3
How to Use Stress for Success
As you've heard me say time and time again, stress is neither good nor bad; it just is. What determines the impact of stress on our system is our ability to adapt to it. When we are running on empty and operating in survival mode, we become rigid and default to the automated habits that have served us for so long. You'll recall from the prior chapter why the brain considers this the best approach: Any change in habits, even positive, requires an energy investment. When there is nothing in the bank account, the brain has no option but to resort to curbing noncritical spending.
Like an old rubber band, we crack and break down when force is applied to our weakened systems because we lack flexibility. But when we have the energy to be pliable and resilient, we are able not only to bounce back from challenges but also to strengthen our system as a result of the exercise.
Therefore, successful and sustainable stress management must start with a core foundation of energy to keep the brain and body functioning in a more optimal state. This allows the brain to facilitate opportunity-based processes for focus, attention, creativity, flexibility, and endurance over time. The messages that the body's various hormones send the brain to regulate energy flow, and maintain resources like glucose and oxygen, provide the stability we need for optimal functioning.
Consider the stress management strategies in this book—rest, repair, rebuild, rethink, and redesign—as building blocks of a pyramid (see Figure 3.1). The foundational techniques will be those we continue to go back to when we feel overwhelmed or out of balance.
The fundamental strategy of oscillation will serve as the supporting structure we need to continue moving up to the pinnacle of health, happiness, and performance. Once we have adequate rest and recovery built into our routine, we can then look to nourishing nutrients that will strengthen our core practice and provide even more resilience and stability. By using our repair techniques, we will create healthier cells and stronger neural pathways in the brain to keep the body and mind performing at their best. We will rebuild these chemical and cellular processes in our final recharge step by incorporating strategic training challenges that temporarily break down our system, a bit at a time, to stimulate just enough stress to cause our system to adapt and become even stronger. It's important to always be cognizant of the rest and repair techniques we need to continue so that the challenges we seek provide an opportunity for growth rather than cause us to break down without building back up.
In the final two steps of the stress management process, we will build upon our foundation of strategic energy management to create a more positive mindset—one that will allow us to perceive the stress in our life as healthy and beneficial. As we rethink stress, we'll be able to use it to our advantage. We'll then continue to create support for our habits of thought and behavior as we redesign our routine to establish an optimal performance pulse: periods of stress balanced with periods of recovery.
Manage Energy by Minding the Gaps
The first step in optimizing the operating system is making sure we have consistent energy throughout the day. The most basic lifestyle choices—eating every 3 to 4 hours, moving at least every 90 minutes, staying hydrated, getting adequate sleep, and maintaining solid relationships—all help the brain and body to obtain the fuel they need. Although these might seem simple, running our systems off stress hormones can easily fool us into thinking that we have all the energy we need in the moment.
If you were stranded on a deserted island and truly in danger (which is how the brain perceives any real or imagined threat to your system), the last thing you'd want to do is take time to grab a snack, go for a leisurely stroll, or take a quick snooze. The ability to temporarily ignore signals such as hunger, thirst, or even fatigue is built into the stress response. This is why we lose our appetite and feel like we can go days without eating the moment we experience a significant stressor. Think about getting bad news at work or finding out a deadline was suddenly expedited. The last thing we need is to feel distracted by stomach growls when there is critical work to be done. So why do we overdo it when we finally sit down for a meal at the end of the day? If stress persists or is chronic, the brain eventually wants to compensate for the energy deficit. This is why it seems to take forever to feel satiated once we open a bag of potato chips or crack a cold beer.
Unfortunately, we cannot always rely on our natural body signals to tell us what we need when we're dealing with overwhelming stress. We must therefore create energy-enhancing rituals that prompt us to return balance to our system, regardless of how we might be feeling in the moment. In Part 2 of this book, I explain a simple process to start to recharge your energy, first providing rest at a chemical and cellular level, then nourishing your system with essential nutrients, and finally generating even more energy reserves through strategic training that isn't tiring or overwhelming. It helps you switch out of survival mode and enables your body and brain to function more optimally, even in the midst of stress.
Remember, everything about the human operating system is designed to oscillate, from brain waves to heartbeats, blood sugar levels, and inhalations and exhalations. Yet most people get up in the morning and go all day without taking a moment to pause and reset. We all know that a flatline is bad news when we're measuring biological processes, but because most people can't get a clear picture of their energy throughout the day, they are unaware of how problematic this can be. When we override our natural rhythms, we must rely on temporary sources of energy such as external stimulants, like coffee and energy drinks, or internal stimulants, like adrenaline and cortisol. Although this may be fine in acute situations, repeated reliance creates additional wear and tear on an already aging biological clock.
One of the most critical elements of energy management is building in time and creating space to reestablish our natural rhythms, or what I call our energetic pulse. There are many ways to do this, and I describe more specifically how to create a unique pulse in the last step of the stressaholic recovery process in Chapter 8. The key is to take time to develop a routine that allows adequate recovery for the amount of stress we're experiencing. The more stress we have, the more recovery we need.
