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HELP, I DON’T KNOW ANYONE!

We’ve all been there: a networking event, the first day at a new job, or even just a big meeting. We walk into the room and—panic sets in—I don’t know these people! It even happens to extroverts like me.

Growing up with parents who were serial connectors—long before that was an expression—I just assumed everyone was like them. Boy, was I wrong. A lot of people think about connecting. But few act on it. Especially today.

There are ever more ways to connect, but there are exactly as many ways to disconnect. I’ve found that in all cases people fail to maintain the right mindset about connecting. No matter the location, the specifics of the meeting, or who is there, people are full of excuses not to connect.

Here’s an excuse I hear all the time: “I can’t move forward with my career goals because I don’t know the right people.” This is far from the case. Every single person you know—regardless of their experience or background—can help you in some way. With a simple mindset reboot, you can drastically improve your ability to build business relationships. The philosopher William James said, “If you can change your mind, you can change your life.” And in this chapter, my goal is to change your mind about networking. Don’t discount the possibilities in your current network. Start there and you will reap enormous rewards from what is right in front of you.

CONNECT WITH YOURSELF

First and foremost, connect with yourself. Are you an extrovert who loves gatherings and people, and derives energy from others? Or are you someone who prefers intimate gatherings and getting together less frequently? Knowing this about yourself is key to implementing the art of connecting in a sustainable way. When you stay intentional, you make the biggest impact—connecting and communicating with people without burnout or fatigue.

Esther Perel is a renowned psychotherapist and the bestselling author of Mating in Captivity. On her podcast How’s Work? Perel examines how the skill of navigating relationships isn’t something that differs much between the home and the office. Perel says that the narratives people develop from their childhood and family of origin—even though most people aren’t entirely aware of this—can spill over into their careers. How we handle conflict, how we communicate, the way we develop trust—these are all skills that we tend to develop as children and can’t really escape when we walk into “work.” So it’s worth asking yourself: How were meaningful relationships built in your past? In your family? Simply taking a look at that and being open to the idea that our “work self” and “personal self” might be the same can teach you a lot about your relational skills (or deficits!) and what you might need to focus on or build to deepen the relationships in your work life. It might seem like “connecting with yourself” is something you do after work, but doing so in a business setting is essential.

Other expert connectors and relationship builders I spoke to agreed. Jamia Wilson is the executive editor and publisher of the Feminist Press. She also recommends that before reaching out to make connections, we become reacquainted with ourselves. Wilson pointed out to me that sometimes we are so focused on “getting things done”—striving for goals and deliverables all while managing the bills and the mortgage—that we forget who we are. And when we’re not deeply connected to who we are and what we stand for—we can lose sight of the best path for our connections. She told me:

When I make efforts to be gentle and compassionate enough to get to know myself—all of it, good, bad, and perfectly imperfect—then I can be an open person to listen and hear and connect with others.

She added that this frees her from feeling confined by what society needs her to do, and she can be more open to others. As an example of this, she pointed out that nature and the animal kingdom are brilliant at staying connected to their intention—their why of being. A lion doesn’t forget that he’s king of the jungle because he’s burned out, but as human beings, sometimes we veer off course and need to come back to ourselves. She also points out that it’s absolutely okay to have interactions that feel awkward. We can learn from each of those interactions and do better next time. Instead of thinking Oh, maybe that rubbed that person the wrong way or I’m not sure if I fit in with this group, it’s more helpful to think: What did that interaction teach me about myself? What can I create from that?

When you remind yourself who you really are and what you really want—you’re far better set up to connect with those who will align with your goals. And you will be far less likely to fail in business relationships because you’ve resorted to what is often called “spray and pray”—where you just spew your messages out into the ether and hope someone grabs onto what you are saying. Be intentional: know who you are and know what you want, and you will attract those who can help you.

START WITH WHO YOU KNOW

Oftentimes in networking, we get pigeonholed into reaching out to specific people. But in reality, someone who is already in your immediate network might be able to introduce you to the correct person. One of the most powerful changes you can make right away to improve your business relationships is to change your mindset. Your existing network is your biggest asset—use it.

