INDEX
Aarons-Mele, Morra:
on adopting an extrovert, 118
on career focus, 26
on goals for events, 119
as introvert, 116–117
on purpose of connections, 25–26
on random connections, 46
on size/simplicity of meetings, 31–32
“10 touches rule” of, 30–31
Actions:
in building trust, 101
in cultivating relationships at work, 13
(See also Do phase)
Advice:
following up on, 148–149
free (see Favors and free advice)
Affection, 150
Aligning with people and passion, 172–174
Aloneness, 10
“Always take the meeting” ethos, 175–181
to help neighbors, 177–179
and innovate on meeting itself, 175–177
for serendipity and synchronicity, 179–181
Always-on managers, 16
American Civil Liberties Union, 169–170
Anderson, Brandt, 179–181
Angel investing, 162–164
Anxiety, introversion versus, 116–117
The Art of Exceptional Living (Rohn), 172
The Art of Gathering (Parker), 176
Ask phase, xiii, 83, 137–138 (See also specific topics)
Aspen Institute, 123–124
Attentiveness, 65
Auger-Dominguez, Daisy, 131
Austin, Naj, 39
Authenticity, ix, 67–68, 76, 111, 129
“Authenticity Paradox” (Ibarra), 129
Autonomy, 146–147
“Avoid discomfort” trap, 18
Baker, Wayne, 64–65
Banikarim, Maryam, 178
Berns, Gregory, 120
Bianchini, Gina, 44–45
Bias, 132–133
Biased (Eberhardt), 132
The Big Life (Shoket), 67, 77–78
Birkner, Gabrielle, 92–93
BlogHer, 46
The Bodyssey, 56–57
“Bridging capital,” 46
Bring Your Human to Work (Keswin), 153
Brooks, David, 123–124
Burnout, 134–135
Business relationships:
and decisions to buy products/services, 28
as friendships, 12–14
“me, me, me” approach to, 8
seeding, 29–30
what people get wrong about, x–xi
Business Wire, 29
Butterfield, Valeisha, 111
Byng, Rhonesha, 110–111, 113, 126
Byron, Kristin, 124
Calling in, 131
Cameron, Kim, 65
Career building, 26
Carnegie, Dale, 159
Causes:
connecting through, 14–16
planning events around, 28
Certainty, 146–147
Cheerleader managers, 16
Chief differentiating factor (CDF), 154–156
Christakis, Nicholas, 16
Cinnamon Horns recipe, 185
Clarity:
in communications, 126
of goals, 8
in pitches, 113–114
Commsor, 177
Communication guide, 121–137
avoiding burnout, 134–135
being kind, 125–126
email, 126–127
giving feedback, 130–131
mindfulness of othering and bias, 132–134
overcommunicating, 135–137
phone calls, 121–122
practicing relationalism, 122–125
social media, 127–130
Competence, in building trust, 100–101
The Connected Manager (Roca and Wilde), 17
Connect4Women, 74
different levels of need for, 27–28
law of reciprocity in, 24
random, 45–47
that complement you, 16
Connector(s):
becoming a, 21
connecting with, 26
partnering with, 117–118
prioritizing connections with, 16–17
Connector managers, 16–17
Constellation effect, 71–81, 118
adapting/changing your mission, 79
assessing ability to draw diversity, 80–81
elevating your objective, 72–73
with events around issues, 28
finding how others fit into your story, 77–79
knowing your own story, 76–77
women’s need for two networks, 73–76
Conversations:
contributing meaningfully to, 65, 67–68
focusing, in meetings, 57–58
listening in, 63–64
to move relationships forward, 149–152
Co-Reality Collective, 56
Covey, Stephen, 64
COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic, xi, 27
business adaptations during, 79
checking in with colleagues during, 155
connecting around service goals in, 35
creative ways of connecting during, 33
“how can I help” ethos during, 91–92
innovation on meetings in, 176
need for connection and community during, 74
and preferred interactions, 99
social media connections in, 127–130
Thurston’s show during, 108
virtual connections during, 120, 183–184
