Chapter 12
Your Perfect Phrases
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”
—Scott Adams, Dilbert cartoonist
In this chapter, you’ll see some of the elements that make a phrase perfect, then some simple suggestions for generating your own phrases. While putting out effective announcements is serious business, having some fun with phrases will often produce powerful results. If you’re feeling creative, inspired, or just focused on generating the best, most targeted messages for your announcements, it may be time for you to play with phrases. In fact, some of your most productive ideas may come when you make it fun and relaxed with a friend.
Have You Made Some Perfect Notes?
We hope you will continue to use the perfect phrases from this book that apply to your announcements, to modify others, and to use these phrases as foundations for creating your own perfect phrases. While reading, you’ve probably already come up with a few of your own. You may have highlighted, tabbed, and jotted down phrases of particular interest to you to ingrain them in your memory and have them handy as you create announcements. Following the guidelines in this chapter, you will add to that storehouse of phrases the words of a great thinker in your industry—someone who knows your business better than anyone else—you!
What Makes a Phrase Perfect?
What makes a phrase perfect? What makes it meaningful or effective? What makes it inspire, motivate, or entice? There is no magic recipe to creating the perfect phrase, but the best ingredients for any announcement are words that speak to the intended audience and are appropriate for the occasion. Words that sell are strong, positive, inspiring, confident; words that brand your image in peoples’ minds are creatively phrased in unique ways; phrases that deliver bad news should be sensitive and deliberate.
If you question the language or tone of a phrase, slow down and think it over carefully. If you fear it will be confusing or sound insensitive or convey a slightly different message than intended, then it probably will be interpreted (or misinterpreted) in just that way by at least some, if not a majority, of your audience. If you’re questioning a phrase, you’re doing so for a reason, so whatever it is that makes you question a phrase should be the basis for revising it. If in doubt, get opinions—ideally from a few people who are likely to have different perspectives.
A Perfect Brainstorm
Now let’s take another step and brainstorm some new perfect phrases. The best way to keep track of your perfect phrases is to keep them in a notebook or computer document. Brainstorm your own perfect phrases for each of the following, making each bullet the heading of a page and adding as many phrases for each one as you can.
The best first line of a press release announcing your next big news
The perfect headline for announcing your new product or service
The perfect way to announce your big sale
The best first line for a motivational statement to employees
The most descriptive, enticing way to announce your next event
A great quotation about customer service and your perfect phrase to highlight how your company exemplifies the statement
Great metaphors relating to your product, service, or cause
The perfect motivational announcement to your team
The best phrase to show gratitude to your team
A great quote about gratitude and your perfect phrase to support it
The perfect phrase for announcing an upcoming change to employees
The perfect phrase for announcing the same change to the public
When you feel that you’ve run out of phrases, push yourself to come up with three more. You may be surprised by the creativity that surfaces just when you think the well is dry. This might take a few concentrated sessions. We also recommend carrying your phrases with you to jot down more as they come to you, whether later in the day or over time. Jot new ideas down, and add them to your lists. Keep these lists alive and active, referring to and adding to this book and your lists over time. You’ll find that your new phrases will become ingrained, and your announcements will continually be refined.
A Perfect Buddy
Do you know someone else who might have ideas to contribute? Take your brainstorming to a new level by going through the process with a coworker or someone else in your field. Share your lists and see how many more entries you can come up with together. Write them all down—even the silly ones. The more fun you have, the more great, usable ideas you’ll generate. Then you can practice your phrases, share them with your phrase-generating buddy, and see what works well and what you might refine. You don’t have to make a job out of it or take it too seriously, but if you allow yourself to have a perfectly good time playing with phrases, you might just find an announcement that inspires employees, brings new customers through your doors, or becomes a great tagline or the heart of a new mission statement.
Six More Perfect Phrase Tips
1. Be Perfectly Positive
Most perfect phrases have a positive tone. As you develop and refine your phrases, use positive words and positive messages. Go through your phrases and flag negative words such as no, not, aren’t, can’t, may not, and won’t. Can you rephrase with a positive tone? Think in positive words and positive terms. Is your success not uncommon, or is it common? The two expressions may mean the same thing, but cutting the negative words gives the phrase a more positive sound. Is your glass half empty, or is it half full? Is the buyer half disinterested or half interested? Are your words not uninspiring, or are they inspiring? Be perfectly positive for a positively perfect outcome.
