Index

abilities, of mentors 61–2

connect through listening 63–72

maintaining focus 75–81

overcoming barriers 81–7

trust and engagement 73–5

accountability 14, 16

adaptation, of mentor role 15, 17

advice 5, 30, 145

mentee ignoring 35–6, 50–1

see also behaviour, of mentee

age and maturity 8, 32

agency, mentoring 11

agendas

avoiding 150

awareness of 148

for consolidating learning 198–9

created by mentee 113

effectiveness 112–13

expectation and 147

first session 103–6

interrupting 149

for mentee 42

optional, for second session 110–11

personal 145–50

preparing, to relax 143

for reviewing assignment 197

second session 187–93

used to support meetings 117

see also strategising

agreements, first session 106

aims, of mentee 9

Angelou, Maya 137

approach

informal reviews of 121–4

scheduled review 123

appropriate assistance 27–31, 37, 86, 109, 115

approval, need for 55–6

archetype, mentor 2, 5, 6

in fiction 26–7

links to modern-day 9

assistance 77, 83, 179

appropriate 27–31, 37, 86, 109, 115

forms of 28, 29–30

knowing your mentee 111

reflection questions 109

attention

impact of 65–6

and intention 69–72

and listening 64–6, 69–72

attributes, of mentor 8, 12–13, 21, 24, 178, 179

authenticity 37

available, being 114

awareness 141

mentee 86–8

of present moment 71

see also self-awareness

balance and tone 115–17

barriers and blocks 44, 181

examples 82–3

overcoming 62, 81–7, 118

behaviour

of mentee, ‘not your business’ 50–4, 111, 116, 180

misaligned/aligned 101, 116–17

behavioural skills 44

benefits

for mentee 27–8, 179

for mentor 1, 3

benevolence 6, 9, 21, 118, 165

and commitment 32–3, 34

lack of 34

mutual 32

principle of 33

and respect 32–4, 179

significance of 32–4

boundaries 33, 37, 63

identifying 94

of involvement 97

Cameron, William Bruce 57

capabilities

building 61–2

of mentors 180–1

Cascio, Jamais 48

challenges

in conversations 44

mentee’s awareness of 84–5

overcoming 26–7, 83–6

Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (CIPD)

