Chapter Forty-Five

Between the Sheets

How to Write Compelling Love Scenes 

Deborah Halverson

Writing a sex scene that’s truly sensual and emotionally satisfying for readers requires just as much attention to craft as any other scene in your story. But before you start writing about your characters’ romps in the sheets, you should ask yourself how explicit you want your story to be. What are you comfortable reading and writing? You might feel that you have to go into explicit detail in order to satisfy your audience, but that’s simply not the case (unless you’re writing strict erotica). If a PG-13 rating is more your style, there are plenty of readers for you, and there are plenty of ways for you to tell a sensuous story that pleases your audience without making anyone uncomfortable.

At least for women, sexual satisfaction depends a lot on what goes on inside their heads. As long as you keep the romance factor high, your sensual tension taut, and your focus on the immediate emotions, you don’t have to describe the act in intimate detail. Forcing yourself to write beyond your comfort zone is just asking for ham-handedness—you’ll likely drop in stock phrases and move through the scene quickly rather than linger as the lovers explore each others’ bodies and emotions. Your discomfort will show.

If you’re comfortable writing more explicit content—and if your chosen romance subgenre aligns with readers’ expectations—proceed boldly, even as you challenge yourself to think creatively about describing the action. Even explicit content needs nuance and elements particular to your characters so that it doesn’t feel as if you could pull the scene out of this book and drop it into another without anyone noticing the seams.

You also need to consider the novel as a whole. Does explicit detail fit the tone of the rest of the story? Will it feel like an organic part of this storyline, or will it feel out of step with the rest of the narrative or with the characters themselves? For example, if you are describing a character’s first time being intimate, it would make sense to include a plethora of physical details and sensations as the character focuses on each new touch. In contrast, if your characters are bold about expressing themselves, they’re going to be bold in bed, so stronger words and descriptions would feel organic to that cast. Let your story, circumstances, and character personalities help you reach your decision regarding explicitness.

Once you have a feel for the degree of detail you want in any given love scene, use the following strategies for writing a satisfying tryst that feels as though it could be in only your specific story, featuring your specific characters:

Lay the foundation. Great buildup begets great sex. Suddenly throwing in a sex scene without proper lead-in puts too much burden on the scene to rev itself up from nothing, making it feel forced, unearned, and schlocky. Adhere to the mantra, “Story first, then sex.” If you build your characters’ relationship and desires, then the love scene will come along organically.

Be sensual, not mechanical. Instead of focusing solely on actions, write about things that trigger readers’ senses and make them feel as if they’re in that moment of passion. Write about the setting, the crackle of the fire in the hearth, or the thrum of the waves on the sand. Write about the scent of the character’s hair, the amorous lick of the cool breeze on her skin. Write about the curtained room with just that one shaft of moonlight penetrating the darkness.

Sensory detail offers you opportunities to work in contraception, since many writers want to address that but don’t want it to break the mood. Write the sound of a drawer opening, the flash of a wrapper, the nod of her head. No awkward “Did you bring protection?” dialogue needed. You have the power to suggest things by invoking sounds, scents, sensations, and textures. Mine that power. There’s certainly a time and place for direct, deliberate actions like thrusting and kissing, but surround those with sensual elements that put readers in that moment.

Bring their issues to bed. Write about what’s going on in the point-of-view character’s head. Does she have trust issues? Write about her desire to drop the wall with this man in bed. Consider how this moment of intimacy fulfills her needs at this time—or doesn’t. Also, it’s easy to see how issues from childhood or previous interactions with members of the opposite sex can play into one’s comfort between the sheets—but remember that anything can come to bed with us. Is stress about a big decision weighing on your character? She’ll bring that tenseness to the scene. Is he distracted by problems with co-workers? Is she jazzed about scoring a coveted internship or vanquishing some kind of mortal enemy? That’ll be a part of the sexual dynamic, too. If it can stir up your character’s brain or heart, it can hinder or help her libido.

Take your time. Even fast and furious intimacy should be indulged on the page. Readers want satisfaction from the scene, not to see you tick off a box, so give the moment its full pay. If you feel an urge to rush through it, that may be your red flag that you’re just hitting a plot marker, not building deep characters and working on the internal arc. Use these strategies to make the love scene fun for you to write and possibly even to discover things about your characters’ relationship you never knew, sparking your excitement about the scene. Make the scene about more than the lovemaking so that you’ll invest as much importance in it as you do any scene that you know is actively pushing your protagonist through her arc.

Use your writer’s toolbox, not your thesaurus. Writing an interesting scene is not about switching up the lingo to avoid repeating the same word, or using words that feel vulgar or awkward to you because you want the scene to be “hot.” Consulting a thesaurus for every variation of an action or a body part will result in awkwardness that won’t do anything to enrich the scene. Your love scene deserves the same careful crafting and variety that you give to any other scene. Avoid cliché phrasing and predictable similes. Respect your audience’s ability to hear strong and precise words rather than get cutesy with euphemisms. “Her secret garden” is the stuff of cliché legend—leave it there. If your character is one who would be comfortable talking dirty in bed, then by all means let the banter fly. If that doesn’t suit your characters, don’t be afraid to leave out the strong words. Have your character reassure the other person with gentle words and sentiments that deliver an emotional wallop: “It was always you.”

Alternatively, you can have them talk in playful teases or try to talk but be unable in the face of their desire:

That example uses teasing dialogue—it concentrates on a shirt rather than a body part, and it isn’t likely to punch anyone’s vulgarity buttons. By using a prop to focus readers on very precise details and anatomical regions, it manages to lead the mind toward other very specific actions and regions without saying so explicitly. And it lingers, building sexual tension.

When writing your love scene, combine these strategies to create a rich reader experience that evokes all the senses. Include opinions and judgments that show emotions are being engaged and baggage is being dealt with or denied. Remember that the scene is about your characters and their feelings and thoughts—not just the action and the dialogue.

Deborah Halverson is the award-winning author of Writing New Adult Fiction and Writing Young Adult Fiction for Dummies, as well as the teen novels Big Mouth and Honk If You Hate Me and several books for struggling readers and children. Formerly an editor at Harcourt Children’s Books and now a freelancer specializing in new adult fiction, teen and tween fiction, and picture books, Deborah has been working with authors—bestsellers, veterans, debut, and aspiring—for over twenty years. She is also the founder of the popular writers’ advice site DearEditor.com and serves on the advisory board for the UC San Diego Extension “Children’s Book Writing and Illustrating” certificate program. Find out more at www.DeborahHalverson.com.