6
Canceling the Cancel Culture
For Everyone
Core Lessons
- You must know where you are before you can get to where you want to go.
- Having a tough conversation with others requires humility and grace.
- If you're grippin' you're trippin'. Let go of your pride, so you can listen.
- It's easy to “cancel” someone. It's hard to give them grace.
Chapter Summary
Coach Washington asks: Where are we? Together, Coach Washington and Coach Smitty determine that the only way to answer this question is to listen to the team. Coach Smitty worries that this will be a heated discussion, but they agree that as long as they show authentic vulnerability and lead with humility, things will be okay. Coach Smitty confesses that part of the reason he handled the situation so poorly was his fear that either he or Davey would be “canceled” as a result of Davey's actions. The coaches agree that the Cancel Culture hurts much more than it helps, as people are too quick to dismiss others and not quick enough to give grace.
Deep Dive Teaching
The Cancel Culture is about gripping onto hate and offense. Participants in the Cancel Culture grip tightly to the hurtful things that have been said or the harm that has been done, not to make things better for everyone but to make sure that others are hurt, too. The Cancel Culture says: you hurt me, so I'm going to write you off. But as we say in the locker room, if you're grippin' you're trippin'.
Imagine this situation. One day a monkey finds a banana that he can only get by reaching through a hole in a log. But he can't get his fist out of the log while gripping the banana. The monkey can't get his paw out because his instincts are telling him to hold onto the banana. We have similar instincts, but unlike the monkey, we have the mental flexibility to choose a different path.
We can choose to let go.
Everyone has things they hold onto too tightly at some point, such as pride, anger, or fear. Coach Smitty held too tightly to his pride, so he didn't hear what Marcellus was trying to say. Davey held too tightly to fear, which kept him from owning up to his mistake and demanding to be held to the standard.
When Coach Smitty lets go of his pride, he opens himself up to learning how to overcome the problems that his team faces. Gripping onto things like pride, fear, or hate doesn't do us any good. These things just hold us back from reaching our full potential.
Gripping onto things that hold you back will just leave you tripping over your own feet. That's why we say, if you're grippin' you're trippin'. It's true in the locker room and it's true in the wider world. Hanging onto hurts will leave you aiming to hurt others in turn, but releasing those hurts gives you room to grow away from the incident.
For the Individual
My Key Takeaways
Journal Questions
- How have you been impacted by the Cancel Culture?
- How does pride prevent you from listening to others?
- What are you gripping onto that would be better let go?
- Where are you on the journey to understanding racism?
- Why is it good or helpful to approach conversations with humility and grace?
Exercise
Here are three different ways that you can symbolically let go of something you've been gripping onto. These won't magically make you stop thinking about the mistake or the hurt or your pride. (Whatever you're thinking of for this exercise probably has a strong hold.) This is just a first step to letting go.
The Flush
- Write the thing you want to let go of on a piece of toilet paper.
- Flush it down the toilet.
The Burn
- Write the thing you want to let go of on a piece of notebook paper or newspaper.
- In a controlled environment, like a firepit or a grill, burn the piece of paper.
The Trash
- Write the thing you want to let go of on fancy paper or the inside of a card.
- Tear it to pieces and throw it away in the trash.
For the Team
Discussion Questions
- Where is your team starting from on the issue of racism?
- How can you practice listening to your teammates?
- How can humility and grace help you to have better conversations about racism and other difficult subjects?
- How has the Cancel Culture impacted your team?
- What are you collectively gripping onto that prevents your team from succeeding?
Exercise
Canceled by the Judge-and-Juries This exercise is for a group of 10–20 people. It is adapted from a popular party game known as “Mafia” or “Werewolf.”
- Everyone sits in a circle (either in chairs or on the floor), with their eyes closed—except for the leader.
- The leader walks around the outside of the circle and announces the role they are giving out and then taps the chosen person on the head or shoulder. (Everyone's eyes remain closed during this part). The roles given out are:
- Three Judge-and-Juries
- Two Fact Checkers
- One Hero
Once people are chosen, gameplay proceeds in two phases: Night and Day.
Night Phase
Directed by the leader, players take the following steps:
- Everyone's eyes remain closed.
- The leader directs the Judge-and-Juries (J&J) to open their eyes. Through silent gestures, the three agree on someone to be canceled. They close their eyes again once an agreement is reached.
- The leader next directs the two Fact Checkers to open their eyes. Together they choose a person (silent gestures again) who they think is a J&J. The leader confirms or denies, and the Fact Checkers close their eyes again.
- Finally, the leader directs the Hero to open his or her eyes. The Hero indicates one person that they want to save and closes their eyes again.
Day Phase
Directed by the leader, players take the following steps:
- Everyone opens their eyes and the leader explains who has been judged.
- The judged person speaks about why they shouldn't be exiled from the community. Then the rest of the group has a discussion, siding for or against the judged person, and votes on whether to keep the person in the group.
- If the person is voted out, they join the leader outside the circle and are able to see everything during the next Night phase, but they can't give any hints to the remaining players.
- If the person is voted to remain in, they get to pick who they think is one of the J&J players to be removed from the group (canceled).
- If the Hero chooses to save the person voted out, that player receives grace and no one is kicked out that round.
The game is over when all J&J players have been removed from the community or when only J&J players remain.
Notes