The next tool of influence that I want to share with you is my favourite. I call this tool the greatest tool of persuasion. It is a tool that gets other people to commit to taking action towards a desired result. It is a language tool that works on the premise of the pleasure–pain principle that everything you do in your life is for one of two reasons:

• to gain pleasure

• to avoid pain — or negative consequences.

It is pretty amazing when you begin the process of workshopping this tool. Every single thing you do every day is for one of these two reasons. Some people go to work because it truly gives them pleasure, while others simply show up in order to pay the rent. Some people love exercise. They wake up in the morning and go for a run, which gets the endorphins going, and they come back energised and excited for the day. For many other people the only reason they would ever go to the gym is to avoid getting fat. They show up to try to avoid a growing beer gut or dress size.

I am blessed. I love what I do for a living. Getting up on stage and being able to teach people about communication and influence gives me a charge. Recently, there was a $100 million lotto draw. Of course, it is always fun to discuss what you would do with $100 million, and there were plenty of light-hearted conversations in offices around the country that day. People were dreaming of leaving their job forever and never working again.

Even if I had won that money, I would still do what I do. I would still be getting up every day and speaking at conferences and working with sales teams to improve their ability to influence others. Deep down it gives me joy to do what I do.

I always challenge audiences as to whether they are living a life of joy or a life of obligation. It is an interested distinction. What are the things in your life that give you a sense of joy when you do them? For some people, they work all day and when it comes time to leave the office, they drive home excitedly in anticipation of seeing their family. For others, the only reason they go home is that they have nowhere else to go!

It is a great activity to spend time identifying the things in your schedule that actually give you a sense of pleasure. But what are the activities that you do daily which are simply done out of an avoidance of negative consequences or obligation? It does not give me pleasure to pay tax, but I prefer it to prison.

Some people are foodies. They love food. They love cooking, eating at expensive restaurants and talking about food. They get tremendous pleasure from eating. Others eat because they get hungry. They don’t necessarily look forward to eating. They simply do it to avoid being hungry.

At conferences, I will often ask the married men to raise their hands. I’ll pick one of those men and ask him if I can ask him a personal question. They always reluctantly agree and then I ask the question, ‘When is the last time that you bought your wife flowers?’ There is always a murmur of laughter and relief from the other married men in the room. Sometimes they say, ‘Last week.’ Everyone joins in unison for a big ‘Aw!’ Sometimes they say, ‘Mate, I can’t remember. It’s been years.’ Either way, there are only two reasons that men buy their wife flowers. They are either looking to gain pleasure, or they are simply out of points and trying to avoid further negativity by digging themselves out of a hole!

Understanding that people take action in their lives for these two reasons — pain or pleasure — how can you use this to your advantage? In selling, there are only two reasons that a customer would buy your product. Either it delivers a solution for them (gain pleasure) or it fills a void and helps them avoid further negativity (avoid pain). People will not buy from you if your product or service does not add to their lives or help them avoid something unwanted that is looming.

Introducing positive, positive, positive — negative

It is the same with influence. The tool that I want to share with you is a language tool that can be used in conversations in many different contexts. I use it every time that I speak with audiences. The tool is called positive, positive, positive — negative. The first part of the tool reinforces three positive messages (gain pleasure) that the other person or audience wants in terms of the momentum they have going. The second part is a call to action that creates negativity if they fail to take advantage of what is in front of them.

This tool is incredibly powerful because it builds the momentum in areas that are important to them and then threatens to take it away. Let me give you some examples to make this come alive for you.

Imagine a scenario where you are a personal trainer who has been working with a client who has lost a significant amount of weight under your supervision. Suddenly, you notice that they may be demonstrating some signs of behaviour that suggests they may be falling back into some of the old traps. Positive, positive, positive — negative is a perfect influence tool to pull out to bring them back into line. It goes a little something like this:

Positive — You have worked incredibly hard in changing the way that your body looks.

Positive — You have increased your fitness and you are living a healthier life than at any other time since you were a child.

Positive — Most importantly, you have changed the way that you feel about yourself when you look in the mirror. You have been so proud of what you have seen.

These are three messages that tap into the identity of the person you are trying to influence. They are the desired results for this person. Then it is time to drop the hammer using the beautiful words ‘What would be a shame ... ’. These are the words that will summon the avoidance of an undesirable consequence to re-direct their behaviour patterns.

