Chapter 13

Tips for Effective Proposal Writing

Pose the question “What is a proposal?” to ten people and you will likely get ten different answers. Some will say that a proposal is a sales document. Others will argue that a proposal is a technical document with a sales message. Those remaining will suggest some variation of these two themes or profess ignorance.

However you slice it, a proposal is the means we use to communicate with our prospective government customers. The medium is written narrative. The purpose is to secure new business. Through a well-structured series of written narratives and figures, we must convince the customer to award us the contract. Communication is the key. Words are the vehicle.

If you fail to communicate clearly and unambiguously, you will lose. It does not matter if you have the best technical solution, vast relevant experience, and a superior project team. These do not matter unless the customer understands what you propose. Only by reading your proposal can the customer conclude that you have the best technical solution, relevant experience, or a superior project team. You might believe you have said those things in your proposal. But unless the customer agrees, it is all for naught.

Effective proposal writing is an uphill challenge. Two factors make good proposal writing especially problematic.

First, good writing skills are hard to acquire. Except for the gifted few, such skills grow out of lots of practice obtained in an environment where critical feedback is provided. Few ever get (or want) this experience. People assigned to a proposal team are typically selected because they possess the necessary technical or subject matter expertise, not because they are in danger of writing the great American novel. In short, proposal team members seldom get the opportunity or quality feedback they need to truly hone their writing skills.

Second, the writing required of technical personnel is usually limited to communicating with their technical peers and general business correspondence. Proposal writing is very different. It requires a strange blend of writing ability. On the one hand, it must clearly explain complex technical material to a broad audience of lay people and technical experts. On the other hand, it must contain a powerful sales message capable of convincing government evaluators that your organization is the best choice for the contract. Writing easy-to-understand text that fully responds to RFP requirements and integrates themes and discriminators, while highlighting features and benefits, is a tall order to fill. Even the best of writers struggle to accomplish this feat.

There is no easy solution to the proposal-writing dilemma. You want the best available technical expertise applied to your proposal. Yet you need to submit a proposal that captures this expertise while reading like a New York Times bestseller. No magic wand exists to instantly transform mere technical mortals into talented proposal writers. However, a handful of basic writing tips can be applied effectively by anyone to improve his or her proposal writing. A final edit will still be required. But having the original authors work out the rough spots first will make final editing more efficient. It will also enable authors to sharpen their writing skills.

The bidder who submits a well-written proposal that communicates clearly and effectively gains competitive advantage. Take two proposals with equivalent technical content. Both are responsive to RFP requirements. One is well written and easy to understand. The other is poorly written, confusing, and difficult to understand. Which proposal will receive the higher score? Everything else being equal, which will win the contract? Do not imagine that government evaluators will take the time required to understand a poorly written proposal. They will not!

Great technical solutions proposed by perfectly capable companies lose every day because the companies fail to communicate those solutions effectively. Do not yield the advantage to your competitors by submitting a poorly written proposal. Instead, deliver one that responds to RFP requirements concisely and clearly and that communicates your message effectively.

The remainder of this chapter contains some basic tips for effective proposal writing and editing. They can be used by anyone regardless of writing ability. Yet, a word of caution is required. Do not try to incorporate all of these tips in your first draft or focus on them as you prepare your original narrative. Doing so will distract you from your primary objective. It is more important to get your thoughts on paper. Then come back and apply these tips to edit your writing. Otherwise, you will drive yourself crazy trying to remember and apply these tips and write at the same time.

PRESENT TENSE

Proposals refer to events that will occur in the future. Therefore, proposal authors naturally tend to adopt the future tense in their writing. Despite the apparent logic of this practice, it is less effective than using the present tense. Using too many “we will” phrases in a proposal suggests a “trust me” attitude. It can also give the customer the impression that you have not done this before or that you will wait until after contract award to complete your planning. Neither of these impressions is favorable.

TIP: Use present verb tense except for those cases where you must refer to the future. Consider the following example of future tense:

Here is the same information written in present tense:

Overall, present tense provides a more forceful proposal presentation.