Sure, you might not have a direct contact to the bigwig investor you’d like to pitch to, but someone in your immediate network might. They might be your best friend’s uncle, your yoga instructor’s nephew, or your hairdresser’s cousin. It sounds painfully obvious, but so few people act on this simple strategy: reach out to every existing connection. The rebuttal I usually hear is, “But they aren’t the right person.” It doesn’t matter! That person has contacts, friends, and relatives. Better yet, they have something to teach you—guaranteed—whether they are an intern, a CEO, or a car attendant for the parking lot. Every single person has something to offer that can enrich your career and by extension, your life. And you, in turn, have something to offer them.

The other mistake I see? A million excuses for failing to connect: I’m too busy, she’s too senior, he’s not senior enough, they don’t have the right experience, and on and on. If you’re fresh out of college, you might think, what could I possibly offer a CEO? But recent grads have a wealth of information; they are the front lines of emerging trends and technology. For many companies, they are target customers. Think you’re too young (or too new to your industry) and don’t know anything? Think again. Maybe your contact’s company is launching in a city you know well—you could offer free market research. Successful people know that inspiration and learning from disparate sources and types of people can serve you well. The possibilities are endless.

Usually the hang-up is in our heads. (Especially for women, who have been socialized to talk themselves out of new connections by saying “Oh, I don’t want to bother that person.”) So we need to get out of our heads. No one is off limits, and if you think you have nothing to offer them, or they have nothing to offer you—then you are leaving a wealth of information, connections, synergies, learning, and growth (and happiness!) on the table. I also find that in most cases, when people throw out the excuse that they don’t want to “bother” someone else, it’s usually an excuse to avoid vulnerability—the very thing that can allow a meaningful connection to transpire. The next time you find yourself canceling a connection because that person feels out of reach or you don’t want to “put them out,” pause to consider whether the real obstacle might be fear. Fear of rejection, fear of closeness, fear of failure, or even just fear of feeling awkward.

“Who you know” includes your colleagues, coworkers, and office mates, too. How well do you know the people you work with? How much of an effort have you made to have a genuine, quality relationship with the people you do business with each day? Connectivity across the organization and across networks not only feels good, it also spurs creativity. A study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that the cross-fertilization of ideas among the people in your direct network offers a creative boost and can even have an impact up to the third and fourth degree.¹ That’s a pretty remarkable finding: idea sharing and collaboration have a ripple effect that can positively impact people in ways you may never know about. A new connection can lead to a new partner, a new colleague, or an innovative idea. It could even lead to an entire new community of people to broaden your knowledge base, boost your creativity, and lead to something unexpected.

Another excuse? Introversion or shyness. It’s true that some people, like my parents, were natural connectors; they made new connections with ease. Research about the evolutionary components of social networks shows that some of the ability to create a currency of social capital is embedded in our genes.² Some human beings have a natural ability to make friends, to engage in conversation, and to reveal their humanity in a way that encourages friendship. But if you’re not an extrovert, or if you cringe at the idea of schmoozing and networking, fret not. Like anything, the art of gathering connections is a learned skill, too. And the tools revealed in this book will highlight ways to expand your social fabric without anxiety.

CLARIFY YOUR GOAL

The next step is to clarify your goals. And here’s where we start to zoom in on that “connect with yourself” mindset: What do you want to accomplish in your career and in your life? An important distinction: this is not the goal of your meeting or even necessarily the subject of your initial conversation. Right now, clarifying your business goals is for you to get clear in your objectives. (The goal of the meeting is to establish or deepen a long-term, reciprocal relationship—but more on that later.)

For now, what do you want to achieve: Are you looking for a new job or promotion? Launching a new business? Looking for a donor or funder? Whatever the case may be, make this very clear and write it down. Most people think about their goals. Successful people write them down. But the ultra-successful? They write them down and recognize that goals may be short term, but relationships are long term. When you clarify your goals, the constellation to which you’d like to belong emerges into view.

Most people, even some very successful ones, take a “me, me, me” approach to business relationships, which is incredibly shortsighted. Just by avoiding this pitfall, you will set yourself apart. Set goals to get clear about what you want and how to make the best use of your time and relationships so that you don’t waste anyone’s time. Never approach a connection with the intention of “getting something” from them.

Write down your business goal and then make a list of the top connections that you have whom you could learn from or help. Don’t leave anyone off because of fear-based (“I don’t want them to feel burdened” or “They wouldn’t be interested”) or closed-minded (“They’re too young/old/experienced/inexperienced”) thinking.

