Mindfulness in the real world
So, here we are, in the final chapter to this book. Perhaps you are wondering if this mindfulness is working or not? Can you master it? Is it clicking into place? Any feeling is fine, really (just acknowledge it, there it is). Know that you can go right back to the start whenever you want or any other chapter that you desire (we hope that you will continue to revisit parts of this book) over and over again. Be aware that, just like this book, your awareness is not going anywhere; you can be aware whenever you want. Mindfulness is always with you, there is the opportunity to be mindful in any given moment, and we hope that, by now, you are starting to see that.
Awareness is abundant
Let us remind ourselves of this abundant awareness. The Western, or Westernised, modern world in which most of us live today is hectic, demanding and relentless. With endless advancements in technology, unsteady economies, worrisome politics and terrorism to contend with, we also attempt to balance time for work, friendships, relationships, children and ‘leisure’ time, to take care of money, families, housing, health and mental well-being, and somehow remain relatively sane most of the time.
This is combined with living alongside the realities faced by any living being, the fundamental suffering that we all experience, of ageing, illness and death. Even in the absence of anything exceptionally difficult in our lives, and especially when things are tough, it is an absolute miracle that there are still smiling faces, birthday celebrations, loving embraces and many random acts of kindness and generosity occurring every minute of every day.
We have an absolute abundance of these opportunities to become more aware of and it seems vital that we create more of this kind of space for ourselves. To be alive to this moment, to give it our attention, is to make it grow, and life can begin to transform from one of lack (where we may not be noticing much, we are half asleep or consumed with unhelpful narratives about the past or future) to one of blessings, rich and fertile, the good and not so good, our life becomes alive.
There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do and mostly live.
Dalai Lama
The great thing is that, if we miss this moment, we have another opportunity, the next moment, and then again and again and again, even when doing household chores!
This next practice can be done with any household task. You can transform your home and yourself with mindfulness. You may like to undertake this practice in the spirit of kindness, allowing yourself to take time to notice each movement as you dedicate it to your housemates, children, partner or any other being (such as yourself). This way, you now have a good few minutes transformed from mumbling under your breath about the inequalities of menial domestic chore distribution into a tranquil oasis of benevolence.
Practice 13.1: I haven’t got time for this!
Mindful washing up
- Take a moment to enjoy the bubbles sitting in the warm water or watch the tap like a waterfall cascading into the sink. Notice the sensations around you of colours, sounds and smells.
- Treat each dish as precious; as an opportunity to delight in this moment. Just washing each dish slowly, with care and attention.
- Use the breath to bring you back to the moment if your mind wanders. Allow yourself to pause with the cleaning of the dishes and just breathe in once, out once. Now return gently to the task.
- Allow yourself to become alive to the moment through your senses.
- As you wash up, cleaning each item with care, let your thoughts (like ‘it is not fair, I do everything around here’ or whatever else they may be) dissolve in the washing-up water along with the dirt from the plates, cups and cutlery.
- Be fully present in this act of kindness.
Awareness is the part of your mind that does not change for the entirety of your lifespan; it is always there, often in the background as you rush around contending with your busy life. Your busy existence and the world around you changes, but your awareness that notices these changes never changes – it remains constant and the same. Your awareness has been with you since the day you were born and will be with you until the end of your time. It is always with you in every moment, it is with you right here and right now as you read the final pages of this book (as it was when you started to read this book and it will be again when you come to revisit it later). Let us not lose touch with it any more.
Practice 13.2: Mindfulness right now!
Awareness is now
Take just a moment again now to tune into that experience of awareness:
- Notice the sensations of holding this book (or e-reader, or whatever device you may be reading this on). The weight, textures. And who is it that is noticing the sensations of holding the book?
- Perhaps also notice any particular thoughts arising, any emotions or urges to move or other sensations. And who is it that is noticing those thoughts, emotions and urges?
- If you are noticing these sensations, thoughts, emotions and urges, then you cannot also be these sensations, thoughts, emotions and urges.
- You are much larger than these experiences.
