CHAPTER 7
Grounding How to Balance Yourself for Partnership

You can tell you are about to meet a carrier of balance and tranquility when a colleague’s face lights up as he announces “Let me get David for you.” The coworker’s animated look lodges your eager anticipation somewhere between “You’re in for a treat” and “You ain’t gonna believe this!”

Then it happens. You come to face to face with a person who has fallen hopelessly in love with his role!

We were staying at the Marriott Oak Brook near Chicago and were having drinks with a client before going on to a nearby restaurant to meet another client for dinner. Running a bit behind schedule, we were anxious about making our dinner reservation in time. The restaurant was beyond walking distance but an insultingly short haul for a taxi driver. Fortunately, the hotel van was available and bell stand attendant David Harris could transport us. Rather than abandoning our half-finished drinks, we had elected to take them with us, especially since David was to be our designated driver.

Now imagine this. You can “feel” David emotionally long before he shakes your hand. His enthusiasm is so apparent that his style and spirit meet you before he does. The first thing you notice is David’s glowing Steinway smile—like he just unexpectedly encountered two long-lost boyhood friends. The second thing you notice is his gait; it reveals a man extremely eager to connect and raring to serve. Finally, you witness how his gusto infects every single soul within earshot with a robust case of the grins.

“Is it true I get the grand pleasure of being the chauffeur for you gentlemen tonight?” he asks in a tone like he was still pinching himself after winning a big prize! We felt like members of an exclusive club as we boarded his chariot of joy. His style allayed our worries about getting to the restaurant on time.

“You gentlemen don’t spill your grape juice,” David teased as he made a sharp corner just shy of the restaurant. It was obvious he was crystal clear on the contents of our adult-beverage cups and was having a blast accommodating our slight departure from customary van rules.

Depositing us at the restaurant he gave us each a two-handed shake and his business card. “Would you gentlemen please call me when you finish dinner? I can be here in five minutes! And, if you want to bring back a few buddies for a nightcap, we would love to take care of them as well.” We literally wanted to rush through dinner just to hurry and get a return visit from the joyful spirit of David Harris!¹

The Anatomy of the Balance Carrier

Customer tranquility starts with service provider serenity. David was a source of solace for us because of his focused, generous, and joyful manner. He gave the impression that the role he held was what he had always wanted to be when he grew up, even though we suspected working the bell stand was really just a step on his path to higher status. He was the personification of a man at peace, someone creating a place of pleasure with his own wit, will, and wherewithal. Our memorable experience was handmade by a person who was operating from a solid grounding of bigheartedness and a spirit of greatness. If positive attitude was looking for a poster child, David could have been the model. He was a carrier of tranquility, infecting all around him.

Balance carriers like David are easy to spot. First and foremost, they are focused and seemingly incapable of being distracted. With such a focus on the customer, you cannot help but feel valued. They parade charisma without “charging admission.” When a politician shows you charisma, you put your hand on your wallet. When actors display charisma, you get your money’s worth. But the charm of a carrier of balance is just there for you to enjoy—no strings are attached.

Balance carriers seem liberated from the ties that bind most of us. They are not easily derailed or bothered by edgy customers who have been turned bitter or cynical by their experiences on the planet. Their freedom is not an expression of rebellion or revolt. They show their joyful spirit because that is who they are, not because they have anything to prove. They seem to source a sense of purpose that is energized by a passion to serve.

What is it about this special breed of service provider that turns them into Pied Pipers of sorts, making customers want to fall in line behind them in hopes that some of the joyful spirit might rub off? How do they create such service calm in a milieu of mayhem and an atmosphere of anxiety? David Harris provides us a ready-made specimen to dissect, explore, and understand.

David Was Focused

The morning after our “freedom ride” with David we reflected on the special experience. What had made it so inviting and refreshing? What was it about David that caused us to feel so peaceful about sharing the adventure with him? Was this a serendipitous moment or was this the everyday David? Was this nature, nurture, or the handiwork of some superior leader? If we could open up this internal tranquility-making machine, what would we find inside?

It was abundantly clear that David was focused on us and performing his role on our behalf as well as his. He was like a craftsman enamored with his trade and amazed at how it impacted others. He was not a performer in pursuit of applause or a server eager to win a gratuity. He was just focused on enjoying his role for the pure, simple pleasure it brought to both served and server. David obviously enjoyed the effect he was having. Yet it was clear he likely would have had a great time just “playing by himself.”

Customers today do not enter the service encounter with the expectation of an inspired experience. Unless they are visiting an amusement park, are friends with the owner, or enjoying a five-star restaurant, they anticipate a relatively humdrum, functional experience. Let’s call that position neutral. However, many customers bring with them service baggage from prior experiences that put them on alert that the acceptable might become gloomy. That means they are actually in a negative position from the get-go. So the service provider must deliver a better-than-expected experience in order to get expectations at least back to neutral. If the service provider delivers an apathetic performance, the customer service barometer remains in the negative zone. Since the non-animate parts of the service encounter have no feelings, it makes the human server a vital piece of the “balancing” act.