CONNECT TO LISTEN, LEARN, AND HELP

Today, when we think of “building a network,” we tend to think of technology: LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. These are brilliant tools that many of us use daily, often to significant effect. But the key is going beyond the transactional—the accepted friend request, the like, the retweet, the favor, or the forward. As we will explore throughout this book, relationships we cultivate with depth can impact our health and our career in unexpected ways. So here’s my challenge to you: before you send that LinkedIn request or write out that email to the person you want to connect with, brainstorm two or three ideas for ways that you could help them. Are they working on a project you know something about? Are they launching in a city you know well? Are they raising awareness for a cause that you could showcase on your social platforms? Most people will go into a coffee, lunch, or meeting laser-focused on what they can get from it. As I was writing this chapter, I received about 20 requests in my inbox, as I typically do. But imagine the response your email will get when instead of an email that includes a dreaded “Can I pick your brain” request, the recipient instead reads something like, “I see you’re opening an office in Atlanta, where I grew up—I’d love to help connect you with the people I know there. Can we meet for coffee?”

I bet you’re already feeling more at ease about setting up these types of meetings, aren’t you? When you eliminate the “what can I get?” or “how can I impress them?” from the equation, there’s no anxiety. When you go with the intent of learning and offering, the focus is on them and not you. You will then find yourself with a deeper relationship, and it’s quite likely that your favor will be returned or a real friendship will emerge.

When you meet with someone, set a goal to understand their world and their circumstances, offer to help them with something they need, or invite them to something you both enjoy doing to foster a deeper connection that can help you in the future. It completely levels the playing field and makes everyone far more comfortable and open. If you can connect as a human (are you both middle children? love to travel? interested in environmental causes?), then you will have a cheerleader in your corner who can serve both of you in synergistic ways. This could be the beginning of a constellation. Perhaps you’re not even the best contact for this person, but you could connect them with others who are. Connect with them on a human level: Where are they from? What is their family, heritage, or culture like? Knowing those details creates meaningful conversation. It creates the threads from which the ties of connection can be made. If you only talk about work, then you miss the underlying attributes that make us human—our shared commonalties and who we truly are.

Connecting as humans sounds like such straightforward advice to the point of being absurdly obvious—but research shows that this is a skill we’ve forgotten. A recent Cigna survey revealed that 46 percent of adults in the United States sometimes feel alone, and 54 percent said they always or sometimes feel that no one knows them well.³ Think about that for a moment: over half of the people in this country feel as though no one knows them. That is a staggering statistic. Not only is this bad for business, as people do business with people, but research shows that lonely feelings can take years off our lives. One study found that lonely people have a 26 percent higher risk of dying.⁴ Loneliness produces the stress hormone cortisol, which can lead to high blood pressure, increased inflammation, and a depressed immune system. And contrary to the common association between getting older and feeling alone, surprisingly, Gen Z (ages 18 to 22) and Millennials (ages 23 to 37) score the highest on the loneliness scale.⁵ In contrast, research shows that a deep, authentic social network can add up to 15 years to your life. But most of us are so busy trying to do our jobs, pay the bills, and accomplish more, more, more that we end up depleted at the end of the day, and our connections with others feel just as empty as we feel inside. If you simply make it a daily practice to listen, learn, and help each time you connect with someone, you will notice an instant change in how fulfilled you feel. And remember that at the end of the day, we are all human and all human beings speak the same emotional language.

When I was in kindergarten, we lived in Romania while my dad completed a Fulbright scholarship as a visiting professor at the University of Bucharest. I was surrounded by children speaking Romanian—a Balkan romance language that sounds a bit like German, French, English, Greek, Slavic, and Hungarian all blended into one. I couldn’t really understand a word the kids around me were saying. But somehow, I connected with them on a human level. A five-year-old is a five-year-old, no matter where they were born. Instead of staying rigid, clinging to their differences, kids tend to have a way of zooming in on their similarities. Their eyes know how to say, “Meet me at the swing set?” (Except at that time, there were only makeshift swings in Romania.) We may not have spoken the same language, but I still managed to teach them how to jump rope!