Learning and Skills at Work Survey 9

circumstance 62

closing stage see parting ways; set down

coaching 12, 14, 19

collaboration and everyday life 45–50, 111, 115, 116, 180

commitment 42, 108

and benevolence 32–3, 34

see also engagement

compassion 32–3, 34

complete

agreeing schedule to 199

reasons to 128–30

confidentiality 74

connections

to mentee 63–4

relationships 81, 82

consultancy 13, 20

contacts, sharing 30

contempt, from mentee 35–6

continue, reasons to 127–8

control

and ego 53, 55–6

and focus 78–80

conversations 15–16, 100, 112

challenges in 44

feeling under pressure during 140

formal agenda for 133

intention during 67

listening during 63

mentoring 15–16, 75

reviewing 122

see also first session; second session

criticism, from mentee 36

dependency/mutual dependency 166–75

avoid inventing problem 173, 175

causal factors 166, 169

noticing 171, 173

signs and symptoms 169–70, 172, 174

using reflection 171, 174, 175

detachment 34, 52, 178

development of mentor 118

disclosure, personal 74–5, 188

disempowerment 86

Disraeli, Benjamin 27

Dyer, Wayne W. 155

effective listening 44, 62, 63–72

ego

and control 53, 55–6

influence of 52–4

and personal agenda 149–50

Ehrmann, Max 46

embracement 45–50

emotional investment 51

empowerment, of mentee 33, 41, 85, 102, 178

engagement 62, 77, 85

affecting mentor behaviour 157–9

low levels of 157–66

mentee 164, 167–8

mentor 159–63

relationship of 73–5

and strategising 146

and unequal status 151

what creates 157

equality

creating perceptions of 156

and humility 154–5

increasing sense of 155

maintaining 153

with natural bias 40–2, 100, 101, 180

truth test 153–4

evaluation, results 43

everyday events see unexpected developments

expectations 193

agenda and 147

pressure and 139–40, 142

setting 97, 99

experience, sharing 29

facilitator, mentor as 78, 178

feedback

on behaviour and style 121

constructive 30, 61

exchanging 198–9

to mentee 122, 124

to mentor 12, 123

scheduled 123, 124

at setting down stage 125

unscheduled 122

fictional mentors 2, 5, 7, 26–7, 81, 130

first session 85

agenda 103–6

conversation with mentee 102–3

draft agenda for 104–6

establishing tone 100, 101

features of 107–8

intentions for 107

positive 100–2

flexibility 33, 76, 82, 110, 115

FLUID Diversity Mentoring Programme 11

focus

level of 44

and listening 68

maintaining 62, 75–81, 115

on present moment 71

on topic 191–2

when under pressure 143–4

Follett, Mary Parker 41

Forbes 10

friendship 63, 174

future-focus 111

Gandhi, Mahatma 185

goals 27, 29

agenda for emphasis on 191–3

alignment with 121

focus on 77

growth of mentee, enabling 62, 88–90

habits see pitfalls

helping 109

and disempowering 68

types of 21

Homer’s Odyssey 5

humility 154–5

Huxley, Aldous 61

ideas, offering 81

impatience 145

imperfections 56, 62

influence 121

after completion 131

of ego 52–4

from openness 111

positive 73

sharing 30

informal reviews 114, 115, 121–4

inner mentor, evolving 118–19, 185

insight 86–8, 90, 165–6

integrity

demonstrating 37

dilution of 14, 18

and ego 54

maintaining 74, 142

intention 62, 80, 89

and attention 69–72

constructive 66, 67–8

creating positive 134

developing into strategy 146

distorted 145

for first session 107

impact of 66–7

and listening 65, 66–72

maintaining, to provide assistance 165

noticing 68–9

of relationship 118

interruption 145–6, 149

intimacy 63

introductions 95, 96, 104

investment, in process 50–1, 63

involvement 115

boundaries/scope of 97

developing positive view of 144

extent of 52

responsibility and 18

James, William 59

journey, mentoring as 26–7, 86, 92, 181

judgement 80, 147, 171

knowledge

of mentee 88

sharing 30

laziness 164–5

leadership and empowerment 41

learning

checking key lessons 125

consolidating 124–30, 177–85, 198–9

impact of mentoring 90

by mentoring 118–21, 183–5

responsibility for 12–13, 21, 33, 42–4, 100, 101, 180

Learning and Skills at Work Survey, CIPD 9

‘liking’, quality of 108

limited thinking 81, 83

links, pointing out 112

listening 112, 180

and attention 64–6, 69–72

and connecting 63–4

during conversation 63

effective 44, 62, 63–72

and focus 68

as form of respect 36

and intention 65, 66–72

managing mentee 14, 17, 18, 41

map, mentor 93, 181–2

matching mentee to mentor 94

maturity and age 8, 32

McGill, Bryant H. 36

mentee/mentor 2 see also specific entries

Mentor Map 93, 181–2

mentoring

definition of 1–2, 178

features and attributes 12–13

idea of role 5

options for different situations 18–20

organising schemes 9–11, 94, 114

reasons for 3–5

see also relationship, mentoring; role of mentor; stages of mentoring; specific entries

