INDEX
A
success and, 142
Accessories, 8–9
apologies and, 111
interruptions and, 36–37
response and, 134
unresponsiveness and, 173
action plan, 233
actionable statement, 57
apologies and, 107
behaviors and, 206–207
credibility and, 199
emotion and, 150
validity and, 152
Active listening, 44–45
Admiration, 6
Affiliations, 207
Age, 160–161
Aggression, 32–36
Ali, Muhammad, 61
Anger, 47
aggression and, 32–36
reactions and, 29–31
tone and, 96
Answers, 194–195
Apologies, 220
apology template, 105–111
over-apologizing, 103–105
Appearance, 4–9
Arm crossing, 84
Articulation, 97–98
impact and, 179–180
of value, 196
for feedback, 221–222
Aspirations, 7
Assertiveness, 34–35
aggression and, 32–36
Assessment, 91
of commitment, 219
communication and, 185
PACT and, 27
Attention, 31
attention span, 33
of audience, 89
speakers and, 69–70
Attire, 5–8
credibility statement and, 66
distractions and, 78
perceptions of, 40
style of, 42
Authenticity, 187
of faux pas, 167–168
opportunity and, 183
paralleling and, 47
professional anchor and, 77–78
reading and, 56
stances and, 80
Awareness, 168–169
B
Bad-mouthing, 50
Balance, 156
Behavior, 232
action and, 206–207
bullying and, 171
character and, 202–203
names and, 110
pattern of, 149
responsibility for, 104
Belief, 218
Benefits, 214
Beverage, 16
alcohol, 20–21
Bloomberg, Michael, 185
BLOT. See Bottom line on top
communication and, 85
confidence and, 35
focus on, 70
impressions and, 71
intensity and, 42
Body positioning, 82–83
Boss. See Leadership
Bottom line on top (BLOT), 53, 189
Boundaries, 60
Bragging, 61
Brain, 26
Breathing, 30
resiliency and, 224–225
speaking and, 100
Buffett, Warren, 23
Bullies, 170–172
Business, 184
C
Calm, 166
Career, 40
Chanel, Gabrielle Bonheur “Coco,” 8
competence and, 206–207
Characteristics, 33
arrogance as, 25
communication and, 5
Chitchatting, 178
during presentation, 134–135
Choice, 83
PACT and, 27
patterns and, 149
support and, 84
Colleagues, 158
saying no to, 156
Color, 5
comfort zone, 229
relationship and, 159
sitting and, 83
Commands, 31–32
Commitment, 153
assessment of, 219
consistency and, 199
listening and, 47
assertiveness and, 34–35
assessment and, 185
body language and, 85
of character, 202
characteristics and, 5
communication styles, 33–34, 186–187
competence and, 137–196
in context, 125
effectiveness of, 101
face-to-face, 73
hand gestures and, 75
of message, 32
nonverbal communication, 86
perception of, 91
perspective on, 67
respect and, 108
of value, 143
variation in, 173
Communication barriers, 126
Competence, 197
character and, 206–207
communication of, 137–196
establishment of, 198–199
Compliments, 68
Composure, 26
civility and, 169
Conciseness, 62
language and, 189
vagueness and, 52–55
Condolences, 110
Conduct, 10–11
Confidence, 20
arrogance and, 25
body language and, 35
bullying and, 171
focus and, 85
goals and, 124
presence and, 71–87
Conflict, 174
connectors and, 140
Consideration, 54–55
conversations and, 174–176
options for, 123
competence and, 137
conversation zone, 76
difficulties and, 174–184
emotional conversations, 183–184
empathetic listening and, 49
escalation of, 192
interruption and, 162–165
monopolizer of, 39
Conviction, 132
Corrections, 158–160
Courage, 162
respect and, 134
credibility statement, 62–67
establishment of, 197–214
women and, 213–214
power posing and, 80–81
Culpability, 216–218
Cultures, 103
D
Dalio, Ray, 225
Deference, 193
Demands, 31–32
Devil’s advocate, 151
Diaphragm, 100
Dichotomies, 145
Diplomacy
diplomatic words, 126–132
tact and, 127–131, 157–158, 173
Direct communicators, 154
Direct reports, 158
saying no to, 156–157
Disagreement, 191–192
Discomfort, 195–196
Discretion, 121
Disrespect, 169–170
Diversion, 30
E
Einstein, Albert, 52
Email, 133–134
etiquette and, 210
meetings and, 192–193
prioritization and, 211
Emotion, 26
action and, 150
emotional conversations, 183–184
passion and, 39–42
reaction from, 29
speakers and, 46
thoughts and, 148–149
tone and, 96
apologies and, 111
empathetic listening, 48–51
Employees, 120
Employers, 10
Empowerment, 174
unfocused energy, 39–42
information and, 64–65
presentations and, 135
small talk and, 16–17
Enunciation, 98–99
Equality, 59
Etiquette, 209–210
social business etiquette, 15–18
Evaluations, 3
Events, 15
Expectations, 221
influence and, 144–145
Expiration date mentality, 105
Explanation, 161
Expression, 47