As customers enter a service experience, their path to tranquility begins with the experience that they are valued. When a service provider puts the laser beam of undivided attention on them, it signals to the customer that they are the centerpiece, not the service provider’s task or chore. David was serving us, not just doing his job. And, we were convinced of that stance by his keen interest, intense curiosity, and refusal to be distracted by anything else around him.

He seemed to want to bring his best to the experience. As humans we are attracted to those experiences that connect with our best side. Human interest stories tug at our heart; we pull for the underdog in our innate quest for “the right thing.” We are awed by Olympic champions, inspired by pioneers, and touched when we lose a great leader, performer, or hero. Yet, there are too few incidents that take our breath away with the same amazement as a gorgeous sunset, outstanding athletic feat, or brilliant magic trick. The dissonance produced by traffic, spam, clutter, and canned laughter numbs our spirits and monotonizes our routines. It makes focused and purposeful service presentations especially compelling.

David Was Focused on Giving

What is the act of service, really? As customers, we associate it with assistance or help—doing a good deed that benefits another. However, for such a benefit to matter it must fall outside the realm of routine. When we get our car repaired we bring with our vehicle certain expectations. We expect the work to be done accurately and with limited wait. We expect the mechanic to “clean up afterwards”—no grease on our car seat. We also expect when we retrieve our repaired vehicle to have to get out our wallet. We only recall such a standard encounter if the experience exceeds or fails to meet our expectations.

Enhancing the worth of the server-to-customer exchange—value-added or value-unique—comes from an internal spirit of generosity. If the auto mechanic takes the time to explain the repair in a way that helps prevent a future occurrence, if the service writer leaves an ice-cold bottle of water in the car cup holder, or if the repair bill notes another problem was corrected without charge, we would describe that repair-for-money exchange as “great service” and tell our neighbors. We are moved and made to feel more peaceful by that kind of generosity.

Customer tranquility comes when service enriches the exchange. Customers feel valued when the service provider delivers something special to the encounter. But generosity must be coupled with conscientiousness or it turns contentment into caution. A generous heart without an enthusiastic spirit risks leaving customers believing they have received a mere gesture or witnessed a simple ploy. The soul of service generosity is hospitality.

The two of us were en route to a meeting and stopped for lunch. We are major fans of McDonald’s french fries—the best in the world. We also enjoy the Chick-fil-A salads. Luckily the two fast-food restaurants were right next door to each other.

We parked between the two and walked first into Mickey D’s for the fries. The place was like a human vending machine—fast and functional. But, the Chick-fil-A experience was completely different! We could feel the upbeat warmth as soon as we opened their door. The counter person smiled and greeted us with “Thank you for being our guests! What can I tempt you with today?” Every employee had the same hosting spirit.

As we were leaving, we asked an employee, “How come this is so different than over there?” We pointed at the Golden Arches. “Oh,” she said with a grin, “over there, they serve customers, but here we are hosts to our guests.” Spotting our foreign fries, she continued: “Over there you just get the fries. But, here we give you a great experience. You may not remember those fries tomorrow; but we hope you will remember your visit with us, even if you forget what you ordered.”

Service with soul is about serving unconditionally. It means losing yourself in the interest of the customer. It is service emanating from the inner joy of service, not a tactical decision. And, its magical power for creating balance and tranquility works only when there is no requirement or expectation of a response in kind. It is an endowment made out of a heartfelt urge to contribute.

David Was Focused on Spreading Joy

Watching David in action you get the distinct impression that his mother forgot to tell him to be quiet. He likely was encouraged to laugh as loud as he wanted to, which enabled him to grow up without a built-in governor on his delight meter. He no doubt developed a comfort and confidence for expressing joy beyond the boundaries of most people.

An unbridled joyful style like David’s has a captivating power on customers. Being in the presence of David-like employees makes customers feel as Melvin (played by Jack Nicholson) must have been feeling in the movie As Good As It Gets^* when he told new girlfriend Carol (played by Helen Hunt), “You make me want to be a better man!” It’s difficult to misbehave or stay cranky in the company of such a joy giver. Few among us want to drag storm clouds into the perpetually sunny skies of such life forms.

Several weeks after our joy ride with David we encountered him again on a return visit to the hotel. We were waiting for a colleague to join us in the lobby when David walked through the area. His exuberance was just as infectious as we remembered. “You gentlemen going to be here for several days?” he asked, as if he’d been asking a boyhood friend’s mom, “Can Johnny come out and play?”

Sensing we had time to kill, David turned up the volume on his happiness-giving curiosity. His questions were clearly constructed from sincere interest: he wanted nothing more than to understand us. We found ourselves telling him more than we would normally share with a virtual stranger. Carriers of tranquility are like that—their complete absence of judgment invites unexplained openness and unexpected candor. Because they come from a place that is unguarded and genuine, they invite the same attitude and response from others.

