APPENDIX II 
Lists of Principles
Lists of principles, procedures, values, and ideals referenced elsewhere in the book.
The Seven Principles of Unitarian Universalism
We, the member congregations of the Unitarian Universalist Association, covenant to affirm and promote:
• The inherent worth and dignity of every person.
• Justice, equity, and compassion in human relations.
• Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations.
• A free and responsible search for truth and meaning.
• The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and society at large.
• The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all.
• Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.
Steps to Seeking Forgiveness
Applying ethical philosophy to the practicalities of living. Includes contributions by Lois Kellerman, Don Montagna, and Jone Johnson Lewis.
Phase 1: Acknowledge wrong-doing
• Clarify why a certain behavior was hurtful. Without understanding the harmful effects of your behavior, it will be difficult to change. Attempt to understand the hurt or pain from the point of view of those who have been hurt, and try to understand the harmful effect on yourself.
• Acknowledge to yourself and others that the behavior was a mistake. Being able to acknowledge the mistake verbally is an important first step if the relationship is to be healed.
• Express genuine sorrow to all those involved for the mistake you have made. When you understand the harmful effects of your behavior, and can express that with true feelings of sorrow, you open up possibilities for change and for healing.
Phase 2: Make amends
• Act out of a deep sense of honoring yourself and the other party involved. Don’t cater to postures of narrow defensiveness. It is courageous to face up to the harm you have done. Take the first step toward healing by being generous and proactive in your attempts to reconcile.
• Find a “stroke” that is equal to your “blow.” Do this by asking the party that is hurt what you can do that is equally positive to balance the negative. This is ultimately only symbolic, since we cannot undo past harm. But it is a critical sign of goodwill and true remorse.
• Make amends in a timely manner. The longer you delay, the more wounds will fester. So act as swiftly as the processing of your feelings will allow.
Phase 3: Commit to change
• Make a clear commitment to change your harmful patterns of behavior. This may involve clarifying what kinds of events trigger your destructive responses and finding ways to avoid such situations or training yourself to respond differently.
• Act visibly on your commitment. Change involves not only words, but actions, such as appropriate counseling, courses in relationship skills, publicly asking for help in identifying your harmful patterns and support in your not acting on them.
• Respect the process of change. Acknowledge to yourself and others that it is hard to change, and that behaviors deeply imbedded do not disappear quickly. Don’t condemn yourself for slipping, and don’t condone your old ways or trivialize their harmfulness. Rather, accept the actual without losing sight of the ideal.
The Twelve Core Values of the St. Louis Ethical Society Sunday School
• Ethics is my religion.
• Every person is important and unique.
• Every person deserves to be treated fairly and kindly.
• I can learn from everyone.
• I am part of this earth; I cherish it and all the life upon it.
• I learn from the world around me by using senses, mind, and feelings.
• I am a member of the world community, which depends on the cooperation of all people for peace and justice.
• I can learn from the past to build for the future.
• I am free to question.
• I am free to choose what I believe.
• I accept responsibility for my choices and actions.
• I strive to live my values.
Affirmations of Humanism: A Statement of Principles
From the Council for Secular Humanism (www.secularhumanism.org)
• We are committed to the application of reason and science to the understanding of the universe and to the solving of human problems.
• We deplore efforts to denigrate human intelligence, to seek to explain the world in supernatural terms, and to look outside nature for salvation.
• We believe that scientific discovery and technology can contribute to the betterment of human life.
• We believe in an open and pluralistic society and that democracy is the best guarantee of protecting human rights from authoritarian elites and repressive majorities.
• We are committed to the principle of the separation of church and state.
• We cultivate the arts of negotiation and compromise as a means of resolving differences and achieving mutual understanding.
• We are concerned with securing justice and fairness in society and with eliminating discrimination and intolerance.
• We believe in supporting the disadvantaged and the handicapped so that they will be able to help themselves.
• We attempt to transcend divisive parochial loyalties based on race, religion, gender, nationality, creed, class, sexual orientation, or ethnicity, and strive to work together for the common good of humanity.
• We want to protect and enhance the earth, to preserve it for future generations, and to avoid inflicting needless suffering on other species.
• We believe in enjoying life here and now and in developing our creative talents to their fullest.
• We believe in the cultivation of moral excellence.
• We respect the right to privacy. Mature adults should be allowed to fulfill their aspirations, to express their sexual preferences, to exercise reproductive freedom, to have access to comprehensive and informed healthcare, and to die with dignity.
• We believe in the common moral decencies: altruism, integrity, honesty, truthfulness, responsibility. Humanist ethics is amenable to critical, rational guidance. There are normative standards that we discover together. Moral principles are tested by their consequences.
• We are deeply concerned with the moral education of our children. We want to nourish reason and compassion.
• We are engaged by the arts no less than by the sciences.
• We are citizens of the universe and are excited by discoveries still to be made in the cosmos.
• We are skeptical of untested claims to knowledge, and we are open to novel ideas and seek new departures in our thinking.
• We affirm humanism as a realistic alternative to theologies of despair and ideologies of violence and as a source of rich personal significance and genuine satisfaction in the service to others.
• We believe in optimism rather than pessimism, hope rather than despair, learning in the place of dogma, truth instead of ignorance, joy rather than guilt or sin, tolerance in the place of fear, love instead of hatred, compassion over selfishness, beauty instead of ugliness, and reason rather than blind faith or irrationality.
• We believe in the fullest realization of the best and noblest that we are capable of as human beings.
Forty Things You Can Do to Raise a Moral Child
From Ethical People and How They Get to Be That Way by Arthur B. Dobrin. Used by permission.
Feelings
Emotions Are the Groundwork of Morality
Tune into your child’s feelings.
Comment on your own emotions.
Talk about how you think others may be feeling. Read stories that are fanciful.
Sing to your children.
Reason
Feelings Need to be Guided by Reason
Give reasons why you approve or disapprove of your child’s behavior.
Provide reasons for rules you want your child to follow.
Encourage your child to play with children of various ages.
Engage your children in reflective discussions by asking open-ended question.
Promote independent thinking.
Self-Esteem
Self-Respect Is a Prerequisite to Acting Morally
Treat your child with respect.
Express interest in your child’s activities, projects, and dreams.
Help set goals and encourage your children to see them through.
Praise a task well done.
Give your child emotional and verbal support to stand against the crowd when necessary.
Discipline
Behavior Has Consequences
Be flexible—not arbitrary—in your discipline.
Don’t use intimidation; never use ridicule.
Severity of punishment should be related to the severity of the wrong-doing.
Discipline with explanations.
Criticize in private.
Prejudice
Treating All People Fairly Is Fundamental to Morality
Examine your own biases.
Provide examples that counteract society’s prejudices.
Don’t allow biased or bigoted comments to go unchallenged.
Give your child books that show different kinds of people playing, working, and living together.
Talk about differences between people, but speak about them neutrally.
Values
Some Values Are More Important Than Others
Tell your children who you admire and why.
Live your life as you want your child to lead hers.
Show the importance of protecting the vulnerable.
Comment on compassionate behavior—let your child know that caring is an important value.
Let your children know what you value and why you value it.
Habits
Morality Is Learned Through Observing and Doing
Provide opportunities for your child to help others.
Give positive verbal feedback for being a good person.
Work with your child in community and volunteer service.
Expect and encourage good deeds from your children.
Help your children to keep promises.
Community
Morality Involves Other People
Talk about the TV shows, music, and movies your child sees and hears.
Get involved in your child’s education.
Make family meals an important and regular occasion.
Encourage activities that involve your child with others.
Take an interest in the world outside your home.