I learned this fairly early in my career, because I experienced the worst dips in my physical and emotional energy right after speaking engagements. Thankfully, my parents started to notice this during my conversations with them and would offer support as I started to whine to them about my energy crash. As I became more aware of my energetic cycles, I quickly noticed that the more chaotic my work experience (more planes, trains, and automobiles usually did the trick), the more exhausted I felt.
However, it wasn't just the travel, jet lag, and restless nights. Once I was managing my energy more effectively, I still noticed a pattern: The higher my energy while performing on stage, the lower I dropped afterward. Trying to fight it only made things worse. I would get so aggravated and anxious about my fatigue that I would push myself through challenging workouts and beat myself up to “just be happy,” but nothing worked. This continued until I realized that I was on a roller coaster: Even taking care of myself the way I should wasn't going to prevent occasionally dips.
I'm not a roller coaster fan, but I wanted to continue to do the work I feel so passionate about. I was willing to plan and prepare myself for the resulting drop in energy by scheduling accordingly and making sure to reach out for support as needed. Although I haven't yet mastered the Heidi Hanna roller coaster, I am enjoying the ride a lot more (and I'm pretty sure my friends and family are, too).
You've likely noticed something similar with your routine. Although it's helpful to be aware, knowing that energy dips are part of life doesn't means it's easy to roll with the punches when we're on a drop. It's easy to feel a pull back into addiction and attempt to compensate with temporary and toxic sources of stress and stimulation. However, we can become more aware of our habits when we are able to disconnect from sources of external stress and see more clearly how we automatically default to certain behaviors that may or may not serve our intentions. When we pay attention to life's pauses and embrace our opportunity to be in the moment, we tend to face a critical challenge: After years of being constantly connected, we experience boredom when we realize we have nothing else we need or are expected to do.
We are sometimes able to push through the initial discomfort of stillness. In these cases, we can make deeper connections with our environment and ourselves and experience an enlightened sense of well-being in the moment. Silence is our best teacher, because we eliminate the self-induced pressure to be more than we are and embrace the fact that we have enough and are enough, right here and now. There is insight in the mere observation of anything. By accepting where we are and telling our brain that we have what we need, we are able to decrease the chronic stress flooding our system and allow our heart and brain to function in harmony.
Simple Stress Rules
As we get ready to embark upon the journey to building greater resilience to stress, I'd like to highlight a few simple but important principals of stress management. It is essential to keep these at the top of your mind throughout your recovery process. This is not a program you complete once and then never need to think about again. Rather, this process provides you with tools and techniques you can return to whenever you notice yourself slipping off track and feeling overwhelmed, out of balance, or run down.
- Everything that has life has a pulse that is meant to oscillate. It's easy to see by looking at nature that everything alive has some sort of rhythm or vibration. We can observe these waves or tides from our internal patterns, such as our circadian rhythms, to the external rise and fall of day and night. We find flow when we allow ourselves to operate in this up-and-down cycle, but when we fight it or try to override it to get more done in less time, we create imbalance and rigidity. A big part of our journey is learning to “ride life's waves” and enjoy them for what they are rather than wasting time and energy trying to resist them.
- The higher the pulse's spikes, the lower the drops must go to get adequate recovery. Similarly, the more stress we have at any given time, the more time we must take to relax and repair our energy. When things become more intense, and therefore require enhanced energy and resilience, it is even more important to create opportunities to take care of ourselves. Unfortunately, these challenges or storms are usually when we most neglect self-care practices, because we feel too overwhelmed to take a break. If we want to learn and grow from the difficult times, we must recharge consistently.
- Stress is neither good nor bad; it's merely a stimulus for change. The way in which we respond to the stress in our life is determined by our ability to adapt and change as needed to restore a sense of balance and harmony. Something we might consider negative stress can have positive outcomes—if we are able to maintain a healthy perspective on how the challenges fit into our bigger picture and seek opportunities to learn and grow throughout the process. Looking back on your life, you can likely see that your biggest periods of growth followed those that were most challenging and stressful, such as losing a job only to get a better one, ending a relationship only to become more aware of what you need in a partner, or delivering a tough presentation only to create opportunities within the organization. At the same time, consider how exhausted you've felt after a vacation. Even positive stress can throw our system out of balance if we're not prepared with the right amount of resources to facilitate the energy required to manage change.
- Change requires energy. Whether it's good or bad, anticipated or unexpected, any change requires energy to navigate. This is why it's critical to replenish our system regularly. Even the smallest changes or challenges can seem overwhelming and break us down when we're running on an empty tank.
- Perception determines our reaction to stress. Two people in the same scenario can experience drastically different effects on their brain and body depending on whether they believe they have what they need to manage the change that results from stress. For example, if you perceive stress as a challenge, your brain mobilizes the energy necessary to attack the situation. Meanwhile, someone who perceives it as a threat prepares to run away or fight it off. As we've discussed, the hormones released in response to a challenge are short term, providing energy we need to get the job done. When something is seen as a threat, the released hormones are designed to last longer, because the problem may require a longer-term solution.