ways of connecting changed by, 27, 51–53, 136
Coworking spaces, 37–42
Crowdfund Act, 163
The Cru, 41–42
#CSRchat series, 66
The Cult of Brands (Atkin), 102
Cultural differences, 99–101
Curated gatherings, 17
DailyLit, 94
Directness, in pitches, 113–114
Disrupt Yourself (Johnson), 48
Diversity, 80–81
Do phase, xiii, 139, 181–182 (See also specific topics)
Don’t Ban Equality campaign, 169–170
Dufu, Tiffany, 40–42
Eberhardt, Jennifer, 132
Energy:
of audience, reading, 112
from interactions, 65
for introverts and extroverts, 116
relational, 64–65
Epstein, David, 156–157
Ethel’s Club, 39
Event triumvirate goals, 119
Experience, 88–93, 100–101, 156–157
Expertise amnesia, 171–172
Extroverts, 7
Face-to-face interactions (see In person meetings)
Failure, fear of, 94–95
Fairness, 147
Fast Company, 22, 150
Favors and free advice, 169–174
aligning with people and passion, 172–174
never saying never to, 169–170
practicing expertise amnesia, 171–172
Feed Hudson, 91
Five-minute asks, 102–103
Follow-up, 141–159
becoming jack of all trades in, 156–157
to close the loop, 101
to create rituals, 152–154
curiosity in, 158–159
by doing what they told you to, 147–149
to express gratitude, 158
to make first line of connection, 142–143
Follow-up, continued
to make others feel safe and secure, 146–147
to make others feel seen, 144–145
to move relationship forward, 149–152
to remind others of CDF, 154–156
right after you meet, 143–144
FOMO (fear of missing out), 23
Ford, Shari Coulter, 115–116
Fortune, 77
4/4/4 perspective, 108–109
Free advice (see Favors and free advice)
Gather, Ask, Do method, xiii
Gather phase, xiii, 1, 81–82 (See also specific topics)
Gerber, Jeralyn, 144–145
Gerrol Cohen, Rachel, 171–172
Ghosting, 103
Give and Take (Grant), 80
Gladwell, Malcolm, 118
Goals:
clarifying, 8
in creating constellations, 72–74
event triumvirate, 119
for follow-ups, 141
for meetings/gatherings, 26, 53
refocusing, 1
of service, 35
for understanding others, 9–10
Golden Rule, 23
Golden Seeds, 162
Granovetter, Mark, 46
Gratitude, 158
Groupthink, 120
Harnisch, Ruth Ann, 133–135
Hauser, Fran, 55–56, 130–131, 162, 166–167
Head, Celeste, 63
Helping, connecting for, 8–12 (See also “How can I help?”)
Hidden Tribes of America, 132–133
Hiding in the Bathroom (Aarons-Mele), 117–118
Hope, sense of, 65
“How can I help?,” vii, xi–xii, 85–95
to dissolve fear of failure, 94–95
learning fueled by, 88
people pleasing versus, 22
value of, 86–88
and your expertise/experience, 88–93
How to Be Black (Thurston), 107
How to Not Be a Tourist (Rosati and Gerber), 144–145
How to Win Friends and Influence People (Carnegie), 159
How’s Work? (Perel), 4
Humor, in pitches, 112–113
Ibarra, Herminia, 129
Icebreaker questions, 103–104
In person (face-to-face, IRL) meetings, 18, 52–55, 68
Innovating on meetings, 175–177
Insightly, 29
International Center for Transitional Justice, 72
Introversion, 7
Introverts’ guide for asking, 115–120
Investing money, 161–167
angel investing, 162–164
asking for funding, 166
dispelling awkwardness around, 164–166
Nice Girl Army resulting from, 166–167
in people, 162–163
Inviting others, 21–32
benefits of, 22–25
creating system for, 30–31
defining purpose of gatherings, 25–26
to events around issues, 28
inner monologue transformed by, 22–23
instead of waiting to be invited, 26–28
and seeding relationships, 29–30
starting small and simple in, 31–32
IRL (in real life) meetings (see In person (face-to-face) meetings)
Jack of all trades, becoming, 156–157
James, William, 3
Janis, Irving L., 120
Jennings, Madeline, 12–13
Jobs, Steve, 157
