5
I Believe in You
For Everyone
Core Lessons
- An eye for an eye will leave the whole world blind.
- Repay hate and hurt with humility and grace.
Chapter Summary
As they prepare to tackle the problem of the broken Locker Room, Coach Smitty asks Coach Washington why he isn't mad or resentful of him for the way he acted. Washington tells him about the day in his childhood when a local bully took things too far. After Washington (then only a boy) caught the bully yelling insults at his mother, Washington lost control and beat up the other boy. His mother was disappointed in him for resorting to violence, and the incident left a permanent mark. That day Washington determined that he would repay hate and hurt with humility and grace rather than more hate and hurt.
Deep Dive Teaching
If violence isn't the answer, then what is? Unfortunately, there's no one thing that will solve the issues of racism or bullying. But there are many tools at our disposal to chip away at the problems. Let's look at three important ones that were hinted at in the previous chapter when Coach Washington prayed “Give me the words to speak; help me be slow to anger and full of grace.”
Communication The words that we use, as well as our tone and body language, help us to communicate with others. Whether that communication is effective depends on our intent, our message, how we deliver that message, and how the other person receives it. We can't control how the other person will receive or respond to what we say, but we can seek to communicate with the right intentions and think carefully about our words.
Self-Control Offense is something that is given, but it can't be forced on us. Just because someone says or does something offensive does not mean we have to take offense. It's not ours; it's theirs. In other words, we can let it go. We can acknowledge how someone's words or actions make us feel without needing to respond in kind. We can be angry without having to express that anger right then and there.
Empathy Giving grace becomes much easier when we empathize with the other person. Everyone has reasons for their actions, even if those reasons are well hidden or don't make sense to other people. Everyone has their own pain and difficulties, even if they hide them from the world.
Empathy helps us recognize this. You don't have to understand another person to empathize with them; you just have to recognize your shared humanity.
Violence isn't the answer to racism or bullying. Instead, meet racist or bullying actions with communication, self-control, and empathy.
For the Individual
My Key Takeaways
Journal Questions
- Have someone's words or actions ever pushed you past your limits of self-restraint?
- What helps you maintain your calm when others are hateful or hurtful?
- What is an example of when someone gave you grace? How can you share that grace with others?
- What words or phrases from others can trigger your anger?
- How can knowing these triggers help you keep from resorting to violence when you hear them?
Exercise
Mirror Mirror
- Make a list of words and phrases that make you want to react with violence.
- Stand in front of the mirror and say these things to yourself (with any appropriate context to make them full sentences).
- First, notice what it feels like to say them. Then, focus on how it feels to hear those things.
- Write down what you felt during the exercise. Be specific in naming the emotions and what they physically felt like. There are no right or wrong answers. Feelings are just feelings.
This exercise serves two purposes:
- First, it helps you stand on both sides of the words, so you gain a broader perspective.
- Second, describing your feelings is important in helping to manage emotions like anger or frustration.
For the Team
Discussion Questions
- Why is violence a poor reaction to hateful or hurtful words?
- What is a more effective response when someone is hateful?
- How does humility help you to respond effectively rather than reacting poorly?
- What are some reasons why it's good to give grace?
- Does your team have a problem with violent words or actions? What can you do to help resolve that problem?
Exercise
Grace Statements and Requests
- Have each team member write down five Grace Statements or Grace Requests on individual strips of paper.
- Grace Statements are a single sentence that extends grace to a teammate or coach for something they've done.
- Grace Requests are a single sentence that requests grace from a teammate or coach for something the writer has done.
- Fold up the strips of paper and put them in a hat, helmet, or other receptacle.
- Team members will take turns drawing a Grace Statement/Request and reading it aloud. This provides a level of anonymity for the shy folks, and it gives everyone a chance to look at grace from new perspectives.
The statements and requests should be a mixture of silly and serious. Here are a few examples:
-
- Tim, I forgive you for eating Chipotle before coming to practice.
- Mark, please accept my grace for our argument last week. I hope you will extend the same to me.
- Jasmine, I forgive you for taking the last bag of Cheetos from the snack stash at the last match.
- Desiree, please give me grace for the thoughtless comments I made yesterday.
- Coach, I ask for your grace because I phoned it in during the last drill on Monday.
Notes