Habit 18

They Are Appreciative

Secret 41 for Creating Your Own Success: Be Grateful

In addition to Finding Your Passion, Embracing Change, Maintaining a Strong Work Ethic, and the other forty-eight secrets for creating your own success, another important practice for accomplishing self-made millionaire status is being grateful. I was surprised how important this secret was for the individuals interviewed for this book.

In his book The 7 Core Skills of Everyday Happiness, author Scott Wilhite says that being grateful and displaying happiness are the single greatest skills that you can have in your life. His favorite 10 words are “You can't be grateful and unhappy at the same time.”¹

Besides being happy, studies have proven that people who display their gratefulness are positive people. They focus on what they have rather than what they are lacking. They display their appreciation to others for even the smallest deed rendered. This is the true definition of being thankful.

Individuals who are appreciative have a passion for life. They start their day with an attitude of gratitude. Though it is easy to take a good life for granted, several of the self-made millionaires interviewed for this book shared that they make a point of reminding themselves for what they have to be thankful.

This attitude of gratitude is put into practice throughout the day by thanking a team member for a job well done, expressing appreciation to a customer for his business, displaying appreciation for a complaint, paying a compliment to another, and thanking a family member for not using a cell phone during dinner. By accentuating the positive through these acts of gratitude, the environment of these individuals becomes a more pleasant place to live and work. In addition, the individuals receiving these acknowledgments feel appreciated.

Being grateful is in contrast to expending energy on what is lacking in life. Successful people accentuate what they do have and what is working. They do not allow themselves to experience resentment when negative situations come their way. Instead, these successful people condition themselves to interpret a negative situation as a wake-up call and then learn from it. In other words, they maintain a positive attitude even when things are not going as they expected.

A misconception of self-made millionaires is that they are materialistic people. Although these individuals have indeed earned the right to live the life of luxury, what individuals looking at these people from the “outside in” may not realize is the life of abundance that these individuals extend to others. Their spiritual richness stems from their appreciation and gratitude for what they have that money cannot buy (such as their family and good health) as well as the gratification they receive by being able to give to others.

No matter how gratefulness is displayed, it ultimately turns into a form of abundant living for the giver based on the sincere appreciation extended to others. There is a spiritual law of life that says “What you focus on tends to grow.” When you focus on being grateful for what you have, what you are thankful for tends to grow. This law of nature is called the law of abundance.

Another trait that goes hand in glove with these positive people is their glass is “completely full” mindset rather than having a “half-full” mindset. Whereas most people are not able to see the good in negative situations, self-made millionaires have conditioned themselves to do so. They teach themselves to be grateful for even negative situations because they see those as lessons to be learned. This is also the differentiator between the people who succeed in getting what they want out of life and those who succumb to failure rather than seeing it as a learning experience.

How would you rate your “being grateful” mindset with even the most negative situations? Let's say the last time you got a traffic ticket for driving over the speed limit? Faux pas!

At the risk of sounding like a Pollyanna, let me share my attitude of gratitude the last time I got a speeding ticket. Approximately twenty years ago, I was driving down a freeway listening to a song on one of my favorite radio stations. No excuse, however, without realizing it, I was driving fifteen miles over the speed limit. Before long, I noticed a police car with flashing lights behind my car. I got the message and pulled over to the side of the road.

When the police officer got out of his car and came up to mine, he asked if I realized I was speeding. I told him that I did not realize it and thanked him for stopping me. It was not a sarcastic thank you. It was not a “let me try to schmooze my way out of getting a ticket thank you.” My “thank you” was a sincere one. I was annoyed with myself for going over the speed limit, though I was grateful to the police officer who had stopped me. He was simply doing his job. Although it was an expensive lesson for being more aware of changing speed limits on a freeway, my attitude of gratitude was appreciating that the officer was enforcing driving safety.

People who practice being grateful for what they have been given in their lives draw more good things to them. And I do not mean more traffic tickets. I mean a greater awareness to appreciate “the positive” in both the good and the unexpected happenings of life.

