Chasing a stress-free existence
Let us accept it, as there really is no getting away from it; we live in a busy, frantic and stressful world. Not only are we bombarded by daily and even ‘moment-to-moment’ demands on our time and attention, but also we are obsessed with the pursuit of happiness and high achievement, risking dangerous stress levels, meltdown or much worse.
The truth is that busyness and stress are inevitable parts of our lives, especially when living in these modern times amidst ever-increasing advancements in technology and more and more pressure to perform at peak levels in all areas of life, all around the clock! There seems to be a great paradox that has arisen in our modern society. The more we invent smarter and faster ways of getting things done, the more we are creating a frightening world of information overload and are also caging ourselves in increasing levels of stress (that we just want to escape from most of the time).
We are overwhelmed by daily demands and pressures, shooting off emails here and there, checking and updating our increasing collection of social media, ensuring that we are kept in the loop while also not ignoring others, working harder and longer to keep our jobs during unpredictable times, including when we are not even physically present in the office, helping friends, family and the postman’s cat with all manner of problems, and generally spending much of our time rushing from one task to the next, trying to get everything done, attended to and ticked off of our to-do list. Phew! That was a lot to get condensed in one sentence and there surely is even more to get done in reality.
Now, on top of that daily grind, there are still the inevitable traumatic incidents and derailing upheavals to deal with that life throws at us from time to time. These events tend to come without much warning, out of the blue and unexpected, and many of them can prove to be life-changing and challenging to cope with, such as the illness or death of a loved one, an acute or chronic physical injury or illness of our own, a relationship ending, a sudden redundancy or even a car theft, to name just a few common possibilities.
In the absence of such eventualities, we seem to forget to leave any room for them as we go about our daily routines and meeting all the demands we face, filling up our days – which are often already bursting at the seams – with more and more stuff. It is as if most of us are walking along a very fine tightrope indeed, about to lose our balance with the next unforeseen pressure flying at us from any angle out of the blue, and then we fall, crashing to the ground. Sound familiar?
As if all this was not enough to contend with, along the way we also seem preoccupied with achievement and securing success in nearly all aspects of life while also searching for some peace, relaxation and happiness via whatever means as if such a time and state could be reached and then maintained indefinitely. The more we strive for this illusion, it is understandable that we will, inevitably, become more stressed, anxious, depressed and burnt out. If we really look at the pressure we put ourselves under and all that we are expected to cope with, it would seem that most of us think we are superhuman and would presume to find ourselves among others in the DC Comics’ superheroes’ hall of fame.
Practice 3.1: Mindfulness right now!
What busy superhero am I?
See if you can recognise your busy self among any of these busy superhero profiles. Once you have read through them, have a think about which you are most like.
Work-O-Holic – saving the world with a spreadsheet!
Work-O-Holic is busy with work, racing against the clock and trying to rid the world of unrelenting workloads, crowded and cluttered email inboxes, general disorganisation, messy and abstract agendas and failing projects. Using certain secret superpowers and tools such as his/her acute and pedantic attention to detail, skilful planning, organisational and procedural prowess and trusty spreadsheets and the invincible power to run millions of to-do lists at once, Work-O-Holic is tirelessly rushing from one work task to the next, zapping piles of paperwork, disorder and the potential for global failure where it really hurts!
Captain Do-Good – saving the world with a cupcake!
Do-Good is busy pleasing others, taking on tasks for everyone that may (or may not!) need some help, trying to rid the world of others’ unhappiness and pain. With a steady flow of cupcakes baking in the oven, a spectacular collection of miraculous cleaning products at hand, extra booster seats for the school run and superhuman solutions for all – oh, and a bionic sympathetic listening device to boot – he/she is set to relieve others of discomfort and ensure that they always have someone to rely on forever, come rain or shine! No one will ever feel unwanted or neglected again with Captain Do-Good protecting the planet!
Fantastic Mr Fox – saving the world with a treadmill!
Fantastic Mr Fox is busy with working out in the gym and spinning classes a lot of the time, trying to rid the world of ugliness and physical imperfections. With a rolling gold-plus gym membership, A-list celebrity photos to hand, a full library of bulletproof diets, a trusty plastic surgeon on speed-dial and super-reflective fold-out portable mirrors, Fantastic Mr Fox feels well equipped to win the fight against ageing and ensure global physical perfection once and for all!