ACTIVE VERSUS PASSIVE VOICE

Passive-voice sentence structure is appropriate whenever the person responsible for the act cannot be identified or is unimportant. For example:

Passive voice also applies to cases where the action is more important than the actor. Alternatively, active voice identifies and emphasizes the actor. For example:

• Passive voice: The ball was hit by John.

• Active voice: John hit the ball.

Passive voice is an outgrowth of scientific writing and finds its way into some journalism. For these applications, the doer of the action is either irrelevant or unimportant. Government documents tend to adopt passive-voice writing, as do many business publications. However, the active voice is much preferred for proposal writing.

TIP: Adopt an active-voice writing style for proposal narrative.

Using the passive voice weakens proposal writing. It makes sentences longer, and it may confuse readers. Active voice adds strength to proposal presentations. It can reduce space compared to passive voice, an important benefit for page-limited proposals. Some additional advantages of active voice include:

• More readable

• More accurate, closer to the event

• More economical (words)

• Livelier style

• More aware of verbs

• More concerned with the doer of an action or event

• More conscious of the details of an action

• Better fits proposal requirements—who, what, when, where, and how.

Some simple examples illustrate the difference between the active and passive voices:

Passive voice:	The design document has been completed.
Active voice:	The team has completed the design document.
Passive voice:	Meeting schedules will be coordinated between the customer and Delta Corporation.
Active voice:	The program manager coordinates meeting schedules between the customer and Delta Corporation.
Passive voice:	The interrelationship of all tasks, consultant interfaces, and manpower alignments will be coordinated and approved.
Active voice:	Mr. Smith coordinates and approves the interrelationship of all tasks, consultant interfaces, and manpower alignments.
Passive voice:	Necessary flow times and milestones are plotted and coded to correlate with a work breakdown structure and are the result of interaction among manufacturing, engineering, test, and material personnel.
Active voice:	Manufacturing, engineering, test, and material personnel interact to plot and code necessary flow times and milestones to correlate them with a work breakdown structure.

Look for sentences where the doer is absent or shows up at the end of the sentence. Rewrite those sentences using active voice. Simple sentence structure works best for this purpose: subject–verb–object. In the active voice, the subject is the doer of the action or the focus of interest in the sentence.

The passive voice also transforms perfectly outstanding verbs into unassuming nouns. This robs writing of its vitality and zip. Using active verbs in your writing helps bring life and power to otherwise uninspiring prose. The first step is to identify cases where you have adapted a good solid verb to serve as a noun. Here are a couple of examples:

Noun	Verb
Administration	Administer
Employment	Employ
Development	Develop

In sentence form, the comparison looks like this:

Passive:	Authorization of fund expenditures is granted by the program manager.
Active:	The program manager authorizes fund expenditures.

Figure 13-1 lists some common nouns that were once healthy, active verbs. Take a minute to convert these nouns into their respective active-verb forms.

Two more examples further illustrate this tip:

Noun usage:	Development of appropriate test standards is the responsibility of the test engineer.
Active verb:	The test engineer develops appropriate test standards.
Noun usage:	Implementation of the reliability program is accomplished by the ILS manager.
Active verb:	The ILS manager implements the reliability program.

Figure 13-1. Change the Nouns into Usable Verbs

Looking for verbs that are used as nouns is another way to spot the passive voice. When you detect such usage, rewrite the sentence. Also note the reduced word count going from noun to verb usage.

CONCISE WRITING

Everyone understands inflation. It is when your paycheck buys fewer goods or services than it did last month or last year. In a sense, it is paying more for less. Inflation also applies to writing. It is using more words than necessary to say something. Using more words often accomplishes less than using a comparable concise statement.

A popular expression in the proposal world is “If you cannot dazzle them with brilliance, then bury them in BS.” Unfortunately, this lighthearted comment is quite often true.

TIP: Practice concise writing by eliminating unnecessary words and phrases.

Word inflation is using a string of words or a phrase when a single word will do. It results in imprecise writing. Too many words can give the impression that you are long-winded or pretentious. Avoid this malady by using concise expressions that are economical and clear.

