GUIDELINE 15

Define Your Life Non-Negotiables

ONE of the essential steps of preparing for a negotiation is compiling the list of demands. Demands are the requests that you bring to the negotiation table. They are those elements that fill up the negotiation frame. The borders of this frame are designated by the measurable target—the maximum and minimum that either takes you closer or further away from your overall objective (what you want to achieve in the negotiation). If you were to compare a negotiation to a board game, the demands would be your chips for trade. You give something to get something. The currency is value. The beauty of the matter is that value is in the eye of the beholder.

Logically, you first want to trade the demands that have less worth to you. To do so, you need to place your demands in order of importance. The top-of-the-list ones are your non-negotiables. As the name itself suggests, you should not sacrifice these even if it means that you will have to walk away from the negotiation table. Never negotiate down with yourself. Convincing yourself in the heat of the negotiation that you can do without the things that are important to you will eventually backfire. It is only a matter of time. You will end up trying to find a way out of an agreement that does not feel satisfactory.

An executable and long-lasting agreement (be it with yourself or the other party) is the result of the acceptance of its perceived value. In the business environment, adding value has become the norm. The premium is creating value. That is what allows companies to excel over competition. Great organizations are made up of outstanding individuals. In the end, it all comes down to the human factor. Become a valuable resource, and you will never need to worry about lack of options.

The process of creating value should start from within. Define your life non-negotiables. What is the most important thing for you? For me, they are family and freedom. These two values drive my life choices. When we moved to the United States when I was a child, my parents told me that home is where the family is. This maxim brought a sense of comfort to our immigrant life. Since then, I have lived in many other countries, but in my heart, I always carried my home with me wherever I went. A solid internal foundation radiates to the outside world. It increases your bargaining power in all spheres of life. Genealogical roots have great potential for creating value.

I consider the monetary rewards of work as a way to provide a better life for my close ones. For me, money is about buying quality moments. This is the only thing that nobody can take away from us. The richer you are in memories, the stronger your remembering self becomes. In tough times, you can draw power from the good reminiscences.

My preference for freedom has always been my other non-negotiable. It is the lens through which I screen my employment opportunities and my career options. Work is a source of personal satisfaction for me, but it is gratifying only when I can perform it in an autonomous manner. This was one of the reasons behind the decision to quit my job at the law firm. Empowerment comes from setting goals and taking full responsibility for their execution. Although I initially paid a high price for my choice, the value it created in the long term was worth every penny.

In a way, my two top priorities create a system of interdependency. Without a solid foundation in the form of unwavering support from my family, I might not be as prone to taking on life’s challenges. Independence comes from having a secure base. Once you figure out where your priorities are, you will notice that others will respect them too. Values are written on your face; a healthy system from within affects the whole ecosystem surrounding you. When it comes to defining the non-negotiables in your life, you can be selfish. Put on your own oxygen first before you help the person next to you.