Johnson, Whitney, 48
JOMO (joy of missing out), 23
Jumpstart Our Business Startups Act, 163
Keltner, Dachler, 125
Kickstarter, 166
Knowing your ask, 97–105
building trust, 100–101
five-minute asks, 102–103
giving three options for saying yes, 104–105
and others’ preferred interactions, 99–100
by preparing Oscars intro, 98–99
questions to break the ice, 103–104
Kunz, Phillip, 24
Lader, Linda, 58
Lader, Philip, 58
The League of Badass Women, 43
Learning hubs, 58–60
Lee, Jennifer 8., 151
Leive, Cindi, 112
Lincoln, Abraham, 97
Listening, 8–12, 58, 60–64, 86–88
Lloyd, Lisa, 126
Location:
for business meetings, 51 (See also Maximizing meetings/gatherings)
disruption of, 33 (See also New locations)
Loneliness, 10
Long-term relationships, 12–14
Looking from outside in, 109–110
Luminary, 34
Managers, types of, 16–17
Mastering Civility (Porath), 130
Mating in Captivity (Perel), 4
Maximizing meetings/gatherings, 51–69
being authentic for, 67–68
cultivating closeness digitally, 56–57
good conversations for, 63–64
joining events/gatherings that are learning hubs, 58–60
by listening, 60–63
making meetings more personal, 55–56
by matching media to types of contacts, 68–69
in person versus digital meetings, 52–55
preparing for meetings, 57–58
Maximizing meetings/gatherings, continued
relational energy in, 64–65
taking the initiative in, 65–67
McPherson Strategies, 29, 52, 86, 169–170
Meaningful connections, ix–xiv, 67–68, 161
Media:
matched to types of contacts, 68–69
for seeding relationships, 30
(See also Social media; Technology)
Menendian, Stephen, 133
Michel, Amanda, 150–151
Mighty Networks, 44–45
Mightybell, 44
The Mission List, 25
Modern Loss, 92–93
Money:
asking for funding, 166
dispelling awkwardness around, 164–166
(See also Investing money)
Money Stories with LDT, 165
Money Talks, 165
More in Common, 132
Most Powerful Women Summit, 77
Mwanza, Angela, 180
The Myth of the Nice Girl (Hauser), 166
NARAL Pro-Choice America, 169–170
Neighbors, connecting with, 177–179
Networking, 3–19
to build long-term relationships, 12–14
clarifying goals for, 8
and connecting with yourself, 4–5
hustling versus, 21
to listen, learn, and help, 8–12
making first line of connection, 142–143
in new locations, 15–16 (See also New locations)
preconnecting, 17–18
prioritizing connectors in, 16–17
right mindset about, 3–4
by volunteering or joining causes, 14–16
with who you know, 5–7
(See also Gather phase)
Networks:
diversity in, 80–81
exponential growth in, 31
S-curve for building, 47–48
two, women’s need for, 73–76
Neuroleadership, 146
NeuroLeadership Institute, 146
New locations, 33–50
being brave in, 48–50
joining coworking spaces, 37–42
joining online communities, groups, or meetups, 42–45
power of random connections in, 45–47
S-curve for network building in, 47–48
volunteering through work in, 34–37
volunteering to build network in, 15–16
Nextdoor, 178–179
NEXUS, 171–172
Nice Girl Army, 166–167
Ning, 44
Nonprofit work, 14–16
Online communities, groups, or meetups, 42–45 (See also individual groups)
Originality, 120
Oscars intros, 98–99
Othering, 133–134
Our Place, 89
Overcommunicating, 135–137
Owens, Bradley, 65
Parker, Priya, 176
Peck, Scott, 62
Pell, Gina, 43–44
People:
aligning with, 172–174
investing in, 162–163
People pleasing, 22
Perception gap, 132–133
Perel, Esther, 4
“Perennial mindset,” 44
Pergam, Andrew, 151
PERK framework, 125–126
Personal connections, 55–56
Phone calls, 29, 30, 69, 121–122
Pitches, 107–114
assuming the yes in, 110–112
channeling comics in, 112–113
clarity and directness in, 113–114
to eliminate need for ask, 107–108
