After talking with Hank at some length about his life in the phrog pond, I got to thinking that most formal organizations are, metaphorically speaking, phrog farms. By phrog farms, I mean that they turn a lot of good people into phrogs. In addition, if we accept the metaphor of organizations as phrog farms, we might conceptualize management improvement as the process of draining the swamp. Therefore, building upon that metaphor, I would like to suggest a number of hypotheses, make some generalizations, and conceptualize some issues of management within the framework of life in the swamp. The following statements are provided in no particular order of importance and in no conscious linear sequence:

1. All organizations have two essential purposes. One is to produce widgets, glops, and fillips. The other is to turn people into phrogs. In many organizations, the latter purpose takes precedence over the former. For example, in many organizations, it is more important to follow the chain of command than to behave sensibly.

2. Phrog is spelled with a pb because phrogs don't like to be known as frogs, and they try to hide their phroginess from themselves and others by transparent means. In short, once one has been transformed into a phrog, one likes to attempt to hide that fact. For one who has been a person, it's a great comedown to be a phrog.

3. Phrogs tend to live a solitary life in the swamp, or as one phrog said, "It's a lonely life on the lily pad." Phrogs compete with one another for insects, vie for the right to head the flicking order of the swamp, and are ultimately evaluated for what they do in their own mud flats. Furthermore, phrogs don't really get rewarded for how well they sing in the chorus. Given all that, is it any wonder that a common phrog maxim is, "You can't get involved with other phrogs in the swamp; someday you may have to appropriate their lily pads"?

4. Phrogs speak the language of Ribbit. It is a simple language in that it contains only one word, but it doesn't communicate very well. When all the phrogs in the swamp croak, "Ribbit," the swamp is noisy as hell, but not a lot of real information is ever exchanged. You see, accuracy of information is not very important in the swamp. In fact, any time a person enters the swamp, he or she is generally told that Ribbit is the only possible language of the swamp, despite the fact that phrogs don't learn much from one another when they use it. For that reason, people have a difficult time talking with phrogs. In fact, they seldom talk with phrogs at all.

5. Most phrogs spend more time flicking flies in the fog than draining the swamp. It seems that their behavior is circular. If they were to spend time draining the swamp, there would be no flies to flick — and no phrogs. For that reason, it's very important to phrogs to maintain the swamp as it is rather than to drain it.

6. In phrog farms, bullphrogs generally get to be phresident. In other words, the better a phrog can tolerate the loneliness of his lily pad, the more competent he becomes at speaking Ribbit, the more facile he becomes in flicking flies, the more skillful he becomes at appropriating others' lily pads, and the more adroit he becomes at maintaining the swamp, the more likely he is to become phresident.

7. Bullphrogs are greatly revered in the swamp. In fact, other phrogs assume that bullphrogs have magical powers because of their unusual abilities to turn people into phrogs. In one sense, such reverence may not be misplaced. Bullphrogs are apparently instrumental in the process of phrog production. It is strange, though, that we have devoted so little effort to understanding the role that humans play in permitting phrogs to attack them in the swamp.

8. The magic exercised by bullphrogs comes from humans' belief in it. The tyranny of bullphrogs stems not from the reality of bullphrogs' power, but from the human belief of the myth of "bullphrog power." Belief in bullphrog power prevents humans from having to take responsibility for the fog and mud and moss that make up the atmosphere of the swamp.

9. Bullphrogs — particularly phresidents — frequently feel very trapped in the swamp. Many of them are destroyed by it. They feel trapped because they are trapped. (Mr. Nixon was not an aberration.)

10. One of the peculiarities of the swamp is that the masses of swamp phrogs both worship and destroy bullphrogs for the very qualities of phroginess that resulted in their becoming phresident.

11. Darwinians say only the strongest go to the top of the phylogenetic scale. Phrogologists say only the weakest go to the top of the same scale. Both say only the fittest survive. One is incorrect.

12. Another peculiarity of the swamp is that cowphrogs seldom become phresident. Cowphrogs apparently don't have the capacity for loneliness, for speaking Ribbit, for fly flicking, and for swamp maintenance that bullphrogs have. If, by chance, they do develop that revered capacity, they become cowphrogs in bullphrogs' clothing — and their croaks deepen.

13. The process of producing phrogs is not sexual — it's magical — whereas the process of producing humans is sexual, great fun, and very real.