motivation 157

low levels as mentor 159, 160–3

see also engagement

mutual dependency 166, 169, 173, 174

navigation and maintaining progress 93, 113–24, 182

fulfilling mentor function 114–15

needs of mentee 27–9, 100, 101, 179

negative behaviours 145–6

objectivity 80

and demotivated mentee 164–5

and self-awareness 151

Odyssey (Homer) 5

on-going support, identifying 125, 199

online resources 92

open questions 112

openness 74, 111, 188

opinions 112

detachment from 80–1

opportunity, offering 196

organisational schemes 9–11, 147, 194

and low engagement 162

reasons for 10

organisations, and mentoring 9–11, 14, 94, 114

outcomes

and impartiality 52

influence of ego 52–4

parting ways 93, 130–3, 182

activities 130

formally 132

informally 132

wind-down 132

personal disclosure, need for 74–5

personal information, sharing 74

personal preparation 98

personalities 108

pitfalls 137–75, 183

dependency/mutual dependency 166–75

experiencing pressure 138–45

low engagement 157–66, 167–8

personal agenda (strategising) 145–50

superiority/prestige 150–6

plan for action 184

‘poison chalice’ 20

polarity response 80

positive perspective, maintaining 144–5

positive pressure 138

practical preparation 92, 95

preparing to mentor 94–9

exchanging basic details 95–6, 105

personal preparation 98

practical preparation 95

structure, building 96–9

present, staying 71, 72, 86–8, 150

pressure, experiencing 138–45

appropriate 138

causes of extreme 141–2

effect of extreme 138–9

expectations and 139–40, 142

impact on thinking 140, 143–4

to perform 139

relaxing 143–4

principles, mentoring 39–59, 111

agreeing 189

behaviour 101, 116–17

process, reviewing 122

Proctor, Bob 23

professional awareness 81, 82

professionalism 33, 37

profiling mentee 74, 94, 96

progress

maintaining 113–24

reviewing 121, 125, 198

qualities of mentor 7

‘quest’ theme 26–7, 179

rapport 44, 64, 110

reflection notes 120–1, 143, 144, 160, 171, 174

relationship, mentoring 2, 23–37

archetypal 6, 25

boundaries 33, 37

building 62, 64, 188–90

characteristics of 23–5

engagement and openness in 74

fictional 2, 7, 26, 81, 118

liking each other 108

losing momentum 114

mobility of 11

qualities of 7

reviewing 122–4

stages of 91–135

success of 96

themes 26–37

see also first session

rescue, need to 42, 68

reshaping mentor role 17–18

resilience 48

resistance, reducing 45–7

respect 6

behaviours and 37

benevolence and 32–4, 179

form of 36

lack of 35–6

maintaining 34–6, 37

responsibility

and involvement 18

for learning 12–13, 21, 33, 42–4, 100, 101, 111, 180

results 31, 42–4

evaluation 43

measurable and unmeasurable 57–9, 116, 117, 180

strategising 145–6

reviews

assignment 197

conversations 122

formal 124

informal 114, 115, 121–4

mentoring sessions 74

mentor–mentee relationship 122–4

process 122

progress 121, 125, 198

‘road of trials, the’, concept of 47

Rogers, Carl R. 91

role of mentor 5, 62, 114

adaptation of 17

examples of 62

features of 9, 178

mentee’s challenges 83

modified 15–16

reshaping 17–18

safe space 77

schemes, use of 10–11, 94, 147, 162

second session

agendas 110–13, 187–93

positive 110–13

self-awareness 80, 146, 151–3

and behavioural choices 152

of dependency 171

features of 151–2

maintaining equality 153

need to staying 152–3

and reflection 183

self-discipline 37, 168

Seneca, Lucius Annaeus 47

set down: consolidating learning 93, 124–30, 182

activities for 124–5

as fresh beginning 126–7

knowing when ready 125–6

reasons to complete 128–30

reasons to continue 127–8

set out: getting started 93, 99–113, 182

set up: prepare to mentor 93, 94–9, 182

space for thoughts 30

stages of mentoring 91–135

mentor map 93, 181–2

navigation 93, 113–24

parting ways 93, 130–3

set down 93, 124–30

set out 93, 99–113

set up 93, 94–9

starrcoaching.co.uk 92, 100, 121, 187

started, getting see first session; preparing to mentor; set out

status 41

unequal 150–1

storytelling 31, 76, 103, 112

personal information 73–4

strategising 145–50

ego and 149–50

evolution of strategy 146–7

expectation creating agenda 147

interrupting own agenda 149

results of 145–6

stress 72, 138, 140, 142, 143

see also pressure, experiencing

structure

building ideal 94, 96–9

supporting balance and tone 117

subjectivity 147, 165

success, pressure for 144

summarising 112, 113

by mentee 190, 192, 199

superiority pitfall 150–6

risks of 151

and self-awareness 151–3

talent, fostering 10

tendencies, of mentors 57, 61–2

thoughts/thinking

developing 134–5

downloading 120, 143, 144

space for 30

Tolle, Eckhart 150

tone 34

establishing 100, 101

maintaining 114, 115–17

training 13, 19

transactional approach 34, 111

trust 62, 77, 85, 90, 111

relationship of 73–5

understanding, checking 112

unexpected developments 45–7, 58–9, 76

Vanier, Jean 75

volunteer mentors 195

Washington, George 121

well-being, generating feelings of 134

winding down 132

Winfrey, Oprah 39

wisdom 86–7, 90, 179, 198

workplace schemes see organisational schemes

Ziglar, Zig 177