Negative — Because what would be a shame, X, what would be a terrible shame would be if you gained this weight back and once again feel the way that caused you all the unhappiness.

‘I know,’ they will say, ‘I’ve got to make sure I stick to the program.’

As I said, this is something that I use all the time when I am speaking at conferences. Imagine I am speaking at a conference for a sales organisation that has been struggling in the current economic climate. They have been selling a product that is outdated and using a sales process that is largely ineffective. At the end of my talk, in which I have shared tools of sales and influence for them to be successful, it is time to drop in the positive, positive, positive — negative.

Positive — This is an organisation that has recognised the product challenges of the past and has launched a new product that will give everyone in this room the ability to smash their targets this year.

Positive — This is an organisation that has changed its ineffective sales process to one that is user-friendly and will allow the salespeople in this room to focus on what is most important — getting results!

Positive — In addition to that, I have spent the last hour sharing with you tailored tools of influence which will help you succeed.

Now, I drop the hammer:

Negative — Because what would be a shame, what would be an absolute shame, is if the people in this room don’t take advantage of every opportunity you have in front of you, and you have another year like the one you just had.

You can hear salespeople look at the people next to them and say, ‘No! I’m not doing another year like this one. This year is going to be good!’ The tool has created leverage for them to take action!

World Championship Wrestling

Now, you’ll notice that I have used the term ‘drop the hammer’. Let me explain a little about this. I call the negative language dropping the hammer because I want to make absolutely clear that this language is not negative and mean, but rather negative in that it is tapping into creating action towards what they want and need. The dropping the hammer bit is really a bit of fun to anchor the message.

When I present this at conferences, I imitate the sounds of World Championship Wrestling of my youth. I jump off a chair and pretend to be jumping off the top rope of a wrestling ring. When I jump off the chair and pretend to drop the hammer (elbow) on my opponents, I make the sound ‘Wha-poom!’

It is entertaining if nothing else.

Perhaps you can also remember back to your childhood and watching World Championship Wrestling, where the wrestler would drop the elbow on their opponent. Wha-poom! Well, you are dropping the hammer in the conversation. You are inciting action. You are tapping into both the elements of gaining pleasure and the avoidance of pain or negative consequences. You are doing this to help the person take action towards what they want or need. In simple terms, you are influencing them.

Let me give you some more examples.

Example 1: real estate salesperson talking to a buyer

The buyer has found their dream home but is reluctant to pull the trigger and make an offer.

Positive — You have been looking on the market for 12 months and you have finally found the home that has everything you want.

Positive — This home has the five bedrooms, the land, the pool and the barbecue area that you have been looking for.

Positive — Even though the price is a little bit of a push, it is still in your price bracket.

Negative — I’ve got the home open for inspection on Saturday. You have an opportunity today. What would be a shame, what would be a real shame is if you didn’t capitalise on this tonight and you end up competing with a new buyer on Saturday. Let’s do this thing. Let’s get this done!

Whaaaa-poom!

Example 2: life insurance salesperson talking to a prospective client

I received a standing ovation from a life insurance conference I spoke at after teaching this tool — they loved it!

Positive — First of all, I want to congratulate you on your beautiful home. You’ve obviously worked hard to create this life for yourself.

Positive — I also want to congratulate you on your financial situation. You have put yourself in a very strong position.

Positive — Most of all, however, I am pleased that you have taken the steps to protect everything you have worked so hard for by calling us in.

Negative — Because I don’t want to be the one to talk about it — however, it is my job. If anything were to happen, God forbid, if anything were to happen — what would be a shame is to not be protected and to lose everything that you have spent all these years building up.

Whaaaa-poom!

Example 3: child not cleaning their room

Positive — Son, you have invited your friends to the park.

Positive — I know you are looking forward to seeing them.

Positive — The plan is to feed the ducks and get ice-creams.

Negative — What would be a shame would be that, if you didn’t clean your room like I asked you to, I had to call and say we can’t go.

Whaaaa-poom!

This tool is gold for creating action. The negative is creating an undesirable consequence in the future, which motivates an alliance with the positive messages. It’s really important that I emphasise that the negative message should not be insulting. It is not intended to hurt anyone.

Instead, the what would be a shame is simply challenging the individual or group to realise that failure to act will deliver a negative result. I don’t want you to think of it as mean-spirited or manipulative. It is not those things. It is designed to create action and support the desired result.

