Appendix: Cut‐out Memory Cards
| The 3 NOs | |
|---|---|
| DISRESPECTS OTHERS | Is inattentive, ignores, shuns, scorns, dishonors, shows bias, sexually harasses. |
| GIVES IN TO ANGER | Yells, intimidates, curses, threatens, coerces, attacks, hits objects, harms others. |
| HIDEOUTS: Avoids Conflict, Denial, Excuses, Blames | Avoids conflicts by looking the other way, flees, fails to help others. Denies the truth, “I have no problems, you do.” Makes excuses by rationalizing, covering up, and arguing. Blames others by gossiping, backstabbing, making accusations, or lying. |
| UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE RESPECT (UPR) | Respects all people, listens carefully, fully attentive, unbiased, fair, even with difficult and challenging people, gives Buddy Checks. |
| SELF‐GOVERN with HUMILITY | Stops self‐absorption, treats others as at least as important as myself, is other oriented, improves own faults, stops the 3 NOs. |
| DAT: DISCERN, ACT, TRAIN | Discerns Highest Moral Action (HMA). Acts/Does the HMA despite risks to self‐interest. Trains Others to Do the HMA. |
| COURCOM BASIC PLAYS | ||
|---|---|---|
| CLEAR UPR | ENCOURAGE UPR | ASK CHALLENGES UPR |
| Collegial opening Listens spellbound Empathy Asks OEQs closes on the Relationship | Encourages the GOs Notices the good Validates selflessness Does these routinely | OEQ's Open‐Ended Questions Asks to understand Focuses on challenge Tries to understand the person, not just “change” them Asks more OEQs |
| CLEAR Tip Sheet |
|---|
Be Calm: BICBOF (Breathe In Courage Blow Out Fear) Be WOW (Warm Open Welcoming) Use CLEAR (open on Collegiality, Listen, Empathy, Ask, close on the Relationship) Intentionally open conversations with UPR and truly prepare to listen. Practice active, spellbound listening to catch the gist and details. Practice using empathy to emotionally receive where the other person is. Use CLEAR in everyday work and personal communications. Welcome feedback from others on your effectiveness. Be WOW, particularly when you don't feel WOW. Strive to improve your overall listening in all situations. Strive to improve your memory of what others say to you. (Take notes.) |
| COURCOM CONFLICT PLAYS | ||
|---|---|---|
| AeR UPR | FIX the FIRE UPR | CBS UPR |
| State other's Action State your e‐Reaction (Short and calm) | Reflect‐Back Situation‐Check No‐Thank‐You Declaration | Cease Begin Sustain (Agree) |
| BASIC SELF‐GOVERNANCETO LIVE WELL |
|---|
Practice a mindset of courageous transformation instead of willpower or wishpower. Recruit reliable Battle Buddies into a daily accountability network. Be on a healthier, nutrient‐dense diet of low sugar, saturated fat, and salt. Exercise safely at least 30 minutes every other day. Get up from sitting and move every 30–60 minutes. Practice a healthy sleep hygiene routine. Stop negative self‐talk, complaining, and self‐pity. Reduce stress, use slow diaphragmatic (belly) breathing, count to 10. Spend time with positive and healthy people. |