Extemporaneous structure, 57, 189
Eye contact, 73–74
F
Fabric, 5
Facebook, 60
Facial expressions, 73
make-up and, 87
nonverbal communication and, 86
Factors
it factor, 31
likability factor, 198
Facts, 65
Failure, 215–216
Faux pas
avoidance of, 167–168
handshakes and, 12–13
Feedback, 221–224
eraser words and, 120
praise and, 69
Finger shake, 12
Finger-pointing words, 125–126
Flat listening, 44
confidence and, 85
results-focused style, 188
on speakers, 43
Food, 16
Forward communication style, 33–34
Friendships, 58–59
G
Gender, 40
Gesturing, 14
hand gestures, 74–75
nonverbal gestures, 126
usage of, 76–77
Glove shake, 12
alignment and, 41
confidence and, 124
mentor and, 7
research and, 233
tools as, 1
for understanding, 231
Graciousness, 142
Greenberg, Alan (“Ace”), 186
Greetings
alternate greetings, 13–14
credibility statement and, 63, 66
Grooming, 9
Guidelines, 139
H
Habits, 23
self-monitoring of, 133
uptalk as, 93
Hand gestures, 74–75
Hands, 75
open hands, 78–79
Harvard Business Review, 9, 40
Harvard University, 217
Hearing, 42–43
Honesty, 140
Huffington, Arianna, 215
Human resources, 170
bullying and, 171
Humility, 141–142
Humor, 102
response to, 160–161
Hygiene, 9
I
Idea, 132
influence and, 212–213
support and, 41
articulation and, 179–180
impact statement, 182
Imposter syndrome, 146
Impressions, 23–70
body language and, 71
perceptions and, 1–21
research on, 3
stimuli and, 3–4
Indirect communicators, 154–155
Inflection, 96–97
Influence
communication and, 90
experience and, 144–145
idea and, 212–213
complexity of, 94
correction of, 158–160
engagement and, 64–65
references to, 55
resource and, 166
sharing of, 67–68
transmission and research, 45
Initiative, 33
Insecurities, 208
Intelligence, 141
Intention
disrespect and, 169–170
speaking with, 89–135
Interactions, 10–11
equality and, 59
limits on, 169
passion and, 40
Interjection
interruption and, 36–37
template for, 37–39
Interruption, 150
conversation and, 162–165
interjection and, 36–37
leadership and, 164–165
Introverts, 213
concerns of, 228–229
Invisible backpack, 144–146
Invitations, 143
J
Jargon, 102
over usage of, 124
Jefferson, Thomas, 53
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 17
K
Kindness, 145
mistakes and, 162
resiliency and, 225
Knowledge
knowledge-share, 144
rapport and, 204–205
L
Language, 46, 102, 172. See also Body language
competence and, 137
of leadership, 189–191
nonverbal language, 79
speaking someone’s, 185–191
value and, 46
Leadership, 159
interruptions and, 164–165
language of, 189–191
listening and, 43
misperceptions and, 227–228
praise and, 120
rapport and, 59
saying no to, 155–156
Learning curve, 208
Letters of recommendation, 139
Likability quotient, 31
Lincoln, Abraham, 137
LinkedIn, 60
discretion and, 121
hearing and, 42–43
levels of, 44–51
listening gap, 52
studies on, 51
Location, 175–176
M
Make-up, 87
Mantra, 81–82
Maslow, Abraham, 232
Maxwell, John C., 216
Meetings, 15
checking in at, 159
email and, 192–193
lateness to, 108–109
misperceptions and, 86
Memorization, 56
work/life balance and, 200
communication of, 32
nonverbal messaging, 45
open hand as, 78–79
softening of, 34
Mindset, 81
failure and, 216
leadership and, 227–228
tone and, 101
Mistakes, 230
kindness and, 162
ownership of, 109–110
Monotone, 97
Motivation, 140
Movement, 84–86
Mraz, Jason, 225
N
Names, 19
behaviors and, 110
credibility statement and, 63
Negotiation, 193
compensation package, 194
Networks, 203
cultivation of, 205
Nin, Anaïs, 1
Nodding, 50
Nonverbal communication, 79
facial expressions and, 86
Nye, William Sanford, 141
O
Obama, Michelle, 28
Observations, 178–179
avoidance and, 183
demands of, 208
salary and, 195
self-discovery and, 226
smiling and, 87
Options
for consideration, 123
imprint and, 190–191
solution and, 190
Outlaw, Frank, 197
Overcompensation, 209
Ownership, 217
P
PACT. See Pause, assess, choose, take
Paralleling, 46
Participation, 21
Parties, 15
Passion, 39–42
Passive listening, 44
Pat shake, 13
Pause, 27
active pause, 118
vocal delivery and, 95
Pause, assess, choose, take (PACT), 27–28
Pens, 78
Perceptions, 72, 85. See also Misperceptions
of affiliations, 207
of audience, 40
of communication, 91
impressions and, 1–21
subjectivity of, 18
words and, 2
Personal space, 12
protection of, 14
Personalization
apologies and, 106
email and, 210
Perspective, 152
on communication, 67
wall of, 30