14. Management improvement programs generally consist of phrog kissing, which is magical, harmless, and platonic. Any activity designed to facilitate phrog kissing is cosmetic organizational development an example of ODD behavior — that is, organizational development, by deception — or organizational improvement as practiced by phrogs. Activities such as phrog style assessment, phrog chorus-building, and inter-lily-pad conflict resolution, in the absence of swamp drainage and area reclamation, are examples of phrog kissing by ODD managers.

15. Phrog kissing is a seductive activity. Frederick Herzberg claims that being seduced is ultimately less satisfying than being raped, because when we are seduced, we are, in fact, part of our own down-fall. ^[30] Stated differently, in our context, managerial reformers are frequently seduced into phrog kissing, an activity that seldom leads to lovemaking but frequently adds to the warts on the kisser's face.

16. Many organization members belong to phrognarian networks and swamp maintenance associations. The purpose of such networks and associations is to meet and exchange information regarding the nature of the fog in each member's respective swamp. Since the language of Ribbit is employed, such exchanges seldom allow anyone to differentiate one swamp from another. Phrogs seem to get reassurance from noting the similarity among their swamps. Or, as one bullphrog put it, "Misery loves company and miserable phrogs love miserable companies."

17. Occasionally, during meetings of Phrognarians, a phrog pharts in the fog. When that happens, the phrog loses some of his or her phroginess and, therefore, represents a great threat to the balance of the swamp. Phrog pharts are seldom sanctioned by Phrognarians. They are too real. They put holes in the fog and ultimately threaten the atmosphere of magic required to maintain the swamp.

18. There is a myth among phrogs that kissing another phrog turns that phrog into a prince. I think it should be noted that, in general, kissing a phrog only produces skin irritations. For those who decide to kiss anyway, I think they should also realize that, in all that fog, it is very difficult to determine which way a phrog is facing.

19. Phrogs frequently try to set traps for one another. Phrog traps have a peculiar quality, however, in that they catch only the phrogs who set them. In other words, if you have to set a phrog trap, there is no need to do so — you are already in it.

20. So that the technology of setting phrog traps is not lost to future generations, phrogfessors of marsh management are hired by schools of swamp maintenance to research and teach. The work of such phrogfessors is governed by the underlying credo that is frequently displayed on their respective lily pads: "If the tadpole hasn't learned, the phrogfessor hasn't taught."

The underlying rationale of that credo is rather peculiar when we subject it to close scrutiny. It clearly implies that the basic responsibility for the tadpole's learning belongs to the phrogfessor. Consequently, if the tadpole does a lousy job, the phrogfessor is at fault. Likewise, following the same logic rigorously, if the tadpole does competent work, the phrogfessor must also get the credit. For all intents and purposes, then, the tadpole doesn't exist, except as some sort of inanimate, passive receptacle for the phrogfessor's competence or incompetence.

Since such a teaching attitude implies that students have no animate existence, is it any wonder that swamp administration graduates seem to fit so well into the lonely parallelism of the swamp? Is it also any wonder that when someone accepts responsibility for another's learning, that person ceases to be an educator and becomes a phrogfessor, whose primary job is to prepare tadpoles for life in the swamp?

21. People frequently become phrogs in other kinds of organizations by the same process. After all, a common swamp saying is, "You can delegate authority but you can't delegate responsibility." Translation: "You are responsible for your subordinates' performances. If your subordinates perform competently, it is because of you. If they perform incompetently, it is because of you, too. Like students, subordinates exist only as extensions of you. They are objects you must manipulate in the best interests of the swamp."

If phrogs don't feel that they are responsible for the performance of their subordinates, then why do so many of them go to training programs designed to help them alter their phrogging styles? As I see it, they do it because they believe that they are responsible for their subordinates' performances and that their style (as opposed to their essence) has something to do with how effectively their subordinates perform.

22. All of us are phrogs at one time or another. We all have the potential to develop webbing between our toes. We all have experienced the terror of the trap — and accepting responsibility for others' actions is the bait with which phrog traps are set.

23. Many bullphrogs can't laugh at the absurdity of their lives in the swamp. Such phrogs tend to become steerphrogs, which are very poignant creatures. Bullphrogs frequently die laughing, but I have never seen a steerphrog laugh. They just croak.

24. The seat of the U.S. government is located in Washington, D.C., in a swampy area of the city known affectionately to some as "Foggy Bottom." For many, it is also the locus of the bureaucratic mess. Perhaps it should be renamed, Phroggy Bottom.