Overcoming Obstacles
Before we move on to our stressaholic recovery process, let's recap some of the biggest stress management challenges and the simple solutions that will help you build a better relationship with the stress in your life.
Change Your Story about Self-Care
In step 4 of the stressaholic recovery process, we use a simple practice to help reprogram the way we think about stress in life. As we transition to Part 2 of this book and begin the five-step process, I want to make sure you're committed to investing the time and energy required to create a more resilient and energy-efficient operating system. This can be extremely difficult, because it requires making “taking care of you” a priority—something that, with so many other people and tasks taking up the key spots on your priority list, can feel impossible to do.
The knowledge that we are better able to take care of others when we take care of ourselves can help with this. However, it's usually not enough when we have to choose between taking a break and finishing a project someone is waiting for; leaving for lunch and getting back to a few more people via e-mail; or going to sleep at a decent hour and prepping for an important presentation that our team is depending on us to knock out of the park. In these critical moments, we need to make sure we believe that taking care of ourselves is taking care of business. No matter what our work entails, we are our most valuable business asset. And the same rules apply when it comes to family and friends. We can give our best energy only from the overflow of our cup, not from trying to share the mere droplets we have left after giving it all away to everyone and everything else in our life.
The following messages are concepts I've found particularly helpful as I created my story around taking care of myself first. They also motivate and support me in making healthy choices for my energy and stress management amid life's most challenging struggles and storms.
1. I am not My Thoughts
As discussed in the previous chapter, the brain can be our best friend or our worst enemy when it comes to moving in the direction of our goals. Those 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts triggered by the brain each day are not always in alignment with how we feel or what we want. Sometimes, our brain is trying to help us survive with messages like “Just start tomorrow” or “Who are you to get a massage?” when it fears we don't have enough of what we need in the moment. Being aware of this reality can help us build in a short pause to question our thoughts. It prompts us to reflect upon the nature of what we're telling ourselves and check whether what we're saying is fully true and moving us in the direction we want to be heading. We talk more about how to rewire our thought patterns in step 4. For now, be aware that we are not our thoughts, we have the power to change our thoughts, and we can reprogram the way our brain operates. We can turn it from an enemy into a friend that we feel supports us in times of struggle, rather than feeling like we're waging war on our own mind.
2. Recovery Is Not Optional
It is your responsibility to design the lifestyle that supports your unique rhythm and balance. Other people will respect the structure you create, but only if you communicate clearly and with the right attitude, intention, and attention. In this way, you empower others to do the same, creating a more energy-efficient culture in which we can all be fully engaged in each moment we share.
3. Taking Care of Myself is not Selfish
If the plane were to lose air pressure within the cabin, we must put on our oxygen mask before assisting anyone else. We cannot be there to support others if we don't have our own fuel supply. Yet most people struggle to care for themselves when so many other people need caring for. We need to change our stories so that they reflect how we are better able to serve our friends, families, clients, and communities when we are healthier and happier. It is essential that we be responsible for the energy we bring to each moment.
Face the Truth
As we begin our transition to Part 2 of this book, consider one last step: facing the truth of where you are as you begin this journey. Reading some of the challenges of stress addiction, including my story, may have you feeling like you've finally found your tribe, one that relates to the struggles of managing the chaos of your busy life. You may be able to notice consequences such as feeling fatigued, frustrated, or irritable as a result of an operating system overloaded with stress and lacking adequate recovery. But you may still not be fully aware of the damage that has been done or is continuing to be done on a cellular level in your body. For this reason, I encourage all of my clients to do a thorough physical checkup at least once a year to look under the hood and see what's really going on below the surface.
It is an exciting time in the field of biological testing, with new diagnostic tools coming into the marketplace each day. However, with any boom of information there also tends to come with it a sense of being overwhelmed as you try to decipher which programs are valuable and which are merely selling snake oil. And, of course, experiencing more stress as you try to manage your current stress doesn't seem to make sense.
To lessen this information overload, I've put together a package of current assessments that you may find helpful in exploring your unique stress response over time. This Synergy Metabolic Profile is not designed to diagnose you with any disease or disorder but rather provides you with additional information so that you can further customize your recharge and recovery program. All diagnostic tools are intended to create additional awareness as to how your body is coping with your current lifestyle and circumstances, and they should be incorporated in your overall physical health and wellness strategy with the guidance of your primary physician. If you are interested in getting more information about the Synergy Metabolic Profile, you can go to my website at www.synergyprograms.com or e-mail the Synergy team at [email protected]. We have practitioners who are available for both in-person and virtual one-on-one and group consultations to walk you through the profile.
Regardless of whether you have the specific information about your stress response, the steps toward healing your system are the same. The remainder of this book provides you with some general guidance and practical techniques so that you can recharge your energy and reprogram your life to support a healthier, more resilient relationship with stress.