Some examples of word inflation follow:

Inflated	Concise
In the event of	If
Submitted his resignation	Resigned
Within the realm of possibility	Possible
Due to the fact that	Because

We are all guilty of word inflation. Luckily, the solution is simple. Just replace the unnecessary string of words with a single word that conveys the same meaning. Figure 13-2 lists some common culprits and shows their one-word conversions.

Figure 13-2. Examples of Word Inflation and the Cure

Concise writing enhances direct communication and saves space. Again, this is especially important for page-limited proposals. Several examples demonstrate this point:

Inflated:	At this point in time, it is our understanding that the new computer system will have the capability of processing 50 percent more information.
Concise:	We now understand that the new computer system processes 50 percent more information.
Inflated:	With regard to your recent memo, we cannot determine as to whether or not you will be in attendance at the meeting we have scheduled to be held on Tuesday.
Concise:	Are you coming to the meeting Tuesday?

In addition to normal word inflation, we sometimes inject unnecessary qualifiers into our sentences. The usual suspects include:

• There is, there are

• Who

• That

• Which.

These words can often be eliminated, as the following examples illustrate:

Inflated:	There are several applicants who have the background for this position.
Concise:	Several applicants have the background for this position.
Inflated:	The broker who works in Chicago sent the file, which is incomplete, to the home office.
Concise:	The Chicago broker sent the incomplete file to the home office.
Inflated:	There are thousands of hours wasted because no one can use the files, which are out-of-date.
Concise:	Thousands of hours are wasted because no one can use the out-of-date files.

However, do not pull out the word hatchet every time you see one of these words. Sometimes they are a necessary part of the sentence, or you may use them to vary sentence structure. Just remove them when they are unnecessary.

LONG SENTENCES

Proposals breed long sentences. Trying to explain complex concepts inevitably leads to sentence growth. Our attempts to be thorough foster long sentences. Unfortunately, long sentences can confuse readers, and run-on sentences are often connected incorrectly. This places a real hardship on the evaluator attempting to understand what you have written. Furthermore, reading a continual string of long sentences is wearisome. It may even prevent the reader from getting the message you intended. Key points get buried in an avalanche of words.

Every writer has an Achilles heel. I have several. Using long sentences is one. The good news is that most long sentences can be broken into two or more separate sentences to solve the problem. A long sentence might need reorganizing as well. For example, try to decipher the meaning of the following sentence:

This monster of a sentence consists of several disjointed points. Hence, it will require a little surgery before it makes sense. Here is a post-surgical rendition:

This rewrite makes two sentences out of one very long sentence. It is an improvement over the original, but the remaining sentences are still a little long.

Some tips on sentence length include:

• Keep average sentence length around 17–24 words (15–18 words for complex technical material, if you can).

• Vary sentence length to give writing variety and vitality.

• Count total words for a paragraph and divide by the number of sentences.

Most word-processing software has a word-counting function. Some will actually calculate average sentence length and reading level. But you do not need the talents of Sherlock Holmes to identify long sentences. As appropriate, divide long sentences into separate, shorter sentences. Not every long sentence requires dismantling. If you detect a string of long sentences, intentionally insert a short sentence to break the monotony. Varying sentence length will make your writing more palatable to evaluators. It will also enable them to digest the long-winded variety occasionally required to address complex topics fully.

AMBIGUOUS WRITING

Apart from politicians, few people are intentionally ambiguous. In proposal writing, ambiguous, unclear, or vague statements should be avoided like the plague. Such writing confuses the reader. Confused readers may conclude that you do not know what you are talking about or that your approach is so complex that it can’t be understood. Neither creates a favorable impression. If a proposal section must be read several times to be understood, a language or communication problem exists.

TIP: Replace ambiguous writing with concrete, specific narrative that clearly communicates your point.

Several factors contribute to ambiguous writing. One arises from trying to describe complex or abstract concepts. Another comes from discussing future events, where it is difficult to be precise. Additional factors are poorly constructed sentences and the use of imprecise and nonspecific words. All are easily cured.