It is likely that, as you read this right now, you no longer are aware of the sensations of holding the book (e-reader or whatever device) that we asked you to focus on just a moment ago in the last exercise – this is because you are now paying attention to what you are reading. This awareness also reminds us that all the experiences that you have, whether in the form of a thought produced by your mind, a physical sensation or emotion experienced in your body, an urge or a way of behaving or acting will always come and go again, as if they were clouds passing by in the sky of your ‘awareness’. We can now appreciate the futility of grasping at these experiences and how impossible it is to get anywhere from doing so, except possibly more stressed, busier and exhausted.
Nevertheless, we do need to engage some degree of effort to focus our attention on the present, particularly in very challenging circumstances or when these ideas are quite new. This effort is not about attaining the prize for the biggest mindfulness powers ever, it is more about the effort of letting go and reminding ourselves that, even if we had such a prize, it would not make us happy, better or safer anyway. You already hold the answer to all your problems, keep observing, dropping into awareness and this will become clearer to you.
You, the richest person in the world, have been working and struggling endlessly, not understanding that you already possess what you seek.
The Lotus Sutra
Here is another quick mindfulness practice that you can try every day (or most days, we hope!) without having to change your daily routine – this time it is in the shower or bath. It will help you recognise that your awareness is here with you, even when you are busy getting ready for the day. It will allow you to get out of your head, to really enjoy your shower/bath time and wake up to the rich experience that it can be.
Practice 13.3: I haven’t got time for this!
It’s time for a scrub down!
- Notice the sound of the water as it sprays out of the shower head, as it lands on different surfaces, like your body, the tiles, shower screen or as it runs down the plug hole.
- Notice the sensation of water, its pressure hitting against your head, your different body parts; the temperature of the water against your body. Notice how this feels.
- Notice the smell of the soap and the shampoo.
- Notice how the soap and shampoo feel against your skin and how it feels as they wash away.
- Notice the water droplets on the walls or shower screen and dripping down your body.
- Notice the steam rising and filling the shower, the room.
- Should any thoughts show up about what you are doing, or anything else at all, just acknowledge these thoughts, let go of them and bring your attention back to your experience of the shower.
- Who would have guessed that, without all those thoughts crowding in with you (maybe about the boss/car mechanic/Donald Trump), your shower could be so spacious!
It’s not working
So, how do we know that mindfulness is working and what do we do when it is not? Well, our answer is, just breathe, try it, see for yourself. How is this very moment? Now, this one? Can you let the future unfold like this? Can you let go of having to control the outcome, can you trust yourself this much?
When we focus too much on the outcome (when will this mindfulness thing work?) we are not here in the present but rather there (or then!). Worrying whether mindfulness is or is not working is only going to stress you out right here and right now. Is that you trying to work it all out again, desperately trying to get it right, using mindfulness as a ‘control’ strategy to ensure you get to that perfect place of bliss? If so, notice this temptation for the mind to jump back in to its thinking/problem-solving mode.
As we outlined at the start of this book, if we develop an attitude of openness (acceptance) as to whether we do or do not reap the benefits of mindfulness, we are in a much better place to notice the fortunate by-products of regular practice arising, naturally. Flowers open without us forcing the buds and we can also trust that things will happen at the right time, naturally. This is about coming to appreciate and live with the ‘what is’ rather than the ‘what if?’
The truth is that all the benefits of mindfulness that you want are already within you – you are already relaxed, efficient, creative, an excellent decision maker, productive and at peace – it is all there and working just fine, but fretting that this stuff will never come, that is what gets in the way of this and clouds your vision to this reality.
You get there by realizing that you are already there.
Eckhart Tollee – author
Practice 13.4: I haven’t got time for this!
The Goldilocks principle
Try the following when difficulties arise with being mindful as you go about your busy days. So, if you are finding that:
- It is too hard – yes, and this is a moment that is hard, be mindful, breathe, this too shall pass.
- I do not understand – yes, and this is a moment that is confusing, nothing to work out, nothing to fix.
- I cannot do it – yes, and this is a moment of struggling, nothing to get ‘right’, just as it is.
- I am so happy, I just could not practise – yes, and this is a moment of happiness, breathe, this too shall pass.
- I am so miserable, I just could not practise – yes, a moment of unhappiness, breathe and let go.
- I am really good at this, I have got it! I do not need to practise any more – a moment of clarity, this too shall pass.
- This mindfulness porridge is too hot, too cold or (shock, horror) all gone! This moment, whatever it is, is as it is, nothing more, nothing less.