Here are a few more perfectly positive examples:
Rather than saying, “Our widgets aren’t flimsy,” say, “Our widgets are strong,” or “The durability of our widgets is the backbone of our success.”
Instead of “It’s not uncommon for our consulting clients to cut employee turnover by as much as 50 percent,” say, “Our clients cut employee turnover by as much as 50 percent” or “Our clients retain as many as 50 percent more of their valued employees.”
While it’s easy to use positive language for good news, some news is harder to hear and accept. Still, you can put the picture in a positive frame. Here are a few perfectly negative, positive examples:
You don’t have to say, “Because of the tough economy, we’re closing our stores and will now be exclusively online.” You can say, “In keeping with the times, we’re now exclusively online!”
Don’t announce, “We don’t take returns after 30 days”; announce, “We take returns for up to 30 days.”
Focus more on positive, intriguing words and a positive yes attitude. Reduce the nays, increase the yeas!
2. Be Perfectly Clear
Language is the stuff of which your phrases are made—use it wisely. Language involves a number of choices. The language you choose to communicate announcements should be clear and concise.
Make sure your wording cannot be read in more than one way. Following are some examples of announcements that lack clarity. They may get a laugh, but they won’t meet the mark:
“Help Wanted: Man to Wash Dishes and Two Waitresses” (What exactly is this man hired to wash?)
“Don’t Let Stress Wear You Down—Let Us Help!” (Are we helping the stress?)
“Great Deals for Men with 16 and 17 Necks” (Those men have how many necks? Hopefully, there’s a big sale on hats, too! A little word like “size” makes a big difference.)
“Half off on consulting services today!” (Is that if I use the service today, or if I sign up for the service today?)
“Milk Drinkers Are Turning to Soy” (Again, we can see what the writer is trying to say, but it just sounds messy!)
“Only one minor accident this year. Let’s resolve to do better!” (Are we aiming for more accidents?)
Problems also arise when we use words unfamiliar to the listener, whether there is a language barrier or we are simply enjoying our new-word-a-day calendar at the expense of anyone who chose a Dilbert calendar instead. We also lose each other with technical jargon and Internet shorthand. Announcements can only entice, wow, be appreciated, or yield results when they’re understood—and few people will take the time to figure out what is not clear at first glance.
3. Pack the Perfect Punch
More words often mean less punch. Be succinct and use strong verbs to state your message. Rather than saying, “Due to the fact that we’re expanding, we’re hiring new employees.” Say, “We’re expanding! Come grow with us. Apply today!” Avoid excess words of any kind; that will make the words you do use more powerful. Redundancy, unless it is used for a very specific reason, also weakens your punch. Rather than saying, “short in length,” keep it “short.”
Following are a few examples of using fewer words for greater impact:
Rather than Say | |
Make a decision | Decide |
Gave a speech | Spoke |
Conservation of energy | Energy conservation |
Blue in color | Blue |
Assistant to the manager of operations | Assistant operations manager |
More words don’t necessarily say more; in fact, they can water down your message and say less. Per an old Polish proverb, “Words must be weighed, not counted.”
4. Create Eye-Catching Headings
Your heading makes the first impression. Make it a good one. Many people won’t read beyond the heading, but they may remember it if it’s a good “sound byte.” Headings should be brief, descriptive, and engaging. Don’t underestimate the value of getting right to the point, but sometimes a longer heading or subheading is necessary to intrigue readers. Consider also using clever wordplay to intrigue or make your heading fun, but only if it represents your announcement well. If the fun heading isn’t descriptive enough for your message and your audience, you might want to keep it simple.
The best headings usually:
Are short
Are informative
Are descriptive
Omit articles (a, an, the) unless they are essential
Omit pronouns (he, she, it, etc.) unless they are essential
Refer to the focal point of the message.
