focusing our attention on it is often like putting on the brakes when we are going around in circles, or dropping an anchor when a storm has set us off course. Dropping into awareness of our breath is stabilising and reassuring, we can use it to anchor ourselves to this present moment of reality (just as we can with the sensations in our body as we saw above) when it feels like the sh*t has, or is just about to, hit the fan!
Practice 2.2: I haven’t got time for this!
The two-minute-breathing space 
- Close your eyes or rest your gaze on a still object or point in front of you.
- Drop into noticing your breath right here, right now.
- You do not have to change your breathing or alter it in any way, no need to push or pull on your breath. Your breathing happens naturally, without any need to control it.
- Just notice it, as it naturally is, its natural rhythm and sensations.
- See if you can notice the sensation of air rise into your nostrils as you breathe in and the sensation of breath leaving your nostrils as you breathe out.
- Pay attention to the rise of your stomach as you breathe in and the fall of your stomach as you breathe out.
- There it is – your breath, with its natural rhythm and sensations, in this moment.
- And then there is you, noticing your breath in this moment.
- Remain aware of your breath, ride the waves of your breathing with your full attention.
- Follow each in breath from its beginning to its natural end.
- Follow each out breath from its beginning to its natural end.
- See if you can notice and acknowledge the pause at the end of each in breath before it loops to turn into the next out breath.
- See if you can notice the pause at the end of each out breath before it loops back to turn into the next new in breath.
- Allow your breath to take centre stage in your awareness right now.
- No matter how many times your attention may wander from your breath (remember this is normal and what human minds do), you may be distracted by thoughts, sounds, feelings or sensations, just notice the distraction, congratulate yourself for noticing it, and gently guide your attention back to noticing your breathing. Returning to the sensations and rhythm of your breathing, again and again.
- Just this one breath, just this one moment, right here and right now. Notice how each breath is unique.
- Allow your breathing, as it is, with its sensations and rhythm to take centre stage in your awareness.
- After a few more mindful breaths, gently open your eyes and notice and acknowledge a few objects around you with the same present moment awareness, see if you can continue to drop into awareness using your breath as a focal point, throughout your day.
So, how was that? Not so bad, we assume. If it was, then what did you notice and what was difficult? Was it annoying, frustrating, was it difficult to focus your attention? What expectations or thoughts were getting in the way? Did you try too hard to get it right? Mindfulness is a discipline; it is simple but not always so easy. If you noticed it was hard to focus on the breath because your mind kept wandering off, then well done, great noticing! The mind is designed in a way that makes it unruly and highly conditioned and that means it is hard to stay focused. This is quite natural, it is not ‘wrong’ for the mind to wander or to have persistent thoughts or images. Sometimes this is very useful to us (for example for planning), and mindfulness is not about trying to stop or prevent this happening, rather it is a great way of highlighting all this, our habitual tendencies and struggles. Hold onto that point for now, we are going to come back to it soon enough.
What is your purpose?
It might be useful at this point to take a moment to reflect on your personal intentions for incorporating mindfulness practice in to your busy life. Although there is no goal to mindfulness practice, it can be helpful to consider what matters most to us when practising mindfulness. Give it a go right now, and you can continue to reflect on this over the course of your mindfulness practice also.
Practice 2.3: Mindfulness right now!
Mindful intentions
Allow the following questions to drop in to your awareness, without trying to think about them too much. Grab something to write on and jot down your answers as they show up.
- Mindfulness practice will help me …
- I choose to practise mindfulness because …
- I hope that mindfulness will change …
- If I practise mindfulness, then I will …
- To me, mindfulness means …
So, what came up for you? Perhaps you hope to be more able to manage your stress, be more relaxed, improve your performance at work, have better relationships, have more fun, feel more energised. Mindfulness can help with all of these things and many more, so do come back to these questions when you find your motivation wanes. Also, remember that waning motivation can be observed mindfully and it is OK for your enthusiasm to ebb and flow, you do not need to give yourself a hard time if your relationship to practising changes. You might like to just (mindfully) observe any habitual thought patterns you have that may feel aversive and demotivating and then review the questions above in a fresh light.
Mindfulness top tips to-go
In this chapter, you have learned the following:
- You do not need to change your life or any of its circumstances to practise and benefit from mindfulness.
- Mindfulness is something that you already have and are familiar with.
- Mindfulness cultivates a part of our mind called ‘awareness’.
- Practising ‘being aware’ is fundamental to mindfulness.
- Becoming aware of your breathing can help you reconnect and make contact with the present moment when you feel stressed and busy.
- Connecting with your inner intentions can help motivate you in your mindfulness practice.