Through letting go (of attempts to change what is already here), you will find relaxation, calm, spaciousness, contentment, ease and peace. Mindfulness is a skill that you can bring to any of life’s problems and it will bring you positive results. Let go and see for yourself.
Wow, this is great!
When you abide in the moment, in your awareness, life’s richness is revealed. At times, mindfulness can give us clarity, awareness and insight with the speed and precision of a lightning bolt and it can knock us off our feet.
Often, mindfulness is a clumsy affair, we notice something and then drift back to our habits, then we realise this, and promptly do it again. As you know by now, though, this does get more instinctive, and the quality of experience can become a little subtler. With practice, we recognise the nuances of our own mind’s little habits, its particular hamster qualities and foibles.
Periods of ease can become gradually prolonged as we are now attentive to life’s usual pitfalls and, when we fall off the wagon, we realise that there was not really a wagon to fall from anyway, and sitting on our posterior in the dirt is just where we happen to be right now.
Life just offers what it offers, and our task is to bow to it, to meet it with understanding and compassion. There are no laurels to acquire.
Jack Kornfield – author
Yes, you guessed it; this is an ongoing journey for us all. Mindfulness is not to be attained and completed, no certificates will be awarded here. It is a practice for life, in and out of awareness we go, cultivating and reinforcing the same. And it is all so very worth it.
Some of the most common utterances that we hear from our busy clients are: I don’t need to practise right now, I feel great! Why is this not working, I’m so stressed and it’s just not helping. Or It’s just so difficult to practise, I keep forgetting! We understand why we might not feel the urge to practise when all is rosy in the garden, why fix something if it ain’t broke, hey? We get this, we are the same. But, what is your purpose in taking your car to the garage for an MOT we would ask?
Mindfulness is not just for the stressful times, it is a way of being that, if you practise (when you are feeling fine and dandy too), will help you out when you need it the most. So, do not expect it to magically appear or work a treat when you feel like the world is crashing down around you and you cannot see a way out. It is a discipline – practise, practise, practise is the key. But know that it does get easier and, before you know it, awareness will arise more naturally and with more clarity and frequency.
Try not to see mindfulness as yet another set of garden shears that is pulled out annually from the cobwebs of the garden shed to extract those pesky weeds – you may find that they are a bit rusty and too blunt. Nurture your awareness every day, as much as you can (even with just a few mindful breaths) and that way you will find that it is more naturally to hand when your garden is overgrown and those bothersome nettles need attending to. Likewise, when the sun is out and the flowers are in full bloom, you will find that you notice this, and may even take time to sit back with a beer in the deckchair and soak it all up.
It may feel strange, frustrating, and the rest, at first (and then again) when practising this new way of being – but remember that this is absolutely normal and these experiences are a gateway to mindfulness, too. Peace, relaxation and well-being are products of the mindfulness work that you do. Try to focus on them less and they will arise more naturally.
Practice 13.5: Mindfulness right now!
What is showing up?
Over time, as you have continued to practise regularly, have you noticed the following:
- Clarity of mind, improved concentration and focus?
- A greater sense of ease, peace, relaxation, stability (despite how busy you are)?
- A greater sense of productivity, efficiency with your daily tasks?
- Improved communication in your relationships?
- You are more free to make the choices that move you towards the life you want?
And, if you have not, then let it go, do not worry about it – be mindful … and then, as soon as you do this, as sure as night follows day – there you have it: clarity, freedom, peace and tranquillity (and then they, too, pass again, and return, and pass …).
Our busy world in all its glory
We have illustrated to you how being busy without reflection, awareness and mindful attention is the cause of more busyness and stress in our lives. Busyness on its own is not the problem here – it is our relationship to it. When we carry on with our busyness, ‘blissfully’ unaware, ignorant to our ability to be aware, we miss out on so much of our life, causing ourselves more stress, busyness and taking less satisfaction from it all; we lose sight of our true purpose.
We live in a world that is stressful and painful; you will be busy, you will experience heartache, loss, fear and stress if you are choosing to take part in this thing we call life. The choice is yours. Know that if you are not willing to make room for and lean in to your suffering then you will not really be taking part at all and all your efforts to escape what you do not want will lead to more suffering.
