Physical life has two defining transitions: birth and death. When giving birth a woman and her partner usher a new life into this world. This is a wondrous event, a glorious time. Even complete strangers smile and offer congratulations at the news of a baby’s arrival. But what does the spirit experience as it transitions from the spirit plane to the earth plane and to the confines of a physical body? Does the spirit welcome the journey as much as we welcome its arrival?

And what about the transition on the other end of life? We know from communicating with those who have passed over that there are varying experiences of the transition, although crossings seem to share several common characteristics. Is this a solitary journey? Or do the spirits of those gathered around us on the earth plane somehow send us off to a welcoming contingent waiting on the other side? Spirit communications and near-death experiences suggest that the spirit is never alone, even in its transitions between one world of existence to another.

We all think and talk about what might happen after death parts us from our physical bodies. As soon as we become aware of our mortality, we begin to worry about its inevitable conclusion. But what about before our entry into this physical world? Where, and what, are we? When it comes to the soul’s beginnings, we have far more questions than answers!

Through the ages, theologians and religious scholars have debated the matter of the soul’s beginnings, putting forth various theories. Some of these theories are decidedly Christian, while others either predate Christianity or appear in numerous faith systems, Christian and non-Christian. These are, of course, very complex concepts. We’ll just briefly touch on a few of them to give a sense of their diversity and variation.

The prevailing, or at least most widely held, view of the soul’s origin dodges the question of origin altogether by simply saying that the soul has always existed. This view shows up in various Western and Eastern faith systems, including certain Christian sects, Judaism, Hinduism, and Buddhism. It also exists in secular, or nonreligious, views, such as the discourses of the ancient Greek philosopher Plato.

Many Christian faiths, including Catholicism, hold the view that God creates a new soul each time a child is conceived. If for some reason that child is not born into a physical life, its soul goes directly to a spirit existence—in this context, to live in heaven. Other faith systems believe that just as a child’s parents create a new physical body from the joining of their bodies, so, too, do their united spirits contribute equal parts to creating the new spirit that will inhabit that physical body.

And still other faith systems blend various theories and beliefs to come up with approaches that take a little of this and a little of that.

Within the framework of the metaphysical arts such as numerology (the study of energy as expressed through numbers) and astrology (the study of energy as expressed through the movements and relationships of stars, planets, and other celestial bodies), the soul chooses the moment and circumstances of its birth. This choice helps to define the soul’s mission in its physical life, and defines the energies of the Universe that will support the soul as it moves toward achieving its mission. This framework is not one of destiny, but rather of the choices of free will that lead the soul either toward or away from its mission. The soul travels toward its mission for as long as that takes and regardless of whatever detours it encounters along the way. There is no predetermined path; the path unfolds according to the decisions and choices a person makes.

Astrology is a blueprint of your personal energy. It fits within the context of the Universe’s energy as a whole, much as the blueprint for a house fits within a neighborhood or community. At your birth, your astrological chart shows just the basic structure of your life and the energies within the Universe that will support your spirit’s journey through its physical life. You retain the free will to make decisions contrary to the flow of this supportive energy. Such choices often result in a life filled with challenges and disappointments.

Rather than pinpointing your soul’s origin, astrology shows your spirit’s travels. This is, of course, far beyond the traditional sun-sign astrology most people know from the daily horoscope! This level of astrology is quite complex. Although in theory astrology shows the future as well as past journeys of your spirit, in practice it is virtually impossible to interpret the information with complete accuracy. Doing so relies on a level of understanding that appears unlikely on the earth plane (although there are some extraordinary astrologers out there who are able to make amazingly accurate interpretations).

Always remember the importance and role of free will. Every choice you make affects the course of your physical life on the earth plane and your spirit’s journey through its existence. Even if you could look ahead, what you would see would be a future dependent on precisely the state of your existence at this very moment—which, just in the process of looking ahead, would change!

Numerology assigns numeric values to all aspects of your existence. You already know some of these—your date and time of birth, your age, the current date. Other dimensions of your life have numeric values as well, such as the names of people and places. Every number has a particular symbolic representation. Certain numbers are master numbers; that is, they are more powerful than other numbers.