Joyful servers also are notable for their never-say-die resilience, boldly standing up when others around them are timidly hunkering down. They are the manifestation of passion and positive energy, exhibiting a go-getting, lively spirit that all customers love. They can put a smile on your face and a skip in your step—even in moments of doubt.

The Flavors of Joy

Joyful servers come in three flavors—closers, singers, and fireflies. Closers are the version of joy-giver that gets things done for customers. Too often customers witness service people who focus only on doing their task without regard to the customer’s objective. As long as they can “check the box” that their part of the service chain was done, they seem indifferent to the overall result. Joyful service people, on the other hand, care about outcomes, not about checklists. Activity is a means to an end, not an end in itself. Procedures are guidelines for accomplishment, not the goal itself.

Erik Becerra, team leader for AMEX World Service in Mexico City, had a card member request a supplementary card for his wife, who was about to travel from Mexico to the United States. However, the card was not going to reach her in time for her early morning flight. Erik spent hours trying to arrange a same-day delivery, even consulting with contacts at connecting and destination airports to see if they could serve as pick-up points. Nothing was working out. So, Erik drove three hours to the card member’s home to personally deliver the card at 2:30 a.m. the morning of the flight. Not surprisingly, the president of American Express Mexico received a letter from a very happy customer.

Another flavor of joyful servers is the singer. Singers make customers feel confident about the parts of their service encounter they sometimes do not understand. The mechanic under the hood might speak internal combustion techno babble, but when delivered with upbeat confidence it helps us trust that our transmission was treated with TLC. Insurance has “fine-print” parts for many customers; joyful service helps customers trust service people to be their advocates, not bureaucracy wardens.

Tom Berger has been Chip’s family financial consultant for more than fifteen years. His greatest asset is not just his 24/7 attention to the Bells’ financial affairs nor his willingness to go the extra mile on every financial service he provides. All these are accurate features of one of Merrill Lynch’s finest. Tom’s special gift is his zeal to be a passionate mentor. And, he prepares as diligently as he serves. Great service providers bubble over with pride when witnessing the byproducts of their instructive service. When the partnership-steered portfolio performs well, Tom is as thrilled as the Bells. He steps back in innocent awe that the investment strategy worked—again. The whole joy of serving seems to propel him to make the next investment one-up the last one.

Our favorite flavor of joyful server is the firefly. Fireflies go after spirit leeches. One of the hazards of fishing swampy rivers is the risk of attracting a leech. A ritual among river anglers is to always check for the bloodsuckers after emerging from the water. And, the typical way to remove the slimy hitchhiker is with a lighted match or lighter. Leeches suck the blood from their target; spirit leeches suck the energy and passion from theirs. Some spirit leeches are dark creatures—removing optimism, hope, and confidence. Mention an opportunity and they can tell you why it’s a mistake. Others are almost invisible—specializing in putting wet blankets on joy. Spirit leeches are removed the same way real leeches are—with fire. Not a real match, of course, but with the warmth and energy of spirit. And, that is where the firefly version of the joyful server comes in handy.

Go to

Getting “you” grounded and ready to partner with customers includes working collaboratively with your colleagues. Tool #3 provides insights for making colleague relationships work better, so together you can better serve the customer.

You do not inherit spirit, acquire spirit, or borrow spirit. You choose spirit much as you choose to introduce yourself to a stranger. Those who opt for an upbeat, positive spirit are happier, healthier, and more productive. And, they refuse to let spirit leeches attach to them. Fireflies are service providers who choose the light over the fog. Most servers don’t opt for the dark, but they tolerate a fog—that endless chain of boring, eventless moments. Fireflies demonstrate the courage to glow by showing zero tolerance for fog or compliance with the party poopers and spoilsports. Fireflies know that if they show spirit leeches their joyful side they get to watch them disappear!

Customer tranquility requires service providers who are experts in creating harmony. Calm comes to customers when they feel valued by a server who is focused on them and their needs. They feel special when they are served by one who is generous. And, they feel confident when their server seeks to create a joyful experience.

A very gloomy Wall Street Journal on a very long flight left Chip with a very bad headache. Chip never gets headaches! As soon as he exited the jetway at the San Francisco Airport, he headed for the nearest newsstand for some pain relief. The vendor was about to close but Chip talked him into selling him his last package of headache pills. Chip opened the plastic package and removed the two tablets in foil for some quick relief. Tucked behind the foil in the shrink wrapped package was a collapsible paper cup just big enough for two large swallows of water.

Chip laughed out loud to see such genius! “Why can’t everyone serving customers be like this two-swallow gift?” he thought. It was a focused, generous and joyful surprise. He could almost feel his headache start to dissipate, and he hadn’t even taken the pain relievers.

Why not give customers a “two-swallow paper cup”? That cup might take the form of much longer patience when a customer frets over minutiae. It might be a sincere, unexpected smile. It might be a random act of kindness targeted at a familiar service challenge—a long wait time, a crowded checkout line, or laborious required paperwork. David Harris was our “two-swallow paper cup.” And, his focus, generosity and joyful manner turned our anxiety into admiration.