When she and her husband achieved self-made millionaire status, Bunny Lightsey, the twenty-seventh self-made millionaire interviewed for this book, said, “It made me realize how much God has blessed me.”

Three Ways to Practice Being Grateful

1. Begin a gratitude journal. Write down what you have in your life for which you are grateful. Include both people as well as things.
2. Verbally acknowledge the people in your life who you wrote in your journal. Jot an e-note or handwritten note to those whose have affected your life that day. Your words will be appreciated.
3. Charity begins on the home and work fronts. It is easy to take the people closest to you for granted. Be grateful to family and colleagues daily. Let them know how much you appreciate the emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical support that they give to you.

Secret 42 for Creating Your Own Success: Place a High Value on Your Personal Life

The self-made millionaires who I interviewed appeared to place a high value on their personal lives. Many of them shared that their families were the driving forces for them to work hard to achieve success.

Some of them came from humble beginnings. Perhaps that is why one of their strongest motivating factors was to give their families a better life than they had growing up.

In order to create successful businesses (or to climb the ranks if they were in the private sector), these self-made millionaires and their families made many sacrifices. Oftentimes, the breadwinner(s) worked sixty-hour to one-hundred-hour work weeks in order to do whatever it took to succeed. As a result, their spouses and children spent time without that family member.

I had the pleasure of visiting with each of the thirty individuals in person, by phone, or via email. Oftentimes, in-person or phone visits were not possible the first time around. I found that I was not competing with their trip to the Riviera. Rather, what was taking precedence was the commitments they had made to be with their families. Talk about refreshing! Here are a few of their responses:

“I apologize, but the kiddos and I are decorating our garage for a massive holiday party we are throwing this weekend. I look forward to linking up with you soon.”

“I am taking my kids to Chicago on Friday and will be unavailable to talk. Are you available the following week, either Tues., Oct. 3 or Wed., Oct. 4?”

No matter what their net worth, their personal life appears to prevail. Their “personal and family time” becomes the ultimate currency for their happiness. Steve S., the twenty-eighth self-made millionaire in this book, shared that throughout his career he continued to live consistent with providing for his family without compromising his personal values.

Now that Steve S. and the other twenty-nine self-made millionaires have “made it,” their focus has become a balanced lifestyle rather than being a slave to making more money. Though they have not lost their drive and are still active in their businesses (unless retired), their financial freedom gives them the comfort to enjoy what money cannot buy: family time. They recognize that spending quality time with their families helps to create memories and traditions that will live on with their future generations.

Here is how some of these individuals described the benefit of their seven-figure success:

“Success allows me to give my time and money at a higher level—starting with my family. In the early years of Phillips Home Improvement, I didn't take vacations. Because of my success, I have been able to provide for my family, build meaningful family time into my schedule, and create lifelong memories. You cannot put a price tag on that!” —Jason Phillips

“I now have enough to raise and enrich my family. Enough to play. Enough to house and feed friends and family and the occasional traveler who comes around.” —Bruce Schindler

“I now have balance in life, feeling fulfilled, loved, appreciated, and have the ability to take care of family and still have enough to help others.” —Steve Humble

“To be able to take care of my family and to be able to help others in need.” —Bunny Lightsey

“My most important goal and accomplishment is the father that I have been to my four kids, and secondly, the friend that I have been to my close circle of friends.” —Mickey Redwine

“It gave me more time to spend with my family and closest people that I love.” —Jeb Lopez

Three Ways to Place a High Priority on Your Family Time

1. At the beginning of each week, schedule family time. Do not let anything get in the way of this precious time.
2. When you are together, let family members know that they have 100 percent of your attention. Refrain from checking work mail and texts, or taking telephone calls. If you feel compelled, update your message to read that you will be inaccessible for the evening or during the weekend due to scheduled family time. Your clients may be impressed!
3. Recognize that your actions will be a reflection of what your children will do to you when they are adults. Give them your uninterrupted time so that you can look forward to also receiving it from them when they are walking in your shoes as adults.