You don’t need to speak the same language to connect. I’ve always been able to form bonds with lots of different people from diverse industries, continents, and walks of life, and I trace some of it back to those early days in southeastern Europe. We lived among the Romanian people and not like dignitaries who were with the US Department of State. If we wanted a chicken at dinner, our neighbor upstairs would have to take its head off and remove the feathers. Those days in Romania showed me that openness, curiosity, and inquisitiveness are the essential building blocks of connection and trust, laying the foundation for building a vast network of differing personalities, talents, and interests.

I often say, “We have two ears and one mouth for a reason.” It’s always a good idea to stay open-minded, intellectually curious, and inquisitive. Though sometimes we resist making in-person connections—especially with people we don’t know very well—it’s good for your brain to be social. A 2011 study revealed how the neurobiological endogenous opioid system (our body’s innate, internal pain-relieving system) plays a role in positive social interactions.⁶ Positively interacting with other humans lights up the part of the brain that makes us feel good. It is a natural high with no side effects. No matter how uncomfortable or nerve-racking an in-person meeting or gathering might seem, it is contributing valuable real estate to your life’s community. And more often than not, it creates healthy feel-good sensations in our brain, too.

Of course, my father didn’t need to read a clinical study to understand the benefit of personal connections. He just knew. “Oh, Susan,” he would say, “you’re going to Boston, you need to look up your third cousin Leonard.” Spinning an ever-growing web of connection was etched into the fiber of my being.

BUILD LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS, AND DON’T SEPARATE “WORK”

My parents were blind to the differences between coworkers, neighbors, friends, or family—people were people. Each one was worthy of connection, depth, and care. Each one was a human, someone who could add breadth and vitality to their network, regardless of how they met. Before she rejoined the workforce full bore when I was in the second grade, my mother used to host an annual, meticulously planned open house for my father’s history department and college colleagues, which took her a full three months to prepare. She arranged everything from the cream cheese and smoked salmon sandwiches shaped into rounds, stars, and squares using cookie cutters, to the arrival of the guests, which she staggered to arrive in overlapping timeframes (4 to 6 p.m., 5 to 7 p.m., and 6 to 8 p.m.) to allow a steady rotation of old and new faces. Above all, she made it her mission to create an environment where people were comfortable connecting.

But most people don’t see their acquaintances in the same way. According to a study conducted by Olivet Nazarene University, Americans, on average, recognize only 15 percent of their coworkers as “real friends.”⁷ Forty-one percent are just coworkers, and 22 percent are strangers.⁸ (Strangers—no wonder people feel lonely.) There’s a sense that we have to keep our guard up at the office, to not appear weak or vulnerable. But I advocate for developing real friendships at work. You don’t have to wait to become friends with a colleague, and you never know where these friendships can lead.

Take, for example, my relationship with Madeline Jennings, a former executive who helped me secure my first “real” job as a researcher at USA Today. She was on the board of trustees at the college my father taught at (remember how my parents made no distinction between friend and colleague?) and I met her through him. Thirty years later, we are still in touch. I still send her notes and letters, and she sends me postcards on her trips and journeys. She now is in her 80s, and she recently introduced me to her niece who lived near me in Brooklyn, who I recruited to join a nonprofit where I held a board seat. This is the perpetuation of the personal connection; it’s a real friendship. If you are vulnerable and your authentic self, you are much more likely to make connections. We’re all human and all humans have vulnerabilities. What could have been a passing acquaintance or a short-term relationship instead becomes friends for life. Viewing a new contact as a lifelong relationship also takes the pressure off of each individual event or meeting—each one is a building block, a step toward a rich and deep connection designed to last and bear fruit for both of you. Each note, card, conversation, and coffee is a touchpoint that deepens that connection over time.

Rob Cross is a professor of business at Babson College, and he has studied the impact of cultivating social networks for almost 20 years. And his research also backs up what my parents (especially my mother) knew: The people who are the happiest in their careers have real friends at work.⁹ Cross discovered that people who take the time to cultivate nourishing relationships are more likely to feel fulfilled—even if they work a mundane or stressful job. Think intimacy, vulnerability, and friendship have no place at work? Think again: trust, listening, open exchange of ideas, and feedback—these are all elements that spring from intimacy. Developing a feeling of mutual closeness with people doesn’t always happen quickly; it takes time to cultivate, one envelope (or Tweet) at a time. But I firmly believe you can dive right in and make it clear that your intention is to become friends. And whether you’re retweeting or writing by hand to cultivate the relationship—it’s not the medium that matters so much as the intention, the frequency, and the content. It’s the action, not the thought, that counts.