For too long we have assumed that the answer to our pain is to work it out, to problem-solve and push it away – hit the ‘feel good’ button and keep it firmly held down in place. But we are only kidding ourselves with this and we continue to buy into this farce via the media, Hollywood and new technology. We work on this premise – that we must feel good and not feel bad, but working towards not feeling bad just really equates to not feeling at all! You know this by now and that this does not work – there is no way out of your pain, only a way into it and that is how to truly gain genuine freedom and relief.
The truth is that we cannot change the way the modern world is and the experiences we will have as we bustle through it. When you reject your experiences, your feelings, your suffering, you are truly rejecting yourself – your feelings and experiences become disowned and lost. Are you really prepared to turn away from yourself, no matter how hard it might be to face this suffering, in your hour of need? We cannot guarantee anyone else will be there for us, even with their best intentions. But you are right there and have been all along, you are still with yourself now. If not you, then who? If not now, then when?
It is important to offer yourself this kindness and mindful compassion if you want some warmth, care and stability (even if it is just for one moment) amidst this often cold, judgemental and hostile world. That is how you might make this stressful experience that much more bearable, more satisfying and manageable and come to experience all of it in all its glory.
Practice 13.6: Mindfulness right now!
Willing and able
The questions to ask yourself are:
- Am I willing to step into my life experience and fully engage with it all?
- Am I willing to take all this busy world has to offer along with me for the ride?
- Can I let go of the ‘what if?’ and see the ‘what is’?
- Am I willing to hold my pain and suffering with dignity?
- Am I willing to invite my pain in, take care of it and pay it kind attention?
- Am I willing to act boldly, move towards a valued life, even when it feels so difficult to do so?
- What do I offer myself, this world, if I run away from my experiences right now?
- What is my purpose here, right now?
Now is the time to wake up and wise up
Our human mind did not evolve for this modern world. It was designed to protect us, to take in as much information as it could, to second-guess our downfall, to see the worst around us, to problem-solve – yes, we will survive! Yet, in these modern times, we have information flying at us from every direction all the time at an alarming rate. We like to multitask. Most of us are plugged into one or more devices at the same time, checking emails while surfing the web, following the Jones’ on Twitter, TV on in the background, music playing in our headphones, answering texts on our phone – oh and yes, dear, how was your day?
We have so much to process and a lot of this information is scary stuff, too. You only have to turn on the TV, log into the news, open a newspaper for a few minutes to hear and read all about the cataclysmic disasters, death tolls rising and global infections that are out to get us. Our minds are programmed to work all this out, to fret to protect us in the face of such hazards and catastrophe. Like a computer, our minds are ready for the next upload of data, all too happy to fill up any empty space with the next constant barrage of pain and suffering to work out. We then lose ourselves; we lose contact with who we are, with others, sucking in all this information overload, in our attempts to keep safe and sound. Oh, the irony – we then become psychologically exhausted, burnt out and distressed. It is not surprising that an escape to another peaceful place and time begins to sound very attractive indeed.
We then need to cultivate minds that are ready and allow us to cope with this world: our very own splendid creation. We need to offer ourselves back this gift, create a place in this world, a place to stand within it, to feel firm and strong amidst the crazy busyness and stress that we continue to bombard ourselves with. Let us wake up and be kind to ourselves – allow ourselves to truly enjoy this new wonderful creation of ours; the modern world – mindfulness is this place within which we can stand.
The awareness gained through mindfulness is the space within which we can then create more space. This space is large enough to hold it all; the crazy busyness, the peaceful stillness, the grief, the joy, the hamster mind, the man made of stardust, the smartphone and tablet, the whole universe and the kitchen sink – all of it.
Practice 13.7: I haven’t got time for this!
Mind the gap
- Look in front of you and choose an object to pay attention to for a moment. If it’s a very large object, perhaps notice a small part of it.
- Notice the colours, the textures, the shape and size of the object.
- Notice that the object is over there and you are over here. Notice the space between you and the object.
- Now close your eyes and notice the sensations in your left foot.
- Perhaps you notice the sensation of heat or the weight of your foot pulled towards the ground.
- Notice that the sensations in your foot are over there and you are over here. Allow yourself to experience the space between you and the object of your attention, your foot.