Also, state in the headline what the reader will gain by reading on. Even when the announcement is about your company, always imagine the reader scanning headings with “What’s in it for me?” as a background question. “How To” and “Quick Tips” articles are always popular and are often forwarded. If your announcement is about a product or service that can make clients richer, happier, thinner, or more vibrant—then say so in your heading. These are potential results that draw attention. However, be careful not to lie or oversell, making promises you cannot keep. In general, writing is stronger without qualifiers such as may, could, and can, but they are absolutely necessary if they keep a potential benefit from sounding like a solid claim that may not be true for everyone.
Use the headings that follow as ideas for structure and to see words that consistently capture attention. These may be used as templates as you practice and become more creative.
“Why BBB Customers Are Getting Attention Online”
“Learn How to Create Wealth—and Have Time to Enjoy It”
“How to Find Great Deals Antiquing”
“Why ACM Is Moving to Toronto”
“The Secret to QTU’s Success”
“JBO Construction Building New Image”
“Sharing the Wealth—WBC Goes Public”
“FREE Subscription to the Park Street Writer!”
“Announcing a New Risk-Free Rewards Program”
“Are You Ready for a New Kind of Broker?”
“Visit KiKi’s Online Stores for a Virtual Bonanza of Great Buys!”
“FREE! A New Event Planning Guide from Celebration Rentals”
“Top 10 Tips for Finding Your Dream Home”
“If You Hate Spam, You’ll Love Our Software!”
“Travel Host Wins Top Honors for Top Notch Service”
“The Art of Influence: A Lecture with Noted Author Penny Wise”
“Nutrition in Action: A Weeklong Simulcast Series”
“Spot Free Announces New Nontoxic Line”
“Web Deals Announces Year-End Clearance”
“Are You Ready for the Holiday?”
“Is Your Fad Diet Making You Fatter?”
“New BOC Stores to Open in Las Vegas Casinos”
“Family Business Goes Public: See How Grandma Betty’s Linens Went from Knoxville to Wall Street”
“Stakes Are High for New Pedico CEO”
5. Choose Power Words
We touch here on word choices and style, but keep in mind that in many of the announcements you write for the public—and even for your employees, who are your internal customers—phrases should involve all the pertinent facts. To make your phrases even stronger, use language that has some muscle to it and words that are unique.
Use language with proven strength. Where do you find power words? Read announcements and see what gets your attention. Some words and phrases are standard attention-getters, such as new, advanced, cutting-edge, moneymaking, proven results, win-win, money-back satisfaction guarantee, today only, exciting, intriguing, successful, and powerful.
Use language that’s unique. As you write your announcements, think of the obvious, easy words, then pick up a thesaurus and see what other words might have more punch in their places. What words and phrases play on your company name? Whenever possible, choose words that add power and pizzazz to your announcements.
6. Use Perfect Quotes
Sometimes someone else has said exactly what you want to say. You may find a quote from a great leader whose name lends credibility to the statement. We’ve given some quotes and some ideas for where you might share quotes in the section “Message of the Day / Week / Month” in Chapter 6.
You also may want to quote those about whom you are writing. Quote the company sales manager, the customer, or your employee of the month to give press releases and articles stronger credibility and readability.
If you use quotes within text, vary the words you use to refer to the speaker to keep your writing fresh and interesting. Even slight variations make a big difference. To show how easy they can be, here are seventeen different ways to reference a quote within your text:
1. “. . . said MJB.”
2. “. . . stated MJB.”
3. “MJB added . . .”
4. “. . . added MJB.”
5. “. . . according to MJB.”
6. “. . . concluded MJB.”
7. “. . . announced MJB.”
8. “MJB noted . . .”
9. “. . . noted MJB.”
10. “MJB emphasized . . .”
11. “MJB commented . . .”
12. “According to MJB . . .”
13. “MJB responded . . .”
14. “MJB’s response was . . .”
15. “MJB announced . . .”
16. “MJB reported . . .”
17. “MJB replied . . .”
Perfect!
While you still have our Perfect Phrase library to consult, you are now also a perfect phrase generator—or well on your way to becoming one! Even if you have the perfect idea, remember that writing, editing, and proofreading are complex processes, and even the most well-intended phrase may need a little touch-up. As you read on, you’ll learn some tips for doing so and some advice to always have someone else edit and proofread. Those, however, are last stages. Fear of a misplaced comma should never keep you from generating and writing down your own perfect phrases. Write on!