Dr Cure-All – saving the world with a blood pressure monitor!
Dr Cure-All is busy checking on health, trying to rid the world of disease and death. With supercharged blood pressure monitors, unbreakable mercury-filled thermometers, batches of super-foods and multi super-vitamins at the ready and a broadband connection faster than the speed of light to ensure a direct link to doctors online, Dr Cure-All is on a single-minded mission to eradicate all death, physical illness, weakness, aches and pains!
Saccharinnia/Saccharissimo – saving the world with a Mills & Boon novel!
Saccharinnia/Saccharissimo is busy radiating sparkling love and honeymoon romance for all to enjoy, trying to rid the world of relationship imperfections and boring, unsatisfying and failed marriages. With a supernatural and invincible perception for a partner’s flaws and annoyances, a rolling subscription to Hello magazine and the full series of Mills & Boon novels to hand, he/she is relentlessly creating a world where no one ever feels trapped in uncomfortable relationships and tramples on all potential relationship regrets.
Professor Squeeze – saving the world with a jam-packed diary
Professor Squeeze is highly sophisticated at ensuring their diary is full to the brim with activity. Attempting to abolish boredom and time-wasting, Professor Squeeze ensures every minute of the day is productive and worthwhile and has the power to perform several tasks at the same time. Magically requiring almost zero time to recover from the hecticness of the day and sleeping for as little time as possible, allowing more space in the day to complete endless to-do lists and succeed in all areas of life. When a new opportunity arises, Professor Squeeze ensures that they will be there, no matter what. Doing nothing is not an option!
Like most of us, you may have found similarities between bits of yourself and more than one of these busy superheroes (if not, perhaps you would like to make one up for yourself ). That is OK and really quite normal; we can all become preoccupied with trying to rid our world of unpleasant scenarios and painful feelings, trying to convince ourselves and/or others that we are somehow invincible! But the point here is that no matter what ‘secret superhero powers’ you believe you may have to complete your mission, you will never succeed, despite all your best efforts – all you will get is busier, more stressed and unhappier!
The opposite element to these ‘super powers’ is that underneath we often actually think we are ‘failing’, not good enough or not fully meeting the expectations of the culture, people, parents, colleagues, etc. around us. This can lead us to think that we are somehow deficient and flawed. Often, this can lead to states of depression and anxiety, attempts to hide our ‘true’ self or to blame others for our unhappiness. If we are not totally incapacitated by our feelings of failure already, we may just keep steaming on at an ever-increasing intensity to maintain our super-hero disguise and status until we collapse.
The busy delusion
Our superheroes are often under the misconception that, if they just keep up all the busyness, it means that they are, indeed, super. The reality is that the more overloaded the brain is, the more our performance can suffer. Our ability to problem-solve, be creative and innovative, manage difficult emotions, make decisions, be productive is easily impaired when our minds become cluttered and tired.
Have a go at the next exercise to remind yourself of this.
Practice 3.2: Mindfulness right now!
Multitasking farce
As you read the paragraph below, you must count all the times the letter ‘e’ appears. As you do this, you must be counting and reading simultaneously – you cannot read and then go back and count and you cannot keep a record on a piece of paper – you have to do the counting in your head at the same time as reading the words on the page. In addition, accuracy is very important so, if you lose track or are not 100 per cent sure that you have counted correctly, then you have to start all over again – that will happen at least once!
Research consistently indicates that approximately 80% of the population experiences violent and upsetting thoughts. These thoughts are most likely due to automatic associations produced by the brain. In other words, there is no reflection on one’s character for having a brain, which produces these thoughts. This idea is in stark contrast with a traditional therapeutic notion that the unconscious mind possesses deep-seated evil intentions. Given that intrusive thoughts are common, it would be unreasonable to strive for an absence of these thoughts.
Your answer (go on, write it, we dare you, no one’s looking!): __________
How did it go? Bit frustrating maybe? The answer is 52, by the way. Not so easy to focus on two (or more) things at once, is it? So, to be less stressed, less busy and more effective, productive, efficient and focused, forget the multitasking, because it is impossible to be truly effective at doing two things at once and will, invariably, stress you out. See how today, or for an hour, a few minutes even, you get along doing just one thing in the moment. Try it now as you read on, let go of any urges to count letters, check your mobile, tweet, drink coffee, plan world domination or anything else that arises and see if you can allow yourself to really do just one thing at a time.
