When it comes to bosses, some are great, most are okay, and a few are really miserable. But whether great, okay, or miserable, the boss is still the boss, and it is to your advantage to accept that fact and work toward resolving conflict when it occurs or toward preventing it from happening in the first place.

When you are in conflict with those above you in the organization, you may feel that you are at the highest level of risk. You may also feel somewhat limited in the approaches that can be taken. For example, it wouldn’t normally be considered wise to attempt the competing approach with a boss who is being aggressive. Sometimes, even attempting compromise may be out of the question. Although these approaches may seem risky when approaching a superior, success can depend on how you approach the individual. Consider the following case study:

1. Which of the four behavioral styles from Chapter 6 (aggressive, nonassertive, passive-aggressive, or assertive) does Ed seem to be using?

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2. What is his probable method of handling conflict?

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3. What values may contribute to his behavior?

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4. What would a low-risk approach be if you were to have a difference with Ed? What would be the probable results?

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5. What would a high-risk approach be? What would be the probable results?

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The next study is the real thing. Choose someone above you in your organization with whom you have experienced conflict.

Name:

1. What is his or her usual method of handling conflict?

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2. What does he or she value when involved in conflict?

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3. What would a low-risk approach be? What would be the probable results?

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4. What would a high-risk approach be? What would be the probable results?

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5. Do your answers differ from the way you’ve handled conflict situations with this person in the past? If so, what will your approach be now?

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As mentioned earlier, you can often prevent conflicts from happening in the first place. It may mean adjustments on your part, but often the cost is small when compared with the potential conflict. We tend to get along better with people who have values similar to our own. A major help in working more effectively with bosses is to adapt your behavior to theirs where you can. This doesn’t mean changing your lifestyle, but it does imply a willingness to make certain changes and perhaps a few concessions—in other words, a willingness to use a combination of compromise and accommodation to help build the relationship.

Consider the following questions for working more effectively with your boss:

1. When does your boss arrive? Leave?

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2. Does your boss take long or short lunches, frequent or few breaks?

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3. How neat is your boss’s workplace?

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4. What time of the day is your boss most receptive to you?

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5. Does your boss prefer written or verbal reports? Concise or detailed?

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6. Does your boss welcome new ideas or resist them?

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7. Which of the four behavioral styles from Chapter 6 (aggressive, nonassertive, passive-aggressive, or assertive) does your boss seem to be using?

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8. How could you change your style accordingly?

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When answering these questions, you may discover value differences between yourself and your boss. Ask yourself: “Where can I compromise?” “Where can I accommodate?” “What is it worth to me?” Sometimes, you might think it would be much easier just to be left alone so you can do your job. However, your relationship with your boss (whether you agree with the person or not) always plays a critical role in your success or failure in the workplace.

You may feel more comfortable exploring potential approaches and possible results for managing differences with peers. It might be appropriate to attempt competing if the situation is warranted, or perhaps you can insist on resolving the issue through compromise.

Even though you may have more flexibility when dealing with peers, it is still important to be able to work well with them. This includes not only colleagues in your department but also other departments as well. How you perform your job is important, but how you deal with others is just as important. Consider the following case study:

1. Which of the four behavioral styles from Chapter 6 (aggressive, nonassertive, passive-aggressive, or assertive) does Grace seem to be using?

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2. What is her probable method of handling conflict?

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3. What might she value in this situation?

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4. What would be a low-risk approach? What would be the probable results?

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5. What would be a high-risk approach? What would be the probable results?

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Choose a colleague with whom you have experienced conflict.

Name:

1. Which of the four behavioral styles from Chapter 6 (aggressive, nonassertive, passive-aggressive, or assertive) does this person seem to be using?

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2. What is his or her usual method of handling conflict?

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3. What might he or she value when involved in conflict?

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4. What would be a low-risk approach? What would be the probable results?

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5. What would be a high-risk approach? What would be the probable results?

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6. Do your answers differ from the way you’ve engaged in conflict with this person in the past? If so, what will your approach be now?

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The ability to work well with your peers is an important characteristic in the workplace. Often, it is a major factor in determining who is chosen for special projects or for promotion.

Consider the following questions when attempting to work more effectively with peers:

1. Do you both respect and understand each other’s roles? Briefly describe them.

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2. Do you understand each other’s tasks? Briefly list them.

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3. Are there agreed-to time frames you are both meeting?

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4. Is each of you willing to confront and deal with differences?

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5. How well do both of you handle compromise?

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If you are currently in conflict with a peer, using the answers to these questions as a starting point for engaging the differences will help. Of course, somebody’s got to go first—and you’re the one reading this book.

As a leader in your company, you gain the power to hold others accountable, but you also become much more accountable for your actions. Fairness becomes a critical factor.

You are also obligated to help your people to develop to the highest possible level and to appraise their performance and behavior as objectively as you can.

When you are having differences with an employee, you need to be aware of two possibly conflicting issues: On the one hand, you have complete flexibility in choosing any of the five methods of conflict resolution; on the other hand, you need to be careful not to misuse certain methods. Even though you have the power to force the win/lose outcome, you need to give fair consideration when choosing your approach to the situation. Consider the following case study.

1. Which of the four behavioral styles from Chapter 6 (aggressive, nonassertive, passive-aggressive, or assertive) does Lucille seem to be using?

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2. What is her probable method of handling conflict?

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3. What might she value in this situation?

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4. What would be a low-risk approach to her performance review? What would be the probable results?

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5. What would be a high-risk approach? What would be the probable results?

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Choose an employee with whom you are currently experiencing conflict.

Name:

1. Which of the four behavioral styles from Chapter 6 (aggressive, nonassertive, passive-aggressive, or assertive) does this person seem to be using?

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2. What is his or her usual method of handling conflict?

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3. What does he or she value when involved in conflict?

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4. What would a low-risk approach be? What would be the probable results?

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5. What would a high-risk approach be? What would be the probable results?

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6. Do your answers differ from the way you’ve handled conflict situations with this person in the past? If so, what will your approach be now?

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As with bosses and peers, there are measures you can take to prevent many conflicts from occurring in the first place. The key factor when you manage others is that you are the controlling influence. You set the atmosphere for those you manage.

Consider using the following questions when working with employees:

1. When do you make yourself available to your employees?

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2. Do you get back to them when you say you will?

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3. What active listening skills do you use? Which skills do you still need to develop?

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4. How well do you apply the feedback skills from Chapter 5?

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5. What methods do you use to resolve differences with employees?

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6. What do you do to help them develop additional skills?

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7. What do you do to encourage them to take on more challenging tasks?

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8. What do you know about their personal lives?

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The more questions you are able to answer positively, the greater the possibility you are establishing a positive atmosphere. You can provide not only an opportunity for growth and success for them and yourself but also help to prevent the possibility of unnecessary grievances or other legal problems for your company.

In short, if the atmosphere is positive, conflicts will be minimized. And if the atmosphere is negative, you should expect not only the worst but also accept the responsibility for having created it through poor management.