The Greek mathematician Pythagoras, who lived in the sixth century B.C.E., established a correlation between mathematics and energy. He determined that certain numbers reflect a higher vibration of energy than others, leading to their interpretation as master numbers.

In numerology, the numbers associated with your physical life represent various characteristics of your spirit, from its mission to its challenges. Understanding your personal numerology can give you additional insights into your spirit’s journey.

Spiritualism teaches that the origin of the Universe and all that exists within it is unknown, and really doesn’t matter! What does matter is that we do exist, and that our spirits continue across the spectrum of physical life and the spirit world. The focus in Spiritualism is on advancing the spirit’s mission as the spirit travels through the physical world.

At birth, we know there is a considerable contingent waiting on this side to welcome the new life. Doctors, nurses, partners, siblings, grandparents, and friends all gather to participate in the birth, in some way or another. What we can’t see is the contingent gathered on the other side, assisting the spirit in its transition into the physical world—although we must presume it is there. It is said, in spirit contacts, that those in the spirit world cry when a baby is born to the earth plane, just as we cry when a person leaves his or her physical existence to enter the realm of spirit.

The situation repeats itself at physical life’s other transition, death. Loved ones, and often health care professionals, gather around the dying person to offer whatever comfort is possible. And although you cannot see them, the welcoming contingent has gathered on the other side, waiting to greet the spirit in its return.

What’s different, typically, is the mood and tone of these two events. A baby’s birth inspires a great sense of joy and wonder. A person’s impending death often fills us with sadness, loss, and even despair. This is of course normal. We mourn the loss of those we love, even when we know they aren’t really lost to us but are just moving into a different existence. Our point of focus is on the “different,” and we know we will miss what we had. Knowing that there is life beyond the death of the physical body helps relieve some of the hurt. You know the life of the spirit continues, and this knowledge brings comfort and peace.

If you are with a loved one who is dying, let the person know you are there even if he or she appears to be unaware of what’s happening. Touch, talk, cry, laugh, pray—do whatever comes naturally. The mind and body might be shutting down, but the spirit is expanding. As it often happens in spirit contact, the spirit wants loved ones to know that those final words and caresses were both noticed and helpful. And as your loved one’s spirit achieves release, open yourself to feeling its joy and liberation.

Although you will feel loss and grief when you realize the passing has taken place, you will also have the comfort of knowing that you shared in the passage and that your loved one made the transition. This is one of the most intimate sharings you can have with someone. As a medium, Rita has been with those who are about to pass and has seen the gathering of those, the family members and friends on the higher side, reaching to welcome the one who is about to pass.

The experience is amazingly powerful, and is often the resounding “Yes!” that you seek when asking the question (aloud or whispered in your mind), “Is there really life beyond death?”

Letting go is as important for the departing spirit as it is for those left on the earth plane. The transition from physical life to spirit existence is both natural and inevitable. We on the earth plane can assist a spirit to complete its transition, through spirit contact and prayer. This can provide the comfort and the encouragement the spirit needs to release its bonds with the earth plane and allow those in the spirit plane to welcome their loved one.

Love is our most powerful emotion. It can enable us to do things that should be beyond our abilities, such as when a woman lifts a car to free a loved one trapped beneath in an accident. Love, we say poetically, transcends all. Because of this, we long for love; it is what makes our human existence meaningful. And when love enters our lives, we don’t want to let it go.

Sometimes, the power of love can be strong enough that a loved one’s spirit is unwilling to pass over after death releases it from its physical body. The spirit might want to stay as close to the earth plane as possible to remain near the loved one who is still there. Or the spirit might feel unable to move away because the pull of love from the one remaining on the earth plane is too strong to let it go.

There are ways for those in the physical world to help the spirit’s transition between the earth plane and the spirit plane. For example, spirit contact and prayer can help both the person remaining on the earth plane and the spirit that needs to pass over. Love is like an incredibly fluid and flexible band of energy. It will always flow between and around the spirits at either end, maintaining the connection between them.

Sometimes a person’s passing happens before the spirit feels it has finished its business on the earth plane. This is especially the case if death is sudden, leaving behind tangible loose ends such as financial matters. Spirits might not become all-knowing once they pass over to the higher side, but they do know that loved ones who remain on the earth plane often need help with these loose ends. So the departing spirit stays close to the earth plane to try to communicate the message offering guidance and help from the higher side.