Let me give you a couple of other examples. Football coaches can use this tool all the time. Imagine a scenario where the team has played a terrific first half. The coach should walk in at halftime and deliver the call to action. It might sound something like this: ‘Gentlemen, that was an outstanding first half! We were aggressive, we stuck to the game plan, we controlled the ball and we flat out played with more intensity than they did! Now, gentlemen, I want you to listen very closely. What would be a shame, I mean what would be a terrible shame, is if you let up and let these guys back into this game!’ Then walk out! Say nothing else! You will see the team come together, ‘That’s right boys,’ they will yell. ‘This is our time! Coach is right. We can’t let them back into this game. We’ve got to keep up the intensity!’ They will jump all over each other and storm out for the second half.

You may have read the above and have thought to yourself, ‘Chris, there are more than three positives in the above example. Is that okay?’ Of course! You may use two positives or six! It depends on what you are trying to build up before threatening to have it all taken away.

As a management tool

If you are a leader of people, this is one of the most powerful leadership tools you can possess. Managers are often afraid to compliment employees because there is a fear that flattery will lead to flat performance. This tool is gold for managers. You can use it to compliment an employee and still keep them moving in the right direction.

Imagine a scenario where Skippy is the new salesperson at the company and, after four months on the job, young Skippy has his best month ever. The sales manager comes out of the monthly meeting in the boardroom where the bosses have just gone through the monthly numbers and Skippy has surprised everyone with a very good month so early in his career. The boss sees Skippy working at his desk, approaches him and then does something which will derail his positive trajectory. He compliments Skippy without using the what would be a shame. It sounds something like this: ‘Hey, Skippy, I’ve just come out of the monthly meeting. I wanted to come over and personally congratulate you [positive]. I went through the numbers and you had your best month ever [positive]. In addition, I know you have only been here four months but I’ve really noticed that you seem to fit in very well here [positive]. Great start!’

Then the manager walks away!

The well-meaning sales manager has left all that positive reinforcement just hanging there. What is Skippy going to do? Is Skippy going to work harder? It is very doubtful. Skippy is going to do what most employees do and take his foot off the accelerator. Because Skippy feels that he is ahead on points, you will likely see a drop in his sales performance because Skippy has moved into a comfort zone. It is the sales manager’s fault for failing to motivate by dropping the hammer.

Here is how it should have sounded. It starts the same: ‘Hey Skippy, I just came out of the monthly meeting. I wanted to come over here and congratulate you [positive]. I went through the numbers and you had your best month ever [positive]. In addition, I know you have only been here four months, but I have really noticed you seem to fit in well with your co-workers [positive]. We’ve had a lot of people who have had strong starts here at this company. You have a lot of potential. What would be a shame, Skippy, is not to continue to improve and put up even bigger numbers next month [negative].’

Whaaaa-poom!

Smile, nod and walk away! Skippy has no choice but to get better! By dropping the hammer we have created leverage for Skippy to continue working hard. The reason that he will do this is the combination of gaining pleasure and avoiding negative consequences. Pain and pleasure are the two motivators to call people to taking action and this tool taps into both of them.

Dropping the hammer by email

While the beginning of this book focused on the reality that email can stall the process of getting a proposal approved by having others hide behind the e-wall, it is also important to understand that the positive, positive, positive — negative tool is also gold in the emails that we send.

Imagine a scenario where I need information for a meeting on Friday afternoon. The email might look like this: ‘Thanks for your time on Monday. I always enjoy catching up and brainstorming the next steps. I’d like to have time to prepare for Friday. It would be great if I could get all the information by tomorrow. What would be a shame would be if we aren’t as prepared as we should be for Friday afternoon. Thanks again!’

Gold!

Chapter 6 summary

Enjoy the power of this tool. The fact you are reading this book tells me you are the type of person who will give this a try. It also tells me that you are the type of person who wants to improve and strives to continually get better. Clearly, you are a person who wants to improve your influence skills. Congratulations on that! Because what would be a shame is if you didn’t put this tool in place and create action with your customers, clients and employees.

See how easy it is!

Summary of Part II

Influencing others — getting your own way

Part II was about genuine communication. I have broken it up into the three communication tools that you can use with your clients, and with family and friends. They are tools that you can use in every context of your life to help you influence other people. Hopefully, they will help you in areas ranging from parenting and relationships to even nightclub excellence! Have fun with them!

For more information and for a video where I speak about these tools, please follow the link to www.chrishelder.com.