25. Alfred Marrow's Making Waves in Foggy Bottom is about an effort to clean up the bureaucratic mess in the U.S. Department of State.^[31] In essence, the book is about the failure of that effort. If you read it, you might come to realize that making waves — in any organization — is a very different process from draining the swamp.

26. The size of the swamp is growing; the world may ultimately be inhabited entirely by phrogs. Air pollution is not really as great a threat to future generations as phrog pollution. The swamp is ultimately evil. As Hannah Arendt described the situation, phrog farms, despite their benign appearance, tend to develop bullphrogs with an enormous capacity for evil.^[32] (Adolph Eichmann was not an aberration, either.)

27. The job of most swamp managers is to maintain and enhance the swamp, not to drain it. As Winston Phroghill said, "I was not made marsh minister to preside over the draining of the swamp."

28. The purpose of swamp consultants — in the eyes of swamp managers — is to help the swamp operate effectively, not to drain it.

29. Most management improvement literature is designed to facilitate swamp management, not area reclamation. Most managers are phrog farmers, and most management consultants and phrogfessors of marsh management are phrog farmers' helpers. The relationship is symbiotic.

30. Most phrog farmers and their helpers are aware that they are mired in the swamp. Most have about all the consciousness they can bear. May God have mercy on their souls.

31. God does have mercy on their souls. Otherwise, God would be the greatest phrog farmer of them all.

It's a lonely life on the lily pad. What are some possible alternatives to life in the swamp? Phrogs can't survive outside the swamp, but human managers might escape the swamp by the following means:

1. Paying employees as pairs, teams, or organizations, rather than as individuals: When two or more individuals get paid for working together, it is amazing how much interest they take in helping one another succeed.

2. Developing non-zero-sum climates when it comes to promotions, layoffs, salaries, performance appraisals, and grades: People with zero-sum attitudes believe that the outcome of any interpersonal encounter is zero; that is, "If you get a payoff of plus one, I must get a payoff of minus one, and the outcome is zero" or "If you win, I must lose." People with non-zero-sum attitudes believe that the outcome of any human encounter can be other than zero; that is, we can both win and, if we do, under certain conditions, it is not one plus one equals two but rather, with synergy, three. For example, during bad times, phrogs lay others off according to seniority. People don't lay one another off; they all take proportionate pay cuts and thus learn that they can rely on one another during both good and bad times.

3. Leaving the environment when they lose interest in it: For example, regarding vesting of pension rights, people don't wear vests — phrogs do.

4. Accepting personal responsibility for their own activities in the organization: For instance, phrogs demand that bullphrogs take full responsibility for the swamp. People will not permit others to take over their responsibilities for the habitat and its operation.

5. Trusting one another in a wide variety of situations: Phrogs distrust just about everybody. They put in time clocks, which say, "We don't trust you to do an honest day's work, so prove that you did." They demand doctors' certificates when someone calls in ill. They have private offices so that others' access to them is limited and so that their conversations and work with other phrogs can't be observed and overheard. They demand close verification of expense accounts because "everyone knows those slick swamp salesmen would rob the marsh blind if a bullphrog doesn't keep tabs on them." They keep cover-your-ass (CYA) files to protect themselves from other phrogs' poison kisses. By contrast, people have very few rules and procedures that question the honesty of others. In fact, they assume that other people can be trusted and live with the reality that in a few cases, such trust will be violated.

6. Treating others subjectively, not objectively: R.D. Laing has pointed out that one way to make others mentally ill is to treat them as depersonalized objects or things, (that is, objectively) rather than as "personalized" subjects (that is, subjectively).^[33] Bullphrogs try to treat others objectively. They try to gauge the performance of others objectively, and they try to "keep their feelings out of the situation." However, when you treat another objectively (that is, as an object), you should know that the price of being objective — eliminating your feelings from the situation — is that you become an object yourself, since you have denied the very essence of your own humanness. Thus are bullphrogs born. Humans don't treat one another as objects. They try, instead, to build a work environment in which human subjectivity is accepted as an integral part of the habitat's problem-solving process.

After reading my ideas concerning possible approaches to swamp drainage and area reclamation, some of you may say, "Your ideas are too vague, idealistic, and impractical. They certainly are not of much use to those of us who have spent our lives in the swamp." I hope you don't feel that way, but if you do, about all I can say is that I trust your judgment. But I tried, as only a phrogfessor could.

Ribbit.