My mother knew inherently that connection with other people feeds the soul, and science backs this up—there is a plethora of research now that shows the role that dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and other “feel-good chemicals” in the brain are connected to positive social interaction.¹⁰ She also knew that having a successful career is as much a matter of relationships, personal and professional, as it is the work itself. Cross’s research has shown that thriving—being at the top of your game in terms of your well-being—doesn’t have anything to do with the actual specifics of your work, believe it or not. It’s not dependent on your role or the amount of stress you feel, or the demands of your job. Instead, he found that it has everything to do with the quality and depth of your relationships, how you engage and interact with the people in your workplace, and even those in your personal life. This is an important finding to take into consideration the next time you’re feeling burnout, stress, or job dissatisfaction. When you’re feeling overwhelmed at work, maybe what you need isn’t less—or different—work, but better relationships.

VOLUNTEER OR JOIN CAUSES LOCALLY

Although we have lots of new tools to gather today, I still advise young people who are starting off in a new place to get involved in organizations they care about. It’s a strategy that’s served me again and again, particularly when I faced the biggest tragedy of my life.

In December 1986, I was 22 years old working toward a masters in broadcast journalism at Boston University. Thanks to my mother’s connections, I’d secured a job in Washington, DC, over the break at the National Association of Broadcasters. As I was driving back from a New Year’s date with my boyfriend, I received news that would forever change my life. My mother, then 56, had died on New Year’s Eve in a fire at the Dupont Plaza Hotel in San Juan, Puerto Rico, while on vacation with my father. A hotel employee, angry over a labor dispute with the hotel ownership, set on fire the fuel in a storage room, igniting a raging inferno that quickly burned out of control, killing 97 people and injuring hundreds more. My parents were not staying in the hotel. My dad had merely dropped my mom off so she could enjoy a guilty pleasure, playing the slot machines. Tragically, the last time he saw her was 30 minutes before the fire was set.

For days, weeks, months, and even years, I was engulfed in shock, wrecked with pure devastation, and enraged by the utter disregard for humanity. I couldn’t believe it. Here today, gone tomorrow.

Three years after my mother’s death, and two years after a devastating breakup, I moved from Washington, DC, to Newport Beach in Southern California, for a job in marketing at USA Today. Leaving behind everyone and everything I knew, I had to start building a community from scratch. When I landed in Newport Beach—missing my mother and desperate to replace my grief with new feelings of connection, purpose, and productivity—I started volunteering and working with nonprofits. When you roll up your sleeves to work on issues you care about, you’re sure to meet like-minded people who share your values. You build relationships that can reap untold rewards. I didn’t have access to any of the communication tools we love to hate today. So instead of connecting with friends on Facebook, colleagues on LinkedIn, or joining a Meetup, I opened the yellow pages and got involved with all the nonprofits I could, to build a real-life “following” on the West Coast. I’d eventually hold dinner parties of my own, though on a much smaller scale than my mother’s. And piece by piece, I cobbled together a community, a career, and a life that still feeds me to this day.

When you start over in a new town or new industry, the reach and impact of your network, however small it may feel, may surprise you. Imagine that you move to a new town as I did, and after a few days there, you know only four people. Your local network is four, right? Wrong. For each of those four people you’ve made a connection with, you’re now connected to their friends (your second-degree network), and their friends (your third-degree network), and their friends (your fourth-degree network). Research shows that you can (in some instances, such as with voting and eating habits, as well as happiness) be influenced by the people you’re linked to with up to four degrees of separation.¹¹ So although you may feel as if you are connected to only four individual people in this example, you are in fact impacted by hundreds if not thousands more. Nicholas Christakis is a sociologist and physician known for his research on social networks and the socioeconomic, biosocial, and evolutionary determinants of human behavior and longevity. In his popular TED Talk, he shares captivating tales about the hidden influence of social networks. Christakis has uncovered surprising findings about happiness and altruism and has proven that human beings are in fact interconnected to hundreds or even thousands of other people, most of whom we do not know.