Sometimes the loved one on the earth plane can feel this presence. There might be a sense of being directed about what to do with certain bills, to look in the upper left-hand desk drawer for the check ledger, to contact the bank about joint accounts, to send letters to creditors. Sometimes another person comes in to handle the matter, and seems to know just what to do even without any previous experience. Once these tasks are accomplished, the spirit is satisfied and moves on.

Rita was doing some message work during a church service and came to a woman whose significant other, the man with whom she shared her home, possessions, and life, had passed. After providing a full description of himself that the woman joyously recognized, the man said he wanted to talk to her about some papers that needed to be signed. “Tell her,” he communicated to Rita, “to make her own decisions and not pay any attention to all the others who feel they have her best interests at heart, because only she knows the right thing to do.”

The woman nodded and said nothing, and Rita concluded the service. Afterward, the woman came up to Rita and asked if they could talk for a moment. It had taken some time for the woman to absorb the communication and all that it implied, she said, but she wanted Rita to know how important and timely the message was. “I’m selling some property that we had owned together,” she said. “Everybody has advice, but this is what I want to do. I’m signing the papers next week!”

Unfinished business is not always task-oriented, of course. Because the timing of death is more likely to be unexpected than anticipated, there are often dangling issues that get cut off before resolution. A father and a daughter might never quite acknowledge to each other that they respect and admire the other’s achievements. Spouses or partners might not have the opportunity to apologize and make up after an argument. Siblings might not reach the point of maturity in their physical lives where they can move beyond the rivalries of youth.

Loved ones remaining on the earth plane, as well as the spirits who have passed, need to bring these matters to resolution. Sometimes the experience of this happens through a dream or visitation immediately following the death. Other times it takes place months or years down the road, and might require intervention from someone else, such as a medium.

People sometimes worry that reaching a level of completion has taken too long, and that it has interfered with the spirit’s existence to the same extent it has disrupted theirs. Although here in the physical world a significant amount of time might have passed since the loved one’s death, remember that on the higher side there is no time or space. What feels like a long time to you is really no time at all for the loved one on the other side. All that matters is that the healing takes place, so both the incarnate and discarnate spirits can move on.

Spirits are busy on the other side. There are no spirit communications that suggest spirits are lolling around out in the ethereal heavens somewhere, plucking at stars and watching the Universe unfold before them. To the contrary, it appears that existence on the higher side is quite active, and even intense. The difficulty for us on the earth plane is trying to understand how this can be when the framework we use to measure it—time and space—does not exist.

So what do they do on the higher side of life? To be sure, There is much learning and developing as each soul embarks on the next segment of its journey. But all is not serious! In fact, part of the evolution for most spirits is having fun and enjoying things that perhaps they didn’t get to do on the earth plane.

Rita was doing a reading for a woman whose fiancé had passed. “I have someone here who is playing the trumpet,” Rita said. “In fact, he’s quite resoundingly playing ‘When the Saints Go Marching In!’”

The woman burst into tears of joy. Her fiancé, she told Rita, had always wanted to learn to play the trumpet but had never had the time or the resources. Clearly, once those factors didn’t matter, he was free to pursue this dream … and pursue it with vigor! Many, many spirits share with us the fun and wonderful experiences they are having.

It’s hard for us to imagine being busy when there are no time and space constraints, because these are the factors that define “busy” for us here on the earth plane. But spirits certainly have plenty to do on the higher side, and in fact are likely “busier” than we can comprehend!

We’ve been saying that the spirit has a mission. Part of this mission unfolds during the spirit’s existence on the earth plane, and part of it on the spirit plane. When we attempt to make contact with the spirit of a loved one who has passed, are we interrupting anything?

It’s important to always keep in mind that a spirit who does not want to make contact will not make contact. You cannot force spirit contact or communication. You cannot demand that a spirit make itself available to you. (Well, you can demand all you want, but nothing compels the spirit to respond!) A spirit comes through because it wants to, because it desires to share a message with you. Your efforts to make contact will not disturb a spirit, or keep it from what it needs to do. Just as you won’t answer your doorbell if it rings when you are in the shower (if you even hear it), a spirit will not respond to communication attempts if it is otherwise occupied.