The other thing that our superheroes are not too keen on (possibly even their worst nightmare) is doing nothing at all. But, when we really ‘waste time’ and do nothing, we find that our brains can really benefit. Have you ever found that your most creative insights show up when you are on holiday, away from the usual busyness? It is also why we all need to invest in a waterproof notepad for the shower to capture all those great ideas our mind comes up with, when we just give it the opportunity to rest.
How is busyness working for you?
So, how is all your busyness working out for you? We are not here to tell you what to do, instead, what we are really keen on doing is to encourage you to notice your own experience and let it guide you. Please try to tune into your own experience to understand whether your busy behaviours and any superhero strategies you use to eradicate your stress and busyness are working for you or not. As you reflect on whether the strategies you use are working for you, we encourage you to consider the following three questions:
- Is this strategy effective in helping me to feel less busy and better in the short term?
- Is this strategy effective in helping me to feel less busy and better in the longer term?
- Are there any other consequences of using this strategy on my wider quality of life?
Have a go at the following exercise to reflect on this. You might like to draw out a table like the one shown to help you along. We have included a few examples from what we have heard others tell us to help get you started.
Practice 3.3: Mindfulness right now!
How is busyness working for me?
You may have noticed a bit of a pattern occurring in the example above and in your own experience. Many of our attempts to eradicate stress and reduce our sense of busyness might work in the short term, but do not work too well for us in the long term and come with their own problems, and they can negatively impact our overall quality of life. Noticing this, by being mindful, helps us to decide whether we want to try something different that is less problematic for us in the longer term.
If you are with us on this, you might also agree that the busy superheroes residing within us often are mistaken, so it can be helpful to try and watch out for them when they are taking charge. We want to share an acronym with you that might help you to remember and look out for times when you might be increasing your sense of busyness and stress and draining all the fun and fulfilment out of your life, irrespective of how much you have to do. This is BUSY:
How about finally letting go of all this busy superhero facade? Is it really working for you? What does your experience tell you? Can you imagine that, amidst all the busyness and rushing around that you inevitably do, you have the capacity to deal with life’s imperfections and all the stress and anxiety that arises in life? It may surprise you to know that you do not have to (nor can you) zap this stress and busyness into oblivion, eradicating all your pain once and for all, as if it were your superhero nemesis.
Mindfulness top tips to-go
In this chapter, you have learned that it is helpful to:
- Recognise what busy superhero you may be trying to be.
- Notice that you may be creating more unnecessary busyness for yourself.
- Notice that all this busyness may have some costs and be taking you away from other aspects of your life that you care about.
- Try to stop doing everything at once, as multitasking just stresses you out even more and makes you less effective and maybe even give yourself time to do nothing at all.
Tracking your practice
We encourage you to keep a track of your mindfulness practice. So, here, we have provided a summary list of the mindfulness practices that we have covered in Part 1. We would recommend that you continue to practise these and incorporate them into your daily routine as much as you can. To begin with, find a time when life feels a little easier, perhaps when you wake up before getting out of bed, when you are winding down in the evening before you go to bed or when you sit down to eat your lunch, before automatically tucking in to it. You may find that there is no stress or busyness in that very moment, just clarity, resting in awareness of your breath.
You might also like to jot down some notes on your experience of doing these practices, for example, how you found doing them. Were they helpful? What got in the way? What difference did they make to your usual day-to-day experience?
| Practice | Page | When? | Notes |
| 2.1: Just 10 (seconds) | 17 | Throughout the day, e.g. when you go to sit down, travelling on the train to work, lying in bed. | |
| 2.2: The two-minute breathing space | 20 | Twice a day, perhaps at the start and end of the day, any time during the day when you might feel busy and stressed. | |
| 2.3: Mindful intentions | 21 | Once or twice in the week or when you find yourself distancing yourself from practice, reflect on your intentions to practise mindfulness. | |
| 3.1: What busy superhero am I? | 25 | Throughout the day, try to notice when your superhero is in charge. |