4/4/4 perspective for, 108–109
looking from outside in for, 109–110
Planned Parenthood, 170
Pleasers, 22
Poku, Dee, 75
Porath, Christine, 130
Positive social interactions, 11, 14, 17, 23–25
Powell, John A., 133
PR Newswire, 26–27, 29, 115–116
Preconnecting, 17–18
Preferred interaction styles, 99–100
Presence, 65
Progress, sense of, 65
Publishing Point, 94
Purpose, 79
being clear on, 113
elevated, 79
of meetings/gatherings, 25–26, 118
in PERK framework, 125–126
in your story, 77
Quiet (Cain), 116
Random connections, 45–47
Range (Epstein), 156–157
RASA process, 61
Relatedness, 146–147
Relational energy, 64–65
Relationalism, 122–125
Relationships:
business (see Business relationships)
long-term, building, 12–14
quality of, 14
seeding, 29–30
Renaissance Weekend, 58–59
Resilience, 125–126
Resistance Revival Chorus, 173–174
Rituals, 152–154
Rituals Roadmap (Keswin), 153
The Riveter, 40
Roca, Jaime, 17
Rock, David, 146–147
Rogers, Ian, 47
Rohn, John, 172
Ronen, Michael, 56
Rosati, Pavia, 144–145
Rosman, Katie, 54
Scaffolding events, 119
SCARF model, 146–147
The Science of Happiness at Work, 125
“The Science of When You Need In-Person Communication,” 53–54
S-curve for network building, 47–48
The Second Mountain (Brooks), 123
Security, 146–147
Seeding relationships, 29–30
Segall, Laurie, 135–137
Self-care, 134–135
7 Habits of Highly Effective People (Covey), 64
Shahid, Shiza, 89–90
Shook, Teresa, 173
“Shoulds,” 31
Shyness, 7
Silence, power of, 116
Simon-Thomas, Emiliana, 125–126
Snail mail, 69
Social anxiety, 116–117
Social clubs, 17
Social media:
for bringing people together, 66–67
communication guide for, 127–130
going beyond transactional in, 8–9
preconnecting via, 17
evolutionary components of, 7
links within, 15–16
value of cultivating, 13
(See also Networking)
Soffer, Rebecca, 92–93
Spark Camp, 150–151
The Spark of Hudson, 90–91
Spector, Beryl, 185
Status, 146–147
Stop Playing Safe (Warrell), 111
Story/narrative, 76–79
Strudel recipe, 185
Sumpter, Dana, 65
Suss, Ginny, 173–174
Talk, layers of, 149–150
Taylor, Linda Davis, 165
Teacher managers, 16
Technology:
for building relationships, 66
for going beyond the transactional, 8–9
for innovating on meetings, 176–177
knowing someone via, 129
in seeding relationships, 30–31
uses of, 136–137
“10 touches rule,” 30–31
“36 Questions for Increasing Closeness” (New York Times), 152
37 Angels, 162
Thompson, Matt, 151
Thurston, Baratunde, 107–110
Time:
being intentional around, 25–26
making the most of, 57–58
perceived amount of, 36–37
The Tipping Point (Gladwell), 118
Together We Rise (Leive), 112
Traditional networking, 1, 21, 23
Treasure, Julian, 60–62, 64, 111
Trust, 13, 30, 100–101, 134–135
Truth speakers, 26
Tuenighters, 43
Twitter, 66
Unlocking Us, 155
Warrell, Margie, 111
We Need to Talk (Head), 63
Weave: The Social Fabric Project, 123–124
Webb, Amy, 150–151
Weisberg, Lois, 118
The What, 43
What’s App, 18
“What’s in it for me” mindset, 21
WIE, 75
Wilde, Sari, 17
Wilson, Jamia, 4–5
Witter, Lisa, 154
Women:
angel investing by and for, 162–164
collaboration/coworking hubs for, 34, 40–42
and hang-ups about networking, 6
in positions of power, 113
Resistance Revival Chorus, 173–174
two networks needed by, 73–76
Women’s March on Washington, 173
Women Online, 25
Women Who Whiskey, 43
Women’s March on Washington, 173
The Woolfer, 43
Written goals, 8
Wruble, Vanessa, 173
Yang, Andrew, 92
Yes:
assuming, in pitches, 110–112
three options for saying, 104–105
Yourself:
building trust with, 134–135
connecting with, 4–5
Yousafzai, Malala, 90
Zaki, Jamil, 120
Zoom fatigue, 63–64