Keeping going
You might find that, whilst reading this book, there have been times when you have been practising mindfulness and other times when you have had a break from practising it. It can be challenging to keep returning to practising it, especially when our natural instincts tell us to fight or run away from what is uncomfortable, effortful or challenging in the present. It is highly likely that there will be many, many times your mind pulls you away from the practices. But, if we can return to practising as much as we can, then a deeper confidence can grow, a confidence that says, ‘I can handle whatever life deals me.’
It can be helpful to create a space in your home dedicated for mindfulness. Choose somewhere where there is the least chance for distraction. You might choose a space on the floor, which you could make more comfortable with blankets and cushions, or if you prefer to, you might have a comfy chair to use. You might choose to place plants or candles around to create a space that feels more tranquil. You might also keep a pen and paper nearby to write down any reflections after your practice. Once your mindfulness space is created, you might make a commitment to use it and do this next simple practice there at least once a day.
Practice 13.8: Mindfulness right now!
Mindful silence
Read through the following instructions before setting a timer on your phone or an alarm clock for five or ten minutes.
- Focus your attention on the sensations of breathing.
- Let go of any thoughts, feelings, other sensations that might arise as you return your attention back to the sensations and rhythm of breathing, time and time again.
- When the timer stops, open your eyes, carrying with you a mindful intention throughout the rest of your day,
The mindful warrior (not worrier!)
Can you continue to take with you what you have learned from this book into your real world? Can you find your inner strength, lean into your wise and abundantly spacious mind and let it help you find the way? Can you live boldly and continue to do what you care about, what is important to you with courage alongside the pain that you might feel when doing it? You mindful warrior, you!
The choice is yours. We hope that we have helped you to see, to experience how strong and powerful you really are, how you have all the answers to a less busy and more peaceful life inside you already. Look inwards – there you are.
Your vision will become clear when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.
Carl Jung
Using mindfulness enables us to create space from our busyness and stress, meeting them also with understanding and compassion and bowing with awareness. Practising mindfulness, with intention, is a way in which we can train our minds to return to awareness, which is our natural and authentic state of being.
In the end, these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go?
Gautama Buddha
Mindfulness top tips to-go
In this chapter, you have learned that it is helpful to:
- Know that awareness is the key to finding some space and tranquillity in these increasingly hectic modern times.
- Recognise that we have an abundance of opportunities to become more aware in this Westernised world.
- Try to focus your attention when times are tough and mindfulness is new to you.
- Try not to worry whether mindfulness is working or when it will work, as this only takes you away from now and only will stress you out.
- Remember, mindfulness is not just for the stressful times, but is best practised when you are feeling fine; that way, it will be to hand when you need it the most.
- Recognise that we have all the tools to practise mindfulness already, with us right here and right now.
- Simply be busy without adding more busyness and stress on top of that.
Tracking your practice
In Part 5, we have begun to connect mindfully with our values and we have encouraged you to take steps towards what matters most to you in your life. We have also ended by exploring how you might continue on with your own personal journey of mindfulness. We encourage you to explore the exercises below that you feel comfortable with and then return to any of the other previous practices that have caught your interest.
| Practice | Page | When? | Notes |
| 12.1: To-be list | 185 | Ask these questions at the start of each day or as frequently as you can. | |
| 12.2: Uncovering values | 186 | Return to these questions when you have lost direction in life or as often as you want to. | |
| 12.4: Following your heart | 189 | Return to these questions when you have lost direction in life or as often as you want to. | |
| 13.1: Mindful washing-up | 195 | Whenever you are doing the washing-up or any other household chore at all. | |
| 13.2: Awareness is now | 196 | Any moment you notice you are on autopilot – how about right now? | |
| 13.3: It’s time for a scrub down | 197 | Whenever you take a shower or bath. |
You may wish to now (if you have not already) look up the audio files of guided practices that accompany this book at:
www.pearson-books.com/mindfulness
We do hope that you have enjoyed reading this book as much as we have enjoyed writing it. We wish you well on your journey ahead. May you experience joy, may you experience peace and may you experience a rich and meaningful life.
By sharing something, I realized that I’m not alone, that there are a lot of people that share with me the same preoccupations, the same ideas, the same ideals, and the same quest for a meaning for this life.
Paulo Coelho – author