Pitch, 92–93
Positivity, 195
Power posing and, 80–81
Power-play shake, 13
before conversation, 177–182, 184
skills and, 43
tongue twisters, 98
Praise, 68–69
leadership and, 120
confidence and, 71–87
Presentation, 74
chitchatting during, 134–135
of content, 42
Prevention, 106–107
self-awareness and, 219
Prioritization, 190
email and, 211
Professional anchor, 77–78
Professional development, 138
apologies and, 108
self-awareness and, 16
social media and, 60
Projects, 143
Pronunciation, 99
Protocol, 19
Proximity, 83
Q
Qualifications, 139
R
Rapport, 58
apologies and, 107
to build and sustain, 204–205
feedback and, 223
introverts and, 213
leadership and, 59
trust and, 198
Reaction
anger and, 29–31
response and, 25–27
Reading, 55–56
Recognition, 109
of dichotomies, 145
employees and, 120
feedback and, 223
Recording, 169
speaking and, 98
Rectification, 106
References, 55–56
Reflective listening, 45–48
rapport and, 204
relationship-centered style, 188
Repeat offenders, 181–182
Reputation, 54
solidification of, 164
Research, 17
on exercise, 225
gender and, 40
goals and, 233
gravitas and, 26
on impressions, 3
on information transmission, 45
stress-relievers, 201
visualization and, 146
Resiliency, 224–227
Resource, 166
communication and, 108
courtesy and, 134
Response, 155
acknowledgment and, 134
blindside and, 28–29
email and, 211
to humor, 160–161
to praise, 68–69
reaction vs., 25–27
unresponsiveness, 172–173
Responsibility, 104
Results, 54
results-focused style, 188
Reward Gateway company, 120
Roosevelt, Franklin Delano, 53, 189
Rosenberg, Marshall, 48
S
Salary, 193–195
Sarig, 104
Saying no, 154
to direct reports, 156–157
to leadership, 155–156
Schultz, Howard, 218
Seat choice/placement, 83
increase of, 219
professionalism and, 16
self and, 24
undermining and, 4
Self-discovery, 226
Self-doubt, 146
Self-inventory, 29
self-sabotage and, 143–144
self-promotion and, 143–144
self-sabotaging words, 121–124
information, 67–68
observations or concerns, 178–179
Silence, 50
Simplicity, 62
Sitting, 82–84
Situations, 153
personalities and, 224
removal from, 172
Small talk, 20
engagement and, 16–17
Social media, 60
Solution, 190
Sorry, 104. See also Apologies
Speakers, 43
attention and, 69–70
emotion and, 46
engagement and, 49
pace for, 94
respect and, 122
Speaking, 98
with intention, 89–135
Standing, 80
speaking and, 100
Stanley, Andy, 43
credibility statement, 62–67
impact statement, 182
transition statement, 37–38
WIIFT, 65
Stiffness, 80
Stimuli, 3–4
Strengths, 138
Stress-relievers, 201
Students, 139
on appearance, 9
on conduct, 10–11
on listening, 51
on make-up, 87
communication styles, 33–34, 186–187
flex of, 187–189
Subjectivity, 18
conduct and, 10–11
humility and, 141
small talk and, 20
Suggestions, 194
choice and, 84
transparency and, 208
Sympathy, 48
T
Technology, 77
Terminology, 58–59
adjustment of, 151
emotion and, 148–149
consistency and, 218
conversation and, 176
lack of, 25–26
to process, 30
time tone, 135
Title, 64
Tolerance, 168–169
misperceptions and, 101
time tone, 135
Tools, 1
Transparency, 208
Trust, 197
consistency and, 218
rapport and, 198
Twain, Mark, 89
U
Uncertainty, 188
Undermining, 212
self-awareness and, 4
undermining words, 102–103
empathy and, 181
goals for, 231
vocal delivery and, 93
Urgency, 123
V
Vagueness, 52–55
Validity, 151–152
articulation of, 196
communication of, 143
of guidance, 140
language and, 46
Verbal presence. See Vocal visibility
credibility and, 205
vocal visibility, 92
Visualization, 146
Visuals, 76
communication and, 91
pausing during, 95
pitch and, 92–93
tone and, 96
volume and, 99–101
Vocal variety, 96–97
Vocal visibility, 92
as instrument, 97
pitch and, 92
Volume, 99–101
Volunteering, 144
W
WBTI. See Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute
What’s in it for them (WIIFT), 62
leadership and, 189
statement about, 65
Winfrey, Oprah, 186
Women
credibility and, 213–214
handshakes and, 18–19
make-up and, 87
Woolf, Virginia, 212
actions and, 220
attributes and, 24
charged words, 124–126
diplomatic words, 126–132
mispronunciation of, 103
name association with, 19
self-sabotaging words, 121–124
undermining words, 102–103
usage of “and,” 120–121
weak words, 111–115
words per minute, 94
Work/life balance, 200–202, 209
bullies in, 170–172
situations in, 153
Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute (WBTI), 171