Ambiguity caused by sentence structure can be fixed by rearranging the sentence. How we arrange phrases within a sentence can affect its meaning. Consider the following sentence:

Who is exhibiting the disturbing harshness? Is it the director or the manager? Here is the simple fix:

A better fix still is:

Vague writing suggests you have nothing to say. Worse, it may appear that you are inventing information or exaggerating the truth. Rather than muddle along by saying:

Use concrete words to state:

As you review your initial proposal draft, look for abstract or vague words and replace them with more precise, specific words. For example:

Vague:	Recently, we looked at a structure that might be suitable for our needs.
Specific:	Yesterday, we looked at a warehouse that might be suitable for storing our excess equipment.

Note that by changing a few words we significantly increase the amount of information contained in the sentence. Proposals, especially the page-limited variety, should contain as much useful information per unit of space as possible. Using specific words:

• Limits the number of possible interpretations

• Conveys more precise meanings

• Reduces ambiguity and confusion

• Leads to clearer, more effective communication.

Figure 13-3 lists some common vague words that creep into our writing. Take the time to convert them into concrete, specific words.

Figure 13-3. Common Vague Words

Vague words are not inherently bad. They are an important part of communication. Their usage is appropriate where precision is not important or where only a qualitative difference is being made. For example, we use words like some, many, and most to distinguish increasing levels of magnitude without specifying the exact number.

The purpose of the communication and the intended audience determine the acceptability of using vague words. Chatting with a friend is very different from submitting your résumé to a prospective employer. Saying you have “lots of experience developing software code” might be okay in the first instance but would be inappropriate in the second.

Imagine you own a seven-year-old Audi sedan with an automatic transmission. The transmission slips when it changes gears. You want to have it repaired and are concerned about finding an experienced, reputable repair shop. Here is your dialogue with the Ace Repair Shop:

You:	Do you have experience working on foreign cars, Audis in particular?
Shop:	We have extensive experience working on a vast array of car makes and models.
You:	How much experience do you having working on automatic transmissions?
Shop:	We can fix anything. Our experience includes providing a broad range of high-quality repairs, and all of our mechanics are certified.
You:	How much will it cost?
Shop:	We have the best prices in town. Our repair practices are especially cost effective.
You:	How long will you need to keep my car?
Shop:	Our repair services are efficient and among the quickest in the industry. We pride ourselves on customer satisfaction.

Based on this information, would you take your car to the Ace Repair Shop?

On average, government evaluators are more discerning than consumers and far more suspicious. If you are unwilling to contract with a business that provides vague answers to your questions, why would you expect the government to act differently when far more is at stake?

The purpose of a proposal is to secure new business. For this purpose, clarity, precision, and the absence of ambiguity are paramount considerations. We cram our proposals full of claims, hoping they will convince the customer to award us the contract. However, vague or unsubstantiated proposal claims are worse than no claims at all. Consider the following proposal statements:

These statements look remarkably similar to those of the Ace Repair Shop. Unless we convert them into claims with more precise information, they will remain what I call throw-away sentences. That is, we can throw them away without any impact on the proposal. Actually, that is the best-case scenario. Such vague claims take up space and gain you no advantage. They may even create an unfavorable customer impression. Yet a little bit of work can transform these impotent word strings into powerful proposal claims. For example:

Take two proposal sections, each written by bidders with the same experience and capability. One proposal uses vague language to state the company’s experience and capability. The other adopts a specific communications style. Which proposal section will receive the higher score? How important is this? In a photo finish, it just might be enough to push your pony across the line ahead of the other competitors.

Gain competitive advantage by submitting well-written proposals that communicate your message clearly and effectively. Use the following tips to spruce up your writing and guide your editing efforts:

• Write in the present tense.

• Use the active voice.

• Vary sentence length and minimize the use of long sentences.

• Practice concise wording.

• Use specific, concrete words and expressions.

• Avoid vague or ambiguous words and phrases.

• Be direct and write to the point.

Make the evaluator’s job easy. Provide clear, concise, convincing responses to RFP instructions and questions. Include easy-to-understand reasons why the customer should select your organization for the contract. Effective writing is simple, not simplistic. Minimize the use of jargon, acronyms, and nonessential words. Be smart in your choice of words to provide clarity and precision of expression.

The purpose of proposal writing is to communicate and convince, not to impress. Well-written proposals pack a punch. Use this information to knock out the competition.