When a spirit chooses not to come through, it is likely because it is involved in something it does not want to interrupt. Just as there are activities here on the earth plane that require intense concentration and participation from start to finish, there are such events on the spirit plane. After all, insight and enlightenment don’t just happen! Spirits must work to understand and complete the lessons that are crucial to their missions on the higher side, just as you must do the same during your existence in the physical world.

Suicide is a great moral and spiritual dilemma for us on the earth plane. Nearly every faith system views suicide as an act contrary to the normal order of things, whether as an interference with the role of God in determining physical life and death or as a rift in the energy flow of the Universe. After a loved one takes his or her own life, those who remain on the earth plane are left not only with tremendous grief, pain, and guilt, but also to wonder what consequences await their loved one on the higher side.

Those remaining on the earth plane worry tremendously about what happens to those who pass by taking their own lives. What spirits tell us is that when someone passes through suicide, the higher side is a classroom of sorts where the spirit gets help thinking about and handling the issues that led to the suicide. Some souls, whether in their physical lives or on the spirit plane, are just not able to work through their problems and issues. On the higher side, there is help. There is always learning, and there is always a positive outcome somewhere.

We know that the spirits of those whose lives are taken through violence are more likely to remain earthbound than spirits that don’t experience such abrupt transitions. It is this circumstance, indeed, that resulted in the birth of modern Spiritualism, when the spirit of a man murdered in their house inspired the Fox sisters to attempt communication with him (see Chapter 3). Such traumatic and unexpected death moves the spirit from its physical body so abruptly that it sometimes cannot complete the transition.

When this happens, we on the earth plane can help, again through spirit contact and prayer. We can help send them to the light! Visualize the person moving toward the light, helping them see the hands that are reaching out to them so they can make the transition. It is sometimes necessary to convince the spirit that his or her physical body is gone, and there is no choice now but to move on. When done with love and compassion, this is greatly healing for the spirit and allows it to continue its transition.

In many ways, the violent trauma is just as disruptive for loved ones who remain on the earth plane. They are left with many loose ends and much unfinished business. The process of helping the loved one come to grips with the reality of the situation and complete his or her crossing can also aid those on the earth plane in reaching similar acceptance. Establishing a spirit connection can also offer those on both sides the opportunity to say good-bye and bring closure.

No one likes to think of continuing in this life without the loved ones who bring so much joy and meaning to the journey. Yet inevitably, some loved ones will pass to the other side before us, and we will feel the separation as loss and pain. This is natural and normal, part of the experience of being human and of our existence in the physical world. (Many believe this is a core element of the soul’s mission on the earth plane, as loss and pain can be paths to enlightenment and insight.) So is the desire to make contact with those who have passed just wishful thinking, a means of easing hurt and grief?

To some extent, it certainly is. The sense of loss that comes with a loved one’s passing validates the spiritual existence for both the one who has passed and the one who remains on the earth plane. But beyond the pain, there is still the sense of connection.

You never really lose touch with those who are important to you (notice we said “are,” in the present tense, and not “were,” in the past tense), regardless of where in the Universe each of you is.

That your spirits are now on different planes changes your relationship, just as a friendship will change when one friend moves from Boston to San Francisco. The move doesn’t mean the end of your friendship. It just means the courses of your respective lives have changed and your relationship is changing as a result. Instead of meeting for coffee twice a week, you might send daily e-mail messages, weekly letters, and telephone each other late at night when the chaos of your busy daily lives finally quiets enough for you to enjoy uninterrupted conversation. Will you miss each other and the relationship you had when you both lived in Boston? Indeed! But will you still remain friends? Certainly, if that is what you both desire.

Spirit contact is of course more complex than managing a long-distance friendship. Your two spirits are now on journeys that are no longer contiguous. The separation is momentous for each, and allows each to move toward achieving its mission. And communication across this separation is momentous, too, because in addition to keeping you in touch with someone greatly important to you, it affirms (you know this as well as we do by now, so say it with us) the continuity of life. Once this happens, there is nothing wishful about it!

The Least You Need to Know