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Being a mentor

The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves.

Steven Spielberg, film director

Coaching and mentoring are often used synonymously, which can be confusing. A good mentor will use many of the same skills and techniques as a good coach, however in our view there are some key differences between a coach and a mentor. In this chapter we will explore these differences, why mentoring is an important role for managers and leaders, who you choose to mentor and the role of the mentor.

One of the most prolific writers and researchers in the area of mentoring (and to some extent coaching) is David Clutterbuck. He offers a couple of definitions of a mentor. One is ‘Off-line help by one person to another in making significant transitions in knowledge, work or thinking’, and the other is ‘A mentor is a more experienced individual willing to share knowledge with someone less experienced in a relationship of mutual trust’. We particularly like the second definition as it captures the essence of what we believe mentoring to mean, although as you will see later in the book, less experienced people can also mentor or coach more experienced ones.

Mentoring is not a new concept. It can be dated back to Greek mythology and in particular to Homer’s Odyssey. As the story goes, when King Odysseus went off to war he left his son Telemachus with his old friend Mentor, whom he considered to be a trusted paternal figure who could share his wisdom, knowledge and experience with Telemachus in his absence. The important thing about mentoring is the quality of the relationship. This needs to be one of complete trust and empathy, which then allows for honesty, openness and challenge between the two parties.

In our view, and for the purposes of this book, a mentor is usually a more experienced person typically selected by the mentee for a variety of reasons:

• He or she is a more experienced person who they have worked with, admire and respect.
  
• He or she has a good track record of developing people.
  
• He or she is someone who is experienced in the organisation, profession or situation that the mentee feels can become a confidante and help them develop and grow.
  
• He or she is well connected and networked and can help the mentee develop and move ahead.
  

Mentoring relationships tend to be most successful when the choice of mentor rests with the mentee and almost always when the mentor is not the line manager. Some organisations are formalising mentoring as part of their HR policies and practices and encouraging leaders and managers to see mentoring as part of their role in the organisation. While this legitimises mentoring within the organisation, we still believe that it is most effective when the mentee plays a major role in selecting his or her mentor rather than being allocated a mentor. That said, when organisations do formalise the role, they often offer some training and this will of course be beneficial.

In a recent article in Human Resource magazine Virgin Group founder Richard Branson said: ‘The spirit of mentoring should be embedded within UK businesses.’ He suggests that a promising business person can become a successful business person with the aid of a mentor. ‘Giving people advice and ideas on how to achieve their goals is often overlooked in British businesses.’

So how does mentoring differ from coaching? Some of the key differences are summarised below:

• When mentoring, the focus tends to be on career development or guidance and advice relating to the mentee’s role.
  
• Most mentoring relationships are developed over a long period and can last for many years.
  
• There can be long periods of time between meetings.
  
• Meetings are often informal and impromptu and take place as and when needed by the mentee.
  
• Typically the mentor will be an older, more experienced colleague who knows the mentee and his/her profession and is willing to devote time to help in their development.
  
• A mentor will tend to react to the needs of the mentee to help them in their career development, sometimes offering advice and guidance.
  

Being a mentor – why is it important?

A mentoring relationship will tend to be with someone more junior, probably younger and not within the mentor’s line responsibility (this allows for a greater possibility of an open, honest and trusting relationship being developed). It is, of course, not impossible for a line manager to be a mentor, but it does add some boundary challenges to the situation – for instance, favouritism and impact on performance review situations. Taking on a mentoring role is a very serious commitment, and in addition to helping your mentee develop, you yourself will be developing your own skills and capabilities. As a mentor you will also be opening up new channels of communication for both yourself and the mentee that will give both of you access to different networks. It will also help you to be more aware of what other areas of the business are doing, thus gaining information and understanding about what’s going on outside your normal relationship network in your organisation. Additionally it enables you to have the opportunity to challenge your own perspectives on various issues through the reflective process that you engage in with mentees.

Both personally and organisationally it is important and beneficial to share your expertise, experience and wisdom with others so that they can learn from you. From an organisational perspective this is a cost-effective developmental approach as it is mentee driven and bureaucracy is kept to a minimum with little, if any, paperwork. It is real time and real life, and focuses on issues that are important to your mentee at a particular point in their lives. Because the mentee is mostly responsible for instigating and driving the relationship you will be certain to have a willing learner to work with.

As a mentor you can help your mentee to broaden their horizons and understand the overall strategic direction and goals of the organisation and to raise their awareness of the possibilities for career opportunities and progression. If you are in a senior management role and you have mentees, then it can make you aware of the talent in your organisation and can contribute to succession planning. Talent management and retention is a huge challenge for many organisations today. By encouraging mentoring relationships, both organisations and managers themselves build loyalty and help mentee’s become empowered and motivated.

Who to mentor

The most successful mentoring relationships are those where the mentee has instigated the relationship or alternatively where the mentee has a choice of mentor. It is also best if you mentor people who are outside your normal working hierarchy. Mentoring relationships are most successful if you mentor someone who thinks differently to yourself and sees things through a different set of lenses. This allows for more breadth and learning in the relationship. Be wary of mentoring someone who is a friend as there will undoubtedly be issues of being completely honest when challenging each other.

Suggested ground rules for a mentoring relationship

Although mentoring tends to be a less formal process than coaching, mainly due to the voluntary nature of the relationship, it is still important to agree a way of working together. So, when you enter into a mentoring relationship with someone there are some key ground rules that are worth establishing at the beginning or early on in the process. These include:

• What are your expectations of each other?
  
• What are the mentee’s goals and objectives?
  
• What sort of areas will the mentee wish to focus on – career development, current role, specific challenges, etc.?
  
• Who will take responsibility for setting up meetings, and their frequency? A good-quality mentoring relationship is usually driven by the mentee. The mentor will however have to make time available for the sessions.
  
• What level of formality do you expect? Usually the more informal the better with mentoring.
  
• How and when will you review how things are going?
  
• Are you going to keep notes? Sometimes brief notes to remind yourself of what was discussed are useful, but both parties must agree if this is the case.
  
• Agree the need for total confidentiality and respect for the integrity of the relationship. By this we mean that neither party should use the relationship in an exploitative way.
  

Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction.

John C. Crosby, US politician

Tips for success

• Remember, mentoring is all about trust and empathy.
  
• Mentee’s choose mentors, not the other way around.
  
• Mentoring involves sharing wisdom, experience and expertise to help with your mentee’s career development and growth.
  
• React to your mentee’s needs, not your own.
  
• Be open to learning about yourself through your role as mentor.
  
• It is best not to mentor direct reports.
  
• Confidentiality and absolute commitment to the relationship are key.