PRIORITIZE CONNECTORS

I also recommend that you prioritize establishing connections with connectors, especially if they are your boss. Part of the art of connecting is not only recognizing how to connect with others, but also realizing who can complement you in a variety of areas. When it comes to the workplace, there are myriad benefits bestowed upon connectors, especially when it comes to management. Of the four different types of managers (teachers, cheerleaders, always-on, and connectors), connectors are the most successful.¹² Teachers are those managers who, just as the name confers, make a point of giving you instructions on everything you need to do your job well. Cheerleaders, in contrast, will support and encourage you, leading you from afar and guiding you to, in most cases, figure things out on your own. An always-on manager is one who is available at any time to provide what you might need—to answer questions, give feedback, or just listen. But a connector manager is one who uses their network, whether it’s with another team member, a partner, or a customer, to expand the breadth and depth of the teachers you have at your disposal. A connector manager realizes that they may have the expertise you need in some areas, but that for others, a different person could better teach you that skill. It makes sense in terms of efficiency (“It’s better for Bob to teach you how to code”), building trust (“I don’t need to overmanage you or pretend I know everything”), as well as communication. Jaime Roca and Sari Wilde, authors of The Connected Manager: Why Some Leaders Build Exceptional Talent—and Others Don’t, found that of the four different types of leaders, connector managers build the strongest and most effective teams. Working for a connector manager triples the likelihood that direct reports will be high performers, and doing so boosts employee engagement by up to 40 percent. It makes sense from a productivity perspective; connector managers seem to distribute effort and work in a way that is efficient for all. Plus, when you’re on the receiving end of a connection, it gives you a positive feeling. Making a connection requires noticing, and paying attention. And when your manager pays attention to you and sees you, it feels good.

PRECONNECT

Even if you dislike big groups, a conference or large-scale event will inevitably land on your calendar. You might find yourself one hour before the event thinking, I’d rather not. You’re not alone. We’re all fricking terrified. If getting together in a big group feels frightening, try your best to instead attend or create smaller, more intimate gatherings. In fact, this is what I like to do most often today. I enjoy and recommend bringing small groups of people together who can learn from each other and when you do that, the network itself strengthens. This is also why I’m such a big supporter of social clubs and rely heavily on curated gatherings for my work today. It’s in these spaces where innovative, cross-industry connections that otherwise wouldn’t be possible inside an office building can be made. Technology also has a prominent place here, since when we go down Internet rabbit holes and find people online who share our values, social media becomes a means to spread good instead of anger. As our living and working situations grow more fragmented, having other people on your team at your fingertips couldn’t be more valuable.

But in those instances in which a conference or large gathering appears on your agenda, I recommend facilitating an introduction or even preconnecting. Many conferences and summits provide an app and encourage you to connect using it ahead of the opening day. Here you can find people who are also attending that event who share common interests with you. Send them a note and say something like, “I’ll be there Friday, but I don’t know many people. Want to grab a coffee after the morning session, and talk about ocean conservation?” This takes away the pressure of having to make a connection in-person and helps take some of the anxiety away. The same preconnection step helps when I am introducing people, too. If I can help start a conversation or point out a common interest or skill people have, it goes so much more smoothly and helps everyone feel comfortable. I do this at my parties, with our clients, as well as with my team. Use Google, Instagram, or LinkedIn to help you find a conversation starter. Even if you don’t make plans to meet face-to-face before or at the event, simply having an email exchange helps each of you make the other person’s acquaintance. But here is where most people fall into the “avoid discomfort” trap: don’t let the tool take over the relationship itself, but rather use it as a tool for kickstarting the relationship. Lean on technology in the getting-to-know-you phase, but don’t use it as a crutch for avoiding face-to-face relationships. If you’ve been LinkedIn, email, or What’s App corresponding with someone for quite some time and haven’t yet taken the relationship offline, this is a perfect opportunity to take a relationship from casual to meaningful with an in-person conversation.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Even if you’re just starting out in a new job, a new city, or a new industry, you know far more people than you realize. Don’t limit your work connections to those people within the walls of your business. Your existing networks can be used to great effect—often there are connections hiding in places you won’t expect, and there are relationships to be built in places you would have never imagined. The more people you know, and the better you know them, the more likely you are to succeed. And if you’ve worked hard to help those people, then you can be certain that those favors will come back your way, tenfold.

To need connection is human. But to get it—that is the key to life.